i can't help it. i'm getting paranoid i guess but i was thinking, are we really who we say we are?
the reason i'm saying this is, and it's not anybody on here believe me, but i helped a couple out several years ago, never heard from them, so i wrote and asked how they were doing. i got a nasty note in reply and then i find out both were working full time!!! yeah, they really needed all the help they got, uh huh...
i know who i am, but how do we know who others are? i know lymetu, merry, tx (very well with phone calls and all), and some of you others.
but how do we keep from being scammed? it's so easy to say oh yeah i need, i have all these problems, etc., but do they??
oh please please do not think it's anyone here, it ain't...really...
but the christmas season is coming up and i'm getting all these requests (not from this board ya'll) for help. i can't spend my time investigating whether these people are real or not, and with being so ill, i'm just trashing alot of these requests. just too pooped to even respond.
i'm me...but how do i know you're you?????
Posted by James1979 (Member # 31926) on :
Hey, You can call me any time.
If you're lucky, I might even sing you a song. Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
thanks dear, but i hope everyone will understand. i'm not the only one who's ever thought this am i?
that one family that year just caused me to loose a little faith ya know? here they were saying all these things and asking for help, then i did a little digging and find out they were doing fine and others needed my help much much more. made me angry a little.
i'd rather give to those truly in need. i find myself giving to those i know personally and not strangers anymore.
sad really but at least here i know julie and others are looking out for us.
Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
I have been in a situation like you Randi....I started a Christmas "help a family" thing when I worked.
So many who had so little, put gifts in.
Let me just say, it was embarrassing and disheartening.
So many are in need this year, I will be praying for discernment so those who need it, get it.
Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
at least his pictures were good pictures...
very scary what flies out there....
``Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.'' ― Dr. Seuss
Posted by penguingirl (Member # 28688) on :
I hear you Randi. It is so sad too.
I think if you are going to give out of the goodness of your heart, you have a right to be choosey though..
Posted by TxCoord (Member # 9204) on :
It's like the people at the corners who have the "Will work for food" signs. I have heard so many firsthand stories about friends. One tried buying a lady and her children fast food lunches and the woman cursing at my friend saying she just wanted money.
James - I'm a baritone/tenor.
Pun alert! Pun alert!
James - how about we "duet" to it?
Randi - after working in the justice system for so many years, you become cynical of people. Trust your heart and when you give the responsibility then falls of the receiver.
Posted by JeniferM (Member # 31996) on :
I'm right there with you. I have a step son that just won't get off his tushy and work and then always comes to us for handouts. He's young and fully capable of working and makes me so angry.
I also remember when I was in college, I used to sit down in own of the buildings on the benches near the vending machines. There was always a guy (assumed homeless) crawling under the machines grabbing any loose change that would fall. I remember always seeing legs sticking out from underneath. I talked to a professor once about feeling bad for the guys, but he said not to. And told me that he had done the whole "pretend to be homeless and beg for change" thing and he said he made more money that way than working. That really made me wary. I don't like being taken advantage of and I would do more for charity if I knew that it was actually going towards people who really needed it as opposed to people too lazy to bother.
sigh.
Oh! And I always lock my car doors now when I'm at a stoplight. I remember traveling with my mother and we saw a guy going through the cars at a stoplight looking for an unlocked door to get in so that he could bum a ride. Very scary!
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- Re: the lady who turned down fast food and said she needed money.
I know there are sometimes some on various web chat boards who are not who they say they are - or on street corners.
But, for that lady turning down fast food:
Good for her. Fast food is toxic.
What if she has celiac? Or heart disease? Or gallbladder disease. Or diabetes (so much sugar is hidden)? Then she could not eat fast food.
Even the oatmeal at some fast food places has MSG and other chemicals. Salads are loaded with chemicals, even the sliced apples or carrot slices. Otherwise, they'd turn brown. [Why we can't buy a whole apple or whole carrot is beyond me.] But . ..
What if her kids have certain health conditions that require avoiding fast food, too?
Or - what if she JUST ate? What if she has an eviction notice? No burger doodle can fix that.
If she snapped or raised her voice, it might have been in frustration and despair. When emotions are raw, it's hard to control our voices sometimes.
