Writing an obituary...how do you put a person's entire life into ten sentences?
I've been sleeping hard, but feel like I haven't slept at all.
This will certainly be another test of my lyme treatment.
I know he's dead, but I keep wondering what he's going to think about this whole incident when he gets back.
About three weeks ago he asked after my health. He's only done that once before that I can recall, although he lives nearby and knows my lyme issue.
He looked me in the eyes, teared up, and asked if I was okay. (This doesn't happen, he's a man's man.)
He said he'd seen a program about a woman with lyme who had to spend 50,000. and didn't get better, went bankrupt and lost her house. He wanted to know if I was physically and financially going to be okay.
He spent the day over on Saturday carving pumpkins with the kids.
[ 17. November 2008, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: bejoy ]
Posted by lymie_in_md (Member # 14197) on :
My condolences Bejoy, stay strong, it appeared he really wanted you to be well and to know he cared a great deal about you.
Posted by ICEiam (Member # 7519) on :
Oh BeJoy, I am so sorry. There isn't anything else I can say. Time does help ease the stabbing pain you must feel in your heart.
I know that, but that isn't something you even want to hear right now.
Be good to yourself and allow yourslef to grieve anyway that feels right to you.
HUGS,
Posted by Peedie (Member # 15355) on :
BeJoy I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 3 years ago. I think your dad was aware somehow that he needed to convey his genuine concern for you. Of course most things we take for granted - that he knows you are sick and he cares. But something made him want to tell you so, with all his heart. I do believe he will look after you like a Guardian Angel. My prayers are with you for healing where you hurt. peedie
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
bejoy,
my deepest heartfelt sympathies go out to you on this sudden tragedy you had no time to prepare for!
wasn't it special he called you asking about your health and financial situation after watching a lyme tv show?
then spending the day carving pumpkins too ... what a wonderful memory to relive of that day with you all doing a family event!!
may you find peace and comfort in my link of my sympathy poem collection i have online here; the 1st 4 or so are my favorites.
look for the pennies your dad will be dropping around you as I'M HERE ALWAYS WITH YOU.
make copies of your favorite videos/dvds with your dad in and place in lock box, etc.
play them often when you feel the saddest; there is nothing like hearing their voice and laughter and watching their mannerisms and expressions!!
was it a large plane or one holding 4-8 people? my sympathies to the others who didn't survive as well.
may God comfort you now and in the days, months, and years together Posted by bejoy (Member # 11129) on :
How my Dad helped me beat lyme disease:
My dad taught me by example. He was an independent spirit. He was never one to waste energy rebelling against authority, he just ignored it most of the time and did what he wanted to.
He was creative and innovative often using duct tape and shoe goo rather than spending top dollar on all the new gadgets, although he did love his gadgets.
He ignored pain and went on with his life. Until recently he ignored the fact that I had lyme disease, probably because he had many of the same symptoms in spades from years spent in the Connecticut woods.
He lived the Nike motto of just do it. If he wanted to try something he found a way to do it and make it work. It didn't matter if anyone else felt he shouldn't or couldn't.
The only serious conversation I ever remember having with him before the age of 30 was the one time when he told me to study hard and do my math so I could grow up to be whatever I wanted to be. I took it seriously and learned how to study diligently and find answers to anything I want to know about.
He taught me by example that you can gamble away a night's sleep or a good meal and get away with it sometimes, but if you gamble your home, family, or marriage, things go very, very badly. From those lessons I was willing to gamble many things to get well, but not the last three.
He also taught me by example that if you don't speak up and say what is on your mind, and if you don't clean up your own messes, you get on people's bad sides and they won't support you, no matter how well-meaning you are.
I've learned to make requests rather than simmer as a martyr, and to apologize when necessary to avoid living in a war zone. It boosts the immune system more than any amount of Vit C.
My Dad showed me that Helen Keller was right, "Life is a thrilling adventure, or nothing." I was his alibi, and as a child often found myself on a black diamond trail or strapped to the harness of a Hobie Cat, dangling fifteen feet off the water. I learned that even when things get really tough and scary, the end of the day comes, and you can laugh about it on the way home.
He taught me that you can choose your pursuits carefully, and then become an expert at whatever you choose. If he skied he won races. If he sailed he won championships. He was a skilled pilot who walked away from many potential disasters, until the last one called him in.
He taught me not to give up until you get things figured out, and to be a scientist and an engineer about it. I imagine I see him still calmly standing by the crash site, scratching his head trying to figure out just what happened, and how it can be avoided next time. I hope he gets it worked out in time to come join us for a beer after the memorial service.
