Some people like peach pie, some like butterflies. Some like playing golf, some like to water ski.
I like doors.
And my doors are really special. They don't just sit there waiting on me every day to come to them. No, I am convinced they actually plan for my arrival.
For example, the bedroom door waits for me to try to get through it each night. Just as I reach for the handle, it magically moves. Pretty clever trick... if you like cracked finger nails.
The screen door in the kitchen is lovable, but kind of scary too. In a rather rude fashion it closes quickly and smacks me in the ankle as I try to scoot through. Of course, it only does it when I am bare foot.
Although the bathroom door is twice as wide as I am, it shrinks to be 1/2 my size just at the moment I try to go through it. Luckily, there is a mirror in the bathroom so I can check my shoulders to see if they dislocated.
The closet doors love both my lower arm and that soft spot on my hand under my thumb. When pushing them shut I somehow manage to pinch my skin as I give them that last little umph to close them tightly. At least I am lucky enough to have a choice of clothing inside that match the blood blisters.
The LR sliding glass door, yes it is always waiting and ready for me too. The funny thing is, it seems to know how to stop sliding at the exact moment I try to push it open and walk through it. A wrist twister for sure.
And my favorite, the car door. It sometimes forgets to tell me to remove my fingers when I slam it shut. It forgot again just last week. Reminding that door to tell me to move my fingers doesn't seem to help. Even if I yell at it!
But the best trick my doors have pulled on me happened today. I had my arms loaded with stuff I was carrying inside and that sliding glass door was ready and waiting for me.
Somehow it managed to slide shut with my whole hand still in it.
It happened so fast I didn't realize it was holding my hand and I kept walking. That made for a nice double back flip with groceries flying all over the place.
I am wondering tonight if the sliding door was trying to impress the car door, you know, trying to out do it? A door contest?
And from the looks of my hand, I am going to have to pick out a special matching outfit to wear tomorrow. If the closet doors don't bite me (again) and leave me with pink and red blood blisters, you'll be able to spot me.
I'll be the one whose right hand is black and twice the size of her left white hand.... and I'll be wearing a black and blue outfit.
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
I think it's called a haz door suit.
And for all that, you win a special vacation trip to Door County, WI.
Posted by TnFlowerChild (Member # 24717) on :
I have a "Magic Door" (aka doggie door)!
I can carefully put a dog bone (aka cookie) about half-way up between the rubber flap and the sidewall, and it... ever so gently... is pulled through to the other side - like Magic!!!
I need to video tape it one day - it is really funny to watch! But, I guess I'm easy to entertain!
TC - I have a door handle that loves me too! If I walk past it with loose clothing on, it somehow manages to grab 'ahold and jerk me back to it! What is with them????
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
I'll hope Robin 245345 wins a trip to Disney Land... cause my bet is she would like to spend some time with someone MORE Goofy than she is! Two peas in a pod!
Door, Wisconsin? It'd be the death of me, no doubt silly girl.
TFC-
Laughing here... and thinking if you do tape it, you gotta show me! That IS amazing!
And all I can come up with is that those door handles have a thing for us... they must think we are sweet.
At least that sounds better than saying we are an "accident waiting for a place to happen!"
In fact, that was my nick name growing up!
I can hear Daddy now.. "Hey you, the accident looking for a place to happen, come here."
PS... I have a kitchen drawer next to the stove that catches my pants belt loops and loose shirts darn near each time I walk past. You'd think MAYBE I'd change the handle.. or at least think to do it before now.
That WILL go on my "list of things to do".
Posted by Elaine G (Member # 20735) on :
Wait a minute. How did you get to doors already?
I'm still rolling around in the dryer trying to find the socks that are missing. Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Elaine - I hope you don't have a problem with dryer doors - the last time I was in front of one, a shoe inside knocked the door open, trajectoried out and hit me. Yes, beware of dryer doors too.
Tn, evidently that door handle a-dores you.
TC - I haven't been to Door County, only heard of it. So if you pick up your winning certificate and go, avoid doors and the out of doors.
Re Disneyland, one of my earliest memories is of sitting in a giant teacup much much bigger than me. Be careful what you do early on - it can make for some interesting memories.
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
Someone please check on Elaine!!! Hopefully the sock monster didn't eat her up too!!!
My bet is if we took all the odd socks in the world... the ones the sock monster didn't eat... and put them together, it would cover the USA totally.
Too bad odd socks aren't money. I'd be filthy rich!
Robin235446...
One of my earliest memories is shaking hands and dancing around with Goofy in Disney World.
I was on my honeymoon at the time.
Posted by MDW005 (Member # 22706) on :
Ha, giggle giggle.....