Trust or not, but even those asking for help deserve to not be told they can only receive toxic offerings. [And this includes food bank foods that are often full of trans-fats, sugar and chemicals.]
But we have to wonder what drives someone to the street corner?
Many of use are on that slippery slope and until we have to hold a sign on a street corner, I think it's important to not judge.
Now, if our instincts suggest that someone is not honest, then we can decide not to give.
But, for most, we just don't know. My guess is no one is going to beg for money if they are not desperate.
Even if somewhat falls into a grey area that brings them to a street corner, their actions scream for the kindness of humanity. Somewhere, something has gone very wrong. Besides, they aren't holding a gun to anyone. They are just asking.
I've been there (not ON the corner but in the figurative neighborhood). And I've been judged. It is beyond mortifying. The shame is absolutely searing.
Many of us here on this board are likely judged by many family members and friends who think we are malingerers. Certainly most of the regular doctors feel that way about many here. How does THAT feel.
And, no matter how broke I may be in the future, I could never eat fast food, ever. For me, it's a recipe for a seizure within the hour.
Who knows, perhaps, too, for that woman on the street corner. Now, perhaps it would be a good idea to engage in just a bit of conversation.
Then more detail would emerge about her needs and there could be sure ways to help, other than cash (which admittedly will be misused by some).
A solution might be to get GROCERY VOUCHERS and keep a few on hand. Keep extra hats, scarves, etc. in the car to give away if the need arises.
Having the card of area area agencies might also be perfect stepping stone for someone new to standing on the street corner.
However, to make assumptions without having engaged in some degree of conversation, can be stranger abuse.
I know that may sound harsh, but after all the medical abuse and reactions from those around me during my bleakest times, I have to call it what it is /was: it's abuse.
Even if nary a word is uttered, attitude is an action. A look of disgust can clearly clobber someone's soul. I'm not sure I'll ever get over some of the huffs and puffs, eye rolls or sheer dismissal.
Now, I'm not suggesting we all give mittens and vouchers to everyone but there can be a kind smile in a "sorry, just can't today - take care" - because we just can't know the story. And, we may not have the funds ourselves. But a kind smile offers nourishment, too. -
[ 11-04-2011, 03:14 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
In cyberspace you always need to be careful. Especially of anyone new. Their date of "registration" is right there in full view. Take advantage of that fact. (and so are the number of posts)
Randi, you are very generous and people who are dishonest will prey on those who are generous. So if you get requests.... think hard about it.
It's best to offer help when and if you feel it's safe to do so. Even then, there is a risk. But LIFE is a risk too! We do what we can to help others and just hope for the best.
Posted by James1979 (Member # 31926) on :
This is a good thread.
I think it's important also to remember that the goal is not to completely eradicate poverty from the world. There will ALWAYS be poor people in the world. Look, even Bill Gates isn't able to eliminate poverty. The amount that we are able to do is miniscule compared to what Mr. Gates has done, almost like a piece of sand on a beach.
If we are giving something with prudence and with a good heart, then we receive the same reward - even if the receiver doesn't put our gift to good use.
Here is a relevant story that I like:
quote: On one occasion Peter encountered a shipwrecked man who had barely managed to save his naked body from the wreck. The man begged him for some clothing. Peter removed his costly cloak and clothed the naked man with it. Shortly afterward, Peter saw his cloak in the shop of a merchant, who had it displayed for sale. Peter was very saddened that the shipwrecked man had sold his cloak instead of using it for himself. Peter thought: "I am not worthy; the Lord does not accept my alms."
But later, the Lord appeared to him in a dream. He appeared as a handsome man, brighter than the sun, with a cross on His head, wearing Peter's cloak. "Peter, why art thou sad?" asked the Lord. "My Lord, why would I not be sad, when I see that which I gave to the poor being sold at the market?" Then the Lord asked him: "Dost thou recognize this garment on Me?" Peter replied: "I recognize it, Lord; that is my garment with which I clothed the naked man." Then the Lord spoke to him again: "Therefore do not be sad; thou gavest it to the poor man, and I received it, and I praise thy deed."
Posted by momindeep (Member # 7618) on :
My money is a gift from the Lord...if someone decides to abuse the gift, he/she is beholding to Him not to me.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Agree with you both!