When his mother died 20 years ago, my Dad dropped by and landed on my couch for four days without saying much or moving at all. I'd kind of like to follow his example there too. But instead I'm going write my heart out to whomever out there will read this rambling, and throw a party for him and his buddies that he'd be sad to miss.
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
Wow. Thanks for writing what you did. Take care of you. Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
Oh Bejoy.
I am so very, very sorry for your loss.
Words cannot or will not express how deeply I feel your loss.
Please know that you and your family (Dad too) are in my prayers.
Let me know if you need a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on.
I would be honored my friend.
So sorry.
Geneal
Posted by astriapage (Member # 17120) on :
Bejoy
My prayers are with you
I believe that the last days you had with him, the memories and his concern were for a reason.
I will be praying for you Posted by merrygirl (Member # 12041) on :
bejoy,
I am so very sorry for your loss. It must be difficult for you.
Hang in there, Melissa
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
My sympathies to you and yours.
Your dad would be very proud of you for doing exactly what you are doing right now... which I am sure he has seen you do so many times before.
You are tackling this situation head on.
You are like him, standing next to that plane, trying to figure out what happened so he could fix it.
That is what you are doing by writing.
Keep writing.
Know you are in my prayers.
Posted by map1131 (Member # 2022) on :
I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of you.
Pam
Posted by feelfit (Member # 12770) on :
((((( BEJOY )))))
So sorry for your loss.
Feelfit
Posted by tdtid (Member # 10276) on :
Bejoy,
I'm sorry for your loss. It's obvious from things you are saying, that your dad is still here with you in spirit.
He left so much behind for you and it's obvious that he loved you so much and really did care about what you are going through.
When you say he was in a plane accident, was this a private plane? My husband is a pilot and he usually keeps pretty tuned in to accidents all over the country, but this one obviously slipped by him.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Bejoy!!!!!!
Your writing of how your dad helped you with lyme disease is amazing! Thank you so much for sharing.
Cathy
Posted by Silverwolf (Member # 9196) on :
<<<<< bejoy ,family, dads friends >>>>>,
I am so sorry for your loss,sweet lady.
Do not let anyone else tell you how long to grieve ! And remember to take good deep breaths when you are able.
Having lost my mom this last May,and two of my uncles in the last 24 months. I know the deep heartache of losing a loved one.
What you wrote was wonderful,and a precious tribute to your father!
Love and prayers from Silverwolf
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
believe me i do understand how you feel.
i'm so sorry that you lost your father.....
Posted by AlisonP (Member # 7771) on :
Bejoy,
What a fantastic testament to your father! I really felt his personality come off the page. At the end, I wanted to read more!
My uncle died in a plane crash, too. He was flying a glider. And just like you said about your dad, I can see him standing there, trying to work out scientifically what went wrong.
Thank you so much for sharing what he meant to you and the lessons you learned. By doing that I feel like he is actually helping a lot of us here and anyone who reads what you wrote will certainly have some wisdom that they can take with them through this Lyme journey.
My heart goes out to you and I am sending you big hugs. You've helped me too on my Lyme journey and it's nice to know some of the foundation of where that came from. So I am sending you and your dad a bunch of gratitude, too.
Alison
Posted by sammy (Member # 13952) on :
Bejoy, my heart goes out to you. So so sorry for you loss. I hope and pray that God will comfort you in your time of need.
Posted by mtree (Member # 14305) on :
....``I know he's dead, but I keep wondering what he's going to think about this whole incident when he gets back....''
Bejoy...I felt the same way when my father died.....putting together pictures for my fathers memorial....I kept thinking......oh he's going to love this one....or...I'll have to ask him who this is standing next to him in this picture....thinking he'll be there at the Memorial and I could ask him...and then thinking...he`ll love seeing everyone.........
I am shocked at this excruciating pain I feel for the loss of my father..... I knew people that lost a parent...but until I lost my dad I couldn't have ever imagined the pain....no one could have ever explained it to me....
Bejoy...I am truly sorry for the loss of your father.... what helped me get through...cry...cry..cry.....the best place I found to cry was in the shower... ....and it does feel good... So let it out.....
Thinking of you and your family.... thank you for shareing this with us....
mtree
Posted by AZURE WISH (Member # 804) on :
i am so sorry for your loss Bejoy. Posted by lymemomtooo (Member # 5396) on :
bejoy, sorry for your loss...My dad has been gone for a long time but the first few years were pretty hard.
