I'll just let this disease kill me and be done with it.
We were at the chiropractor today.
Because of his job loss, hubby was going to drop out of the family treatment plan we're on because we have no income, no insurance, and can't afford it.
Well, I couldn't follow everything she was saying (damn Lyme brain), but it came down to if he dropped out, then the family plan was null and void, and we'd have to move one of the kids up to hubby's spot.
So in effect, we'd still be paying the same amount anyway.
I don't know why he didn't just drop him and the kids out completely, since I'm the only one who's really screwed up.
Anyway, he was all sweetness and agreement with her and whatever they came up with.
Then we get in the van to leave, and he just blows up about how it's all a scam. All they want is their money and to hell with everything else.
So that's all I've heard since we've been home.
I locked mysself in the bathroom and jusst cried for half an hour.
So now I feel like $#!& for costing him all this money and getting him roped in.
We had already had words last night about the upcoming LLMD appt.
I talked to his cousin, who just saw that doctor, and she gave me some possible cost estimates for teh visit and testing.
He flipped out about the cost of the Igenex test, and said why can't they just skip the test and treat me if they suspect it's what I have.
I'm trying to come up with a "good enough" reason why they have to do the test, but he's still b itching about it.
So now with what happened this morning, I'm just ready to call the LLMD and say thanks but no thanks.
Because I know the doc will probably want him and the kids tested (especially since hubby is showing some of the sdame sx I have--always cold, forgetful, achy), but that will just start the whole it's a scam thing with him.
Just let me die, and then he can have his insurance money to pay off all the bills I've caused him.
Oh yeah, now he comes in and wants to know if I'm okay. I want so much to tell him to F off.
Posted by Ocean (Member # 3496) on :
Oh hon...please don't cancel your appointment!!!
Money is SO tight with everyone right now, I'm on a mission to try to get well so I can work and we won't lose our house by summer.
Can you make sure you just get the basic Lyme tests done??
I wish i had done that and spent $200 instead of co-infection testing that ended up being $960! Plus my LLMD's visit was $525 for the first and $90 for a 15 min consult.
Course insurance covered $300 of tests and $25 for the first visit.
I can tell you are in so much pain right now and this disease is so stressful and scary. Feel free to PM me anytime. I know you have already been through so much and stress is a big helper for the Lyme bacteria.
Can you pm me your Lyme doc? I made an appointment for one in PA for my son and just found out, he is NOT recommended from LN. Just want to make sure it's not the same guy.
Take care, Ocean
Posted by Starfall1969 (Member # 17353) on :
The last thing I want to do is cuddle my husband.
No matter what, it's always b itching about money, money, money.
Oh, and although the insurance companies do suck, he wasn't mad at them--he's mad at the chiropractor.
Maybe I'll just go out and get a job and let him deal with the house and kids (never do anything right anyway--even my son makes me feel that way).
Then I can say it's MY money, and I'll do what I want to.
Posted by MissMari (Member # 11274) on :
I was THIS CLOSE to cancelling my first LLMD appt due to MONEY!!!!
I was in AWFUL financial shape --- on unemployment, no insurance, behind on rent, car payments, you name it
I could not even scrape together the cost of the visit!
All I could think about was how much I was costing!
Terrible GUILT for putting everyone through what I was with this illness.
And feeling so worthless that as sick as I am, I couldn't even afford to see a proper dr!
It was down to the LAST MINUTE --- and I decided to suck it up, bite my lip, and ask someone I knew for help
And he came through.
My dr visit cost $365. Paid it.
Antibiotics --- thank goodness our pharmacy has a "free 14 day" plan for generics. And they are allowing me to use the plan until the offer runs out.
NOW, MY PAIN ----- lab: $2100. IgeneX cost not in yet.
I will pay them in a payment plan as best I can. Sorry --- it's the best I can do!
THE PRICELESS PART: I GOT MY DIAGNOSIS AFTER 14 YEARS!!!!!!
