Hey- have not been on here in awhile. So much going on, do not even know where to begin. For now...this is my question: Has anyone ever had to request a letter from a doctor stating your diagnosis, etc. for court? I don't even know how to "ask" and what kind of statements I should ask for. My husband left me last July, and actually told me it is because of my illness.(who admits that??) He said he wanted a different life (who doesn't?) and is now trying to say that I should be able to work. This is all so that he does not have to pay alimony. He is making a real issue of it. I have been on permanent SS Disability for 5 years now. Worked my whole adult life, prior to this. I am 54 yrs old. My lawyer says I may need to even have a doctor testify. This is nuts....and disgusting. SO....has anyone ever had to get a letter or statement from a doc for court???
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- cordor,
Sorry but I can't read most of the details you posted. Ny eyes swerve all over the place with large blocks of text.
1). You have "permanent SS Disability"
It is nearly impossible for anyone to qualify for "permanent SS Disability" as you say you've been awarded.
That should stand alone. You should need no other convincing exhibits.
I would stop there. If your atty can't use this with the force that it should bring, you might consider one who is more certain.
But, this is the first thing I think about when someone says they need documentation:
2) Is your world spinning?
Do you also have any kind of vestibular issues (vertigo, dizziness, tinnitus, hyperacusis)?
If so specific vestibular testing may be in order and could satisfy those who don't know about lyme.
Lyme can cause nearly all these symptoms but you would not have to explain the connection for family court.
If you have any of these, ask your LLMD to refer you to a LL inner ear specialist for specific evaluations: -------------
Vestibular Disorders -
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Very sorry to hear, cordor!
Just have your most understanding doctor detail your diagnoses and how they impact your life.
Hope it all works out!
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- The thing is, since this is for divorce, you should not have to detail all that. It should not matter.
The matter of alimony should not depend upon your symptoms, really. It should be rather straight forward. Your husband left. How much more straight forward is that to the court?
Is the spouse who's left required to work in order to receive alimony? That's not the way I thought it was decided.
Still, bottom line. You can't work. Period. You have SS documentation of that. Period. Use that documentation and don't put up for their intimidation efforts for you to defend your existence.
Good luck. -
Posted by shazdancer (Member # 1436) on :
In most divorces with no children, the idea is to let each spouse become single again, pretty much the way they were before the marriage. What each took into the marriage, each takes out.
If they bought property or other things during the marriage, there may be discussion about who contributed the larger percentage of income, and it might be divided up based on that. Or they might decide that one person gets the house, one the vacation home -- whatever they can agree on.
Now, if one spouse contributed to the other getting a wage increase (say, the wife worked and did everything while the husband went to medical school), then the wife is entitled to a portion of his increased earnings. If other things happened during the marriage that affects a spouse's ability to earn a living (including illness), and they can't agree on spousal support, then the court will examine everything about both spouses that may impact each spouse returning to work, or the one spouse continuing to support the other.
You don't need to prove the existence of chronic Lyme. You need to prove that you have symptoms that prevent you from working, or working enough to provide for yourself.
But if you both agree that what you have is Lyme disease, you might want to point out that the 2001 controlled trial by Klempner noted that people who had failed the standard treatment for Lyme were as sick as people with congenital heart failure.
A dissolution of marriage (divorce) is a contract the two of you make between you. A judge will decide if you can't, so do all you can to agree on terms between you and put it in writing before it comes to that. Make it clear to your attorney what you want and what you will and won't back down on. Your attorney will hash it out on your behalf.
Hope it works out for you,
Shaz
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
if youve been on disability 5 yrs - isnt that enough? it isnt easy to get on disability
i had to get a letter saying i couldnt do jury duty...twice. this time my primary just laughed...she said she was just going to tell them no and they could call her...cuz if she had to write what was wrong with me it would take too mch time
i hope you have a good lawyer...it surprises me he thnks this might be a problem
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
Get another lawyer! Or at least talk to one.
My understanding in your current and past marriage - you should have no problem colleting alimony. But I'm not a lawyer...
On a final note, I think he's an ASS, I guess he forgot his marriage vows, you're better off without him.
Many people with these disease's go through this, you're not along. I wish you luck!
Posted by cordor (Member # 9449) on :
thanks guys.
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- It's just a phrase but I'd not say this: "on disability" "on food stamps" "on" anything, as it is just interpreted by so many others as "on" some hand-out program. Not even "on Medicare"
"I qualify for & receive disability insurance coverage" - "I am disabled."
