I wasn't going to post this, but I just can't believe this so-called friend of mine dumped me(30 year friendship)without warning.
He was diagnosed with Lyme disease about 10 yrs ago and was having MAJOR grand mal siezures and depression. Was also tx for Lyme and babs.
Was also given shock therapy. He moved to Calif 6 years ago and the psychiatric group out there stabilized him with meds.
I have been a true friend and support for him even in my most painful moments. I thought his meds balanced him out.
My take is, I think his psychiatrist told him he never had Lyme and to disassociate himself with anyone who talked about.
I took him in years ago and cared for him when he couldn't take care of himself. He has been calling me everyday for the last 3yrs.
My attraction to him is that he is very funny and very intelligent. He is gay, so it's just a friendship.
The last month and a half, I wasn't hearing from him that much. I called him to see if everyting was okay. Long story short I tactfully and calmly confronted him today as to what was going on.
He said in so many words I was obsessing about Lyme too much. We talked about many things including his constant need for support.
( We have the kind of friendship(I thought where he could say to me "enough with the Lyme, lets talk about something else") He said he thought I would get mad.
Further more he said that he wasn't really sure if he ever had Lyme and thought that his LLMD was obsessing with it as well. He thought we both needed therapy.
He has done this to me before(backing off) for a long time using the excuse I reminded him of his dead mother. I Know this is bull...t
I just want to let him have it, but I am a peacemaker. Just tired of getting hurt. I know I have to close this door
.(I tried before, but he calls crying that he needs a friend because he is sick) It definitely won't work if there is a next time.
.I realize I didn't set clear enough boundaries. I am angry with myself for getting sucked in again!!
I need some wisdom here, it hurts, Thanks,
Gael
Posted by carly (Member # 14810) on :
Gael,
I can't do anything to ease the hurt, I'm sorry.
It sounds like you've known that this is a "friendship" that's not too good for you for some time.
Now, there's the insult of him being the one to call it quits!
I can just advise you to remeber your words and don't get "sucked in again" next time.
Feel better,
Carly
Posted by glm1111 (Member # 16556) on :
Thanks for caring Carly,
I guess I should just keep this little gremlin by my side so I won't forget. Posted by AlisonP (Member # 7771) on :
Gael,
You've got such a big heart! And an intense drive to help people, and a gentleness and caring about you that is healing in so many ways. I happen to know.
The way I see it, this friend didn't betray you, he betrayed himself, and continues to do so by looking outside himself for answers when really, he should be looking inward.
Don't beat yourself up, my friend. You want to make a boundry now, you go ahead and make it! Know that you gave it your all and that you can always change how you deal with something.
Hugs,
Alison
Posted by Barby (Member # 18348) on :
Sounds like you have already said, enough is enough. So be strong. If he doesn't believe in Lyme, then he isn't sick. So he doesn't need anyone support anymore. Let him move on with his life and you move on with yours.
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
You must be crushed. So sorry.
But it does happen to a number of us... especially with Lyme patients who have psych issues.
Think about this..
He may not be thinking clearly if he (a psych patient) is telling you that you and his doctor need a psych.
That is the old.. the whole world is wrong and I am right trick.
The only thing I've found that helps me when this happens is to let them go... and if/when they return... let them in but don't give away your heart.
Always allow, IF you can, them to have someone to come to when they realize they are wrong. That is what friends are for.
But don't let them abuse you in any manner, what-so-ever.
As for a new friend.. my bet is with all that caring you have for others.. there is someone else to share with and assist who WANTS to hear what you have to say.
Posted by eric555 (Member # 18343) on :
hi,
unfortunately sounds like not a true friend, perhaps only when he needed you that he was there,
maybe he just needed time away from all this lyme talk as perhaps it was just a tab too much for him as i notice many do when they hear me talking about lyme,
or maybe just maybe he alienated himself into his own world of a problem or his very own depresssion with all this as some people truly do...
i am so sorry this happened to you.
i too have been alienated by some and in some cases am doing it to myself as well from others, ofcourse they dont have lyme so my reasons are is that they just dont understand me.
you may always pm me and we can talk. (i too am from your area as you recall).
best regards, eric
Posted by carly (Member # 14810) on :
Gael,
What Allison said about your gentle and caring nature is obvious. (And I don't know you.)
