Dear Members of the List: I got a telephone call from a fellow lyme sufferer yesterday saying that people here were asking about me. What on earth for I thought. She must be imagining things. She had called in a high state of excitement, due to the fact that she might be able to drive over and see our mutual doctor in Atlanta, who among his other atributes is a physically spendid speciman whose appearance she finds most pleasing. If you have got to go to a doctor go to one you can enjoy looking at. After all he may not be able to do anything for you but at least you can sit there and drool, if nothing else.
The question is "why do these people want to know about me?" "Well they find you so entertaining." Lovely, I feed Boris and Myrtle and entertain the troops with my tales of woe. Sort of like being thrown to the lions and having the spectators watch me try to give one of the lions a bloody nose while he chews off my left foot.
The real question is not how I am doing but how are my unwanted tenants the Burgdorferis-Myrtle and Boris-doing and their 11, 185,000 offspring. They are doing just fine. I am feeling, looking and smelling more and more like a toxic waste dump and landfill everyday.
You see, I now understand. There was a recent article which announced the discovery of the ages, the Borrelia burgdoferi excahnge genes. There are a number of earthy terms for this in every language. Let us see, Dorothy Carolyn the daughter of the late Col and Mrs. Bertram Bassett and Mr. Cuthbert Hubert Girdlestone, the son of Mr. And Mrs. Reginal Girdlestone celebrated an exchange of genes last Saturday night, etc. ect. lovely. In any case Myrtle and Boris have been at it big time. This is the reason nothing works against them. They even sway genders. Now that is something else.
I have tried killing them with antibiotics. They just sat there and thumbed their noses and almost died with laughter as the abx almost killed me-guzzling sherry the whole time. Cleocin and levaquin-oh horrors. Myrtle was furious that I have ruined her preserves and siked Boris on me, who needed no excuse. He just loves to beat up on me and did.
Then there are those who have tried magnesium. They spend long hours in the smallest room in their houses. There are those who have tried cooking the microscopic swine. Boiling them in their own juices and have gotten cooked themselves-at 20,000 clams a clip. There are those who have tried this or that nostrum and to little avail.
Finally we come to the Marshall Protocol.I have looked into it and have discovered its Achilles heel too. You see nobody can explain how the MP gets rid of the various extra cellular coccoid, cyst or bleb forms of the disease.
So guess what I am doing. You got it. The Marshall Protocol. If it does not work, we can at least chalk another one up to experience. After all even the LLMDs do not know much if anything about lyme disease. Nobody else does either.
I am of course feeling awful. But then this is the strangest disease. They keep telling me you have got to get worse before you get better. The only problem is that you never get better. No wonder we are all nuts. But one can hope. I may try arsenic next. That is sure to work, one way or the other. Cheeers? Cheers. Thomas Parkman