I just don't know how to get through each day. I can't bear the pain.
Posted by momindeep (Member # 7618) on :
So very sorry Tracy...I cannot imagine.
Posted by katiebobatie (Member # 28753) on :
i am so so sorry for your loss he was so young! my heart goes out to you and your family...
Posted by Carol in PA (Member # 5338) on :
Tracy, I am so sorry for your loss.
Carol
Posted by glm1111 (Member # 16556) on :
Tracy,
I am so very sorry that you lost your brother. He looks like a sweetheart. It's got to be very hard to lose a sibling. My thoughts and prayers to you.
Gael
Posted by BoxerMom (Member # 25251) on :
Tracy - so very, very sorry.
Much love, BoxerMom
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
My deepest condolences!
One of my biggest fears is losing my brothers. I am so sorry to hear of your suffering. It must be really hard to bear.
Posted by 17hens (Member # 23747) on :
Tracy,
I'm so, so sorry. There are no words. Just lots of hugs and tears. We are here for you.
Hens
Posted by sammy (Member # 13952) on :
Oh Tracy, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Wish I could reach over and give you a big hug right now.
Posted by philly78 (Member # 31069) on :
Oh no. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Posted by DKat (Member # 30941) on :
Tracy, I'm so sorry to read this and think of all you're going through right now.
I wish word hugs could help...praying for you and your family.
Posted by piper (Member # 25946) on :
Dear Tracy,
My condolences. Warm regards, p.
Posted by James1979 (Member # 31926) on :
I'm so sorry, Tracy.
Hold on.
Always remember: Time heals.
Posted by LymeGoAway (Member # 25041) on :
Tracy,
I'm so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
Thank you so much, and the messages on the guest book mean so much....I'm going to get a book printed with all the condolence messages in it.
My brother killed himself, and Blake and I found him. We are severely traumatized and heartbroken. He was depressed and his girlfriend had ended their engagement a few weeks earlier. He had Lyme and Babesiosis but I'm not sure how much it played into his long standing depression and anxiety, or his long term alcoholism. All I know is I can't believe he actually did this.
I'm still in shock. We found him last Friday. He'd been hanging for 8 days. By some miracle his dog was still alive. I don't know how to put one foot in front of the other. I went to the florist today to try and order the flowers but ended up walking out because I thought I was going to pass out or throw up. I couldn't even do it.
I'm lost.
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
I'm so very sorry for your loss, Tracy.
God will help you through this very difficult time.
Rely on Him for strength. He will carry you when you cannot walk on your own.
My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
Praying for you right now and in the days to come.
God is holding your beloved brother in His arms now.
How devastating, my thoughts are with you and I am wishing you strength to make it through this tragic time.
Posted by Lauralyme (Member # 15021) on :
So sorry to hear this thinking of you
Posted by scorpiogirl (Member # 31907) on :
I'm sorry for your loss. Sending prayers to you and your family.
Posted by jackie51 (Member # 14233) on :
I am so sorry for your loss and for such a shock to your family.
Hugs and prayers to you.
Posted by momindeep (Member # 7618) on :
How traumatic for you Tracy and your family. I will pray for you and yours these coming days.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Oh, Tracy!! Such heartbreak!! Please know how much we all love you and care about you.
Posted by momintexas (Member # 23391) on :
Sending thoughts and prayers your way. I'm so very sorry.
Posted by twicebitten (Member # 5412) on :
So sorry tracy. It's very hard when suicide is involved. My daughter's best friend just killed himself this month. We had the funeral last week. It's so difficult. He was 23 yo. He was one of those people who just lights up a room when he enters. Very few people even knew he was unhappy.
Take care of yourself. Again, so sorry for your loss.
Posted by lyme918 (Member # 29686) on :
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.
Posted by 2roads (Member # 4409) on :
I too send prayers and a comfort hug your way Tracy.
Especially difficult was that you found him. Maybe seek some grief counciling, I couldn't imagine how I would feel.
