I;m really not sure what to do anymore. I have been dealing with this disease for almost 3 years and it has completely ruined my life. I tried to stay positive but have given up.
The constant fatigue and pain would be enough on it's own but then when you throw in the fact the I work full time and go to school part time it unbearable worse. I have given up school and now I can barely keep my job.
I am suppose to be there now and can't stand to go back. I am completely suicidal at this point and am scared. I'm tired of no one believeing me or pretending they do.
My family isn't very supportive. They think I should just "try to get up" Like I'm NOT every day of my life for the past 3 years!!!
My job thinks I am just crazy even though before I got sick I was a great employee and they have seen how I have diminished. Where do you go when you are just ready to end it all.
The only thing that keeps me going anymore is the fact that I have a 5 year old brother who is the world to me and if I did anything to hurt myself it would hurt him. But I'm getting to the point where I'm starting not care anymore.
Posted by LightAtTheEnd (Member # 24065) on :
Hang on, Lymegirl!
Others will be along with some more advice for you. I just want to send you a hug and tell you to hang on, and do NOT give up.
This thread has the suicide prevention hotline, where you can call any time to talk to someone who WILL believe you and WILL find you some help.
You are NOT crazy. You are sick just like the rest of us, due to bacteria messing with your body.
The bacteria also mess with your head and make you feel more depressed than you would already from the frustration of the situation you're in. Don't let it win with the suicidal thoughts.
You are not alone in losing so much to your illness, and having an unsupportive family. Others here are going through the same thing.
Do you have an LLMD? Are you being treated for Lyme etc.? If you are continuing to get worse, then you need some competent medical help to get better.
If you need an LLMD, then post in "Seeking a Doctor," and someone will help you find one.
You hang onto some hope, and put a picture of your little brother right in front of you so you don't forget how much he loves you.
((((hugs))))
Light
Posted by Faith6 (Member # 14072) on :
I have felt like giving up this last year... I really didn't think I would still be alive right now because of all my medical problems.
At least temporarily they have turned around a little. Right now I am able to do some things again and have hope!
When things look the worst I can't see past the present. My physical pain clouds my thinking.
I know I have hope of heaven. It's the hope for this life that I have at times found hard.
It will get better!
Posted by Topaz (Member # 20216) on :
Know that whatever you are going through right now is temporary. NOTHING is forever and life is long! This thought always helps me through tough times.
Yes, lyme treatment is a looong haul. And it feels like forever. But there will be a time when you will start feeling better. And better, and better.
Hang in there. You are not alone. *hugs* to you.
Posted by Lymegirl82 (Member # 21864) on :
Thank you guys. I am just really at the end of my rope. I'm so tired of being tired and hurting all the time.
Plus worring about my job and how I'll survive. It's just literally driving me insane.
It's just really hurtfull when you are always there for your family and now that I need then they don't attempt to even educate themselves about what I am going through.
I don't know what to do about my job. I only just came back 5 months ago from being out on disability for 3 months (for the second time) because of this.
It kill to go back and hear people talk about how I'm not there and make jokes about it. It's like no one cares at all. I'm pretty much sick of everyone.
Posted by BugBarb (Member # 210) on :
Lymegirl, I came to this site today because I'm having a hard time too. I have diabetes as well as lyme. Lately my blood sugar numbers are higher than is good, a combination of being sick, not exercising and just eating to feel better.
This is my second infection with Lyme. The first time, I really was suicidal. Fortunately, I was seeing a therapist and she sent me to a psychiatrist who put me on antidepressant medication. I regained the will to live.
You need to take advantage of everything that is available to you so you can keep fighting. If you aren't already seeing a psychiatrist and therapist, make an appointment. If you aren't already on antidepressant medications, be open to them when you see the psychiatrist.
You need to use every tool that is available so you can keep fighting.
People are ignorant. People make jokes about things because they don't understand them. How many times have you heard, "Well, you look good!" Yeah, I think it is a universal thing.
We have a disability that is often invisible. Other people are incapable of understanding. It isn't that they don't care. I think that they have not been taught how to understand something they can't see. It would be so much easier if we had a cast on or braces on our legs.... people would have something tangible, something they could see.
There is strength in numbers. Find a support group in your area. Find other people in your area who have Lyme. Meet with them. My first lyme infection, I started the first support group for lyme in my area. Somebody else took it over because I couldn't maintain it, but the point is.... there wasn't a group... I made one. Like AA, being with other people who understand makes all the difference in the world. Accept the fact that your family and coworkers aren't capable of understanding. Find people who are. Meet with them. Trust me. It makes all the difference in the world.
