I always recall the good time prior to being sick before going to bed every night.
I have lots of great pictures and memory in my mind, such as dating with my husband,went somewhere to treavel,etc...something like that,it makes me smile ..
And that's the faith and reason make me keep going.
Posted by Misfit (Member # 26270) on :
Do I still remember my old self? In a word...no. I have issues other than Lyme that altered my life drastically, and so it's been a very very long time since I was "me".
Whatever I am today, is what I am. I DO imagine myself healthy, and enjoying all that life has to offer again, though. And if that never happens, well...I had my fantasy.
Posted by sammy (Member # 13952) on :
I'm still me. I've had to learn and experience things I never wanted. I know that these things have helped me grow as a person too. Some of my hopes and dreams have changed but not most. There's still so much I want to do and see when I'm better.
It helps to have good memories to look back on when I'm feeling bad. Give me something more to look forward to in the future.
Memories also remind me that life wasn't perfect or easy before Lyme either. My struggles were different but they were very real to me at the time.
Posted by rerae (Member # 28438) on :
I've been sick since I was 8, so I really don't remember what it's like to be "healthy." I've just always been how I am, although sometimes I'm worse than others.
Posted by ThatColorGreen (Member # 16016) on :
rerae, I am like you. I started seeing doctors are 7 or 8.. am now 25.
I actually remember how incrediblly sharp my mind was... it's very frustrating that I feel I may never get that back.
Since my picc line and other antimicrobials and supplements, I have been blessed enough to have the clouds slit open for a while so the sun can shine in on my brain.
The entire month of may was FANTASTIC!!
Now, in November, I am relapsing from Babesia..
... i think those windows of 'normal' feelings remind me of what life can be like... and its both a wonderful feeling and frustrating as all He11.
There is hope within the clouds...
Posted by littlebit27 (Member # 24477) on :
Yes-I didn't have to suffer pain everyday of my life. I could work until 11pm and get back up and go back to work at 5am, in a labor job-we paint houses.
There is no way I could do that now. By 9pm I am out. and if we are home I take naps....
I can't wait to be the person I was before...I may still be in there but this has changed my life course forever.
Posted by bashibazouks (Member # 28286) on :
Not me, I grew up with Lyme and never knew my symptoms were anything but normal. It's killing me to think I might be a completely different person (smarter? more energetic? more fun & adventurous? prettier?) if I hadn't gotten this disease.
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
oh you mean before lyme? silly me, i thought you meant before i was married.....
Posted by Florence1 (Member # 22960) on :
i rember the old me and it makes me sad to think how my life has changed.....what hopes we had emigrating here.....now its all a mess......i hope and think i will be that person again.......imagine i will be fit and healthy enjoy life with my kids and husband but right now i remember me but am not me........
Posted by minerva (Member # 20410) on :
i so wish i did. i can remember what i did and what i could manage but the most difficult part is i can't remember my real self the part that matters. i can't connect to the joy the spiritual or fun part of myself its as if she is just vanished.
i know that this could deepen my journey on a soul level ....wisdom perspective and the like, but i my life is so muted, fogged in that places i could go before when things were tuff i can't get to if that makes sense.
i also think its difficult to see ones self while being isolated. i no longer can see the lighter brighter side of me when i am alone all the time. i really understand how the elderly or anyone who is alone too much loses not only their self but there humanity.
i try to keep telling myself that when i am well again the relationships will come back and my true self will emerge again...a healing of the whole "eco-system" that was me. unfortunatly, i don't really believe this but i hope its true.
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
No, it has been 23 years of constant pain.
I do not remember what it is like to be pain free.
Posted by MDW005 (Member # 22706) on :
Yes, I recall no pain unless I stubbed a toe around the corner wall. I tell you, I think it was easier to have three daughters without an epidural and no pain killers, than the pain I go through day in and out. I also find it easier to pretend than it is to explain to someone how I feel.