Posted by Silverwolf (Member # 9196) on :
Hi <<<<< Randibear >>>>>,
Sisterfriend, I hear you loud and clear!!!
And <<<<< Lymetoo >>>>> is very correct,especially in these days one must be very careful... love and caring with caution too!
Wow <<<<< James >>>>>,I was just thinking about the scriptures about giving, and showing love to others!
Sometimes we may be helping the cause of the Lord/and entertaining 'angels' unaware!!! Beautiful apropo story!!!
<<<<< Keebler >>>>>, I understand where you are coming from as well...
In the case TxCoord mentioned of the woman on the street begging,and cussing folk out who wanted to help w/ fast food: She was definitely panhandling.
It is sad but this happens, Txcoord and I also know a young individual that was caught in a cult for a time. They were sent out to panhandle foods,money and whatever their leader demanded.
Often times the police must get involved., Around here, even tho' things are tight, most folk w/ real needs, can go to certain organizations,and get some help w/ food and heating/electric etc.
Sometimes one falls thru the cracks,and economics are difficult...but there are some very big hearted people and groups who are trying to help!!!
I think dealing w/ Lyme disease and Co-infections, and abuses in the medical system changes us...we want to help ,but are wary at the same time.
editing: A Hearty Amen <<<<< momindeep >>>>>
Jus' Silverwolfi...thinkin'
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- Oh. I just re-read Tx's post. I missed the part about her cursing. Well, then, that is certainly attitude and verbal abuse to those around her, then.
Guess it just touched to close to home.
And, now laughing at myself, I have to remember when curse words have flown out of my mouth, almost like a Tourette's snippet.
I did not mean to say those words to the people I loved but my emotional trigger just went on "haywire automatic" when confronted (both times) about my lack of success in health. And damage was done.
If people thought I was that person to say such a thing, I'm really not. Or, at least I used to think not.
So many people on the streets have mental health issues and that can involve anger, and worse. It's just so hard to see such suffering these days and not know what tipped some people over the edge and if they can ever come back. -
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
hey i understand. i was working a charity event with my boss when i worked for the govt. it was a street festival. this guy came up and asked us for ten bucks. art said "hey we need help. how about helping us clean up and i'll give the money and buy you a meal."
well the guy cussed us out. now my husband is a marine and i've heard curse words, but oh my, i've never been cussed at like that. even art was speechless. needless to say we didn't give him any money. and he approached other workers so he put the word out on street people.
so yeah i do know about it. i would think someone truly in need would not be as rude as that.
i don't mind giving and i love to support those that i care about, but i will not tolerate that kind of abuse.
and families tend to push buttons anyway. we've had some major major blowups as ya'll know. and especially when family says i'm a hypochrondriac, that really sets me off.
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- Randi,
Yea, while "judgment" is something I try to avoid, for our own safety, at all times, we do have to activate various levels of discernment (which I guess is sort of judgment).
I have such a startle reaction that if someone cursed sharply even in moderate voice at me, my ears would hear it like thunder and I'd probably pop 'em with a quick fist. Good thing I stay out of crowds. -
Posted by scorpiogirl (Member # 31907) on :
We used to do the giving tree from work. My sisters and I used to wait until the last minute and take all the requests that did get picked and we would do marathon shopping for those families. So instead of getting gifts for each other we just pool all our monies and went to town! It was awesome. Now we just sponsor a family from our church.
Posted by scorpiogirl (Member # 31907) on :
quote:Originally posted by Keebler: - Randi,
Yea, while "judgment" is something I try to avoid, for our own safety, at all times, we do have to activate various levels of discernment (which I guess is sort of judgment).
I have such a startle reaction that if someone cursed sharply even in moderate voice at me, my ears would hear it like thunder and I'd probably pop 'em with a quick fist. Good thing I stay out of crowds. -
Lol I am the same way! I have hit people out of reflex simply because the startled me. Has to be reflex because I normally don't move that fast! Lol
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
i really want to thank julie, lou, and the others who do a wonderful job of the green santa project.
they do so selflessly and with a great deal of compassion and commitment to those on the board.
you can be sure that if you are a part of this wonderful project, you are helping those with lyme who are truly in need.
i've just gotten too suspicious in my old age.
