Hambone
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 29535
posted
What do you think about this scenario....
( I will try to make it short )
Girl participates in cheerleading as a hobby from age 11-13. Squad enters competitions and wins local and regional titles, and goes on to state championships in a major city at a huge sports arena. Competes in front of 10,000 people and does well. She is as good as everyone else. She is on the small side, so always ends up as the flyer ( thrown in the air .
Age 15, enters high school. Tries out for cheerleading squad with 22 other girls.
This girl is the smallest trying out. She has always been small. She is 15, but looks 12 and is skinny. The other 21 girls are normal sized, and some are even on the hefty side.
Tryouts come and go.
Every girl but one ( 21 out of 22 girls ) makes the squad except this one girl. The small girl.
She was told she wasn't good enough, which is hard to believe knowing that she competed in a state competition in front of 10,000 people and did well. It is even on DVD!
Several of the girls who made the squad couldn't even do a split or cartwheel, and had never cheered before, but they looked "sexy" enough.
One girl out of 22 was left out.
Three women, staff and faculty members of the school, saw fit to exclude one teenaged girl from a group of 22...for appearances. They did not care that this decision to exclude her would embarrass her and crush her.
Her mama had to watch her cry herself to sleep.
It would be a little different if there were only a select number of spots available and several girls didn't make it. But as it was, they were allowed to have as many members as they wanted, but chose to exclude one ( most likely due to her looking younger than she really is ).
This girl was so affected by this decision, she refused to ever participate in competitive activities again, and her excitement for high school turned into a miserable experience. She was once willing to participate and compete in activities, but turned into someone suddenly shy and avoided being judged at all costs. She went from having all these plans to participate in extracurricular activities, to doing nothing, for fear of being made to feel like that again.
The principal of the school stayed out of it and would not get involved. The assistant principal called the girl's mother and sided with the mother about the situation. She was livid and embarrassed that she worked with people who would do that to a young girl. But her opinion was overrided by the principal who told her to stay out of it.
The matter was dropped. The three staff/faculty members wholeheartedly believed they were in the right and that the girl should just get over it.
I think it's important to know that this particular high school squad just cheered at football games on Friday nights. This was not a competition squad.
What do you think? What would you have done if you were in this situation?
Do you think the staff/faculty members were in the right? Appearances trump feelings?
What would you have done if this were YOUR child?
Honest and unbiased opinions appreciated
( I have such a soft heart for kids....stuff like this keeps me up at night. )
Posts: 1142 | From South | Registered: Dec 2010
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
I have never had children but here goes. Sure you can file a lawsuit but you will loose and the trauma of hearing all the negative about the child will Only damage her further. Sexy looking is everything nowadays. You can choose to pull her out of that school and put her in Nother one but that won't help either. Counseling might help cause teenagers are prone to suicide if they get significantly depressed over things. She needs support not anger. Maybe getting her involved in other things such as honor roll society, literature club etc with new friends might work. Others might help here and hey what do I know.....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Hambone
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posted
Oh no, no lawsuit was ever considered. Not doing that.
Thanks randibear.
Posts: 1142 | From South | Registered: Dec 2010
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randibear
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posted
good to hear dear. The poor kid tho. it is sad isn't it. I'm glad I went I into lib club, youth form Christ, home ec,'etc. Our school had a in crowd and if you weren't in it you were out. I was an "outie" so to speak.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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jackie51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
That is such a rough lesson at such a tender age. The school certainly isn't teaching anyone anything with this kind of attitude. If there were development guidelines and weights required, that should have been known prior to the tryouts.
If it was my kid (and I have kids), I would switch schools.
If the squad could have as many as they wanted, then there should not have been any exclusions. To exclude one is heartless.
I wouldn't sue, but I would take it up the flagpole as far as it could go.
Otherwise, suggest she start ballet. Dancing is good for the soul.
Posts: 1374 | From Crazy Town | Registered: Dec 2007
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Hambone
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Member # 29535
posted
quote:Originally posted by jackie51: If there were development guidelines and weights required, that should have been known prior to the tryouts.
I agree!!!! They had two weeks of practice before tryouts and not one word was said to her about her size. Well, not to her directly anyway. After the fact it was learned that two of the women sat on the bleachers and "gossiped" about her size and body as she practiced with the other girls. I think they knew all along they were never going to include her, but let her try out anyway.
quote:Originally posted by jackie51: If the squad could have as many as they wanted, then there should not have been any exclusions. To exclude one is heartless.