Like Tutu said, we, your Lyme family, love and care for you.
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
i am so very sorry. nothing can replace a parent, child, or sibling.
my heart goes out to you.
Posted by MADDOG (Member # 18) on :
Tracy I am so sorry to hear this,lyme people tend to go this way a lot more than non lyme people.
May God comfort you during this time.
MADDOG
Posted by Jane2904 (Member # 15917) on :
Tracy ,so very sorry for your loss. Sending hugs, Jane
Posted by phyl6648 (Member # 28522) on :
Tracy so sorry of your loss. I can relate as I lost my brother , he was only 28. So unexpected.. Time does heal but you never forget. My prayers that God will comfort you and your family ..
Prayers
Posted by dogmom2 (Member # 23822) on :
tracy, so sorry for your loss, prayers for you and your family.
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
So sorry to read this, Tracy - not easy to deal with this - my condolences -
Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. God bless.
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
Thank you so much for your support, everyone. I so appreciate it. Your entries into his guestbook mean so much to me. I am going to have it printed into a hardcover book to keep forever. That will give me something tangible to hold onto. Also my oldest son Ryan is away at Basic Training and I'll have that to show him when he gets home in January. The pain is so, so unbearable.
Here is the link to his guestbook if you want to leave a message. I would love to have all your wonderful messages in one place. I love you all.
I'm so, so sorry about this. I know how hard it is to lose a brother, and I feel so badly your loss is so traumatic. I send loving thoughts and prayers to you - hugs.
Posted by joalo (Member # 12752) on :
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother four years ago and still miss him terribly. He was fifty-four. Posted by Rumigirl (Member # 15091) on :
Oh, Tracy, this is beyond words!! And for him to have died this way, and you both found him??!! The pain and shock have to be unreal.
I send all of you my love and prayers. I pray that you will be comforted in this difficult time.
Please, please remember to breathe and take care of you, too. It's all too easy to forget that in such a time.
I hope that you have supportive family and friends around to share the burden, especially with everything that has to be taken care of, too.
Posted by penguingirl (Member # 28688) on :
I'm so sorry Tracy! Prayers to your family.
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
Im so sorry Tracy. These are words, nothing can compare to what youre going through. I'm so sorry. One day at a time. God bless.
Posted by Satya (Member # 30218) on :
Tracy, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family during these hard times. Posted by Garbagedump (Member # 26546) on :
I'm sorry you've lost your brother. Posted by TxCoord (Member # 9204) on :
Silver and I are so sorry for your loss. May God grant you peace.
Posted by sk8ter (Member # 8671) on :
Tracy, my condolences to you and your family...You are an amazing woman who gives so much to all of us...we love you and are with you during this difficult time. May God just wrap His arms around you, Blake and your family. Rest in His peace...He will get you through the storm. God Bless You
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
Thank you so much for helping me through this. The funeral was yesterday; it was very hard but it's over now. It was a beautiful service and our pastor did a wonderful job. There is huge family dissention and I'm getting attacked on every level which is making it impossible to start the healing process. I'm trying to get the arrows to stop zinging at me so I can just try to get my feet on stable ground.
It breaks my heart for my brother that our family has to be this way. I am just trying to detach as much as possible and now that the funeral is over with I don't have to interact with anyone anymore. I hope they will leave me in peace now.
Posted by kellyjk4 (Member # 19731) on :
Tracy, I'm so very sorry about your brother. I hope you know that you have many friends here and can ask for anything you might need.
Please take care of yourself. It sounds like detaching from your family is exactly what you need right now. I'm sorry they are making such a difficult time worse for you.
I'll be keeping you, Blake and the boys in my thoughts.
Posted by Lexalou (Member # 32663) on :
Oh Tracy, after reading that, my heart is breaking for you! I cannot imagine what you must be going through. I am sure you've already heard this but God really will see you thru - just trust in that.
God bless
Posted by missing (Member # 22437) on :
I feel so sad for you.
If you need to pm me , anytime, please do.
