Hi. Just found this board. My spouse got bitten by a tick when she was 11. Her lyme was diagnosed 30 years after. She's in her mid-50s. I met her ten years ago. I've researched lyme many times over the years but it just occurred to me a few days ago that I never really understood how much she felt that it controlled her and how much pain she was in. How much she felt it caused her relationships to dwindle. Her relationships with her mother, kids, friends, and me. She's struggled to work and sometimes just to function.
I kept assuring her over the years that the relationships were fine but she kept pushing back. I've been as supportive as I could be and she's thanked me for that, and I think I've done a good job. We've done fun things and love each other, although COVID put a damper on activities.
Well, she left me recently to go home so she could find a cure on her own. Didn't leave for traditional reasons such as another man or general unhappiness, like you might find in a bad marriage, but because she felt so inadequate in all aspects of her life due to the lyme. She moved back in with her mother.
It came a shock and I'm devastated. We had a brief chat, after talking non-stop for 5 years, and she said she needed space to recover from the Lyme, which I will give her.
I'm looking for a SPOUSE support network. I'm not looking for a cure (everyone here knows that's hard) but for something like AlAnon for spouses. Do you know of one?
Posted by hopingandpraying (Member # 9256) on :
So sorry about that. Lyme is devastating and takes a heavy toll on everyone!
I don't know about spouse support networks, but I would recommend you contact the DC Lyme Support Group - maybe they can help you or know of one.
Wow, that sounds like a complete shock for you!! I am so sorry to hear it. Lyme takes a terrible toll on everything, relationships included.
At our local Lyme support group, spouses or other family members, come for support, both with the person with Lyme, or independent of the person with Lyme. Spouses need support, too!!
Of course, since the pandemic, the group is virtual on Zoom. Frankly, that is easier, even though I might miss meeting in person.
I strongly urge you to take part. It also sounds as if you could use a therapist or counselor, especially someone who has experience with people with chronic illnesses.
It's too bad that she didn't let you know in time to get therapy/counseling help for the two of you. My heart goes out to both of you. There's a lot of pain involved with this awful illness complex. Don't give up. I hope that she may open up to you again after a while.
Posted by Ann-Ohio (Member # 44364) on :