The whole thing was handled so heartlessly. How they let her know she was the only one not on the squad was even more heartless.
I usually encourage people to know that there are always two sides to every story. And this is only my side of the story. But as God as my witness, the only "other side of the story" was she was just not sexy enough and looked younger than she was. She had always been the smallest kid in every class since kindergarten. She was as good as everyone else ( even better than some ) and is a nice and thoughtful girl who was crapped on by three nasty women.
Thanks for your replies. For some reason today I REALLY needed to talk more about this, and needed unbiased opinions. Thanks so much for letting me unload. It happened again with another girl recently and has me angry all over again.
Posts: 1142 | From South | Registered: Dec 2010
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randibear
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posted
be sure and tell her that one day those other girls will be fat and ugly and she'll stll be pretty and petite and alot smarter. Listen to us girls here ......'we know bout these things like being last to be picked when all the kids in the class are lined up in a row or having girls giggle and point to you in music because you "'can't sing and why on earth is she even here" . We've probably all got stories of cruel kids and even worse parents. Remember I'm from Texas....the cheerleader murders...
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Hambone
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 29535
posted
quote:Originally posted by randibear: be sure and tell her that one day those other girls will be fat and ugly and she'll stll be pretty and petite and alot smarter. Listen to us girls here ......'we know bout these things like being last to be picked when all the kids in the class are lined up in a row or having girls giggle and point to you in music because you "'can't sing and why on earth is she even here" . We've probably all got stories of cruel kids and even worse parents. Remember I'm from Texas....the cheerleader murders...
I know I probably sound like a lunatic whining about this on a Lyme forum. But I sure am glad I had a place to get this out instead of holding it in.
I keep telling myself over and over that God will use this....somehow/someway.
When I was in middle school back in 1980-81, I was picked on bad by a group of high school girls at a roller skating rink. It was a case of mistaken identity. They thought I was the one who did something that ****ed one of them off.
Anyhooooo, fast forward 25 years and a new kid showed up in my classroom coming from a private school VERY below grade level. Guess who her mama was
I know when she saw me and that I was going to be her daughter's teacher, she probably pooped herself. But I never said a word and killed her with kindness and got her daughter back on grade level. She bought me this really expensive gift at the end of the year. Of the thousand plus teachers in my county, her daughter got ME for a teacher. Only God could do that.
So I know someday he will fix this. And it will be something far better than I could ever do.
Oh my Lord, if only I could get back to work and end up with the kids of these women in my class. Posts: 1142 | From South | Registered: Dec 2010
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posted
I feel for her (and you). I looked like that. Skinny and way younger than my chronological age. At 15-16, I looked twelve. It has now paid off... I was even mistaken for a 6th grade student when I was the TEACHER.
I excelled in softball and loved playing it. I could throw farther and more accurately than most girls twice my size. Hitting was not so great, but I was scrappy and could get on base and then run like blazes!
After this issue dies down, see if you can get her interested in dancing or gymnastics or SOFTBALL.. or something.
I don't think anything will change the minds of those who sc***** her over.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Hambone
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
quote:Originally posted by Lymetoo: I feel for her (and you). I looked like that. Skinny and way younger than my chronological age. At 15-16, I looked twelve. It has now paid off... I was even mistaken for a 6th grade student when I was the TEACHER.
She has Constitutional Growth Delay. When she was 11 we went to a major children's hospital and she had all these tests run. Tons of bloodwork and x-rays. She was 11, but her bone age was 8 ( and she looked 7 ).
I took one of my teaching interns to lunch one day and the waitress gave her a kid menu. Poor girl was 23.
Posts: 1142 | From South | Registered: Dec 2010
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posted
Well, cheerleaders are considered eye candy. Athletic ability is secondary.
So, to avoid heartaches like this, it is good to size up situations as they really are, not as they should be but aren't.
And a kid should use her growing up years to find places were her talents are appreciated and she can excell. Not go into things that are stacked against her from the outset. Hard on the psyche and inhibits the search for a person's real place.
If she is athletic, there are many ways she can use this, as in outdoorsy things that don't involve being around ticks, like canoeing or other things.
Keep looking. Competition does not need to enter into it.
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