This is topic Overwhelmed........anybody else? in forum General Support at LymeNet Flash.

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Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
I had such a bad day.

First I am not working until the end of April (fingers crossed on that).

Then I find a stray dog in my yard.

Chased him out.....only for him to sneak back and one of my dogs attacked him.

I broke it up and the stray ran away.

He was hurt....bad.

So upsetting to me.

Especially since we have an electric fence my husband won't hook up.

I hate when others don't care for their animals.

My children are both sick with sore throats and nasty coughs.

Pediatrician gave them amoxi, but no diagnosis.


Strep test was negative though.

Then I just got depressed.

I don't know why.

Not because my lymph nodes under my arms swelled up

Or because my eye lid is twitching again.

I guess just because I am tired of being the only one who does everything.

That and anything that goes wrong is always my fault.

I have a husband who isn't treating Lyme and company

And runs the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde scenario constantly.

I do all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children

And up until this past Wed, worked all day too.

So I get offered a more permanant position in the Nursing Home.

Won't start until the end of April.

Ask my husband about him watching the kids during the summer.

I am willing to get up and go to work for 6:30am so I can be home early afternoon.

He says "yes, take the job".

He is working, but work has slowed down a lot.

Plus he is taking days off to go "racing" in his race truck.


Yesterday he told me to find a Summer Camp for the children.

Now I have to do the search for a place for my children.

Find one I heard great things about.

No....too far for him to drive every morning.


I just sometimes get tired and worn out.

It isn't my health or health issues.

Just life that sometimes is so overwhelming on top of not feeling 100 percent.

Sorry this is so long.

I guess I have a lot on my plate.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I know things have to get better....

Or you guys will soon find me in one of those straight jackets

Babbling like a fool.


Posted by DeafFromLyme (Member # 18795) on :
Hang in there Geneal... I know exactly what you're feeling, you basically just put my entire life in your post.

Its not easy being "the One". The one who does EVERYTHING for EVERYONE! Just from what I have learned about you from being on here, you seem to be a very strong person and I think you will get through this.

I wish I could help in some way but you live a little far from me [Smile] All I can do is say, hang in there you can do it! [Smile]
Posted by Leelee (Member # 19112) on :
Hi Geneal,

I am sending good thoughts your way. Sometimes it all just seems too much.

I sympathize. I have the same issue with my husband. It makes me sad, confused, angry, and about a hundred other emotions.

And I know with children you worry so much.

We're here, we're your friends and we hope things get better.


[ 04-04-2009, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: Leelee ]
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
Thanks so much.

I hate that I have company in my misery...

Wouldn't wish this feeling on anybody else.

Maybe if we pray together, all three of us,

Tomorrow will be a better day filled with love and laughter.

I know the Lord has never let my family starve,

But the economy and the lack of income is worrisome.

I know that worry is an insult to God, but sometimes I just do.

I would much rather be home with my children during summer.

I do worry about them.

I realize that parents everywhere have no choice due to work either.

It is just that my husband can go to work when I get home.

He isn't putting in more than 4-5 hours a day anyways.

My paycheck would easily be 4 x the amount he is bringing in every two weeks. appreciation for my efforts or time.

No appreciation for me from him.

Thanks for being "appreciative" of me.

It means so much to be validated and encouraged every once in a while.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
You are one of the most positive, uplifting people on this board, and you are ALWAYS there to say just the right thing to anyone and everyone who is suffering.

I just want to say that you don't deserve this. Maybe you are stuck with it for now, maybe some day things will change, but YOU deserve a man who treats you a hell of a lot better than your husband does.

I am not saying he is a bad guy, but his disrespect of you and lack of appreciation are unacceptable. Furthermore, you are sick and so are the kids, and even if you are doing better he still should be there for you, helping and supporting you in any way he can.

I am sorry you are with a partner who does see the beautiful gift of a wife he has been given. I hope either his eyes really open someday, or you find yourself in a new situation where you are treated as the princess that you are.
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
Aw Tracy,

You brought tears to my eyes.

Thank you.

I hope you are doing better. You are such a trooper too.


Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
I hope I wasn't too blunt, but I had to say it. He could be a great guy with lots of good qualities, but this just isn't fair.

You deserve a prince!!!!
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
Well, I picked this one.

Of course when he is treating his Lyme and bartonella,

He is closer to a prince.

Right now he's just a toad.

You could never be too blunt.

I just had to be the one to marry my Dad.

I pray a lot. Just some days I could get in my car

And drive without any destination in mind.

Today was just one of those days.

I think the worry about finances just complicates

An already complicated situation.

I just wish he would treat.

You are so sweet. You could never offend me.

I love you too much! [Smile]


Posted by mazou (Member # 15319) on :
I agree about what Tracy says, that you are one of the most uplifting people on this board. Hope things turn around for you.
Posted by DakotasMom01 (Member # 14141) on :
Sorry your going through this. I can sure relate.

Hope things will settle down quickly for you.
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
[group hug] [kiss] to my sister geneal [group hug] [group hug] [kiss]

geneal, yes, you deserve to as QUEEN GENEAL as you are the most loving, non-judgemental, blessed with wonderful, caring words for all members who come here.

uplifting/inspirational is our geneal!! she shares her energy/thoughts so well as her past job as speech therapist helping others.

you deserve the best; yes, i too would like to see you in a happier situation with a man who realizes your worth....partner/wife, mother, financier, etc.

thanks for opening up so we could least provide some comfort for our deal geneal [Smile] [group hug] [kiss]
Posted by lakes592 (Member # 18905) on :
Hi Geneal,
So sorry you are going through this. I went through this with my husband of 10 years when I was undergoing my first round of treatment.

He is now my ex husband because of his self centeredness. This sounds like what your husband is doing.

When I look back though, I realize that I was a willing participant in it and I allowed him to get away with it. I had a choice in it.

Call him out, make him take more responsibility. I became a martyr with my ex. I would do everything and then be mad about it.

Guess what if he runs out of clothes to wear he will figure out how to do some laundry. Ask for help and expect it. When he does it say thanks and say your welcome for all I do for you.

Then say since he gets one day a week to go to the races you would like one day a week to do something you like.

Don't fall for that jekyl/hyde act my ex played that. They use it as a way to manipulate and control, it is bs. Don't fall for any of this crap.

You may think well I just want to keep the peace or I don't really mind doing it. It doesn't matter he needs to contribute and pull his own weight. You are working and deserve respect!

Best of luck to you and not sure if your hubby drinks like mine did but alanon worked wonders for my life.

Take Care,

P.S. The grass isn't greener on the other side in case you are thinking about that. Better to stay and work through things even if you just get help in how to deal with him.
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
Geneal, you were on my mind this am and in my prayers.
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
Thanks so much.

I am worthy of better.

Thanks for reminding me.

Sometimes I do let things go as it takes too much of my energy

To constantly wage battle for my self respect.

He is thinking about having Carpal Tunnel surgery.

I am trying to push him to do it this summer.

He won't be able to work for at least 8 weeks.

Maybe that is an answer to my problems.

Oh yeah. He doesn't believe the carpal tunnel is Lyme related.

I feel better this morning.

My Mom is coming to visit me.

You all surely are the sunshine in an otherwise dismal and cloudy day.

Thanks for keeping me warm.


Posted by hshbmom (Member # 9478) on :
My dear Geneal,

I'm sorry to hear your situation stinks, and it's getting to you now more than ever. You will get through this. There is hope!

I've been going to this site for marriage help:

This ministry has published 2 excellent books. If you could get these into his hands he will realize how he's neglected you and your children. This book will train him how to treat you. It's doing wonders for my marriage.

They teach a man how to grow up and be the man God has called them to be. Man is first told to die to himself and lay his life down for his wife, just as Jesus Christ did for us, his Bride. Men are told this several times. Men are the initiators; women are the responders. He has to be the one to take the first start treating you like a queen.

There are about 4 or 5 video clips and several audio clips to give you an idea what the books are about. They also have a active forum and several weekly counseling conference calls. The authors answer their phone if you need to call them.

