I awake each morning at 4 a.m. with such anxiety and depression. Anxiety caused by the illness, caused by increased doubts that I will ever get better, caused by worries that I won't be able to afford treatment much longer. Worried that I'll disabled some year soon.
I pray to Gxd each night to take me home. I've had enough.
Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
Oh, please remember most of what you are feeling is this horrid disease. Many people have either been completely healed or have been restored back to some normal life.
God knows your pain and hears your prayers. It is sometimes hard to understand why we are all not healed when we pray.
I will pray for you and I hope that you can get some rest.
Write as often as you wish, we are here.
Posted by LymeLogged (Member # 36494) on :
I don't pray to be healed anymore.
I've been at this for over two years and it's been one step forward, then another one back. I've had no progress that has held.
I just pray for Gxd to take me back home. I'm so tired of all this.
I think I'm one of the people who will never get their lives back. I have no life at all now.
Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
Most of us have periods of "no life", lost friends, family that doesn't believe in Lyme, etc.
Are you seeing a LLMD? Is the medication making it worse? Sometimes meds will make everything seem harder.
I had to really focus to find joy in the moments of all the dark pain and sickness. A bird outside, a funny thing the dog did, anything. It helped because I started to see a little light come in.
It does get better and people do get healed. I am hanging on to that. So you have someone to talk to - a friend or a therapist? Sometimes that helps to have a different perspective.
I am not a polly-anna type. But I had to fight to find some positives in this nightmare.
Please send me a private message if you wish. I hope you are seeing a good LLMD. That can make all the difference.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Praying that you will get the help you need! YOU CAN GET WELL.. I AM LIVING PROOF!
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
Praying for your healing, Lymelogged.
So many of us understand how you feel.
There is hope. There is always hope.
God knows your heart and your suffering.
You are special to Him. You suffer and you have persevered.
God appreciates this quality.
It helps me to "flood" myself everyday with positive, uplifting God-filled messages and music.
I watch Joyce Meyer's broadcast everyday. You can watch online or on tv.
Praying for you!!!
Posted by LymeLogged (Member # 36494) on :
I am seeing a top ILADS LLMD, been in treatment for 2 years. It's always one step forward and one back.
This is just getting old and very expensive. Not sure I can afford this much longer.
And the doctor I go to doesn't test for FL1953 which I really think I probably have.
Posted by Rene (Member # 4870) on :
Giving up is not even an option. I have been exactly where you are. The first three years was housebound and deathly sick. The nature of lyme is one step forward, sometimes two back.
Keep the faith, be sure you have some detox in place. Consider slowing things down. Ask your Dr. if you can take smaller doses. Maybe then you'll feel like you have more of a life.
Some great advice I got years ago from the great Dr. B was: This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
Posted by RZR (Member # 20953) on :
We all know exactly how you feel.
We must keep fighting. We can do it...together!
I've been fighting nearly 3 years...only 6 weeks after my bite. I feel worse now than ever.
I refuse to give up on myself or on YOU!
Posted by ralphi (Member # 33834) on :
LymeLogged, I've only been treating for 6 months, but there have been a lot of times when I actually wished for death.
Not that I would take action against myself, just that the suffering was unbearable.
You mentioned you pray to God; I believe that he cares about us and that even the worst things happen for a reason.
We may not ever know the reason in this life, but he can use this terrible disease for good!
I'm personally ok with not getting 100% better, so long as God makes me a better person because of what I've been through.
I hope this helps you; PM me if you ever want to talk!
Posted by pme (Member # 31621) on :
Lymelogged I feel your pain. It sounds trite but I do. I stopped praying to be healed and just pray that whatever I am supposed to learn becomes clear so I can move forward.
I actually said to my physical therapist yesterday that I have no future if I continue like this. I did t mean it to sound so dramatic but that is the way I felt. Maybe my future will be different than I thought. I dont know. God will use whatever means to lead you where you need to go please stick around to see what He has planned I k now it so sucks and it plays with your brain so your perspective is warped. Try to stay positive. I will pray for your healing too.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
quote:Originally posted by LymeLogged:
I am seeing a top ILADS LLMD, been in treatment for 2 years. It's always one step forward and one back.
- For me, this was the worst part of Lyme treatment. The roller coaster ride was horrible. Took me 4 yrs to get well, but it was worth it!
Hang in there!! Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
Living everyday as we're dead, emptiness in brain and heart feels like no existence or reason for existence.m my llnd believes I'm in there, I try to hold onto that. I've asked to die, but I'm not in a rational place when I ask. I love life and miss feeling so much. I don't feel like I fight, I just am. Just keep am and God is good. Keep goin. I know how hard it is.
Posted by glm1111 (Member # 16556) on :
lymelogged,
I used to have symptoms just like yours.
What turned the corner for me was treating with antiparasitic herbs and salt/c. Parasites/worms can cause extreme anxiety is is often an overlooked co-infection of Lyme. Please don't give up.
Google parasite symptoms and check the symptom list at Humaworm and do a search on here for parasites. You can get your life back!
Gael
Posted by LymeLogged (Member # 36494) on :
Thanks Gael,
Being treated for parasites right now as a matter of fact. I'm on a modified Dr K protocol. Biltricide, Ivermectin and Pin-X.
After that I'll be going back on BWF A-P
**edited name of LLMD per LN rules**
[ 03-23-2012, 09:16 PM: Message edited by: Lymetoo ]
Posted by aperture (Member # 34822) on :
Posted by fflutterby (Member # 28081) on :
Posted by fflutterby (Member # 28081) on :
Dont stop, dont give up....you may be closer than you think ! Keep praying for healing, I will pray for you too.
