posted
Been invited by brother, who recently had mini-stroke to their get together with 7 others at a restaurant this year.
Explained just in car for 10 mins can wreck me, and the restaurant is 30 minutes away. I had to decline b/c of distance, noise, having to sit in chair among a crowded place and bad stomach issues and the fact that I can't even get enuf "umph" to take a shower and wash my hair.
I know they love me.....but still, after explaining, they don't understand.
I bring it on myself. I wrote him a note this morning, thanking him for invite and saying I would be with them in spirit.
His response was, well maybe you'll feel better in a few hours, just call us and we'll make room. We'd love to see you.
???? they don't get it and I can't explain anymore...trust, this was not a whim that I don't want to dress up and have a 5 star dinner out w/loved ones. It's simply too hard......
And yet, I should have just kept the "no" a no, and not opened up for them to re-invite. I said "can't" a month ago when they were planning it and then yesterday, when they called and said,
"WHEN YOU COME TO DINNER"...
I had to say no again but appreciate their kindness and caring.
I feel like crap physically...and now emotionally.
sigh.......
Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
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MannaMe
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 33330
posted
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. We do understand how it feels to miss out.
We had to stay home today also while both sides of the family are getting together.
Posts: 2252 | From USA | Registered: Aug 2011
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GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
Hww-aww! I am sorry that you are in this situation!
I completely understand about not having enough "oomph" to shower.
Healthy folks feel refreshed and invigorated after a shower. Folks with lyme need to lay down immediately after a shower. Sometimes even before drying off.
Try not to feel guilty for not going. If you went, you would be putting on a brave face during the dinner, but feeling awful inside.
The whole time you would be fighting the urge to lay down.
At least that's how I feel when I go anywhere where there is heat, lots of smells and noise.
Healthy folks just don't understand, and there is no use trying to explain it to them.
I always want folks to understand, but they would have to catch lyme to completely "get it", and I wouldn't wish lyme on my worst enemy.
That's the sad part about these infections.
They prevent us from doing things we enjoy, and make us feel ostracized from our loved ones.
Hang in there HWW!
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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posted
Praying that next year you will be ABLE, "healthy" and MannaMe's husband.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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steve1906
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16206
posted
I'm going to be so sick tomorrow!!!!
-------------------- Everything I say is just my opinion! Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008
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GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
Haha! Good one Steve!
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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lpkayak
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5230
posted
Healty i totally understand where u r coming from. Im trying to focus on positives but im fighting depression and if someone catches me off guard and i cry their response is clear they still after 20 yrs of this dint get...they want me to shake it off...
I was invited to afriend s who is treating lyme and only one of hersons was able ro come
I called her give her a heads up i might cry and she let her son know and it turned out we all had good timgreat conversarion for 2 hrs...i took curcumin and ibu and tried to stay longer but just couldnt
It worked out cuzit was close, weather good. Onlt 3 ppl and they both understood me...but no way could i do restaurant or large group...esp if it was my crazy family
The best for me is for all kids to come home with their spouse and babies and dogs and for them to do all the cookibg and cleaning and i get to be like fly on the wall and watch them interact...i love that...but what i did today was fine
-------------------- Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself. Posts: 13712 | From new england | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Oh, HWW, I'm sorry this was so wrenching. It sounds as if you were both very clear and very loving when you said you'd be there in spirit. It sounds as if you've been clear (and loving) from the beginning. Your brother may not understand, but I'm sure he does know that you love him.
In the summer we had to cancel a long-awaited trip to see family, some of whom are getting older and frailer.
It's hard to know what people mean when they say things like "maybe you'll feel better later." Sometimes it's really just denial or insensitivity.
But sometimes I think they do hear and understand when you tell them you can't make a trip or attend a function. And they want to say something nice and caring. But the only thing they can think of is to reiterate the invitation that caused the problem in the first place!
Posts: 431 | From New England | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
Yep, I think you nailed it right on the head Anthro! Well meaning 100%, generous 100%, understanding...50% as long as it doesn't mean saying no to "them".
You see, my brother is pretty much a homebound person and when he says he will go with his wife, she pushes real hard to get it going. He acts like if HE can, I can too. His last message via email was "well you have to eat anyway so come". le sigh.......
Update.....I think I'm getting freezed out now. I called to inquire about their dins and fun time and they haven't returned my call.
Oh well...maybe they aren't feeling well so I'll give them a pass. It's only fair. Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Yes, give them time. It's obviously hard for him to understand that not every homebound person is homebound for the same reasons.
You've made it very clear that you care by your thoughtful follow-up call. If they're generally well-meaning and generous, they're likely to come around. Posts: 431 | From New England | Registered: Dec 2011
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