i have been feeling like its time to leave this place now. it hurts so much and when i tell anyone their eyes just glaze over.
they are tired of caring for me.
i was married and he took all my money and home leaving me and 2 kids in care of my parents who dont get what llyme disease is. i sent my mom the under our skin movie and she refused to watch it. said she didnt need to be depressed. she always calls my doctor a quack, although he is the best doc in the world, id say and im from nor cal so you know who i am talking of, the only great doc here is doc h.
my best friend turned boyfriend just left me by text after 3 years saying he just cant take all the sickness i have, it makes him too depressed.in fact, apparently i drove him to drink and do drugs he says, although he did them before he met me, iim told. i can tell my kids are tired of me and dont respect me anymore.thier real dad is a jerk but watches them every other weekend.
if you can belive it my mom and stepdad just changed their phone number, yes, cell and home, b/c they are tired i guess, of all the sickness. i was in such shock from that ... i still cant believe someone could be so mean.
so why do i stay? i am nothing but bad news and burden to all. this is not a complaint. how could all these people be wrong? i get it. i hear you all.
i have tried to cut my writs but just ended up with bandages that i hide. this is no life for anyone, and no one wants to be around me. its time, i see that. i reallly am sorry, i never meant to be a hardship on anyone... i swear. i must add that when i needed my gallbladder out you all supported me so much and i knwo you all get it, its just you all dont live in my life, and i am so lonely that i just cant take another day any moer. really. i just kont care at all.
Posted by lyme987 (Member # 22148) on :
Please stay with us! I know how hard this can be. We are all here for you. If nothing else think about your kids - What will happen to them?
Yes, this can be a lonely road and I have been there too. Did you call the suicide hotline?
Here's the number 1-800-794-2433
Also you need a support group ASAP. I see you are in Northern CA. I can try and find out some info if you want to PM me and tell me where you are.(what county or town)
PLEASE STAY WITH US! IT will get better!
SEnding you my prayers!!! Posted by Topaz (Member # 20216) on :
They ARE all wrong. You are not bad news or a burden. You are ill. And they are not being supportive and understanding. I don't care HOW long an illness lasts, they are supposed to be there for you.
Unfortunately, they are behaving like so many of our friends and families do. There are many posts on here about unsupportive families/friends.
I'd like to think I would not behave this way if the roles were reversed. As a matter of fact, I know I wouldn't.
It stinks. Please don't give up. Come on here and we will support you and empathize with you. Because WE get it.
In another thread, it was mentioned that we often don't share how we are truly feeling with friends and family.
I don't know if that's good or bad but it's what a lot of us eventually do. You can only take so much eye-glazing!
Now when someone asks me how I'm feeling, I just say I'm o.k. and that treatment is progressing.
It's sad that it has to be that way.
I feel for you and am sorry for all of the hardships this disease is causing you, but know that you WILL get well. Hang in there. *hugs*
Posted by merrygirl (Member # 12041) on :
suicide is a not the answer. your kids need you to be there for them. so that Idea is out!
please try to hang on. You will get through this.
call the number that was given to you and call your llmd and let them know how you are feeling mentally , thats important.
pm me anytime
melissa
Posted by mtree (Member # 14305) on :
I am so very sorry you are feeling like this..... So many of us do.......it is a lonely disease...
.... we have to keep fighting if for nothing else.. each other...
It's hard.....
We have to be each other's family and friends...... Support each other...comfort each other... Sometimes all we can do is listen to each other...
..we know your pain...physically,mentally and emotionally.....
We suffer with you and are here for you.... ...even if it is in silence... ... we are here....
Please talk with your LLMD and let them know how sad you are ....the medication might be making you feel like this...
Hang in there..... It'll get better.....we need to be strong for each other.....
mtree
please keep reaching out to us and letting us know how you are....
Posted by METALLlC BLUE (Member # 6628) on :
I can seriously relate. I felt this way in the past and it was brutal. I was treated the same way too. Right down to having my finance leave me (and steal my SSI Retractive money from our account).
I hope you take my comments sincerely. You aren't in the wrong. You are ill, illness is a burden for everyone surrounding the person, as well as the person who is ill.
It's not "you", it's the disease which everyone is tired of. If you can separate those concepts then you'll come to realize that you're worth fighting for.
I have a counselor I turn to just to help me cope with the chronic illness and the symptoms. I complain, get angry, and vent -- as well as express my depression and other feelings to her, and she is perfectly ok with it.
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
wrote you a long email and then lost it.
Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you.
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
Please remember that God loves you and understands your burdens.
We all have experienced this treatment to some degree.
Your kids love you and need you. It would be emotionally devastating for them to lose you.
Please do what ever it takes to keep going....
Suicide hotline above
Support groups
Call churches until you find one where a pastor/priest will visit you if you can't get out..they can pray with you and give you hope and support.
Come here more often...we care.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist and taking antidepressants?
If not, please call your LLMD and tell him you are not coping well, are suicidal and need a psychiatrist to help you immediately.
If you are already taking something, call the prescribing Dr and tell him it is not working for you and you need a med change.
Hope is essential. Please take these steps right now to help yourself get to the point where you can cope.
Let us know what steps you have taken to get help, please.......we care.