Posted by shannon12 (Member # 36149) on :
lymelogged- I really know how you feel, like every day I get closer and closer to ending it. But I almost lost my brother to suicide two years ago(he's now in bad physical shape.) and don't want to do that to my family. But sometimes I still wish I had enough guts to just do it. I've been watching the world go by for 9 years and feel like I'm not even a part of it. I'm 30 years old, finally lost my 13 year relationship for good due to my multiple health problems. I have friends that never call, I have family and they're great, but the reality is I sit in my home alone in agony. It seems like everyone else around you is fine and goes on with their life.
People talk about God and everything, but I don't feel him anywhere around me, I haven't my whole life. All I do is cry, I try to pray sometimes but again, still feel like I'm alone. I'm so sick of being in this much pain.
I should have a family by now, have furthered my career, be going on vacations, and doing other activities but instead, I drag myself to work, barely able to do my job (I'm a nurse, shouldn't even be at work, but what else am I going to do?)
And now this lyme just consumes me, it runs my life, how could it not? it's all I think about, and then I think, it seems to just keep getting worse, despite all this therapy, I just don't have the energy any more.
I don't mean to be so depressing, I just can't help it, but thank god for the people on here that give me hope eveyday with positive thoughts and personal stories. There are people on here that have struggled a lot longer than I have so I try to tell myself maybe I can do it.
Posted by nonna05 (Member # 33557) on :
It doesn't make sense, it hurts, it makes you feel like you hit a wall every time you think something will work....
I to don't get it,,,why,,,if I can take 6 meds,14 supps and 8 drops ,,,how could I not be feeling well...
Many have said it takes time ,,I hope I'm not missing the THING that will help,
BUT>>>>> Please try to find some joy or kindness in some part of your day...
Know how many have gone before us..and made it through,,,
I feel like I should be eating Kale, Fake cheese Fake bread, chicken, and any vegie.... Do I??? no..I try ,but am not in control of what I get ...
Meaning ,this all seems so crazy, but ....
YOU DON"T WANT TO GIVE UP.....you have those who love and care for you.........
I know you are missing so much of what you THOUGHT your life would be,,,,Hold on to what care and insightful info you get here..
I'm talking not as a well person, I am so frustrated, but I do talk from experience...
My brother (52) was ill, many similar symptoms some different...lost so much and didn't get/have any knowledgeable help...
He said what you are saying....HE IS GONE>>>
He had so much more to give and my heart breaks ..................he is missed ...............Please hang on with any ounce of hope...
PM TuTu, Keebler , GiGi,,or so many others that you may connect to....
Also there are 24hour prayer lines...not off the wall....would be happy to send them to you if you want..
FIGHT<FIGHT< PRAY<<<<<<<Nonna
Posted by LymeLogged (Member # 36494) on :
Thanks for everyones kind words and concern.
I'm taking a break from Lymenet for a while.
Lymetoo. Did I really mention an LLMD's full name? Really? I don't think I've ever done that before. I know better.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
I think you posted his last name. It's easy to make a slip.
Hope you feel better soon. Posted by farraday (Member # 21494) on :
It is so easy to feel overwhelmed. That is the word I used yesterday to my psychiatrist. I have been seeing her for more than 10 years. I have been ill since 1984. BUT I am better than I was for so long before lyme was found two years ago. I am out of my wheelchair, reading, walking a bit and far more coherent since I began the antibiotic therapy.
My pain doctor suggested that God knows the plan and we just trust that it will work. I am a very different person from the hard driving businesswoman I was in 1984. I like myself more. My family watches me and marvels at my strength.
Hopefully they are learning from me. But I am lonely and frustrated by the never ending fatigue, confusion and pain. I long to do things, to go places and to interact with people. My speech is too difficult and keeps me isolated.
One med that helps me with mood swings is Lamictal. I also take anti anxiety meds and sleep meds. I resisted for years, but my quality of life is improved by taking them.
I also have my list of happy things that help me along....movies I like, my Kindle, taking photos from my porch, making cards, teasing my husband, writing stories, writing in my journal.....
There is a Plan for each of us. You reminded me to list my happy things so maybe you needed to hear from me as I needed to hear from you. Yes, I am overwhelmed, trying to figure out what to do next to get well and not go crazy in the process.
But I will not quit fighting....for myself, for my family and for all of you.
Posted by Mountainsky (Member # 51857) on :
Reading the first few sentences of your post really hit home. I know what that is like. You feel alone regardless of the support you receive. I wouldn't wish this physical and mental pain on anyone.
On top of everyday stresses that healthy people deal with, being sick makes these things for us 10x worse, and still dealing with a pandemic.
This post appears to be almost 10 years old but I felt I need to respond regardless. I don't know you but I hope things turned around for you.
Posted by Rumigirl (Member # 15091) on :
And we hope that things turn around for you, too, Mountainsky.
I, too, am going through an unfathomably difficult time. We all know what it's like. But to use a hackneyed phrase, When the going gets tough, the tough get going. I know, that doesn't really sound like something to grab onto when you're suffering.
But, we haven't given up on you. Please don't give up on yourself.
I hope that you get the help you need, both in the LLMD department, and also with psych meds. I
wonder if maybe it is the wrong time to try to get off psych meds, due to how difficult things are for you now. But, of course, I have no idea. It's just that you need all the help you can get now.
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[bow]](graemlins/bow.gif)
Please try to find some joy or kindness in some part of your day...![[kiss]](graemlins/kissing.gif)