This is topic Question on Getting Healthier -[ Religion issues] Handling Stresses from Conflicts in forum General Support at LymeNet Flash.

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Posted by Silverwolf (Member # 9196) on :
<<<<< Lyme Family,And Especially those of Faith >>>>>,

-1st, if this isn't the correct place for this, I don't mind it being moved...but I hope it is as stresses can cause us so many issues.-

-2nd ,my question mark button on keyboard isn't working...-

Problem : A couple years back,we *resigned as 'Pastoral couple' of a church, actually *we were forced out*...because we refused to argue and cause a threatened split,

[and because some of the more influential folk didn't want a pastor,and wife fighting illness,and serving in their church] .

A 2nd church group where we used to work previously,felt the group who forced our resignation had 'stolen us away'... not true...we couldn't handle the infighting any longer.

We tho't things were finally settled to some state of normalcy...wanted to try to fellowship w/ another different group . It has taken us a bit to decide to get our feet back in the water so to speak.

But we found out about 6wks ago ,there is still an issue, I try to ignore the gossip,because we know what truly went on in both churches.

I'll make do as best I can,but folk here in area wouldn't even pray for TxC' and that bothers me...a lot...he is in rehab out of state and will be for weeks,after recent surgery on his knee.

We have prayerfully done the best we were able to, during the loss of family members [my mom,and uncle died during the church mess]

,and jobs [both secular and ministry wise] and housing...w/ both of us ill and TxC having lost the sight in one eye among other problems.

I wont give more details...not here to be a tale-bearer... I just don't know how to handle it anymore... If not for my young neighbor gal...and y'all I don't know what I would do...

I really do try to ignore the gossipy-garbage...but it is pervasive... it makes me feel very alone...even tho' i know I am not really alone...

The problems have caused much stress...counseling isn't an option at this much as I wish it was...

I know that we did our best before Creator... but I don't know how to resolve the stress and mental pain this has caused...

Anyone been thru something similar that has any tho'ts .7.

Thanks for any tho'ts and suggestions that might be of help...

Jus' Silverwolfi
Posted by Silverwolf (Member # 9196) on :
For Clarification we wanted to go to a different church[a 3rd]...but this turned out has folk related to those in the other two embattled churches...

-*Now I mean nothing negative against small towns...there is that 'small town everyone knows each others business' in the church realm here...

this whole deal stems from 3 churches w/in an hour of one another...

I don't want to fight, or take over anything...I want to get as well as we are able..and fellowship and learn... and love the Lord and his people...

but how to do so...when garbage seems to be spewed back at us at every bend and turn, I just don't know anymore .7.

*** editing and adding tho'ts: Perhaps it is that we feel pushed away and shunned,Lyme Disease is already so isolating...

it gets difficult to know what to to get thru it...and get on w/ healing...stress and mess just isn't good for anyone!

Silverwolfi... is it clear as mud yet [confused]
Posted by MDW005 (Member # 22706) on :
Silverwolf... I don't have an answer for you.

Just wanted to let you know I hear your pain.

Three churches... Those people don't sound very christian to me.
Sounds like they go to listen and speak gossip instead of listening to the lord and speaking his words.

So sorry. BTW, how is TxC?


[ 05-19-2010, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: MDW005 ]
Posted by valeriedc (Member # 24950) on :
Sounds painful and unending.

Give it all to God. When I can do that (not so simple for me), a certain peace returns and I can focus other matters. I am grateful on so many levels when I can do this.

Wishing you Peace and Divine Healing.
Posted by Silverwolf (Member # 9196) on :
<<<<< MDW005 and Valerie' >>>>>.

Thanks for the tho'ts and input. Each time I think that we've got it all under control,given to the Lord,and are 'on our way'...something happens yet again...That makes it hard to be at peace...

I am just not sure of how to handle it any more.

I've prayed and cried, tried to see if there was some lesson I needed to learn,and learn it as quick as possible etc.

Perhaps there might be a lesson: maybe some of these folk aren't 'happy' unless they are miserable and critical...and trying to make others feel down and discouraged.

The lesson: we all have failings, we all may have down times, but faith in a 'system' can become a toxic thing... when the failings continue to be perpetuated.

