This is topic Can't do this!!! HELP!! in forum General Support at LymeNet Flash.

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Posted by sunshine32274 (Member # 24771) on :
I have been sick for over four years in August it would be one year since I began receiving treatment for Lyme. My mind is not right and forgive me if my thoughts are all over the place because I am not sleeping again. I don't think I have any fight left in me. I have no desire to live anymore. I have gone through so much in the past four years, as though having Lyme is not enough. I have lost my father, grandma, dog, relationships, job, school, insurance, friends and everything else an individual can lose.
I am newly married and I can't believe he has stood by me through all of this. I think I am finally breaking. I am a strong person but I don't have any strength or desire to continue my life this way. THIS IS NOT LIVING....THIS IS HELL...
I tried to make plans for my future but I don't have the energy and I don't know what the future holds for me. I am trying to go back to school, however how can I finish when I can't even spell or understand things? I had managed to continue working and school until last August I just couldn't do it anymore. I pretended for so long and my body just shut down. I am in complete financial ruins and I don't care except the stress of this is taking a toll on my marriage. I wish my husband could feel like I do for one day, although I would never wish this disease on anyone I just want him to understand why I can't get out of bed, why I can't work, why I can't stand being around people or noise, why I can't remember things or even do simple daily chores, why i am in pain 24 hours a day, why my head hurts so bad that it brings me to my knees and that is just a few things.
I have 4 shots left and I am not sure what I am going to do after that. My insurance doesn't cover Bicillan injections and 10 shots are 750.00 and we don't have it. I might have to go back to work just so I can afford the medicine. Of course I was denied disability, "although your case is severe, we believe you are capable of working a job that doesn't require you to do much work" What type of job would that be?? What a joke. I have worked since I was 16 and I am now 36 and never needed help before and now that I do I can't get it.
I had a family crisis in the last two weeks and it has taken me back to the beginning again. I have been so preoccupied with others that I have not taken care of myself in the past two weeks. I just want to stay in bed and wake up when I am better.
I am looking at my IGeneX test and don't really know what it means but I will list the results and if anyone can explain to me what all these numbers mean I would appreciate. I have NO SUPPORT, my immediate family thinks this is just a joke and not only do I have it my brother does too. My mother and brother understand because they have seen me suffer so so much. You would think that my other siblings would feel some type of compassion for us but they don't. I am just taking all these pills for no reason at all...Right? I have lost everything just to pretend that something is wrong. Why would anyone do that it doesn't make sense.


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Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
You aren't done fighting. The stress of your situation and pushed you back. The same thing happened to me and I feel like you plenty of times. So do alot of people here. count on your husband for support. Everyone on this forum is there to listen, and support and feel like us. I used to say one day at a time, now its one minute at a time. Take it minute by minute and pray. You'll get through this.
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
I did a post in General Support saying"How do you keep from breaking down" and got some really useful responses. If you can read it, I did it two weeks ago, its helpful. I could feel this way tomorrow, or 10 minutes from now. Minute by minute.
Posted by merrygirl (Member # 12041) on :
well your igenex test is positive,

Are you herxing? i found that with severe herxing my mental health would go downhill.

its ok to take depression meds. Are you in pain? its ok to get pain meds. I say this because some people will make you feel bad about taking certain meds.

if you feel suicidal call the prevention line.

hang in there.

Posted by just don (Member # 1129) on :
there ARE cheaper places to buy the IM meds you are using.. Others have,,,so can you.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Your test result is HIGHLY POSITIVE. The good news is that your immune system is still working! The test shows that you are making antibodies.

Are you taking anti-depressants? Your not sleeping may indicate that you need some help there. The same thing happened to me many years ago and once I got on anti-deps I was able to sleep and the whole world got better!!

Hang in there, sweetie!! Please call the suicide hotline.

Here's the number

[group hug]
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Where's sunshine?? You OK??
Posted by MDW005 (Member # 22706) on :
Sunshine, thats a great name. Please come back so we know you are strong and fighting. you don't have to be strong all the time it's ok... but, YOU must NEVER GIVE UP that is not an option.
Posted by DaveNJ (Member # 17362) on :

as bad as it is please remember its not forever...just feels like it is. Keep your chin up...sometimes the disease does our thinking and talking....its not you. Keep reminding yourself of this and get ****ed at the disease and keep fighting.


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