Do you know why they never made a 2nd Yogi Bear??????
Because they Made A BooBoo Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
NO wonder!!!! Posted by Annie C (Member # 14) on :
Another Joke. You have 3 Flies in your kitchen which one is the cowboy????
The one on the Range
I wonder where the Park Ranger was from? He wore a hat.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
How is it that times flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana?
Posted by Annie C (Member # 14) on :
Good one. I hate it when we bring home our bananas with the fruit flies already on them. True. They like Banana. Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Here's another fly one for ya -
"Waiter, what's that fly doing in my soup??!!"
Waiter looks: "Uh, I think it's doing the back stroke."
Posted by Annie C (Member # 14) on :
Loving It. Laughter is the best medicine. I guess they don't have to be all jokes. ie; Dear Lord keep your arm around my shoulders and Your Hand Over My Mouth!!!!!!!! True story. Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
I'd like to see what that would look like, the invisible hand over the mouth -
"Mmrthrdpwrklmqrtdsgcmnrttkpltrmnplh," etc - translation: "Help - I can't open my mouth!"
Heading says jokes! Keep 'em coming!
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn." Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was." The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother.
Robot for sale.
Steve
Posted by Annie C (Member # 14) on :
Hehehehehehehehehehehehe Still laughing. So funny. I had to call my brother and tell him. We all could use a Joke a day or even more. And I Know you have more where that came from...
Dont sell the Robot give it to the CDC
Posted by Annie C (Member # 14) on :
After Sunday Service the Pastor announced that the Church needed to be white washed and could use some volunteers and white paint. Please come by next Saturday and have fun.
Well Saturday came and no one did. So with frustration and forgiveness the Pastor got out the paint he had. Knowing he would have to thin it down if he was going to paint the whole church.
Satisfied and happy it all went ok, even tho no one showed uo...
So the next morning he got up and had realized it had rained. He paniced and ran out side and saw that the church looked even worse.
He cried out to God and asked why God why did you let it rain after I had painted the whole church. Your Church God. WHY???
God answered "Repaint and Thin No More"
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
Mom: get up Liam, you will be late for school
Liam: but I don't wanna go, all the teachers and students hate me
Mom: you have to go
Liam: give me one reason why I should go
Mom: your 35, and your the principal ______________________________________________
A police officer on traffic duty flags down a car.
“Sir, you appear to have 12 penguins in the back of your car.”
“That’s right, officer, I do.”
“Well that’s ridiculous – take them to the zoo straight away.”
“OK officer.” And the car drives off.
Next day, the same policeman in the same spot sees the ...Read Moresame car drive past – with the penguins in the back. He flags him down again.
“I thought I told you to take them to the zoo…”
“Yes, officer, and it was great – today I’m taking them to the cinema.”
Steve
Posted by Annie C (Member # 14) on :
Oh yes that's what I'm talking about. You made me LOL LOL LOL first time today. Laughing feels almost abnormal. But It great. Thanks Steve. Keep'em coming. We all need to smile and laugh.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered: "Thou shall not kill."...
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
and then there's the one I posted a few weeks ago and no one laughed ...
How do you tell if it's a Lone Star tick??
- - - - His Stetson
Posted by Annie C (Member # 14) on :
Oh yes Lymetoo I did laugh. You're the one that gave me the idea that we all need a joke or more to make us smile. We've all been through this together. All of us. We deserve a good belly laugh. Even through our pain. We should laugh through our pain.
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
Why men are not allowed to give advice in Love columns of magazines?
Anonymous: Hi! I’m a lady aged 26 married with one kid. Last week my husband was off duty and I had to drive alone to work.
I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home. I drove for just about 2km from home n my car engine started 2 overheat so i had to turn back and get another car.
When i got home i found my husband romancing with our maid. I don’t know what to do now. Please help.
Reply by male columnist: Dear anonymous.
Overheating of engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the carburetor.
U need to check your oil and water level in your engine b4 u start your journey. U must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future. Hope this helped you…!
Steve
Posted by Annie C (Member # 14) on :
😳😳😳Hilarious I love it.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
. Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat?
Shut up and eat your meat loaf.
OUR KIDS TODAY!!!
Steve
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Sherlock Holmes and Doc Watson are camping. Holmes says to Watson: "Look up and tell me what you deduce."
Watson looks up: "I see stars, 1000s of them, and their light is not really present light, it's traveled millions of years to get here, so this is actually like looking back in time..."
Sherlock: "No, you fool, someone stole our tent."
Posted by Annie C (Member # 14) on :
Give all this funny stuff a b round of applause to Lymetoo she started it.✋👊a high five and fist bump.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
. BEER TROUBLESHOOTING
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed. ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION: Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. FAULT: You are dancing on the table. ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear. FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. ACTION: Punch him.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. FAULT: You have been in a fight. ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. FAULT: The beer is too weak. ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. FAULT: Beer is just right. ACTION: Play air guitar.
Here's to you-----Steve
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
. A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?"
The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?"
Well, it says you"re not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing"s an hour fast."
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