When I put grocery's away, I leave the freezer door open while putting food in the refridgerator, and that darn freezer door kisses me everytime on the head.
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
I can't help but laugh MD... but you make me do it!
Posted by Elaine G (Member # 20735) on :
What about those toilet seats that mysteriously disappear in the middle of the night. Now that's a gender issue. Dogs are easier to train.
Holey moley, I didn't know what happened and it was dark and wet.
All it took was one wet toosh and that never happened again in my house I still put my hand to feel to make sure the seat is down, just in case hubby claims dementia.
I guess it would help if I turned on the light but that would be too easy and would wake me up.
I'm working up to doors.
I think my missing socks are at Robin's house keeping the killer shoe company.
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
Elaine said... "Dogs are easier to train."
How right you are!
We've got a new trick around here... after 30 years of chewing everyone out for the seat being up and years of me bumpkin dumping in cold water in the dark of night.
It's not the seat being up.. but the lid being down!!!
Hello? What's with THAT?
Now I get a hard bump on my bumpkin in the dark.... and then from the shock of it all, before I can jump back up.... a wet seat- and it ain't from COLD water!
My thought is it would be easier to rent a port-a-potty and put it in their rooms than to play these late night guessing games.
Then I could put a pad-lock on the regular bathroom doors... but you know me... I'd loose that key for sure!
Posted by Starfall1969 (Member # 17353) on :
My cupboards, which are of course right level with my head, have a habit of staying open after I push them to shut them, and then I stand up and slice my scalp open.
That's what I get for telling my husband I want streaks in my hair--although blood red wasn't the color I intended.
Lol, and we have walls that apparently jump out and attack my son.
Many times I hear him running through the house, then a thud, then Wesley screaming painfully, "Stupid wall!"
Reminds me of that movie Monster House....
Posted by maps (Member # 19758) on :
This is just too funny, thanks a lot I needed that.
Thanks to lyme brain I had forgotten the toilet seat down situation and how I started to p before the fog cleared. Worse still I had no one to blame but me.
You guys are a riot, thank for starting this tincup
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
Star...
OUCH, OUCH, OUCH!!! That hurts!
I don't know why I am laughing though. It isn't funny!
OK! Yes, it is. Sorry about that!!!!
I'm also still laughing at Elaine's comment... "I am working my way up to doors." HA!
Ho, ho, ho!
Map... I am glad you also have experienced the wet lid situation. I thought it was just me! And when you did it, how smart did it make you feel?
HA!
I think I best not complain about the lid though. When I complain about putting the recycling in the "other" can rather than the trash can... they get confused and just leave it on the kitchen counter for me to do.
Heaven forbid I stumble in to go to the potty one night and find the whole toilet seat sitting on the counter!
Maybe I should just install a spot light in the ceiling above the porcelain throne so I can actually see what is happening before I plop down?
Or, live dangerously and just keep being surprised?
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Giggle, giggle tonite - not funny, but funny -
We had a laundry place here for awhile called The Missing Sock. And wouldn't you know it - everyone took to pinning up one sock on the bulletin board all the time. You'd think all we could ever wear around here was mismatched socks.*
Nah, TC, I'd put glow-in-the-dark stickers on the seat. Then you could see whether it was Up or Down.
Oh, and re your Disneyland honeymoon story, I hope that doesn't mean you were married to Goofy.
*Hm - the logic of this - if the sock is on the board, it's not missing - it's the OTHER one that's missing - can someone please straighten me out on this one?
Posted by Remember to Smile (Member # 25481) on :
Robin, 1. Go to a laundromat called "The Loyal Sock." There you will find customers with singles of numerous no-longer-pairs of socks.
2. Sketch a map of the route to "The Missing Sock" and post that on the bulletin board in "The Loyal Sock."
3. Wait at home (with your door open) for a knock and/or phone calls from local news channels and talk show hosts. Accept interviews & speaking engagements.
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
My gosh - we have paired socks, unpaired socks, socks newly separated, divorced socks, singles socks, Amber alert socks -
Hate to tell you, Smile, but the laundry place is now the Missing Missing Sock. We're checking all neighborhoods.
Oh, you mentioned a door again...that's a dangerous word around here.
Posted by Elaine G (Member # 20735) on :
TC...What ever you do don't get the new toilet seats. The one that has the automatic lid closure.
Yes, that's right, you just go to put the lid down and it slowly makes it way down to the toilet seat. Remember, how they always got away from you and just slammed on the seat? Well, no more.
The problem is....... the guys will say it is defective and has a mind of it's own. They didn't put the lid down, it just happened by magic. Sure, me and Harry Potter's wand.