God is love... we should be loving as much as possible.. as a Christian,I am called to love and to encourage others and myself too.

When churches and other groups [I am generalizing], are inundated by gossip and constant criticism...something is very very wrong...there is a failing somewhere.

I don't want to be a perpetrator of toxicity...I want to get as healthy as possible and help others to do the same.

We've been told since much of the mess occurred that these are troubled churches indeed. I am hoping some way occurs to help them to see past the toxicity gossip and criticism.

I doubt it'll be thru I cannot handle being around them...the negativity makes me feel ill.

---As for TxC' he is toiling away at a rehab center in Salt Lake City Area, trying to get some strength back and prepare for the next surgery,for the left knee next time.

Hopefully he can gain the strength quickly as he re-learns to walk...not an easy process as he hasn't walked properly in many years they say.
I miss him greatly, and wish I could see him more than once a week.

I am grateful that most weeks I at least get to see him for a couple hours on a Sunday. I noted that he had his unusual first name,and a last initial on the room door.

So if some of the toxic folk in this mess, [relatives who happen to live in SLC area] are out to visit someone else...they cannot antagonize him!!!

TxC and I are trying to stay away from the toxic-ity and go on as best we can.

So that's how things are at the moment while we wait and try to heal...

Jus' Silverwolfi... trying to learn to rest in the Lord!
Posted by MDW005 (Member # 22706) on :
Dearest Silverwolf,

Maybe you can sit in a park and feed the ducks and listen to God's little creatures. Theres harmony in all of them.

I agree... stay away from negativity, they suck up too much energy that needs to be saved for yourself. I am praying for you and TxC.

Posted by O2Btickfree2 (Member # 9742) on :
Silver Wolf i am a pastor wife dealing with the same issues you are. It is not easy its very hard when people just dont understand. We were blessed with a church that was very supportive. Only one person i felt put preasure on me. However its not the same where we are now. Its hard enough dealing with lyme and everything that goes along with it but to deal with people who are suppose to act like christians and don't its even harder. But that said i know my GOD will prevail either move us to a place that will love us for who we are and appreciate what we have to offer or give us the grace to see us threw. I will pray for you and pray for me. I have another pastors wife who has lyme also we talk frequently just to have someone who understands the preasures we face. Please feel you can keep in touch with me if you would like.
Posted by sammy (Member # 13952) on :
Silverwolf, I wish I had some useful advice or wisdom to share with you. One day you will be able to look back on this situation and you will see how God carried you through and what you learned.

I think, what more can you do than to seek to glorify God, to serve, obey, and honor Him in any and all situations. It sounds like you and TxC are trying your best.

God never promised us that life would be easy. The Bible often mentions suffering.

People tell me "God never gives you more than you can handle". I think that this is untrue. God has given me more than I can handle. Because of this, I have had and am learning more everyday how to rely on Him. I cannot make it on my own. I can't but God can. He's the one that gives me breath and lets me wake up each morning.

Silverwolf, I think that you should just keep doing your best to try to seek and serve Christ in your daily life. The rest will follow.

As for the people that speak poorly of you and treat you badly, I don't know what to say. Let God deal with them. If you have to interact with them, kill them with kindness? It's worth a try!

Sometimes, when I am feeling down, thinking alot about me and the situation that I am in, I need reminded to look outside of myself.

Take a look around you. Do you support/pray for/follow any foreign missionaries? It encourages me and humbles me to hear stories of what God is doing around the world. Remember our brothers and sisters in Christ. You can sign up for email news alerts from Voice of the Martyrs(there are many other mission groups on the web too).

When you read some of the things that others are going through, from miracles to tragedies, it will encourage you and break your heart, you will probably cry ( I do...). But this is a good thing. We can't ignore what is going on. We need to pray hard and support our brothers and sisters in Christ. We may not be able to afford to help monetarily or be well enough physically to serve but we can always pray. God is listening.

Silverwolf, be encouraged, God will provide, He will carry you through this.

*Hugs* I didn't mean to write such a long reply.
Posted by daisyrlb (Member # 15686) on :
Silverwolf, it is quite hurtful to go through experiences like that. So sorry for the anguish it has caused you and your family.

