I've been in bad shape before, but since my dads illness and death, my depersonalization is so much worse and I just restarted 400 doxy. I feel like I cracked not living in reality to start with but I'm afraid stress and treatment put me over. My dad was my clone, personality and looks, I took care of him 14 years since mom died. I feel so lost. It was so bad for the last three months before he died. Amputation, stroke, heart failure, it was so sad to see even depersonalized. How do you grieve in depersonalization? You feel unreal. Had to vent or ask, but I need a back to me break. My sister whose chronic doesn't speak to me, we have issues genetically, I'm toxic to her cause I have it and when I did see her, questioned a lot and she can't hear the lyme word. I try to fake it everyday to be me and there's something there, but my head just isn't right. I was so grounded, confident. Am I giving my lesions an excuse for mental stuff, can 12 do anything, spect scans hypoperfusion, physical symptoms, (heart, neck, jpont...) positive tests for Bart quint and hensalae and cdc positive years ago. Trying to convence myself that Lyme does play a role in this, just needed some reassurance. Sorry I wish I could change the tune of this song, it just keeps playing it over daily. Just looking really tired from the last month especially, outwardly the same, inwardly so screwed up. Help. I'm 48 and say daily I want my mom and dad, tryong to remember I am a mom of a 16 year old that spent 3 years with dr. J. Thanks, feel better.
Posted by kgg (Member # 5867) on :
Lyme in Putman, I am so sorry for your loss. I am not overly informed about depersonalization. But I think the loss of a parent is very hard. especially the bumpy road it sounds like you and your Dad experienced during the last months. It takes lots of time to grieve. And energy.
Is there a grief support group near you? Could that be of help?
How does the Lyme figure into this? I think it makes it harder to deal. So please be gentle with yourself.
Warmly, Karen
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
Thanks Karen.
Posted by dmc (Member # 5102) on :
I'm sad for you. Depression is such a common cause/side effect (chicken/egg thing) while in the depersonalization state.
You have such trials, & sadness. I admire your strength - though you may not feel stong at this time.
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
I'm trying, just like everyone else, so tired. I just ask God to give a break to continue the craziness. No one has answers to this. Feel good dmc and thanks. You wouldn't believe what I was like, full of ideas, enthusiasm, confidence, conviction, this has brought me down to nothing, not even how to occupy my own time, with this poisoned mind. There were never enough hours of the day. Pity party, sorry. My therapist says you have to accept what is now. I understand, but such a change in personality and who you are is so far from acceptable to me, but that's what has to be done. Thanks for your words. I hate wasting life and living like this is wasted time, I'm sure a lot of people feel that way. Feel better and god bless. Thanks.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Your life is NOT wasted. It only feels that way. God is using in ways you may not realize!! Ask Him to show you where you can be useful and helpful to others. It may really help you.
Losing a parent is indeed very difficult. Both of mine are gone. You end up feeling like an orphan. I hope the pain of that loss will get better soon. Hang in there!
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
I educate everyone about Lyme, that's what I'm good for, but I'm just useless to family and friends in this frame of mind. I try, cook, house stuff, regular things even though they feel foreign i try to listen, but am just not there, body only. I try.I'm just so lost. This too shall pass, but enough. On herbal teas, amino acids, supplements, OCD Meds, anti anxiety Meds, antibiotics, salt, I'm sure has created imbalances of a lifetime. Everyone has their list. I try to bargain with god. I used to say, at 200 lbs, I'll do anything o be thin, but I was "me" and stable. Now 40 lbs. Less with all, I promise him get me back to me and I'll never complain again about 200. Weight means nothing to stability and health. God is good, he knows hearts, that's what keeps me going. Sorry about your parents, its a rough road, but part of life. Thanks tutu.