Robin and Remember...Thanks for solving the mystery of my missing socks, now I know they are either at The Missing Sock or The Loyal Sock. Hopefully, they have found their mate's there. Sounds like a dating service for socks.
Starfall, didn' you know that red streaks are the rage now? Darn, you should have left it and saved money at the salon.
Ok, I think I graduated and can handle doors now.
See what great minds can do.....solve the problems of the world.
Ok, so on to doors..........
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
Ring, ring...
Hello, this is Robin 4564896.
I am the Director of the Missing Sock Association (MSA). If you find your self in the unique position that you've never had an odd sock show up in your laundry, please call 1-800-BIG-FATLIAR.
If you'd like to leave a message to find a missing sock, please do. I will personally go through the other 4.6 million reports we've had this month to see if we can find a match.
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
Elaine...
If I... (I am laughing too hard to type) ... ever had an automatic toilet seat.... I would need to put a washer machine right next to it. There would be many "accidents" for sure!
You know how impatient I would be waiting for the seat and lid to move at its own pace? Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!
It's bad enough to have those auto flush toilets that sound like a train is coming through when you get ready to stand up! You know how many times I dove into the floor thinking a tornado had just hit? MESSY! Anyhow..
Between the two "modern inventions" ... well... I would just never go potty again. How fun would that be?
Save $ on the Charmin if nothing else.
Posted by maps (Member # 19758) on :
Ah tincup, no I thought absolutely nothing thanks to the beauty of lyme brain although in the morning I just had this feeking that something had happened last night.
I don't think I remembered it until reading the thread last night.
Thanks for the great thread
Posted by Elaine G (Member # 20735) on :
Well, we could always go back to outhouses with dangling nose clips from the ceilings. Naw, I don't think so.
How about those bidet's? I stayed in a few hotels that had them. First time I tried it, my legs were cramping from squatting. No seats on them. Hey, I didn't want to feel the cold porcelein on my legs, it was an unnatural feeling, I'm used to a seat. Like water squirting on my lower regions is natural?
One hotel did have a seat and I thought, wow, this is great, cleanliness after going. So, when we built our house in Florida I wanted a bidet, my husband said use baby wipes like other people do
TC, I could see you (all right I covered my eyes) with those automatic toilet seats that wash you after going then dries you, also. You would be saying, Hurry up, not so much squirting, enough with the water, where is the dryer? Get that dryer working, I got things to do. I'm dripping here, get me dried.
So much for automatic bum cleaners.
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
So Elaine, are you going to enlighten TC about how to handle her door problem?
We at the MSA (Missing Sock Association) have several recommendations for what to do with those single socks.*
(Oh, first of all, the new location for the missing Missing Sock laundromat we think is out in the Sunset district somewhere, since they are usually Socked in with fog.)
Our top recommendations:
1)Single socks make attractive door handles. 2)They can soften hard door edges. 3)Many sewn together can make for an attractive toilet lid cover or comfortable toilet seat warmer. 4)Consider storing bulky treatment supplements in single socks.
*And we have managed to come up with the first line of a single sock jingle:
Single sock, single sock, single all the way -
(We're accepting next line suggestions -
And your door** prize will be a single sock.
**Note we said door - don't get too close, or sockpad it, please.)
[ 07-21-2010, 07:11 AM: Message edited by: Robin123 ]
Posted by Remember to Smile (Member # 25481) on :
Hum with Robin and,
"Oh what fun it is to whine, on an open, winding thread!"
And to MSA Director who called in yesterday: Oh, gee, seriously...I'm not fat, and I don't lie. I just can't remember ever losing socks until this Lyme neuroborreliosis smacked me hard in 2010! Now i've got numerous onesies! Winter socks AND summer socks.
Idea this morning: Make dog toys! I can tie chicken broth ice cubes inside the stray socks and let my good little rescue dog destroy the evidence.
Now i've got a Smile
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
Remember said.. "I can tie chicken broth ice cubes inside the stray socks and let my good little rescue dog destroy the evidence."
Now that is TOO funny!
Elaine- I can see the headlines now...
"Lyme patient drowns trying to use a bidet to brush her teeth."
Yo Jingle! You musically happy person...
3-3-3, 3-3-3, 3-5-1-2-3
That is a list of notes you play on a xylophone for Jingle Bells.
I remember that as one of my first little kid memories. I can imagine it drove my folks bonkers by my playing Jingle Bells with my little hammer, over and over again... year round.
Actually, now that I think back... I wonder if my xylophone ended up in a sock full of broth flavored ice cubes. We had 5 dogs after all.
HEY! I'l bet that is where ALL my toys went!
Posted by just don (Member # 1129) on :
WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! OH SO WRONG!!!
all you she-males have it all WRONG.