I do disagree though that you should always be there should he come back, "needing your support".
Maybe I'm cold-hearted; and I know it's easier said than done, but you should share your love & concern for those who will appreciate it.
In baseball it only takes three strikes.
Posted by FancyRatFan (Member # 3088) on :
Gael,
I feel for you. I know it hurts, however, it sounds like you have done everything you can.
I have tried the "be there for them but don't let them in" it doesn't work for me. That's me. Mabe the best thing you can do for yourself and him is to let go completely. You will have the comfort of knowing you did your best but now mabe it's time to move on.
Forgiving or understanding someone doesn't mean you have to open yourself up to hurt again.
I know you will do the right thing for YOU!
Fancy
Posted by glm1111 (Member # 16556) on :
Aawwwww, I thank you all so VERY MUCH for all of your kind words and heartfelt support. You all brought tears to my eyes.
I am still licking my wounds, but I am very strong and will get over it. I don't think I will ever understand that kind of behavior from a so called friend.
I just plain and simple don't get it. Maybe I am not supposed to. It's my lesson and obviously I need to learn something from it.
Thank You all again,
Peace & Light,
Gael
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
gael, you sound like me. you give and give and expect nothing in return but love and affection.
i'm sorry but i think he used you when it was convenient for him and now that he's out there, is in therapy (and i question what that guy is telling him), he no longer wants to associate with someone who reminds him of his past.
you're better off without these kinds of persons in your life.
i know it's tough, but let it go, he wasn't worth it.
and someday who knows, he may show up again going "oh, i'm sick and i really do have lyme" then girl, you're going to go "oh really."
be strong for yourself and let people do what they do...
Posted by glm1111 (Member # 16556) on :
Randi,
Thanks for your kind words of wisdom. I know your right. The sad thing is that the LLMD he used to have was also his childhood friend.
He bought him a Rife machine, payed for a lot of alternative meds etc. and he is badmouthing him. The more I think about it, I think he is just an arrogant mean spirited person.
I want to focus on giving my love to people who appreciate it.
Thanks again, I know you get it,
Gael
Posted by dmbfan (Member # 11948) on :
i'm so sorry to hear this.
Rejection is the pits! Allow yourself time to mourn and be angry and throw a few things. I'll throw a few things for you from my end!
feel better
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
I agree... He betrayed HIMSELF!
I hope the pain eases soon! Posted by DebAz (Member # 18039) on :
Dear Gael.
.I see that there are many people that recognize your warm hearted and giving personality.
I have not known you long and just on this internet world ... but your caring and kind nature comes through like volumes and in a ray of sunshine. You have made me smile and laugh and as well make me feel as if I had someone there watching out for me and someone who really cared. Wow. thats so rare.
I think he has lost such a great person in his life. i am sorry you got hurt. The givers seems to get the short end of things and also are taken advantage of frequently.
I too have this problem and have been working years on this. I recently had someone take full advantage of my heart, family, money and generousity. And in a blatent way in which I had grown to think I was beyond.
But our hearts do not change. We continue to love and give.
It is who we are
Do not ever change.
I think instead it is how we can cope with loss and hurt that we can deal with and cope with better.
Never regret. Keep all those you love and loved in your heart.
But move on in your life.. with or without them.
That is how I have had to look at things to feel good and to acknowledge the relationships.. good or bad. were real.
My feelings were real.. And that is a real validation of ourselves.
Number 1
Deb
Posted by glm1111 (Member # 16556) on :
Deb,
Thankyou for your wisdom, kindness and heartfelt words. So Sorry you had to endure an even worse betrayal. Just really so sorry. You are such a good person you don't deserve that.
Everyone, Thank you again so much for being there for me. It means so much to me to be given such kind words.
I so appreciate all of you. I hope you know I am here for you as well.
I wish us all Healing, Peace & Light,
Gael
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
I've had to re-define friendship since Lyme and company.
However, I have more friends here than I can possibly count.
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