This is my second infection with Lyme. This is my second time I have had to stop working because of Lyme. I know the path that lies ahead of me, recovery-wise. Been there, done that.....it helps some knowing what lies ahead.
I'm going to send you a private message.
Look at my membership number 210. I have been around a long time. A really, really long time. I had lyme. I got treated. I got well. I was fine. I got reinfected. Crap! Now I'm getting treated again.
Posted by DaveNJ (Member # 17362) on :
BugBarb,
Thank you...i needed to hear that today as well.
Dave
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
lymegirl,
I agree that you must take a few vital steps:
1. Get an appt with a psychiatrist asap! If you already have one, great....but your meds need adjusted if you are already on something....it's not effective enough.....if you are not on meds...get on something fast for depression.
tell the psychiatrist that you are suicidal.
2. Get a LLMD or update your LLMD (not sure if you have one right now). Tell him you are very depressed and suicidal.
3. Write down the phone # of the Suicide prevention hotline and keep it with you.
1-800-273-8255
Call them anytime you are feeling suicidal. They are there to talk to you anytime.
4. Remember that others here have felt the exact same way. They got meds to manage their depression and got better.
5. Your little brother loves you. He would be severely psychologically devastated for the rest of his life if you took your own life. Don't do that to him.
FOR HIM, you must get help immediately!!!
6. We are all here for you.....we REALLY do understand when no one else does.
7. God loves you and wants you to live. He wants you to have faith and hope. He wants you to do everything in your power to get better and be there for your little brother.
PLEASE.....Make the calls....and I will pray for you.
Posted by trishee (Member # 9699) on :
Giving up is easy and it lets the bugs win! You are a warrior and life will be worth living. finding a therapist who is lyme literate will help and making sure you are getting treatment will eventually change your life for the better. Lyme disease association website can help you find a LL therapist and doctor. Your thoughts, your pain, is what Tick Borne disease does to a body. The real you is inside waiting to be healed. Together we fight this! You are not alone. contact me anytime. Blessings, Trish "Ribbons Across America" www.S-L-A-M.org Posted by BugBarb (Member # 210) on :
Hey there, I'm serious about what I said in the private message. Call me any time between 9am and 9pm california time. If I'm home, I'll talk. If you don't call me, call somebody else.
Posted by ticked-offinNc (Member # 15420) on :
You ok Lymegirl? Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you, and that today was a little better.
Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
Lymegirl,
We understand where you are coming from, and have been in the 'valley' you are in.
There is hope, and things do get better. It's a tough disease. Hang in there and get some help from a counselor if you can, as some others have suggested.
Antidepressants can be a big help to lift you out of the pit you're in.
Take care and God bless; you will be in our prayers.
Posted by Lymegirl82 (Member # 21864) on :
Thanks you to evryone who posted. I honestly don't know what I would do with out the support that I get from comming to this site.
I have been REALLY sick for the past week. mucsle pain and crazy severe migraines.
Still feeling really bad but trying to follow everyones advise.
Had to have my mom drive me to the doc. turned out to be a good thing. The NP really sat down and told her about this disease.
I'm going out on temp diasabilty and she gave me the number of someone to talk to. Which I'll be doing asap!
Thank all of you so much for guving me someone to turn to. I'd be lost without all of you guys and your prays and support.
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
Lymegirl,
Thank you for coming back and giving us an update....we were worried!!!
I am glad you got to the Dr's office and the NP explained your illness to your Mom.
I'm also glad you are going out on temp disability. You need time to get some help for depression, etc.
Let us know that you have gotten an appt with a psychiatrist....you need someone who can prescribe meds.
Would your Mom be willing to sign up on lymenet and read/post so she can understand even more and help you better?
Do you have anything for the migraines and other pain?
One step at a time....but you are moving in the right direction now!!!
I will continue to pray for you. Keep coming back here....we are here for you.
Posted by Silverwolf (Member # 9196) on :
<<<<< Lymegirl >>>>>,
It can seem so overwhelming, please keep coming here, venting,and asking questions!!!
The folk here are very helpful and kind... so don't give up... glad things are at least a little better!!!
I've been more tired and confused than usual from stresses...I'll keep you in tho't and prayer!
Just Silverwolfi here
Posted by sometimesdilly (Member # 9982) on :
Lymegirl-
i'm glad you're finding such good support here! so many caring people..
we're fortunate to have each other, because everyone who fights this disease for a long time needs that support at one point or another...