I try very hard to go on with my life and enjoy it to the best of my abilty and smile, because I do not know how long this disease will hang on and I truly don't know if it will get worse. So I look at it for a day and worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
Posted by betty1939 (Member # 18240) on :
I caught a glimpse of myself on thanksgiving eve when I went to Walmart.
I'm not sure why being in Walmart triggered it, because I go quite often. However, this time when I went it was to get stuff for thanksgiving dinner.
I felt so carefree and actually didn't feel too bad for a change. I drank a couple of glasses of merlot while my husband and I cooked our sides to take to his mom's house.
That's the way it used to be - I didn't have to worry about what I ate, whether I drank or not, or having to be careful with money because I needed to save it for my lyme treatment.
That glimpse of myself was worth a million. I felt very hopeful for the first time in a long time.
Posted by Fuel1212 (Member # 29312) on :
YES,I grew up pretty much doing whatever I put my mind to. Run 5 miles a day, play college baseball, etc. Not only did I have the will mentally, but physically I could push myself to limits even I could not believe. Eating and drinking without a care in the world. Sleeping...OH sleeping how I miss you so.
The past couple years or so remind me of a young boy (me) looking outside the window of life watching the world go by as I get older and sicker. While dr's tell me I am fine just take this SSRI.
Watching my newborn son laugh, then crawl, and now walk/run and praying with everything I have that first off I will live to see him grow up, and then Lord willing give me the energy to be the Father he deserves.
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Yes, absolutely, and I try to do what I used to do, in a modified way. Like I liked to travel, so now I might watch a travel film, etc.
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
All I remember is I loved people,there were never enough hours in the day, felt the love and obligation of family. I do what I have to to get by, this rips out your soul. I was happy with me, not over ecstatic, but was happy with my life, husband, son, where we live...things can change in the course of a second. What I wouldn't do to have me back again, organized, fun, pain In the butt, but that's what made me me. Don't know where I went but I long for her back. Hope everyone gets to see the light. We deserve it for fighting this nonsense for so long and losing so much of what life has to offer.
Posted by fatherguido (Member # 25266) on :
A couple of my winter home improvement projects were put on hold a year ago and I am finally to the point of resuming them. I set and reset goals for myself and this is my latest task.
A lot of lifestyle changes had to be made like most of us do anyway. I really miss beer. I am not 100% but each month gets slightly better.
Posted by skies (Member # 28064) on :
Yes, I remember feeling "normal."... I can't wait to feel that way again. And fatherguido-- I know what you mean about beer. I'm not a beer drinker, but I love wine. One of the things that my husband and I love to do together is have a couple of glasses of wine and cook a great meal or stop at one of our local wineries and have a glass and a cheese platter. How I miss those days! Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
Randibear's post cracked me up.
Hey, the beer and wine will flow again.
I've packed alot of living into the years that I was well.
I look back at them with amazement and the memories keep me going.
Also it's been over 3 years since I've taken antibiotics and am doing better.
Not 100 percent but definitely better.
Hang in there gang!
Posted by 4Seasons (Member # 14601) on :
I was 23 then and now I'm 52 - but yes, I do remember some of the adventures I had in my life.
I used to desperately want a "window" of no or less pain before I got "old".
Most days I am thankful for who I am and how I got to be here. Adversity pushes us to grow into amazing people. That said, I think I've grown quite enough, thank you, and would like to get a few more adventures in before I get really old!
Posted by Turtle1977 (Member # 26979) on :
I do remember and really would like to experience even just a smidgen of what I used to enjoy. I used to love riding horses, motocross racing, ice skating, just about anything physical. I even helped re-roof our house when I was 7 mos. pregnant with our second child, carrying bundles of shingles up and down a ladder. I have trouble now even hauling my hiney down to the mailbox to get the mail.
Posted by cjfrank (Member # 26985) on :
Yes, I remember my old self. I long to be there again.
I have moments when I feel right but they don't last very long.
I am feeling better than I was but I am not who I used to be.
I worry that Lyme has changed me so much that I may never get back to who I really am so I am trying real hard to accept me as I am now.
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