This is serious marriage help. Your feelings will be validated. This is like no other marriage group.

You and your husband need to be a team. You know that. He needs a wake up call.

This Christian ministry also conducts monthly marriage retreats (Weekend Marriage Intensive) in Palm Coast, Florida. They only take a few couples for each intensive. It is like checking into the ICU of marriage therapy for four days. They give marriage teaching, advice, and private counseling. They live what they preach. We're going to one in May.

The authors of these books are Joel and Kathy Davisson.
Posted by just don (Member # 1129) on :
Look for the silver lining in what you see as gray now.

Time for a 'date' nite!!

remind him how much he cares,remind yourself of 3 positive things.

THEN when all else fails you can always use the 'fear' sales tactic,,,show him where he NEVER wants to be.
Posted by ticked-offinNc (Member # 15420) on :

You have always been the gold star of strength, and optimism. You are allowed to feel overwhelmed.You have so much responsibility because you give so much to others, and always do the right thing, even down to worrying about a stray dog. Your compassion is overwhelming.You are beloved by so many people.Your generosity is unlimited.Even though you are sick with this disease, you always think of others first.

You ARE appreciated. You need to know that. Some times it helps me to go sit with the goats and cows, by myself. They can always bring you a smile. Your strength is still there. It just needs a rest sometimes.xoxoxox
Posted by ticked-offinNc (Member # 15420) on :
OH Oh, forgot to space my sentences>opps
Posted by LisaS (Member # 10581) on :
Sorry youre going through all this Geneal! I am sending you big hugs from Wisconsin! Hope you feel better soon!
Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :
Dearest Geneal [group hug]

Yes I find having these diseases pretty much makes me feel overwhelmed any time I think of more than one thing at a time. FORGET ABOUT trying to look at all I need to find a way to do ALL of the things that I want/need to do!

With Spring now here, tax time, IDSA Review, LD Awareness Month events and EASTER rapidly approaching.......never-ending list of Family obligations, DD's softball & playdates, messes everywhere I turn, I've been feeling that way EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! It was ten times worse when I had NO support (at ALL, Whatsoever) from my DH.

I'm still overwhelmed but it helps to have a little bit of support, some semblance of understanding and a real physical shoulder to cry on every once in a while.

I'm going to skip all my usual drivel, because I think by now you KNOW how I feel about you. (if you need to hear it all again, just tell me)

Short & sweet....This is for anyone who DARES upset my Geneal!!! [rant] [tsk] cuss:

1st thought in reading what's been posted so far......
Hmmmm, I wonder how "Mr.Marine" feels about having a wife who can bring home the bacon (much more bacon than he ever could), fry it up in a pan, care for the kids, house & everything else all by herself?

I wonder if it makes him feel less of a man.

Then I think someone should slap that SOB for doing that to our dear, sweet Geneal, for treating her so poorly.

Call him out, Sweetheart! Tell him that you need him to step up and help out, that you're sick and tired and you can't/WON'T do it alone.

If you're going to do everything yourself, WITHOUT ANY SUPPORT, you may as well do it yourself without the extra burden of taking care of him.

A marriage is supposed to be a partnership. There may be times when one shoulders more burden than the other, but in the end it SHOULD all balance out.

He's being selfish, self-absorbed and completely inconsiderate of your feelings, IMO. Why are there SO MANY passive-aggressive men in this world?!!!

Just some thoughts for a possible conversation:

"We need to set aside some time to talk, away from the kids, just you and me."

Tell him how his actions/inactions make you feel and ask for his input. (ie: Sometimes I get the feeling that you don't really care about me or the kids. Is that the case?)

Explain that you are working very hard to get back to being the person you were before all this happened & remind him of the things you miss about life before the illness.

Ask if he still loves you and wants to be the man that you need to help you get through this, through the "sickness" & the "worse" not just the days of "better" & "health".

No doubt if he knows you like we do, he should "man up". Maybe he just needs to know that he's needed and wanted?

When my passive-aggressive DH had his attention drawn to what his form of communicating his feelings was doing to me and to "us", he realized that he did not want to be "THAT man".