That Christmas, we went to Disney World. I could not be home. Good luck..Remember more of the good times. lmt
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
Oh my gosh Bejoy, I am so sorry....I am beyond words. How absolutely horrific....I can't begin to imagine what you are feeling. You must be in utter shock.
I am so heartbroken for you, your Dad, and all who love him.
Posted by James Marschner (Member # 13073) on :
I'm sorry to hear that as well.
You must be in alot of pain. Thats terrible. Family is how many of us get thru this disease. Thats rough. Posted by bejoy (Member # 11129) on :
For those who want to know small two person plane, flying with a friend. They were both skilled and experienced pilots. Went into a spin and got called in.
Went to the crash site today with some of his buddies.
Thanks for your sympathy and support. I don't think you can know how much it means.
[ 04. November 2008, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: bejoy ]
Posted by pab (Member # 904) on :
Bejoy,
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss of your father.
Peggy
Posted by Connie Reese (Member # 15615) on :
BeJoy....My prayers are for you tonight..I am so sorry for your loss..My father was my rock..I understand...He used to say "Fathers and Daughters are never apart...Maybe by distance, but never by heart...May your angels wipe away your tears soon...Connie Posted by backintherain (Member # 14385) on :
I'm very sorry, bejoy.
Thanks for sharing your tribute to your father.
Posted by adamm (Member # 11910) on :
My god, I am sorry to hear of your loss. I know that you will get
well and fulfill his wishes.
Posted by tdtid (Member # 10276) on :
Bejoy,
I know it had to be VERY VERY VERY hard going to the crash site today.
I did share with my husband (a private pilot) what had happened and all he could say was "Wow".
We are both so sorry, Bejoy! Remembering the ways he has helped you and your special memories will be with you always.
Hugs, Cathy
Posted by shazdancer (Member # 1436) on :
So very sorry to hear, bejoy. Please take care of yourself at this very difficult time. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Posted by maureen2174 (Member # 11471) on :
I am so, so sorry to hear this.
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
JOY,
my, what a heart-felt touching tribute you wrote about your beloved dad!!!
he was there in every word you typed whispering to you to not forget about this and that to include in your full tribute.
some suggestions on this beautiful tribute you wrote are:
1. have it printed in 8x10 or 11x14 frame so folks can read it....
2. have the minister or a family member and i'm sure it's way TOO MUCH for you to read during the service.
i'm glad you/others were able to go to the crash site for finality there.
joy, you are in our thoughts/prayers now and in the days, months, and years ahead.
post as you need to express yourself openly ok! betty
Posted by glm1111 (Member # 16556) on :
Joy,
After reading the beautiful tribute you wrote about your dad, not only did the depths of your feelings for him come thru, but Your Courage and Strength during this really difficult time were very apparant.
So very sorry about your loss.
Wishing you Peace & Light in the days ahead,
Gael
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Thanking for sharing your loss with us, Bejoy. It makes me cry. You gave your dad quite a tribute here.
What strikes me also is it looks like he also had Lyme and yet went ahead and lived his life the way he wanted to. He left you with a wonderful legacy and he would be proud of you here.
All the best to you in your healing.
Posted by bejoy (Member # 11129) on :
Went to the crash site. I can't imagine who has the courage to do the job of search and rescue on an Echo. Incomplete.
But we stood up in the grove laughing about his fun loving and quirky nature, and all the great stories he used to tell.
We agreed that this would be his best story yet, and told parts of it in his voice, as if repeating one of his best thigh slappers.
He had often invited me to fly with him. I used to fly when I was a kid, but since I had kids myself I didn't go much.
I was too sick with meningitis to drive over to the airport, much less keep in the contents of my stomach in turbulence.
He never seemed to notice that I was sick. I just looked like an overweight boring housewife who couldn't make interesting political conversation or keep her home at all tidy, and didn't have much time for her dad's fun.
He was a Peter Pan, for sure, forever surrounded by his troupe of lost boys. With my babies and with Lyme, I couldn't be his Wendy.
When he came by a few weeks ago, he must have suddenly noticed that I had lost 25 pounds, my house was clean, reorganized and redecorated, I could complete a sentence in one go, and I put together a good meal.
I was also planning a big backpacking trip that he couldn't join, on account of his knees.
The contrast may have been enough to have him think about the lyme thing and what it had done to me. My gratitude to whoever put together the movie he watched, and who said all those things I couldn't express out loud.
I miss my dad, and struggle through waves of shock and horror. But yet I feel calm about his passing. He left doing something he had been dying to do. Pun intended.
