I just can't take this suffering and these false starts anymore.
I fought and fought to get my husband well and now all of my strength is gone and the battle isn't even over.
The stress of it all probably damaged my nervous system even more. I have nerve damage in my arms and legs that I didn't even know about.
I have to shower with a chair because I cannot stand for long. What has become of my life?
My 3 yr old son, who was doing so well after a short course of Amox last year, is now relapsing. He has signs of PANS, which I am just learning about.
His Glutathione is low.
My 15 yr old daughter is missing out on a normal life and now spends most of her time at her dad's house (my ex-husband).
I am travel-worn and weary.
Thank you guys for being here. You guys help me not feel so alone.
Posted by surprise (Member # 34987) on :
Oh, I am so sorry. I promise, this to shall pass. Hard to believe when you are in the thick of it, I know.
Sending you prayers and good thoughts---- You are a good person, it will get better.
Sometimes it's just one foot in front of the other.
Posted by didogs (Member # 40101) on :
Lax mom-I am sorry you are feeling this way.
Sending you prayers and positive thoughts. You will get through this.
Thinking of you...
Posted by skies (Member # 28064) on :
Sorry you're having a hard time. I'm feeling much the same lately. It's hard to stay hopeful, and it sucks to have no quality of life to speak of. I feel like a zombie most of the time. Barely alive. I'm tired of living my life this way.
No great advice for you, but I sure can relate. Hang in there and just keep trying your best, one day at a time is all we can do.
Hugs. Posted by lax mom (Member # 38743) on :
surprise: thank you. Yes, it is absolutely one foot in front of the other. One second at a time because even one day at a time is too much at times.
didogs: thank you so much for the kind words.
skies: I was only looking for support, no advice needed. I do feel like a zombie most of the time. Something's gotta give.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Very sorry to hear. I know how tough it can be! Keep the faith that one day you will be past all of this!
Posted by OptiMisTick (Member # 399) on :
[ 05-22-2013, 02:54 AM: Message edited by: OptiMisTick ]
Posted by Kudzuslipper (Member # 31915) on :
{{{{lax mom}}}I am so sorry to read this. Hang in. You offer such great advice and encouragement to others I wish I could solve this for you. But all I can offer is hugs.
Posted by BoxerMom (Member # 25251) on :
I've been there soooo many times. Totally get it.
Sorry you're struggling. I got you some flowers.
Posted by Razzle (Member # 30398) on :
Posted by lax mom (Member # 38743) on :
Thanks for the hugs Lymetoo, Kudzu and Razzle!
Boxermom: Thank for the flowers
OptiMisTick: I needed that poem! Thank you. I'm going to print it out and put it on my wall.
I was completely caught off guard with my son's relapse. For some stupid reason, I thought he was healed for good and would never have to deal with Lyme and co. again.
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
Praying for you and your whole family, lax mom.
I wish I could give you a huge reassuring hug in person.
God sees the big picture and He knows the plans He has for you and your family.
I know of a woman who was close to death from lyme...she literally looked like she might die within a few months.
She started treatment in Dec 2012. She has had some amazing improvements so far on oral therapy.
My point is that if she can recover, anyone can.
Keep pressing on, lax mom. We are all right there with you!!
i dont know where i found the strength to raise my kids
somehow a mom finds the strength
i'm sure i'm worse because of how hard the journey has been
but...i'm ok with how i am now. i feel bad about the "young" ppl dealing with this - but i was 33 when i got sick. 2 of my kids were sick with Lyme when very young.
some how we made it thru. things are changing...i dont know the new answers. i just know there is a way to find the strenght. and its worth it.
Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
It is a long hard road that we understand all too well.
Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.
Posted by lax mom (Member # 38743) on :
Dekrator: thanks for that link. I listened to it then got lost in youtube.
Finally, I found a song by Kellie Pickler, "I Wonder" about how her mom left her when she was 3. It made me realize that just being here, giving hugs and loving my kids (even though I can't "do" much of anything) still means alot to them.
linky: thank you for the hugs.
