My beautiful intelligent 24yo daughter has borderline personality disorder. Our whole family has been in a crisis the last few days. I am amazed at the way things like this affect me in a very physical way. The worst pain is finally coming to the realization that theres nothing i or the rest of the family can do. My heart is so heavy.
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
Misfit,
I can say I truly understand how mental health disorders can affect a family.
I am truly sorry for your pain.
I will pray for you, your daughter and your family.
I have recently come to realize that all the worrying I was doing was not going to change anything.
I had to accept it and try to give the worry to God.
It is still hard everyday, but I am coping better.
You will too. It takes some time.
I understand your heavy heart.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
We will support you.
Psalm 143:8 (NIV)
"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
Sending my imaginary limo and crew over to take care of things while you are away and take you to a place to recover and recoup and rest.
Posted by Misfit (Member # 26270) on :
Thank yall for the support. My daughter is out there HITCHIKING somewhere. Shes hell bent on getting to a homeless shelter. Im frantic with worry. No sleep again tonite. She needs to be in a mental hospital. Ive had to turn this over to God. Its bigger than all of us put together. I truly know what a broken heart feels like. My beautiful daughter. My genius daughter. So sick.
Posted by kimmie (Member # 25547) on :
Misfit,
I am so sorry. No one told us that being a parent could bring us so much joy and heartache. There is nothing else in the world as painful as watching your child suffer...I am sorry and will pray for her and your family. Be strong.
Posted by glm1111 (Member # 16556) on :
Misfit,
I as a parent can understand your heart wrenching pain for your daughter. I am so sorry that you are enduring such pain. It's especially difficult when our hands are tied.
All we can do is turn it over. Sending prayers to you and your daughter.
Gael
Posted by Misfit (Member # 26270) on :
Thank you all for the prayers and support. I dont know how someone is supposed to get thru this. My mind says one thing..and i know its right...my heart says another. And i know its right too. I just pray that God wont ask me to bear the unbearable.
Posted by kidsgotlyme (Member # 23691) on :
Oh Misfit, I am so sorry for what you are going thru.
I will be praying for you and your daughter.
Posted by mtree (Member # 14305) on :
sending prayers....
we have been to heck and back with our 24 year old daughter...
this is exactly how I felt 2 years ago about my daughter..
My beautiful daughter. My genius daughter. So sick. [/QB][/QUOTE]
the members on this site helped me through a very sad...scary... difficult time.... come here for strength...we will hold you up....with all our support...
mtree
Posted by arkiehinny (Member # 26546) on :
I know that BPD is the most difficult disorder! Every time we get a client who has it, we say: Here we go again! Yes a roller coaster.
All you can do is pray & not feed into her drama, unless of course, she becomes a danger to herself or others if suicidal or homicidal.
God bless you.
Posted by Misfit (Member # 26270) on :
BPD is AWFUL. Dont get me wrong..all mental illness is awful in one way or another. But this one...sometimes i think its worse than being truly psychotic. If she were psychotic i think itd be easier to get her some help. But i dont really know. Folks..ive had a long hard life. Mother died when i was 12. Father abandoned me. Living on my own at 15 working 2 jobs and going to high school. Living thru the hell that being married to their father was. Dealing with disabling back problems and then getting sick. Its been a long journey. But nothing..and i mean NOTHING comes close to this. Her life causes her pain. The worst thing is knowing your child hurts and her life is a train wreck and being POWERLESS to stop it. I hate being helpless.
Posted by Misfit (Member # 26270) on :
And arkiehinny..how do you separate from the crazy making? Thats where my mind KNOWS the right thing to do but my heart wont let it. Theyre at war. I tried to EOD her last wknd when she was in jail. She had self inflicted cuts all over herself. Spent 2 days beating down every door in the county i live in. Nothing. I almost wish theyd kept her in jail..at least id know she was safe.
Posted by ChristieL (Member # 27786) on :
I am so sorry your family and daughter are going through this. I wish I could offer you a magic solution that would make this all just go away~~ Please know that you are in my prayers, and I pray she finds the help she desperately needs, and is safe until then. Like you said, it's in God's hands now.
Posted by Misfit (Member # 26270) on :
Its this stuff that causes me to look at my faith. No..not faith..TRUST. I have to trust that God..in His infinite wisdom..will do what HIS will is. But i also believe He wants us to use the tools at our disposal. I guess im not powerless after all..i have the power of prayer. Thank you all for adding yours. No one has heard from her this morning. Its making me crazy. No sleep isnt helping. How awful does it sound that im upset with her for worrying us all sick? Her sister was up all night as well..we were txting all night. My oldest daughter said if anything happens to her sister shed never forgive herself. I think we all need counseling.
Posted by carly (Member # 14810) on :
It doesn't sound awful that you're upset with her for worrying you sick ~~ it sounds human!!
And you're right you're not "powerless". You have the power of prayer.
Some may scoff at that, but I for one know that the things that can be accomplished through prayer are immeasurable in human terms.
Yes, you have the power of prayer. Yours, mine and ours; the many you don't even know are praying for you and your family.
Posted by 2roads (Member # 4409) on :
Misfit,
I'm sorry to be so ignorant, but is this TBI related?
Is she declining treatment?
How has this progressed?
I will prey too.