Now..... no one --- not my family, friends, drs, or insurance company ever made a fuss when I was told I had:
MS RA CFS Autoimmine disease
Or any of the other diseases I did not have!
I will borrow this line from TinCup:
"DO NOT CANCEL THAT APPOINTMENT!!!!"
Alot of what I think spouses and families feel is frustration, loss of control, and anger that they are overwhelmed.
And alot of fear. Some of it is a very real possibility. Some of it will never happen.
It's a really intense issue!
But having Lyme, and all of its implications and complications, is very real.
I realized that I had to assume I counted for something, and although I never wanted to, I had to allow myself to put a pricetag on my life.
Think about it: if you don't go, don't get diagnosed, don't get treated ---- you may end up sicker (costing even more $$$) or worse.
If you do go, get diagnosed, get treated, then there's a chance that you may get alot of your life back.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
To save money, just order test #188 and 189 from Igenex. That is all you need.
As far as your husband, tell him you're NOT okay. Jerk.
Posted by opus2828 (Member # 15407) on :
I had similar feelings but do all you can to see the LLMD. Sometimes the LLMD's office will offer you a payment plan or let you pay on a sliding scale.
But, no doctor will offer that to you - you have to ask for it.
When I had to go for mine and then my two kids had to go too, we didn't know what to do. So, I explained the situation and the kids doc said he would treat the second kid at half price.
Granted, in the world of lyme, half price is a still a fortune, but it has helped a lot.
We will be paying this off for years as our insurance doesn't cover a dime of any of it.
But, that's how important it is that you go. You need to get the real story on yourself, in case your family needs treatment too.
As for your husband, if he is suffering from any lyme symptoms, that may help explain some of his behavior.
Good luck with this. I know it's hard to make decisions when you're feeling yucky.
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
star, i'm so sorry for all the crap you are having slung your way.
i agree w/others above so won't repeat.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU OR HE BEEN OFF WORK?
5 months off work, you can file for SS DISABILITY if whoever is disabiled, and please use my SSDI INFO GALORE in my newbie package link of 30-35 pages of info from me, connniemc, and minoucat! outstanding, collective advise!
you must have 20 quarters worked in last 5 years; if you don't...you can't file ssdi!!
it takes a lot of time to do a THOROUGH job to file your ssdi app and have it COMPLETE, RIGHT for 1st time; 1st claim to be APPROVED!
mine took me 5 yrs. of hell! but i got it by myself after my lawyer of almost 4 full years quit me!
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
Looks like you ARE "Fall"ing from the sky right now.
Ouch ouch ouch on your way down.
But tomorrow is another day...
And hopefully you will do what no one else is doing.
PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST!
If you aren't happy... NO ONE will be happy.
So pull up them thar boot straps cowboy and get your chin off the floor before the sweeper runs over your head...
And go to the doctors appointment!
That is an order young lady!!!
Shake those tail feathers and let's move it, move it, move it!
YOU are in control of YOU.
And in my book... you are very very special.
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
I have one of those husbands too.
I didn't worry about money.
I was more worried about living....I knew I was dying slowly.
Money comes and goes in life.
You will realize that if you don't put some value to yourself,
No one else will either.
If it wasn't the health plan, it would be something else.
Trust me I know.
I work now. So glad to not have to ask for every nickel and dime.
So glad not to be asked what costs so much at the grocery store.
Not like my husband has ever shopped for our family of four,
Seven dogs, and until very recently, two pigs.
It isn't easy.
Do not cancel that appt. Do tests 188 and 189 only through Igenex.
Co-infection testing isn't cheap or reliable.
Lyme testing isn't either, but it's the best we have right now.
Talk to your doctor.
Tell him that while your health is of utmost importance,
That due to economic reasons, if he can, to Rx. Generics.
Stick with only what you have to for right now.
Do not drop the health insurance.
If you get diagnosed with Lyme disease it is highly unlikely
You will get private coverage...again.
My husband was denied for a Lyme disease diagnosis.
I have private insurance, but had it prior to my diagnosis.
The only way I could continue with another insurance plan
Is with company insurance now.
See if your children could qualify for the state medicaid program.
That may save you both big bucks.
Hang in there.
Take a deep breath.
I remember my husband giving me all kinds of grief about my LLMD appt.
Money, travel, time, etc.
I told him I was going. I had to.
The future is never certain.
Your ability to get treatment can be.
Hang in there.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
DITTO!!! DITTO!!! DITTO!!!
There's so many of us here that know exactly what you're going through.
Don't let what you can or can't do or what value others think you are to them, society, etc. have any relevancy to your actual value as a human being.
YOU ROCK STARFALL!!!
Posted by s0ngbird1962 (Member # 16395) on :
"NOW, MY PAIN ----- lab: $2100. IgeneX cost not in yet."
See? I'm sorry but that just scares the crap outta me. Will be $800.00 to walk into Dr. J's office & then cost of testing.
We will be selling a car & using that money to bring our son to his appt... we live paycheck to paycheck, can't afford to incur much more debt.
Like your hubby, having trouble with mine. We've been in more than a few fights about son's upcoming treatment.
He just doesn't comprehend why we can't go to a Dr. who accepts insurance. No matter that I've tried to educate him, he doesn't get it...
I'm ****ed, frustrated and scsared for my 6 yr olds future...I'm scared for our future as a family, living in the street is not an option.
Treatment will end when we can no longer afford it. And what if he becomes reinfected? Or one of us? No way we can keep doing this over and over...
Something has got to change with the way this disease is dealt with.
I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time, it's wrong that families are being torn apart by this.
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
Keep the LLMD; Ditch the husband.
Posted by TS96 (Member # 14048) on :
Keep your apt. You will regret it if you cancel. I thought some the same things you did when my husband lost his job.
We even lost over 1000 dollars in bicclin shot costs the Ins. co said they would pay for then lied to us and denied our appeal. OUCH!
He is still out of work and my LLMD knows we don't have two nickels to rub together and he has bent over backwards to keep costs low for us.
Free donated meds, free blood work and breaks on apts. We are very blessed.
When all is said and done you and hubby will glad you stuck it out TOGETHER.
I'm praying for you.
PM me if you'd like.
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
Send your complaints to your Congressman NOW!
We need the bill passed. Go to Activism and just do it!
Let THEM know you are mad and you are NOT going to take it anymore.
Tell them you want THEM to step in and fix this situation NOW!
It will help to put an end this garbage and the IDSA... and ONLY you can make this happen.
Posted by Melodymaker (Member # 16434) on :
Star, your first priority is getting well. Keep the doctor's appointment. Don't worry about how much money you are costing your husband.
He's your husband. Remember.... in sickness and in health. Perhaps he needs a gentle reminder!
It's normal to think... oh I'm such a burden. My husband had the same thoughts when he got sick the year before last. I didn't feel that way at all. After all, that's what loving and caring for one another is all about.
A very good point that if your husband is having Lyme symptoms, that could be part of his problem. Also, losing his job had to be a big hit on his self esteem. However, he needs to realize he can't take it out on you.
Now, if you get better and he is sick, how will your feelings be about him being a cost and burden to you? Oh, you wouldn't feel that way?? Then perhaps the problem isn't with the fact that you are ill...perhaps the problem is that his head isn't on straight.
Gently try to get him to understand your reality of illness, and that it isn't too much to expect his support in this difficult time.
So sorry that you are going through this, and I am praying for you all.
Posted by lymeric (Member # 16465) on :
You may be suffering the collateral damage of an unhealthy
chiropractic relationship. Consider (after following below link to
my post with chiropractic input, reply #13) that your husband
may be correct about the chiropractor.
As a healer, I will say it's almost never appropriate for a single
patient to purchase months of treatment in advance. That a
family would require such, especially children, would entail it
sharing an extremely rare chronic condition. Of course, the
families being sold "package plans" almost never fit this