posted
For those with lyme who aren't married, are you able to maintain a relationship? I've been dating the same man for 15 months, he knows I have lyme, is very supportive.
Posts: 911 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
i met my started going out with my gf one month before i got lyme. She has stayed with me for two years this month. she is great very supportive and understanding. It helps that she had lyme and her whole family also did years ago.
Posts: 33 | From New York | Registered: Jun 2008
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Been involved with my boyfriend for several months now, we were friends before so he's well aware of my plight with Lyme.
As supportive as he is, he still takes it personally sometimes when I'm not up to talking or just want to be left alone. I have to struggle to not get irritated at him for that.
So I have my doubts about whether it will last. When I'm feeling like who did it and ran, I just am not up to holding conversations. Takes too much energy, which I have to conserve for work.
-------------------- Jennifer Posts: 266 | From Ocean County, NJ | Registered: Aug 2007
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Yep. I figure you have to have some pretty good self esteem to date a person with lyme so you do not take things personally.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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posted
I just started dating someone and so far he seems okay with it, however I haven't been really that bad since we've been dating.
My biggest fear however is my concern of giving it to him through physical contact. I'm being told Bb is in saliva and other bodily fluids so I'm not qute sure what to think about that. I would feel awful if he ended up getting this.
Posts: 215 | From Phoenix, AZ | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
Yes, been with someone for almost 2 years now and my symptoms started 4 months into the relationship. It has been very rough at times, and not just when the symptoms are very bad, but also the uncertainty about the future.
-------------------- Why me? Well, why not me??? Posts: 411 | From San Francisco, CA | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
The relationship issue has been one of the most depressing aspects of having Lyme for me. I have had some great and beautiful relationships, and dated a bunch, but since I have been sick (it was a few years before I discovered it was Lyme... just recently), I have not dated at all. I long for the closeness but I have little energy to go out, meet people, etc. (And a lot of the time, little energy for even a conversation.) Making plans in advance is a gamble, and when I do have a good day, it's often spent taking care of some of the things I put off while feeling sick. Frankly, on most days, despite wanting to be in a relationship, I have no idea how I would deal with one or be able to give much. I have never suffered from low self-esteem issues or negative self-thinking before, but lately I've been wondering how a relationship will ever happen, who would want to be with me if I'm like this, I feel like I'm nothing but a high-maintenance mess who is not involved in anything interesting anymore (used to be an artist, athlete, traveler, etc), and other negative thoughts along those lines. I'm nearing 37, feel like some prime years have come and gone, and work hard to stay in a positive place about the potential of relationships, but it's definitely a huge challenge. It's a mental struggle, or my illness trying to defeat me on yet another level, but it's one I will NOT give in to. I try to keep hope that I can give and receive in a relationship, and that somehow a good one will come about, despite my lack of energy and involvement in the world lately. I'd love anyone else's thoughts/support/contributions on this. I thank the OP for starting this thread.
-------------------- From this moment to the next, you need do nothing more to move forward than to be present in this moment now without anger. Posts: 3 | From US | Registered: Aug 2008
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quote:I've been wondering how a relationship will ever happen, who would want to be with me if I'm like this, I feel like I'm nothing but a high-maintenance mess who is not involved in anything interesting anymore (used to be .....), and other negative thoughts along those lines. I'm nearing 37, feel like some prime years have come and gone,
This is exactly how I have felt for the past 8 years of my life. I ended up so lonely and felt so bad about myself that I settled for something that was not good for me. it turned out to be a disaster!
Then I got diagnosed 2 months after our divorce from a marriage that only lasted about 3 months.
My biggest advice is do not go into a relationship with these emotions swirling inside! It makes for bad choices.
Since getting dx I have come up a lot in my emotional and mental attitude. Comes and goes for sure, but I at least know that I wont make that mistake again and I at least know that I was right, I have been sick! But I am also getting better!!!!
Relationships take a lot of give and take and I hope that this new person who has stepped into my life recently will be a good one!
:-)
-------------------- Seeking renewed health & vitality. --------------------------------- Do not take anything I say as medical advice - I am NOT a dr! Posts: 830 | From TN | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
Good luck, CJN.. I hope it goes well and can be what you wish for. Thanks for the response.
-------------------- From this moment to the next, you need do nothing more to move forward than to be present in this moment now without anger. Posts: 3 | From US | Registered: Aug 2008
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posted
Shoot I could date a corpse maybe. Just lay it on the floor next to the couch, or next to my bed or something...that'd be about it.
Seriously though you could get a pet like a cat. Make sure it's indoor only so it's not outside getting bit, and declaw the thing. Last thing you need is bartonella if you don't already have it.
Posts: 499 | From Indiana | Registered: Oct 2007
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adamm
Unregistered
posted
Yes--it's one of the best things you can do.
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TerryK
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 8552
posted
I met a wonderful man after I was already sick but still functional. I had been sick off and on for many years but didn't know what was wrong or that it would turn into a disabling illness.
When I met him I was working full time and taking a class at night but I was not feeling well and barely able to keep up. I had to drop the class. As I got sicker and sicker I told him I thought he should move on because I was too ill to have a relationship.
He is an intelligent, good looking guy who could have easily moved on and found another relationship but he stuck it out with me literally through thick and thin. I gained a huge amount of weight, had terrible mood swings and all of the other things that go with decades of untreated lyme and co-infections.
20+ years later and we have worked through all the adjustments that it has taken to learn to live with illness. We are very happy together despite my many limitations.
We were talking the other day about how we were going to manage in retirement given all the money we've spent over the past few years for lyme treatment. I was feeling very bad that we won't have a great retirement because of my illness.
He said that love is more important than money!! There is hope. There are people out there who can and will be happy with you despite your illness and the limitations it imposes.
Terry
Posts: 6286 | From Oregon | Registered: Jan 2006
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