Hugs
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
Misfit,
Here are some scriptures that can be a source of strength in difficult times:
Proverbs 3:5-6 (New American Standard Bible) �
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. � � � 2 Corinthians 1:2-4 (New American Standard Bible)
� 2 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. � 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, � 4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. � � � Philippians 2:13 (New Living Translation)
13 For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him
� � �Philippians 4:6-9 (New American Standard Bible) � 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. � 8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. � 9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
� � �Psalm 143:8 (New International Version) �
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. � � � Matthew 6:14-15 (New American Standard Bible)
14"For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. � 15"But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. � � � Luke 6:31-33 (New American Standard Bible) �
31"Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. � 32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.
�33"If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. � � � �Galatians 6:9 (New International Version)
9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. � � � �John 3:16 (New American Standard Bible)
� 16"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. � � � Philippians 4:13 (New American Standard Bible) �
13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Matthew 11:28 (New International Version)
28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
John 14:27 (New International Version)
27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Romans 8:28 (New International Version)
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Psalm 27:1 (New International Version)
1 The LORD is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid?
Isaiah 41:10 (New International Version)
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Psalm 46:1 (New International Version)
1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
1 Peter 5:7 (New International Version)
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Psalm 9:9-10 (New International Version)
9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
10 Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Psalm 34:4 (New International Version)
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Psalm 34:17 (New International Version)
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
Exodus 14:14 (New International Version)
14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Joshua 1:9 (New International Version)
9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the
LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Also, here are some songs on you tube that are inspirational:
I was feeling guilty for unburdening myself on the kindhearted people of this board..when you all already deal with so much. The support and understanding literally brings tears. My dd finally made contact..though shes still refusing all offers of help. I spent the day driving the area where she SAYS shes at. Didnt locate her of course. Ive spoken with her counselor...and she suggested we get help as well. My dd hasnt given permission to discuss particulars...but I can tell her whats going on with the understanding that she has to inform my dd that i made contact. My dd isnt happy about that..i think she just wants us to go away. I dont think she has lyme..knowing what i do about bpd i can see things dating back to her early childhood. Thank you for the links and hotline numbers..i will use them. And the verses. Mostly thank you for listening. I dont feel so alone.
Posted by Misfit (Member # 26270) on :
Im sorry for the double post...i am unable to space because i post from my phone. I didnt mention my dd was a PSYCH MAJOR..and was 2 months away from her bachelors and then starting graduate studies on her way to a PhD when she changed her major. Not uncommon for someone like her.
Posted by momindeep (Member # 7618) on :
Misfit; Oh sweet darling. I have been in your shoes. My beloved daughter had such horrible mental problems for many years...mental wards, hospitalized against her will, hospitalized against our will, such a terrible mess. It brings a parent to their knees.
A true gut-wrenching nightmare.
What to do?
The Lord is in CONTROL.
He holds your daughter in His hands.
He holds you in His hands.
God is ONLY good.
He is a true help in trouble.
He loves your daughter more than you do, (how is that even possible?...but, reagrdless, that is what He says).
Fear is NOT of the Lord.
His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts.
He directs our path.
He promises to us His peace that passes all understanding.
These truths I brought to my mind and heart hundreds of times while I walked through the hell of watching my daughter slip away from me.
And I made it.
You will too.
May the Lord lay His hand on you and still your troubled heart.
Posted by Misfit (Member # 26270) on :
This has occupied almost all thoughts in my mind. It hit me yesterday...my dd has had NUMEROUS..REPEATED.. offers of help from various sources. She doesnt WANT them. Were powerless to MAKE her take them. I had a long talk with my other dd about this and told her that if we keep pushing and trying to force our will..we run the risk of losing all contact. Told her we have to back off now as hard as that is to do. When the sun goes down and its dark thats when the fear levels rise. And it rained last night. But i guess its time to force ourselves to let go and wait it out. Easier said than done. I still am shocked at my own bodys reaction to the stress. Amazes me.
Posted by momindeep (Member # 7618) on :
misfit: Been there with you puking in the toilet because of stress...
You are right, you have to force yourself to let it go...it is an act of your will. That exercise in itself can be exhausting, but, with the Lord's help, you will come out on the other side.
Oh, nightime, when you should be resting your weary head, and it creeps in on you...I so understand it.
I will pray for you, I will pound His throne.
Posted by Misfit (Member # 26270) on :
My dd has just agreed to go stay with her aunt! Maybe sleeping out in the rain wasnt so much fun. Whatever the reason im elated that shes going. Shell be safe. Now if shell just get back into counseling. Thank you for all the support and prayers!
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
Misfit,
So happy for you, that your daughter is going to stay with her aunt.
Will continue to pray for all of you.
Hope you sleep well tonight.
Rest in the peace of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Posted by momindeep (Member # 7618) on :
answered prayer indeed!
Posted by lou (Member # 81) on :
You need help coping with this. Please use those links from optimistick. She always has such useful information for people in a fix.
Posted by Misfit (Member # 26270) on :
While the immediate crisis is over..i know were far from being out of the woods. I have every intention of using the help that may be at my disposal. Im overcome now with sadness and depression. Guess thats normal considering. My pain levels are thru the roof. But shes safe and thats what matters. Shes so angry with us...for trying to help. I shudder to think of the lives i jeopardized while driving around looking for her..using my left foot to brake and accelerate with bc my right is swollen and useless. Now i can try to put me back together as selfish as that sounds. You ALL have been remarkable. Thank you.
Posted by LightAtTheEnd (Member # 24065) on :
Don't feel selfish for taking care of yourself. Remember that you can't be there for your daughters unless you take care of yourself, and that includes your own mental state.
I hope things get better with your daughter, and that you get some peace.
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)