Several scriptures come to my mind that have encouraged me and still encourage me as I go through the ups and downs in this life.

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18

That above verse gives me great peace. I am ONLY responsible for my words and actions. Not any other person. Whew, what a relief, huh?! I do my part to live at peace, if other person(s) do not accept it, or behave unseemly--that is between them and God. I can stand before my God "clean" and MOVE ON to please my God. Life is just to short to stay stuck in THAT cycle. If the other person wants to waste their life in "past garbage" that is their choice. Unfortunately many people choose to "live" there.

"When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies live at peace with him." Proverbs 16:7

What a great verse! Awesome God, He has my back covered.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Yup, another great verse. ALL THINGS God works for good--ALL THINGS. I like to say that my God is so Almighty Big that He is able to make all things Alrighty! And He does!!!!

Praying that The Almighty Big God whispers to your heart--Everything WILL BE Alrighty--and gives you His peace and JOY!
Posted by kgg (Member # 5867) on :
Silverwolf, I am so sorry for your pain. I have found over the years that the churches shoot their wounded. It is especially painful for those in leadership.

When I have been hurt by people in the church, I get really disappointed and resentful towards these people who claim to love God. I know we are all flawed and they can love God and still behave as they do. But my first response is to focus on their bad behavior. I get myself out of it by focusing solely on the attributes of God.

When my mind feels stuck on the hurt and what I would really like to say [cussing] , I force myself to meditate on God's character.

We have found that God defends us when we cannot defend ourselves. My failing is that I want Him to do it quicker than He does! (Actually, lightning comes to mind.... [Wink] ) The truth will win out. These people will go on and argue about something else once they tire of you.

I have seen God remove His lamp stand from these churches. I have heard that they have gone on to split about something that does not involve me. And I have seen them go on as a dysfunctional church totally ineffective for the Lord.

As far as fellowship, I would perhaps try to connect with the other two pastor's wives here on Lymenet. Is there a local Bible study that you can join that is not church affiliated? Or an online community?

When we changed churches we had a meeting with the pastor to give him a heads up as to why we were there. His response was that it did not matter about the past, he was the shepherd of that local church and we his sheep. And he did protect us from gossip and from the other leadership who contacted him about us. This is to let you know that God will defend. And there is a place for you. It is just hard to find it.

Take you time. Heal. Focus on God and His word. Learn the "what" of this situation. And then move on.

An old book that I found very helpful at the time was called, "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse".
Perhaps it would be helpful to you.

Cyber hugs,
Posted by Silverwolf (Member # 9196) on :
<<<<< MDW00', O2B', Sammy, daisy' and kgg >>>>>,

Thank You for the various comments,and ideas and the prayers !!!

I will look for a copy of that book on Spiritual Abuse...someone may carry it here... it'll be awhile before I can get it...but good to know it is there.

The scriptures posted were excellent and most helpful!!!

I needed a way to substitute the painful words we've heard w/ something else...what better than Gods Word!!!

It seems that lately w/ Neuro-borealiasis my brain gets stuck on any recent negatives.

I get into to switch tracks to something more positive!!! Gotta be a more positive place to dwell.

TxC' and I also have some friends that we pray for, and that was another good suggestion!!!!

Two different families we know, have folk educated in the medical field,both for work in our country and in other nations.

They fight disease, misconception and sometimes dangerous rebels to help a healthful way of living,physically ,mentally and spiritually.

We have friends and relatives in other nations as well as here,working to bring help and the hope of Gods love to all they can reach.

They do need prayer, for safety,for peace,for energy, and to stay healthy themselves.

I got to talk to someone I haven't seen in years, this morning by phone !!! She said: ' take care of you,and your relationship to God, do the best you can...and you gotta let God handle the rest' !!!

Another friend,I don't get to hear from but rarely, says...

' We shouldn't give a fetid dingoes kidney what others may think of us... only what our Creator,our loved ones, and we ourselves think what you know is the right thing to do,and don't worry what others think or say!!! '[Can you tell she's Australian [Smile] ].

Not always easy,but I need to be reminded of this sometimes!

Thanks again for the tho'ts and suggestions... now I have some positive fuel to fight the negatives with!!!

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