I live alone on a mountain with 2 fabulous dogs!! They have no thumbs.

My ex had my insurance cancelled and no one bothered to tell me until a friend was calling the ins.co on my benefit because I am suffering from lyme-brain-fry and they told her. SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!

My lawyer is, of course, out of the country and I had to figure out what to do. I did well ( applause-applause) and my pharmacy knows me well enogh to put all the meds on a charge until it is fixed.

Because of you wonderful people on this site I found a company to mix the drug for a great price and I am on my way.

However...
I am fried and lonely and depressed. My family cannot get beyond their own noses (not new behavior) and my friends all have lives of their own and are as supportive as they can possibly be given time constraints etc. Bless them every one.

I read the post about the sad story and I get how someone can make that choice. I am not going to do that but I FEEL like this is too hard to move through.

I have all my support things in place I am a good patient\ feedback taker. Do what I am supposed to do blah blah blah. I still feel so lonely my bones hurt.

Thanks for letting me spew.

I send you all the healing energy of your choice and light.

You may live alone on a mountain, but you are far from alone. I know it's old news, but we might as well be up on that mountain with you.

I'm sorry about your insurance--it can be a cruel world but you will find an alternative, as it seems you have underway and I'm happy to hear it!

Give those dogs a big ol' kiss for me, and vent on! Keep in sight how your life might be someday when you can climb the mountains around you and know that it's possible, and worth the good fight.

Well anyway, I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now. Last month I was in a place that you are now. (Herxing always makes me feel melancholy and crazy) And it's so scary because I also see how someone could end it all. I was going though a period where I truly believed what I had dreamed the night before, and was afraid that one morning my mind would believe that it would be better to die.

I don't have your insurance problems (well not yet anyway), but I too feel lonely...and I'm married. The fact that nobody knows the pain we are going through, my husband does try to help, but he really doesn't make a difference. Sorry for the babble, severe lyme brain this morning.

What I'm trying to say is that only you can make you better emotionally. Allow yourself some pitty time, and them come back swinging. A lot of times I find new meanings to songs that I've been listening to for years. This week it's a BonJovi song. Don't know the name but the inspiring line is ``It's my life, It's now or never, I ain't gonna live forever, I just want to live while I'm alive''. This has become my fight song for the week, while I try to focus on my insurance appeal.

Some inspiring lines are:

Don't focus on what you can't do, focus on what you can do. .. and become creative.

Use your doctor as a punching bag. My doc says he wants to hand me boxing gloves when I come in. I can bitch to him about everything, and I don't feel like I'm whining, and If I am whining, too bad, I'm paying him to listen!! This limits any whining to friends. I look forward to my monthly visits to him, I always leave feeling grounded. Also, antidepressants help, are you on any?

I hope I haven't offended you by over simplifying things. It must be rough being alone.
Use the board here, or your state lyme support group, maybe you can hook up with someone near you.

I hope you find an answer to your pain, both mental and physical. I've got the answer for the physical. For the mental, keep a gratitude journal daily.

Write down at least two things you are grateful for each day. It can be simple little things or big things. Sometimes all we can find are the little things!

Here are some roses for you. I keep them for special people and special occasions. Funny how they always appear to be fresh and beautiful!

Enjoy!

I am herxing myself and have been through the ringer lately. I also understand the feeling of being alone. But we here on the board understand.

Don't ever forget about ALL of us basically in the same boat with Ya!.... Pretty jam packed boat! lol

I hope you manage to get thru this insurance ordeal unscathed... Best of luck to you..

Take care..

What can I say to possibly make you feel a bit better?

You're in such a crappy place right now...
Hmmmmm...
I can recall the months and months of crushing head and neck pain and times when I thought my head was going to explode. Trigger point injections of Lidocaine were the only thing that got me through it...

And I thought I'd never get through it at all.

And now I've been off abx for 3 months.

Ok things to be thankful for... you have two wonderful live-in friends who'll NEVER tell you

'But gee, you don't look sick' and who will always love you unconditionally no matter what. It's amazing how good you feel when you get a cuddle or a kiss from someone who loves you no matter what.. even when you can't get out of bed to let them out or feed them. You're still you and for that they love you.

It was usually my 2 dogs that helped snap me out of my pity parties (and there were many when I had Bart.)

You have us, your 24/7 circle of friends who've been through what you're going through.

And um, remember that you've got bugs in your brain and taking some whopper antibiotics... and maybe altering your perception a bit. Making a tough situation seem totally insurmountable. It's just the bugs. You're still in there somewhere.

I hope you get through this tough day with your two compadres, and pray your ex gets hit with a lightning bolt - shame on him!!!

I know I have way too many bugs in my head and sometimes it really bugs me!?!

The isolation gets to be too much and when I am in my head it is a BAD neighborhood to be in!

I got thru today ( thanks to you), made an incredible Indian meal and it was so easy too!

Now it's out to watch the "boys" run, close up shop and snuggle in to watch mindless TV for a little while.

I send you all light and the healing of your choice.

Blessings,
Marblenose
ps- the ex has to live with himself. He gets blessings too and just might need them more than me.

Don't live on a mountain, but live alone and spend a lot of time by myself...so I can relate...

don't have two dogs, have two cats....so I can relate to the company of nonhumans...

love Indian food..

what's the recipe??

Are you able to get outside? It is a pretty decent day and although I have to force myself sometimes I always feel better after.
Just even to sit for 15-20 minutes.

And give yourself a break. Sometimes we know we should be doing certain things to help ourselves, but we get stuck. Give yourself credit for knowing you are stuck and have reached out! For me that is the hardest thing to do-to reach out.

For a long while I couldn't get out to the store. Had trouble driving, was using a walker, couldn't even shower without sitting down and sometimes that was even hard.

One day I felt decent enough to drive the short distance-5 minutes to the grocery store. I really didn't feel that well when I got there, the lights, I was way off balance even using my walker. But I was so excited to be out I called one of my friends from the support group and to tell her that this was my first trip out by myself in ages while I was shopping.

Thanks for the recipe. I, too, would spend the entire day cooking (not frequently) for an Indian meal. I am going to take my chicken I bought yesterday (cooked and on SALE) and turn it into an Indian feast.

This past Saturday I travelled an hour to meet with a friend battling cancer for a Indian buffet at restaurant close to her. It was the first time she's been up to it because of mouth problems. Anyway, there is something so centering about Indian food. I wish I could get back into it again.

However, I will simply have to be happy to a new "recipe" for enjoying what I've got.

Feel better.