His airport buddies are horrified when I say this, but I knew he would go this way. He'd have to keep flying until he went down, because he deserved a blaze of glory so much more than the eventuality of a wheelchair and ball toss at the Senior Manor.
I'll take what I get, but I hope my passing is as quick, while there is still some life left in me, rather than having to live on when it has all ebbed away.
Posted by Melodymaker (Member # 16434) on :
Bejoy, you wrote a beautiful tribute to your dad. So sorry for your great loss.
I don't think your dad saw you as an overweight boring housewife.
I think he saw his little girl, sick, and couldn't do anything to make it better.
Perhaps he was so used to being able to fix everything in his life, that he just didn't know how to handle your illness when he couldn't make it all better.
Your last few times together showed how very much he loves you, and I know you love him also.
Remember the love and joy, and let that fill your life.
You sound like a wonderful person, and I know you will continue to create a beautiful life for you and your family.
Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :
((((Bejoy))))
I am so sorry for your loss. Your dad was a very lucky guy to have you for a daughter.
I'm glad that he was able to share some emotions with you before he passed, to let you know that he did care deeply.
You are such a wonderful person with an amazing gift of self-expression. Your writing always moves me.
I am so glad that you were able to draw positive lessons from what seems would have been some very difficult life lessons. Others may have become bitter from such experiences and yet you have risen like a shining beacon of positivity.
Thank you for sharing with us a glimpse of what has made you the special person we've come to know and love.
I think it can be more difficult for us to deal with the unexpected loss of a loved one because the stages of grief have to follow.
When someone suffers greatly and their loss is anticipated we often experience those stages toward the end of their illness. The grieving process afterward is shorter because we are relieved that they are no longer suffering and have already come to terms with it.
It sounds like your father would have preferred to have his life end doing something that he truly enjoyed, rather than enduring a long-suffering decline. This would be fortunate for him, but perhaps difficult for those he has left behind.
Hopefully, now that he has passed, he will watch over you and protect you. I don't know if he was able to fully appreciate what a remarkable woman he raised. I am sure that he will see that now and be very proud of you for the lessons you've learned, because of (or in spite of) his example.
Thank you Bejoy for being you, our wonderful shining beacon of positivity!
(Just so you know, it's OK if you go through this. You can add me to your list of people to PM if you want to vent or need a shoulder and don't feel up to posting on the board.)
quote: Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":
7 Stages of Grief...
1. SHOCK & DENIAL- You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief.
You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once.
This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT- As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain.
Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one.
Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING- Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else.
Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?"
You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS- Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you.
This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you.
You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past.
You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
7 Stages of Grief...
5. THE UPWARD TURN- As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized.
Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH- As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one.
You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE- During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation.
Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness.
Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy.
But you will find a way forward.
7 stages of grief...
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future.
Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone.
You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
If you should temporarily lose some of your joy, don't be too disheartened, you WILL find it again.
May God bless you, guide you & watch over you through this difficult time.
hugs & prayers, Ali
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
-
Bejoy,
Reading what your dad said to you - hearing that he looked you in the eyes - how very special. I think he may have know the future in some way and wanted you to know he "got it" and really cared about you.
My deepest sympathies. Hold on to the feeling of love. Keep that light in your heart.
Take care.
-
Posted by disturbedme (Member # 12346) on :
I am so sorry, bejoy. So very sad.
You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by luvs2ride (Member # 8090) on :
Bejoy,
I am so sorry about the loss of your father.
Thank goodness you have good memories of him right at the end.
I am praying for you, Bejoy. Your healing journey has been a joy and an inspiration to me.
Susan
Posted by clairenotes (Member # 10392) on :
So sorry to hear this news, Bejoy. But I am glad to hear there was some kind of enlightment your father had about your illness. I know that must mean a lot as it would for me.
Take care,
Claire
Posted by lightfoot (Member # 2536) on :
Dear bejoy,
I am so sorry for your loss. What a wonderful nurturing and supportive memory of your most recent encounter. What a gift you have to carry you forward.
Take good care of yourself during these times of change and transition.
Every blessing of the moment.....
Posted by lymeladyinNY (Member # 10235) on :
I'm so very, very sorry to learn of your loss. Today is the anniversary of my mother's passing. It's so hard to lose your parents. The pain dulls but life is never the same. God bless you during this difficult time.
- Lymelady
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
I'm so sorry to hear this, bejoy! I just now saw this thread....I've been down and out myself.