Posted by map1131 (Member # 2022) on :
So sorry for your loss. I know your heart is heavy and the load seems to be more than you can bear....
Take care of you and yours. You first, to have energy to help yours.
Pam
Posted by BoxerMom (Member # 25251) on :
Oh my gosh! There is nothing like a dysfunctional family to make the unbearable even worse! I'm sorry they've targeted you. It is cruel and unnecessary.
Hang in there. And take care of yourself. We're all thinking of you.
Much love, BoxerMom
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
I just want to say that everyone here is so wonderful...the most supportive Lyme family ever...you have no idea how much your words and messages mean to me and how much they are helping me to get through these dark days.
I have found an online Survivors of Suicide forum that is helping. It's really heartbreaking to read what others have gone through, but I cannot believe how many people on there have lost a brother to hanging. It's shocking. I really hate in this circumstance more than any other, finding solace in not being alone. I've learned some things, though, found some words of comfort, and it is helping.
I've also found where a support group for Suicide Survivors meets not too far from here, about 45 minutes away. I really want to get to AlAnon, too, I think it would be extremely helpful right now. I wanted to go before just to help deal with all that was going on with him, but now I think it's imperative. I have found some meetings that have concurrent AlaTeen meetings which I think would be good for Cody.
I also made an appointment with a therapist, for this coming Monday. I hope Blake will follow suit. He is going on a Men's Christian Retreat this weekend with our church, so I think that will provide some healing for him.
We are very close to our pastor, his wife, and friends from our church. Our pastor has helped us so, so much. The church is wonderful. I am so glad Blake will be away all weekend on Long Island with our Pastor and other Christian men; I think he really needs some positive healing time.
The family issues are horrendous, but I am detaching. All I want is to be left alone. They have swooped in like vultures. Not one word has been uttered by anyone in my family about how sad they are, how tragic it is, or how awful they feel. I was the only one in tears at the funeral. The behavior of the rest of the family was downright disrespectful and embarrassing beyond belief.
I know my brother knows how much we loved him, and how much we were there for him. We tried everything we could to help him. We were the only ones who noticed he was even missing. I felt him there with me that day, heard his words, saw his tears. He's okay now. He's in heaven. I know he is. We've seen the signs. He took the time to make sure we knew.
God will lead us through this. We will be okay. The rest of my family will stay as dysfunctional as they always were. I know I will see my brother in heaven. He had a pure and honest heart, and I know he had God in his heart.
Posted by LymeCFIDSMCS (Member # 13573) on :
I haven't been on here for a long time but just read this post and am so so sorry for your loss. What a terrible tragedy. My Grandfather killed himself and I know from personal experience it is a particular kind of grief. The Samaritans used to have support groups in some areas for families of suicide victims, but I do not know if they still do.
You must be incredibly traumatized and sad. I hope you can feel the love and support of people on this forum. Your brother looked like a wonderful man.
Posted by daisyrlb (Member # 15686) on :
Tracy9, I have been praying for you and your family since reading of the tragic death of your precious brother. I read his obituary. So sorry for your great loss.
Reading your recent post...you truly are an inspiration. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through and how you're feeling. So thankful you are "meeting up" with others to be an encouragement and support to one another. May you sense the God of all comfort especially near to you.
Lymenet Friends is a unique supportive group. We're blessed here.
I shall look forward to meeting you and your brother one day in eternity.
Posted by JunkYardWily (Member # 24271) on :
horrible story, sorry to hear it. sorry you had such a traumatic experience. im sorry your brother was in so much pain. i hope God grants you peace.
Posted by map1131 (Member # 2022) on :
Tracy, you have strong knowledge of what is best for you in this situation. I feel confident you are taking care of you.
Dysfunctional families are so stressful. So toxic. The last thing someone ill needs is to be in their turmoil.
I know you will protect numero uno!
Pam
Posted by sutherngrl (Member # 16270) on :
So sorry for your loss. Will keep you in my prayers.
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
he was so young! my heart goes out to you and your family...
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)