He has since been making efforts to communicate with me and trying to actually understand more about what's going on & what I'M dealing with.

He's been trying very hard not to be a BIG, SELFISH, SELF-ABSORBED, INSENSITIVE JERK and for the most part ( [Wink] ) he's been doing quite well.

It was not easy & really very frightening to face actually talking about our feelings & it took a lot of hard work. I can't tell you how many times I ended up crying.

Chances are you both entered into your marriage because you loved each other.

When you love someone enough to make that commitment, generally you don't really want to see them hurting, even IF you feel they've been hurting you (unless you think they WANT to hurt you but that's an entirely different story [Big Grin] LOL).

Many marital problems can usually be traced back in origin to the onset of these dang-blasted TBDs! [shake]

I love you sweetie and I'm so sorry that you're overwhelmed!!! [kiss]

I hope that you can let that man know you NEED him & get him on the same page!!

hugs & prayers,
[group hug]

Posted by bejoy (Member # 11129) on :
Geneal, I went through a lot of what you are describing, myself. These days things look brighter. I hope they will for you, soon.

For example, there were times when my husband was too grumpy to be around, and I asked him to leave the house until he could pull it together. I told him I hoped he would be back soon.

It made him angry at first, but in the end he became a happier person by taking responsibility for how his behavior and mood was affecting others.

I think men especially need to feel in control. When things get out of hand with finances and health they often feel like less of a man, and then sometimes act that way.

Can I give you some advice?

Be really clear of what you want and need from your husband, and then hold your ground about it.

Make direct requests, like "I need," and "will you please today," and "would you please right now."

When you have confidence in him that he can be the man you know he is, he may just step up to the plate.

With all that is on your plate, you should not have to be the one to hold this vision of a good life and a good marriage. It really ought to be his turn.

I don't know him, but I do know you. You have the ability to call forth the best in another person, and to not put up with bad or unsupportive behavior in your home.

It's either him or the Cabana boys. And until they show up, it had better be him. (:

Love you!
Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :
Ticked-off...allow me.... [Wink]

Originally posted by ticked-offinNc:

You have always been the gold star of strength, and optimism. You are allowed to feel overwhelmed.

You have so much responsibility because you give so much to others, and always do the right thing, even down to worrying about a stray dog.

Your compassion is overwhelming.You are beloved by so many people.Your generosity is unlimited.

Even though you are sick with this disease, you always think of others first.

You ARE appreciated. You need to know that.

Some times it helps me to go sit with the goats and cows, by myself. They can always bring you a smile.

Your strength is still there. It just needs a rest sometimes.xoxoxox

Just so you know, you can always go back & click on the edit (paper&pencil) icon to fix a post when you did something differently than you meant to. [Wink]

Hope this was helpful.

[group hug]
Posted by ticked-offinNc (Member # 15420) on :
Thank you sweet Ali,

I will write that down, as I do it often, and dont have a brain to remember

Thank you
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
yes, thank you ali; well said ticked off!
Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :
That edit icon is one of this neuro-Lymie's best friends! [Wink]

That really was beautiful, BTW. [Big Grin]
Posted by Starfall1969 (Member # 17353) on :

So sorry you're going through this, hon.

You don't deserve this treatment.

I can relate to feeling unappreciated and just walked on--I go through it with my hubby and boys sometimes too.

It's been really rough lately with hubby out of work--he's just depressed and grumpy about not being able to find a job, and he's put out about 60 apps in 2 months.

And the past week, he's been sick, bronchitis or something.

Wouldn't go to the doctor because we have no insurance at the moment--paid for it, but they're back-looged right now, so it will take a while to get logged on the system....

And I'll be starting a job this Thursday--not sure I'm up to it, but I was offered a job and need to take it for income sake.

I keep thinking, now you'll see what it's like being home alone with the kids all day every day,

and having to get 2 kids ready and buckled into the car seats any time you want to go somewhere.

I just hope he won't expect me to cook dinner when I get home--although I guess that means a lot of pizza, mac and cheese, boiled potatoes, etc.