Posted by JeniferM (Member # 31996) on :
Actually hit people? I'm more of the "scurry, sniff, flinch!" reaction like the meerkats in the Lion King movie. hehehehe
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
have you seen the lastest on that crystal church thing, where the pastor's wife is sick and they are asing the congregation to donate food, which they will pick up in their LIMO....and they even had menus.
it's on the web now. i think hisname is schuller or something like that.
oh please....
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
I haven't read about that, Randi... but at our church, people DO cook for those who are ill, no matter how much money they have.
---if they are ill and unable to cook.
Posted by JAC (Member # 34240) on :
Randibear, I think when we decide we are going to help someone we never know if it is truly appreciated or needed except I have resolved in my heart when I help someone it is for me and God to know what I have done.
I too have been burnt many times and am so sick and tired of it but I keep on helping people because it is in my nature to. Not having anything to do with anyone in here for sure. We just have to be happy with what we are doing and let it go at that.
You are the one who must live with yourself and your decisions. You can check things out the best you can or ask questions but in the end just be happy with yourself. There are tons of scam artists out there. The world needs more bighearted people like you!
Posted by kidsgotlyme (Member # 23691) on :
We have made it a rule in our home that we only help people who are in our circle of friends and that we KNOW for sure are having a hard time.
I believe if everyone had this policy, everyone in true need would be helped.
This may seem harsh to some, but we have been ran over and abused one too many times by people. We have to actually have a working relationship with someone first.
We have let people come into our lives and our home with only who they SAY they are. No more for us!
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- Some people only give to certified non-profit or not-for-profit agencies or formal organizations.
Sometimes, this is for tax deduction purposes but it also affords a certain degree of assurance for the donors that money will go either directly people in need or to reasonably help support the hard working staff that make it all come together.
It's easy to find sites on line that show the overhead costs for organizations. And, most have to have their financial records on file.
Donor dollars can also often be earmarked for specific use. -
Posted by TxCoord (Member # 9204) on :
In Salt Lake they have billboards saying "Support shelters, not panhandlers" that is apropos in my opinion.
The church we pastored (and several of the other local churches) supported the sheriff's office with donations. If someone came looking for assistance they were directed to the sheriff - that cut waaaay back on people trying to get over.
Posted by WhitneyS (Member # 25666) on :
Just my two cents...
I do what I feel is right--so if i help someone who has misrepresented themselves....thats fine with me. I did the right thing and I will feel proud of the way I acted. The other person will have to work out their actions with themselves and with God (or which ever power you believe in).
In this world you can only do what you think is right, the rest is out of our hands.
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
i'm a sucker tho for fur, fins, or feathers.... gets me every time.
Posted by jackie51 (Member # 14233) on :
I think certain events make us cautious and perhaps cynical as we get older. We collect food at my church and for a while it was getting stolen. Because the value of it was under $250, they always got off. It really isn't that difficult to go over to the center and pick up well organized bags of food.
I've done Christmas in April projects where the family had a son that wanted to know when we would be done because he was going to go hang at a friend's house. Kid was probably around 18 or 20, too lazy or too embarrassed, I don't know.
Cyber--it takes some time to get there. I would suspect there's a little of both, people very desparate and people very willing to scam. Similar to the kid who mails a letter to Cheerios and says how great it is. He gets something free in the mail and next thing you know, he's writing letters to EVERYBODY to see what he can get. So unfortunately, people change too.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
quote:Originally posted by TxCoord: [QB] In Salt Lake they have billboards saying "Support shelters, not panhandlers" that is apropos in my opinion.
The church we pastored (and several of the other local churches) supported the sheriff's office with donations. If someone came looking for assistance they were directed to the sheriff - that cut waaaay back on people trying to get over.
-
True! Our local churches now have a computer clearinghouse to check on those seeking assistance at the churches. We would have people coming by for gas money, etc.
So now our pastor can check it out to see if the person has already received help elsewhere...and the next church can do the same.
People DO abuse the system if given the chance.
Posted by blinkie (Member # 14470) on :
I feel like it's not for you to worry about. You do what "you" do. be the change you want to see in the world. If someone takes advantage of you, they have to answer to that.
You live unselfishly, loving others and giving what God has given you. You will be richly rewarded in the next life...but not necessarily in this one.
![[Wink]](wink.gif)