I pray you will recover from this loss. Losing a parent is tough....esp when it's sudden. I had warning with both of my parents.
PS...What your dad saw on TV was the AARP ad .. about a lady who was bankrupted by Lyme disease. I'm glad he talked to you about it. That was sweet of him! Praise AARP!!
hugs Posted by Melanie Reber (Member # 3707) on :
My most heartfelt condolences on your great loss, Bejoy.
May God's love surround and comfort you and your family during this most difficult time.
Melanie
Posted by toby67 (Member # 17143) on :
You are a wonderful tribute to him! You'll both stay in our prayers....
Posted by sixgoofykids (Member # 11141) on :
I'm sorry about your dad bejoy. Posted by Ocean (Member # 3496) on :
Bejoy, I just read about your dad's passing. You wrote beautiful words about him, and I can see how much you adored him and he adored you. Your father reminds me of my brother, bold, daring, brave, a man's man, like you said.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that your children and you got to be with him carving pumpkins before his passing.
take care, Ocean
Posted by njlymemom (Member # 15088) on :
My condolences, bejoy.
It sounds like your Dad loved you a great deal. I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by joalo (Member # 12752) on :
What a tremendous loss. I'm so sorry! Posted by Vermont_Lymie (Member # 9780) on :
My deepest sympathy to you and your family for your loss, Bejoy. It sounds like you had a rich life together and that his spirit lives on.
Posted by hiker53 (Member # 6046) on :
Bejoy,
I am so sorry for your loss. He sounds like he was a great day and your screen name is in itself a testimony to him.
You and your family are in my prayers. Hiker53
Posted by bejoy (Member # 11129) on :
Here is the link to the AARP that my Dad saw. Click on the picture of the blonde woman. They showed this commercial on CNN, which would have made it legit in his eyes.
This made a difference in my life and my memories of my father.
Thank you all for your kind words and support. I have to go through life dealing with so much right now, and keep a positive outlook.
But when I log on here I get to cry with you guys (all 3,000 of my closest friends, I like to say,) even if it is for just two minutes. I just sit here and bawl my eyes out, then get back to work. Thanks for caring and for being there.
The amazing thing at this time is that my health is fine. I don't understand it, but my need for cortef is decreasing, my adrenals are stronger, and energy testing isn't showing any signs of lyme at the moment. Just a bit of some other random less virulent stuff to chase around when I can get around to it.
Posted by mtree (Member # 14305) on :
wow bejoy...
thank you for sharing this link with us...
great commercial... we can all forward this to our own families.... I especially like the part when she said she had good health insurance and still had to file bankruptcy..
keep that ...bawling coming....if it doesn't come out in tears it will come out in illness.. so let it out...
mtree
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
bejoy,
thanks for touching base with us all again..
yes, when that link was posted, we all marveled and wwere thanking aarp for having done this!!
so glad it turned the corner for your dad to look at lyme differently! Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
My condolences to you and your family Bejoy.
Posted by Angelica (Member # 15601) on :
Bejoy I am so sorry to hear about your Dad's passing. I went to a concert on Sunday and one of the performers said he use to think when someone died they left but his little son sees the performer's parents often even thought they have passed on. The performer said now he thinks when one dies they do not leave. They may leave their body but they do not leave us.
I am glad your dad passed while he was doing something he loved to do.
Posted by heiwalove (Member # 6467) on :
i'm so sorry bejoy. so much love to you & your family. <3
Posted by lymednva (Member # 9098) on :
May you find comfort in the memories you have of your dad. Now that both my parents are gone I find I am much more keenly aware of how much they taught me and guided me in my life while they were here.
Thanks for sharing about him with us. He sounds like he was quite a man!
Posted by Liz D (Member # 16739) on :
I am sorry for your loss - may he be flying the heavenly skies.
Posted by bejoy (Member # 11129) on :
Farewell party complete. I saw his shining angel spirit hanging above his friends as they paid him tribute at the podium. He joined us for that beer, and asked us to have another for him. A squadron of pilots did a fabulous fly-by in the missing man formation after the service.
When you are a lymie, everything makes you wonder, and everything looks like lyme.
When you are a survivor of someone who dies, everything becomes personal. You want to be responsible for the problem, so you can feel some semblance of control, to think you could fix it or avoid it in the future.
There was no indication of any mechanical error, and these were seasoned pilots. The only thing the other pilots say that makes sense is a medical situation, like too many G's causing low blood pressure after a loop. Heavier men, like the other pilot, tend to keep their blood pressure up better.