Anyway--hang in there sweetie. I'm praying for you!!!
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
I always say it, but have to say it again.

God surely brought me here and surely surrounded me with Angels.

You are all Angels of hope and love to me.

I just can't tell you how much your love and support mean to me.

I am so humbled by you all reaching out to me.

Thank you so much.

I am going to talk to him......soon.

He is obsessing about the race truck, race track, racing equipment....

I don't mind being the main bread winner.

He carried this family by himself for over two years when I couldn't help.

I just need the support that I gave him to do it.

So.....Hopefully will talk to someone about the job.

I think my gut says that my husband is really insecure.

Insecure about me needing him if I am the main money maker.

Insecure about me being around others including men at my job.

Insecure about me being able to do all of these things and more.

So...he uses situations as a set up. To throw me off balance.

That way he feels that he is in control.

Sad really.

I wish I could send him back to his mother, but they don't talk at all.

Despite a lifetime of Catholic education,

He is not a spiritual man.

I am going to put it out there.

Pray about the job and my situation here.

I thank you all for the laughs and the tears that I've gotten

From all of your wonderful, caring posts to me.

I hope that God let's me return just some of the blessings you've given me.


Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :

Most of us married our Dads.
Posted by lymednva (Member # 9098) on :
I should have been so lucky as to marry my dad. Mine died when I was 10, so didn't really remember too much about him. I married for the wrong reasons, but you couldn't have told me that at the time.

My marriage wasn't good almost from the beginning. But I believed marriage needed work from us and so stayed and tried to make it work, for way too long.

The best day in my life, although I didn't realize it at the time, was when he decided he was leaving.

It was the best thing for me and for the kids. They needed to see that I would not put up with his put downs any more.

I am much happier now, and will survive, one way or another.

Also, for the summer, it seems to me my brother had his daughters in a program through the schools when they were younger. They are not far from you, same parish. You might look into that.
Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :
Quick question:

Was HIS dad supportive of HIS wife?

If not, how did your DH feel about it?

If he didn't like it, he would likely be pretty upset to think that he's repeating his father's flaws or TURNING INTO HIS DAD.

If he thinks his father is wonderful, does no wrong, and would aspire to be like him that won't work. [Wink] LOL

Here's another one: [group hug]
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
Actually, he doesn't speak to or about his Dad or his Mom.

He used to. I've met both of them.

Of course he was handed everything on a silver platter.

His Mom used to be amazed that I was still around.

I told her it was because I don't need him.

Wanting and needing are two different things in my vocabulary.

He is a pretty good Dad. My children need that relationship.

I want them to have it.

I asked again tonight if he had looked at any of the summer camps.

No.....too busy looking at race car crap on the internet.

Yes, I left the camp site open.

Hopefully will speak to work this week and get things and hours squared away.

I would like to be at work early, by 6:30.

Camp starts at 8:00am.

If I get to work early, then I get to leave early

And still enjoy time with my children daily.

There is no enjoyment getting my two up, ready and going in the morning.

I should know. I do it every school day.

I wish just once he would get to enjoy the same

Beginning to my day.

I would much rather be the one picking up my children than bringing them.

Then I wouldn't get to work until 8:30.

Camp ends at 3:00pm.

Maybe I only need to work 6 hours a day.

Then I could do it all by myself.

I hope to find out this week.

I would rather by-pass my husband on the way to getting things handled,

Then wait for him to actually contribute.

I just waste so much valuable energy on that.

His parents as well as my parents were divorced.

My parents were not amicable and still aren't.

His parents are friends.

I wish he would treat. Night and day difference.

Like being with a different person entirely.

[group hug] [kiss]

I had to send some hugs and kisses back to you...

My Angels.


Posted by Zebco 33 (Member # 18376) on :
Geneal, I'm sorry your having such a crappy time.

When my daughter, who is turning 30 Arpil 18th of this month, came home from kindergarten, compained about some boys in her class, I responded simply: Boys are stupid.

No offense to the men on our forum.

But she calls me often when she's had it and says, Mom, your right, boys are stupid.