Posted by beaches (Member # 38251) on :
So sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I think sometimes (always?) we moms use ourselves up caring for everyone else at our own expense. And before we know it, we're the ones down for the count.
But what else are we supposed to do? As mothers and wives, we never really put ourselves first, do we?
I don't have much advice, other than to let you know that it just means the world to our kids that they know we are there for them and love them more than anything.
We can't always "do" all we think we should be doing, but that's our issue, not theirs. When we can't "do" we have to just "be" and just do our best to show our families love in whatever ways we can.
I know you already know this but I just wanted to remind you! Posted by sideways (Member # 34352) on :
Hang in there. I've been having a rough time with my issues lately, too. We'll hang together. Posted by Talktel (Member # 7980) on :
Hey Lax mom,
You've got to hang in there! Your family and your friends here on Lyme net need you!
I'm sending you hugs and prayer to get better.
We're going through a rough patch now, but I promise, somehow or other, we will get out of this/
It ok to feel down, but we're not letting you go out!
We're all sending you hugs and all our love.
Posted by lax mom (Member # 38743) on :
beaches, sideways and Talktel:
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
You are so right lax mom.
Your loving and supportive presence is what is important to your kids.
That was sad to watch Kellie sing about how her Mom left her when she was 3.
Continuing to pray for you and your family.
Posted by Rivendell (Member # 19922) on :
Hi Lax Mom,
I'm feeling that way too!
On good days, I have hope, but when I go back down, I think it will never go away, and I wonder if I have an infection besides lyme and co's that may never be discovered.
But, those are normal thoughts that we all have.
Lax Mom, you are anything but lax. You have given your all to help your husband and children and yourself. So don't be down on yourself.
For encouragement, I'll tell you this story.
I used to hang out on a CFS forum and the founder of that website was totally disabled for 18 years, then he got better and is back working full time.
I don't think he ever really knew why he was sick. He concentrated on boosting and balancing his immune system with herbs, transfer factors specially formulated for different ailments, increasing probiotics, taking pre-emptive rests and gradually increasing exercise - if only 1/2 block each day. (Now he walks two miles per day.) And he started juicing.
But he got well after 18 years.
I remind myself of him and of people here who have gotten well.
Hugs, Lax Mom. (You're a good mom.)
Posted by lax mom (Member # 38743) on :
Dekrator: thanks so much for the prayers!
And thanks for always posting about K-love. There have been many times I have felt down and read one of your posts to someone about K-love. Then listen to their songs and feel renewed hope.
Rivendell: It truly helps to know that I'm not alone. Thank you for your kind words of support on this forum and in PM's.
Wow! The CFS forum founder got well after 18 YEARS???? and he didn't truly know what the problem was? That is amazing!
Posted by lax mom (Member # 38743) on :
Thank God the hopeless days have passed for now. My hope is renewed and I'm ready to press on.
Thank you all for helping keep my head above water when I felt like I was drowning.
Posted by Ellen101 (Member # 35432) on :
Try to hang in there lax mom. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be to have not only yourself dealing with Lyme, but your children and husband as well. I give you so much credit. You will get through this, one day at a time. Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
So good to hear, lax mom!
Just keep pumping yourself full of inspirational music, books, prayer and anything else that lifts you up!
Your friends will always be here for you.
Big hugs!!!
Posted by Rivendell (Member # 19922) on :
Lax Mom, keep on keeping on.
This is some journey.
Have you read "Cure Unknown" by Pamela Weintraub?
She is a science journalist and has written for and been editor of Psychology Today and Discover Magazine.
She and her entire family became sick with Lyme, and she tells her story in this book.
She is very thorough about her story and the research she has done on the trashing of the lyme diagnosis and the trashing of LLMDS.
She is supposed to come out with a revised version soon.
It is a good book to read for validation.
Glad you are feeling better in spirit.
Posted by lax mom (Member # 38743) on :
Ellen, Dekrator and Rivendell:
Rivendell: I read the book about a year ago. I'm one of the Lyme "mutts" like her.
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