I just had the third fight of the day with my husband who is always very supportive. I;ve been crying uncontrolably for a week now. My bart is back and my doctor is trying to fix my antidepressants.
I'm so tired of it all. 3 years of hell-I used to do everything, now I can't even remember little things. I have 2 wonderful children who only remember me sick .
I pray constantly-I always have been religious but this has brought me closer to God
How much can one endure? I'm ready to say goodbye to everyone it's too painful to live
Posted by Marine6624 (Member # 28052) on :
Lyme987 , I am praying for you right now ! God is our healer ( Jehovah Rophi - The God who heals ), he will see you through this .
Psalm 103:1-3 103:1 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! 2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, 3 who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,
Posted by BoxerMom (Member # 25251) on :
You will get through this.
Please don't worry about what your family members are thinking. They love you and you love them. That's what counts.
And please treat yourself to something you enjoy. Favorite movie? Relaxing bath?
There is life outside of Lyme. It's just hard to see.
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
Try to say this will pass. Its not you, remember that. 3 years is a long time. How old are your kids? I freak on my 16 year old, cried to him yesterday, I know thats not good, but couldn't help it. He's seen me sick, well, sick, well, now sick for over a year. Its tough. They love you. its a sad disease, but you'll be better. Alot of people have. One day at a time, I say one minute at a time and feel horrible for my instability. I try, thats all I can do and thats all you can do. One day at a time.
Posted by lyme987 (Member # 22148) on :
My kids are 10 and 12. Most of their memories will be me sick. I know one day at a time but it's hard when each day just brings the same old crap.
Thanks for the post. I just send you a pm about bart.
Posted by MDW005 (Member # 22706) on :
lyme987, I do not know what the fight is about 3 times in a day, but you say that your husband is always supportive,...he will again, we all lose it sometimes. Tomorrow will be a new day and you get to start new also.
It can be painfull when the people we love turn on us, people we trust, but it is a beautiful thing to keep heart of kindness and compassion and not let them change who you are.
Birds cannot fly without feathers and people cannot climb high without a stronghold. You say it is too painful to live, might I add... it is too painful to not live.
I wrote to a dear friend just the other day, and I will share with you part of my write......"We can use our broken-open heart as a doorway to the heart of Jesus. We can embrace the pains, because we know our heart can take it....and it can because behind it lay the heart of Jesus which is huge enough for every hurt, and every injustice."
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
Dear lyme987,
I am so sorry that you are suffering so.
So many of us can relate.
You say, "How much can one endure? I'm ready to say goodbye to everyone it's too painful to live".....
You also say, "I have 2 wonderful children"...
If you are thinking suicide is the answer, it definitely is not.
If you are suicidal, please call the suicide hotline immediately at 1-800-273-8255.
If you are suicidal, please tell your husband so he can help you.
Please know that you are not thinking clearly right now due to the infections.
You will get better!
Your dear family needs you.
Please do not ever cause your dear precious children and your husband the utter irreversable devastation that suicide causes.
Your precious children would never be the same.
God loves you with an amazing, endless love.
He WILL help you get through this!
You say, "I pray constantly-I always have been religious but this has brought me closer to God".
That is good!! Did you know that all trials are meant to strengthen your faith?
The same thing happened to me....brought me closer to God and really strengthened my faith.
God has a plan for your life...you just don't quite know what it is yet, because we can't see the big picture.
That's good that your Dr is trying to fix your antidepressants....it takes a little time for the adjustments.
Are you on Bart meds right now?
Try asking yourself this question before saying anything to your husband....."What would God want me to say or do?" If you don't think God would approve...then consider not saying it.
I just said a prayer for you.
There are 2 faith related threads here in general support that you may want to consider joining in on:
One is titled "God Thought"...a new God Thought thread starts each week....it is a great thread where we share what is on our heart, encourage each other, share our prayer needs, concerns, and our ups and downs.
We share encouraging song links, video sermons, etc...all sorts of great stuff to encourage you!
Another thread is titled "Christian Believers".
It is a prayer chain where you can post your prayer needs and also pray for others.
God is right there with you.
Here are some scriptures for you:
Romans 8:28 (NIV)
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Psalm 34:4 (NIV)
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Philippians 4:6-9 (NIV)
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Matthew 11:28 (NIV)
28 ``Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :