I have a friend that I KNOW has lyme. She won't hear it. More symptoms are arriving and she just explains it away. Stresses me completely. I've been listening to her denial for three years. I have used several tactics to get her to explore a lyme diagnosis.
Recently I got an emergency call from her, she was frightened and very sick, extreme sudden dizziness and vomitting. I offered my help but she had her son stay over. I said I would be checking in the following day.
She was well a couple days later and I handed her a business card to a LLMD and said I was very worried about her and I would drive her 3 hrs to the LLMD appt.
It turned into a big scene. "You think everybody has lyme!" Most people want to get off the medical merry go round. She wants to stay on it. I just don't understand it.
I told her she has the choice to come with me to the LLMD to rule out lyme, if not then she is to never speak about her health issues to me. If I don't set this boundary I am just enabling her denial.
It's been a couple weeks now and she is avoiding me. I imagine it would be uncomfortable for her to be around me( even though I'm not talking about lyme or health anymore) as it would be a subliminal message for her to examine her health problem.
This is the most extreme case of denial I have ever witnessed in my life time. I'm just ventilating here. It's going to be really sad to watch what happens.....unless she suddenly snaps out of this denial which is unlikely.
Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
Sad to say, some people are happy in denial.
Worried and concerned as you are, if you want her friendship, you will need to stop telling her about Lyme.
We can't make someone do something. After we have told them our opinion we need to lovingly stand beside them until they ask for our help.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
You can lead a horse to water....
I hope you two can remain friends. Give her some space for awhile, then continue on .. without the discussion about Lyme.
Posted by BoxerMom (Member # 25251) on :
You have to let this go. It's her life and her decision to make.
Your responsibility is to your own recovery.
I think most of us are watching undiagnosed friends and family members suffer. I know I am. All I can do is share my story, share what I know, and let it go. Pushing does nothing.
I have also been on the receiving end of someone's big vent, being told I'm "projecting my disease onto people." This was from someone whose entire family has severe and typical Lyme symptoms.
Her explosion set my own recovery back many months. I was so upset and emotional about it.
I can't do that to myself anymore. After one "Lyme talk," I'm done.
What I've noticed is that people who are receptive practically run to the Lyme doc. Then half of them quit treatment anyway.
Those who can't hear it just continue living as they have been.
It's a weird thing to become emotionally unattached to outcomes, even if it means watching someone suffer. I make the addiction analogy. You can't make an addict stop using. S/he has to make the decision and follow through.
Be kind to yourself. Practice nonattachment. You can't save this person. And you are not obligated to "be a good listener." You get to have personal boundaries.
Good luck.
Posted by lymenow (Member # 36175) on :
its like sales..nobody wants to be sold. but people love to buy. when she's sick enough, she'll buy.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Very true, lymenow!
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
Nothing you can do but sit and watch the train wreck hon
Posted by Lauralyme (Member # 15021) on :
Thanks Guys!
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was harping on her repeatedly. I was biting my tongue ALOT. I only had three small talks with her in three years.
But this last episode was the last straw for me. She can't involve me in silly denial games. I'm not going to go along with it.
The last time I saw her we agreed to not talk about lyme anymore. I'll be here to help her when she wants it.
BoxerMom- I love that "practice non-attachment" I'm going to learn to do this from now on. In the past with other friendships it has been so devastating when there was a fall out with a close friend that I thought I'd have forever.
It's best to live in the moment.
Posted by just don (Member # 1129) on :
lots of people swim in that river!!!
Posted by Lauralyme (Member # 15021) on :
LOL Don! Da Nile River ha ha
Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
She doesn't realize what a good friend you are to be this concerned. At least you tried; that's all you can do.
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