No mattere how old they are. Wait 'till they retire. Ho Boy!! It'll be okay. Hugs and prayers just for you sweetie. [group hug]
Posted by just don (Member # 1129) on :
if you put your foot down HARD,,,can you get him to treat??

CAN you tell him, successfully,that his kids need HIM to treat his ailments so he feels better and can be the BEST dad he can be ,,,for the KIDS sake??

ANY friends that can see the difference between when he is on abx and NOT???

SOMEHOW you HAVE to get it thru to him,,,its his idea,,,that helps. Even if it isnt,,he HAS to think so!!

Or can you SCARE him into getting back on abx?? After all whats the big deal with being on that,it isnt a BAD thing???

Do YOU need somebody else to talk to him?? (they can) Ask him IF he knows what he is risking by NOT popping a few LEGAL pills??

Dont let this be a wall built between the two of you. There are so MANY things worse out there,,you will get thru this too!!
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
Can you sneak some ABX into his food? I have plenty of extras.....we can talk.
Posted by bejoy (Member # 11129) on :
What if you pick the camp yourself, then just go to work at 6:30 and leave him to sort the rest out. It may be confusing for him at first, but he'll figure it if he has to.

Back when my husband was crabby and less than helpful, that's what I did. I took the early morning work shift, and it got him out and moving in the morning, instead of moping and leaving me to do it all.

(Please note, I believe in our case the crabbiness at the time was much related to sick house syndrome, and a severe reaction to molds.)

Then he worked afternoons, and I picked up the kids and got to hear about their day, and manage some things that mommies seem to do best.

We still do things that way, because we grew into liking the routine.

Okay, so that's just the logistics. Beyond that, you need to know you are loved. I'm sorry you have not been getting that at home lately!
Posted by map1131 (Member # 2022) on :
Some men are so stubborn about their health and listening to their bodies. Not in tune, except with what they want to tune into.

Geneal, sounds like you are married to one of those men.

It's really not fair for only one partner to be worried about finances. Sharing and caring financially is key to a good relationship.

I could get into my Dave Ramsey spill. I hear him talk to many woman on his radio program that carry a lot of the family financial burden, not just income, but making ends meet.

I wish you better days. You deserve more than you are getting. As others have said, you are a very giving soul.

Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
You my friends, have absolutely pulled my spirits

From the darkest of the dark, into bright, brilliant sunshine.

Thank you.

We did talk today. He finally looked at the Summer Camps.

Progress at last.

Now I am hoping and praying to get this job.

He didn't have any work today. [Frown]

I realize he feels that he has to be the main bread winner.

I told him that we are a family.

I am glad that I can help provide after being unable to

For over two years, for which he was the sole bread winner.

So.....buttered up his ego some.

Made him feel like it is his decision.

(Which he likes)

Now hopefully new channels of communication will grow.

Hopefully he will start taking some medicines.

Hopefully I will get the job.

Most of all, hoping my children really enjoy summer camp.

Going to a Lyme support group meeting tonight.

Always talk about my friends here on Lymenet.

Maybe meet somebody new to this board.

Some time away..... [Smile]


Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :

Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
geneal, loved how you made him think it was his idea.. [Smile] xox
Posted by mtree (Member # 14305) on :
[hi] Geneal...

yes...the secret to a good marriage....communication.... [bonk] ..

glad the two of you were able to talk....the more you don't talk...the more distance between's so hard though..especially with what you both are faced with.......keep that communication going though...if not for each other for your kids... [Big Grin] .....showing them how the two of you work things out is important...and how you treat each other...

hope you get the job!!
hope the kids like summer camp!!
hope your DH decides to go on treatment!!
hope better days ahead for you!!!

[group hug] mtree
Posted by CD57 (Member # 11749) on :
Geneal, I have to say also that you are one of the Angels on this board....have been through so much and carrying such a heavy load. I thank God for you!
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :

I will be sure to include you in my prayers.

I always enjoy reading your posts. You are always very helpful and kind to people.

You deserve a great life and a great marriage.

It can happen. I will also pray that God reveals himself to your husband.

Thank you for all you do to help others here on the board.

Wishing you only the best....just what you deserve.

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