Posted by sixgoofykids (Member # 11141) on :
I'm sorry those closest to you are letting you down. That is wrong on many levels. So many levels.
Please keep the suicide hotline number handy. Just the fact you are telling us this makes me believe you know you have a reason to live. Your children need you especially if you're ex is not the greatest dad in the world. Kids get tired of healthy parents .... that's just kids. They want to rule the world and they think they know everything!
Keep fighting. I've won this battle and there was a point I prayed for death. I never was suicidal, I just wanted God to either take me or make me better, I didn't care which. I get it.
My step-father has stage 4 cancer right now. He and my mom (sisters, too) were not there for me at all when I was sick, not only that, they didn't believe me.
I'm having a little trouble even thinking to ask how his treatment is going. I guess I've forgotten that I'm supposed to care about them still. They became strangers .... other people became friends. I know how some of my Lyme friends are doing and check in on them, but not my own family member. Be open to new relationships, don't beat a dead horse with the old ones. It seems they may never understand, but there are people who do and people who care, including the people on the other side of the suicide hotline.
Posted by Karen Mc (Member # 23354) on :
I sure hope you're doing better. Everyone above has given great advice...basically everything I would have wanted to say.
It isnt you and you are ill...find a church and support group and continue to try to surround yourself with others that do understand.
You can not change people..
I to am like sixgoofykids...I'm not suicidal but there are numerous times I wish the Lord would just take me as it gets so hard...but then the next day...I feel alittle better...the sun comes out...I hear a bird outside my window. (:
I believe God has a reason for us...it may take longer than we want to get better but HE will not forsake us.
Please hang in there....there are HUNDREDS of people here as close as your keyboard willing to talk...give a hug or just listen...
As bad as I HATE being ill...and I've lost most of my past life I feel sorry for those around us...as they just don't get it.
I truly understand now what people in chronic pain goes through.
I hope you're having a better evening...I will be praying for you.
Karen (: Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
OK...sending my imaginary limo and driver over to pick you up and take you away....
Where would you like to go?
When you get back, you will find your kids happy as they too have had a great time someplace away from it all too.
You and the kids will have your own safe, quiet place to live...
You have people who support you
A good LLMD...oops..I think I read your have a good LLMD. Big plus there.
Any other ideas??
Posted by mtree (Member # 14305) on :
please let us know how you are doing....
mtree
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Hi - lots of us are going through what you're going through, which essentially is abandonment -
which is very unfortunate, as others have said here - it's not our fault, being sick - I agree with others here who have said that we are separate from our illnesses -
what we need is treatment and understanding - and it is we who need to define what we need, not others who don't understand -
I'm in Norcal too - am wondering where you are, and whether you can get to one of our support groups in the area - am pm'ing you - Robin
Posted by MDW005 (Member # 22706) on :
This is so difficult for me to comprehend...
My family has always been at my side with open arms... we stick together...my neighbors always ask me how I am feeling.
I am so sorry you don't have support from your family.
Well... you have a big circle of friends and family here.
Don't give up!! talk to us , we care.
Diane
Posted by kidsgotlyme (Member # 23691) on :
Has anybody heard from TheView??
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
Sent pm yesterday but have not heard back yet.
Posted by daisyrlb (Member # 15686) on :
theview you're in my prayers.
Posted by sunshine32274 (Member # 24771) on :
Praying for you. I am in the same situation with my family.....you will make it!!!!!
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
Sending PM again this morning. I wish we would hear from the View and that his or her view has changed.
Posted by dj (Member # 20969) on :
Hang in there - it can be a confusing, sad journey...but we're all here to support one another.
Please check out this website - it helped me and I got a free book when I emailed them.
Does anyone know this person to call on the phone? Or perhaps a patient of Dr. H might read this and mention it to him, maybe figure out who it is.
Great advice given here, hope she is reading it.
Let us hear from you, view.
Posted by Dawn in VA (Member # 9693) on :
Prayers, thoughts, and hugs to you as you go through this hard time. Please hang in there. We understand.
If you feel up to it, PM me your phone number. I promise no preaching, judgement, or yammering- just ears wide open to listen.
Posted by 2young2die (Member # 25434) on :
I understand the hopelessness. I was just diagnosed with ALS and Lyme. I can't stand the thought of slowly being paralyzed until I choke to death. Why wait? My father commited suicide and I always thought it was my fault. Maybe he had Lyme disease too, in 1971. I have to keep trying. You keep trying to you.
Posted by littlebit27 (Member # 24477) on :
Bump to see if original poster will come back and post again.
I'm so sorry you are going through this...even though the original post is from months ago.
My mom is a RN and doesn't believe in Lyme. When I talk about my pain or illness she just says "uh-huh" and changes the subject.
Husbands supports me as much as he can. And my kids are young so they really don't understand mom is sick.
Posted by kellephant (Member # 24885) on :
i think everything i have to say has already been said, but please don't do anything to harm yourself
i am going to pray that your life completely turns around for the better soon, and that God sends you comfort and a much needed support system!
i think we ALL can relate to you in some degree... hang in there!
![[kiss]](graemlins/kissing.gif)
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
mtree![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Big plus there.![[Frown]](frown.gif)