The day before when my dad was here, I was on heavy lyme nosode treatment that seemed to be impacting my daughter with a herx. She got EM's when I first started lyme nosodes. I have sucessfully taken nosodes and homeopathics as a surrogate for other family members.
I showed my father my LED, and used it on him. His reponse was "is this pseudo-science?" Mine was "I've read the NASA research, have you?"
I'm sick with the idea that he lost blood pressure from a lyme herx. But the idea is too out of the box to hold water anywhere but in my own little tortured mind.
Posted by tdtid (Member # 10276) on :
Bejoy,
It sounds like you had a very nice remembrace of your dad. The pilots with the fly by sounds like a touch that would have made your dad smile too.
I definitely know about all your feelings of emotion regarding lyme and seeing it everywhere.
I don't know if this will help any, but since I had told you that my husband is also a personal pilot, we had discussed your dad.
My husband also has been flying with other pilots and one thing he said is that when they fly together, the other one is ALWAYS ready to cover the controls at any time. It's just a pilot thing.
So even in the extremely unlikely event that you had done ANYTHING that could have effected your father's health, we are certain you did nothing that would have effected the other pilot as well...so please don't feel you could be responsible in ANY way.
My husband loves flying and he's never met a pilot that didn't feel the same way.
As sad as the passing is of your father, he was doing what he loved in life.
So the next time you see a plane fly overhead, let it bring a smile to your face and remember the fond memories you have had with your dad.
It's obvious he loved you very much.
Cathy
Posted by bejoy (Member # 11129) on :
Cathy, your reply really helped.
It's just that from what I understand, if one of the pilots in the biplane passed out leaning on the stick, it would be impossible for the other pilot to correct.
What's done is done, and there's no replaying the scenario. It's just a bit freaky going over the why's.
I know he's okay now. It's just the rest of us not being quite ready to have him gone yet.
Posted by mazou (Member # 15319) on :
bejoy,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
I am truly touched that you had that moment together where he teared up. He was truly blessed to be able to spend precious moments with you and his grandchildren before his passing.
Wishing you love and strength,
Mazou
Posted by dmc (Member # 5102) on :
Bejoy, I am sadden by your loss. All you wrote here has made me feel as if I was/am part of your family.
Your dad was a wonderful, full of life man...see,I feel as if I was at the memorial too.
Thank you for sharing your dad with me.
donna
Posted by tdtid (Member # 10276) on :
Bejoy,
Sadly, second guessing and worrying are part of the grief process. I think most of us that have lost a family member even from illness, will wonder if there was ANYTHING they could have done to change it.
My pain purpose for writing here is to TRY to help you lift some of the burden you are feeling through this. With that said, if you weren't mourning, we would wonder what was wrong with YOU.
You have had a horrid loss in your life.
From another pilots perspective (my husband), while it's correct that such a scenario, of passing out on the stick and significantly impeding motion, is possible, it's also highly unlikely for a couple of reasons.
First, when performing aerobatics, all pilots are secured by a fairly comprehensive retraint system. This includes a shoulder harness.
It would be difficult for a pilot, so restrained, to pass out in such a way that they'd restrict the control stick.
Second, short of getting wedged in such a way as to prevent movement, which isn't likely, a pssed out person on the stick would simply create an inconvenience.
Couple that with the fact that there are also rudder pedals and it's difficult to imagine an environment where a pssed out person completely impeded the controls to the point of loss of control.
With this all said, my ONLY reason is to help you remove ANY FORM OF GUILT from yourself. You are understandably hurting.
Just saying that what ever treatment you may feel you did on your dad to help him is incredibly unlikely to the point of statistical improbality.
You were able to share some very real and wonderful times with your dad and it sounds like he actually was coming around on understanding your lyme.
Just that alone says so much about his character since I know most of us know too many people that still don't believe all this lyme stuff.
Hold on tightly to the memories that you have of your dad and they will always be with you in your heart. Again, I'm sooooo very sorry.
Hugs, Cathy
Posted by savebabe (Member # 9847) on :
I am so sorry you lost your father. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
HI Bejoy, Just a small clarifying question; I thought the other pilot was the one flying the plane?
Either way I can totally understand your thought processes; I am still doing some of that over both my beloved grandmothers and father's deaths now 13 and 10 years ago.
I had seen some of the articles about the crash; but had thought you said earlier you dad was not the one flying.
So glad you saw him as the shining angel that he now is.
Posted by on :
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[kiss]](graemlins/kissing.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
....and it does feel good...![[Frown]](frown.gif)