Sock monsters are a product of the female mind.
Absolutely NO sock monsters live at my house,,nor any scurry fast little mice. I bop them on the head as fast as they appear.
I can prove it if you send over a person to check,,,however if its a she-male it invalidates the info.
Ever since my house has been female free which is 10 years or more now,,nary a sock disappears.
And the tp stays on the roll forever,,,imagine that,,it gets dusty on there.
Now for heavens sakes can I please find somebody who WILL bring the sock monster with them and the empty tp roll??? It gets lonely here!!!!
Since IB just don
PS lids up or down is optional with me
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
From what I can tell Just Don...
You are doing like the hunters do here when they have to use the facilities and they are stuck in the middle of the woods where there aren't any.
They use one of their socks for toilet paper... and then bury it with their most recent environmental deposit.
THAT must be why you have no odd socks and lots of toilet paper!
HEY, you walked right into that one dear heart.
No mercy!
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Now you've all got me laughing - who would have known that the case of Elaine's missing socks in the dryer was going to devolve into -
well, I'd hate to see the website advertising these stuffed socks...let's see, Hunter's Special, Stuffed with your favorite TP!, Broth-cubed, Stray socks for stray dogs...
Single sock, single sock, single all the way Oh what fun it is to whine on a long and winding thre-e-e-ead! Single sock, single sock, single all the way Oh what fun it is to stuff a one-sock with a spread.
(Hold your nose)
Yo, TC - I was told there was a dog in the house when I was very little, and both the dog and I took turns hiding each other's toys under the bed, then we'd both howl about it,
so my folks decided to get rid of the dog, not me. Nice of them. I was obviously traumatized, as I have no memory of this.
And, did you remember the next line? 4-4-4-4-4-3-3-3-3-3-2-2-3-2 ---- 5
Posted by Elaine G (Member # 20735) on :
Just Don, Tincup did a gotcha on that one. A good one, I might add.
You really need to get a female in your home even a cat or dog. The reason you have no missing socks is that you keep wearing the same pair of socks over and over and buy a new pair when needed.
This is called the "Missing Female Syndrome". Other symptoms are involved also. That would also explain why your TP has dust on it. A woman would dust it.
Robin and Smile what creative minds you have. I will be happy to send Smile a single sock for the 2nd verse. Maybe it will match her onesis. Very good both of you. Such talent among us.
Actual if everyone wrote a verse or two, I could get rid of all my single socks.
The only suggestion I have for Tincup and the doors is to wear body armour. Get em before they get you.
Back to doors? I got side tracked. Sorry.
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Dashing through some doors In a one-forced-open way, Past the seals we go, Ouching all the way! (Ouch! But if) Socks for padding cling, Making edges right, What fun it is to laugh about Some single socks tonite!
[ 07-22-2010, 03:23 PM: Message edited by: Robin123 ]
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
I don't know what you've been smoking California girl... but can I have some too? I already have the munchies to go with it.
Elaine.. I'm off to tackle my doors once again. There are several to go through before I can get some sleep. Having no body armor ... which me luck!
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
Oh... and if I make it through those hanging harlots unscathed tonight... then I will be singing a new song.
"I adore my doors.
Giddy up, a-um pa pa, um pa pa mou mou..."
Yes, it is past my bed time.
Posted by Ann-OH (Member # 2020) on :
Maybe a nightlight in the bathroom would be a help for that throne prob. Works for me.
If everyone wears white socks, or whatever color you like, disappearing ones will be missed less.
So sorry about your door encounters, TC, I have my dents and dings from those too.
Ever practical, but not door-proof,
Ann - OH
Posted by just don (Member # 1129) on :
the fact remains,,,'MY' "pairs" of socks are all lined up like toy soldiers with nary a single
There are alot more where they came from
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Oh Ann, you're so practical - a nightlight - whoever would have thought of that?
Maybe it could be an appropriate one, like have a little spirochetal cover on it.
We could design Lyme/co nightlights for the room-challenged amongst us...
And also door strip lights too, like with little tick covers on them...
And you're right about not missing plain ole white socks. I had fish socks, and I really missed the other half when it went to fish sock heaven.
So TC, doobie doobie doo to you too. Are you singing your new song yet? I hope so. Try singing along to "I'll get through this somehow..." every time you attempt passage.
And Just Don, are you trying to make us all feel like remedial sock IDiots here? I know, maybe you don't even wear socks and that's why you don't wash them and lose them. Huh? Come on, baby, might I inquire.
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I still put my hand to feel to make sure the seat is down, just in case hubby claims dementia.![[woohoo]](graemlins/woohoo.gif)
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