"Medicare is my insurance" or "I'm covered by Medicare (or medicaid, etc.)"
If I have to spend a lot of time lying down, I phrase it to make sure they know my body (or most often, the vertigo) requires that, not that I'm "just lying around"
[Now, none of this makes me happy or proud. I have to fight my own sense of failure in all this, but, I must still hold my head up and know I'm doing the best I can. I have to just phrase these things with neutrality. It just is.]
Think of how it sounds to others. We must think of how they interpret our words.
Phrase with dignity. -
Posted by cordor (Member # 9449) on :
yes Steve. I agree with your assessment of what my husband unfortunately has turned into. Never thought this would happen. and certainly never thought that he would stoop to such depths over "money". Guess people's true colors come out during a divorce.
Posted by cordor (Member # 9449) on :
and thanks Keebler for the "phrase with Dignity" reminder.
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
GOOD to see you! Sorry it is for such a sucky reason though.
To get a letter from your doc... and I know it is hard to ask... makes you feel even worse than you already do....
1. Make a list of your WAXING and WANING symptoms.
2. Write a brief medical history.
3. Provide a list of allergies.
4. Provide a list of medications you are taking, including supplements and OTC items.
5. Write a brief explanation of things you need help with or can't do. Cook meals every day. Clean the house without help. Do yard work. Drive distances, etc.
Send this to the doc with a note asking that he/she please provide a letter to advocate on your behalf. Mention you've included some facts to assist with the preparation.
Give them time to do it.
Hope that helps!
PS. Kick your dog of a husband in the rear-end for being such a toad.
Posted by cordor (Member # 9449) on :
I cannot even begin to tell you how much I appreciate all the help from you guys! Invaluable.
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
Couldn't have said it better (True colors come out during a divorce)
Most times it gets much worse before it gets better!
You'll do fine; start doing some new and exciting things (That makes YOU happy).
Posted by cordor (Member # 9449) on :
What would really make me HAPPY is to not be sick anymore Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
I hear you...Then put all your energy into healing yourself, it is possible!
Posted by aperture (Member # 34822) on :
You deserve much better!
Posted by jazzygirl24 (Member # 30829) on :
Hi Corinne,
Luckily you live in NJ, when it comes to alimony. Your medical condition should have no bearing on alimony.
In NJ if you have been married 10 years or more, you are by law entilted to permanant alimony.
As long as there is a disparity in income-if your husband makes more money you will be eligible for a part of his pension, collect his social security, (if he makes more ss then you) etc.
Most men or women who have to pay alimony in NJ do not like the divorce laws in NJ.
Get yourself a different lawyer, maybe a female, or work with a mediator. There are some excellant mediators (women) in NJ and charge about 200.00 or so for consultation.
Read the law on the nj.gov site.
Don't let him intimadate you, he problably knows the law and realizes he will lose bigtime! Don't make a big issue with him if you can or can not work due to illness. You are covered you have permanant ss.
Please try to remember every state has different laws-educate yourself on NJ law.
PM me if you want more info.
Grace
Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
Please remember in the dark moments how special you are.
This miserable sickeness cannot take away the beautiful qualities that make you.
Whatever anyone says to you, remember you are a survivor, and you will be just fine.
Posted by cordor (Member # 9449) on :
thanks so much.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
my llmd wrote one for me. said i had difficulty understanding prolonged conversations, could not sit for extended periods of time (which is the honest truth), i had trouble navigating in heavily congested areas and did not do well in crowds of people, and i suffered from chronic fatigue and had light sensitivity.
no problem.
Posted by cordor (Member # 9449) on :
that was really helpful Randibear. It gives me a better idea of how the letter should be worded. Thanks for sharing that with me. Posted by cordor (Member # 9449) on :
ALL of you are really so helpful and encouraging. Means so much to me, especially right now.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Do you also get lost when driving somewhere?
Posted by Catgirl (Member # 31149) on :
You never really know a person until you get divorced. That's what I discovered 30 years ago with my first husband (I didn't realize what he was capable of until I left).
Posted by Rumigirl (Member # 15091) on :
Make sure that you have the very best divorce lawyer you can muster, even though NJ laws are apparently in your favor.
Kick this guy to the curb, and keep your head up. Whew, that is bad what he said and is doing!! And who does he expect to hold him up when he's down??
And keep working on taking care of your health. Don't let the stress do you in (yeah, easier said than done, of course). Keep getting support both here and with any other support groups, friends, family, faith group, therapy, etc.
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