-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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randibear
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i totally understand.
although i am in agreement completely with you and your son, i would suggest that your son be the gentleman and withdraw.
have him tell the girl that since she has a new "boyfriend" that it is inappropriate for him to accompany her to the prom. put it back on her!!!
this "girl" has no class and the boy even less.
your son would have his dignity and avoid any confrontation which surely would happen.
sad to ruin this for him but nowadays i'm not surprised over anything.
have him ask a really "nice" girl if it's not too late.
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linky123
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randi, I would love to advise him to do this, but I'm not supposed to know anything about it.
The mother hosting the party told me about it.
Besides, his mind is made up I think, and it's probably too late to ask anyone else at this point.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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randibear
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Well mom just. Batten down the hatches and stay up all night by the phone!!!
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Oh no. I agree with Randi.. but if you're not supposed to know, then I guess nothing can be done. This stinks!!!!
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Keebler
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- The girl may be in an awkward place. The other boy sounds too controlling and show-off (even bullying?) for his good or some need to show off and feel bigger than life. I'd be very careful about how he is engaged as there has to be something a bit out of synch about his conduct.
While I really feel for your son, big time, I hope that the friendship between the girl and he can bring about a fine time for all the Prom activities.
The other boy, I sure hope, has some adult in his life who can calmly, empathically yet firmly guide him across this terrain and come out with his dignity intact. There's got to be something beneath this and I don't want to scare you but do feel it's important to be very kind, as much as possible.
I'm not a psychologist but something's driving that bad behavior - I'm not making excuses but it just seems to be flying a yellow caution flag. Just too bad that your son is the one to get so crushed. Hopefully, somehow, it will all work out okay.
I missed my prom because of no date and, yes, that hurt tremendously at the time. I had plenty of buddies but prom was set up as this big romantic event back then. These days, it seems that at some school, those who are not dating can go in groups of friends so no one is left out.
Instead, a few friends came over for a pizza party but we were all wishing we had been asked to the prom.
If that is not the "atmosphere" at your son's school, I wonder if there may still be time to figure a way to include those who are not there for a date.
But your son IS to be there as a nice date, an evening to remember in wonderful ways. He asked first. She's his date.
The other boy could go with a friend, or a group of friends . . . but I hope he gets the picture that he is to be a gentleman about this.
I do recall more than a few rites of passages where I had no idea what I was doing. I hope the other boy has a good role model. -
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poppy
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Since when is a prom date a big romantic commitment? This isn't marriage or engagement, it is a dance. So why can't people go together who are just friends and don't assume any further ties?
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linky123
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It is not a 'big romantic commitment' as you say.
There are certain ways that a person should behave towards other people. It is called respect.
I understand that people date different people at the same time, and that is ok.
Crashing parties and acting like a boar to get your way is unacceptable.
keebler, maybe his parents aren't aware of what's going on. I would hope if a parent knew of this kind of behavior, it would be dealt with.
But, people don't seem to care about manners, common consideration too much anymore.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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Keebler.. I didn't get asked either.. no big deal. I asked a guy to be MY date. We had fun!
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Dogsandcats
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wow - there is no more fierce bear than a mamma bear when one of her children are hurt- or going to be. Watch out world. I don't think you have to deny your faith, God is right there with you. Unfortunately, there is meanness in the world.
I can't believe the mother would allow the boy to come to the dinner. She is brainless. Reminds me of when I took my son to a party. It was new year's eve and the parents were hosting a party and were allowing their kids to invite friends - she asked me ( I give her credit for asking) if my son could drink. 7th grade. I DON'T THINK SO. She asked me in front of the whole group of kids.
I am hoping the cruel don juan-less is just blowing off his ill made up machismo and will not really crash the dance or dinner.
I missed when the dance will be held. Hopefully it will all be worked out before then.
I asked a boy to the Prom - as friends - we had a great time.
Sorry to be so long winded - just really got my goat and my bear too.
I also know that somethings bothered me more than they bothered my sons. I hope - as I said - this gets worked out before the dance.
-------------------- God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.
Billy Graham Posts: 1967 | From California | Registered: Oct 2010
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beaches
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If I were you I'd pull my son aside and give him the FYI, which he already knows. You don't have to tell him how YOU found out.
I would advise him to cordially ``uninvite'' this girl to the prom since she now has a boyfriend and it just wouldn't be the ``right'' thing for them to attend together. The sooner he does this, the better for his own sake.
And prom isn't til June right? So I am sure there are still plenty of girls he can ask.
As for that hostess-with-the-mostest mother, ignore her and host your own pre-prom party for your son and his friends.
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linky123
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Good advice Beaches and dogs, I think it's too late for him to ask someone else tho'; the dance is April 13th.
The kids without dates often go as a group of friends which is usually great, but I think given the situation, it would just be humiliating for him to do that.
He would probably just end up staying home.
His best friends have already accepted the invite to the dinner, so I don't think it would be right to ask them to bow out at this point.
What a mess.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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Is it possible the mother hosting the dinner senses something a bit off in the other boy (I.e. she's a bit fearful of him) or is she a bit giddy that her daughter has two young men? Just trying to make sense of it.
I agree that it would be great if you could counsel him to gracefully withdraw, and I wish he were near us. He could ask my sweet, funny, witty daughter who hasn't been asked. They could go w/no pressure to be part of the drama. Bet you there is a girl in his school who is not going and would like to go as friends.
It's truly ashame that society, or some schools, put on such a pinnacle the prom that young people go into debt, expect it to be the night to lose one's innocence, a night tobe an adult.
Poppy and others hit it right--it's a high school dance!
Hope he can find a way to enjoy the night without too much drama interfering.
-------------------- 'Hope' is a thing with feathers, that perches in the soul-- Emily Dickinson Posts: 160 | From Indiana | Registered: Nov 2012
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linky123
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dove, The mother hosting the party is the mother of the 'mean' girl's best friend.
So, she is just trying to make everything work out with the dinner etc. The reason she did this is to help the boys financially.
The dance is expensive and some of them can't afford an extravagant dinner.
She is bothered by this boy crashing her dinner, but for some reason thinks it would be ok to let him in.
I don't follow her logic (if you can call it that) at all.
I do think this 'mean girl' is enjoying this, being the one that the boys are fighting over.
This really ticks me off. She could pull the reigns in on the other boy if she wanted to, but she won't. The only reason I can think of for that is that she is getting something out of all this.
Probably just an ego boost for her at my son's expense.
I have to be careful with my son. In his mind, I would be interfering in his business.
I just wish we had more time. I haven't said anything to him yet.
So I don't know if advising him would just make things worse.
Yes, it would be great if our kids could go together!
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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randibear
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i don't know. i'd have a talk with the son and really lay it all out including the other boy and the possibility of making a big scene. would your son be prepared for ths?
and you never can tell, what with guns and all, what this other kid will do?
i know he wants to save face but i still say he should uninvite himself.
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lax mom
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My daughter is 15 and in 10th grade...the teenage years are so hard.
My thought is that this is your son's issue, maybe let him deal with it. We can't protect our kids from having their feelings hurt or going through awkward moments. They have to feel their way through life just like we did.
Heartbreak, awkward moments, hurt feelings, it's all a part of growing up...he will get through it and become a stronger person because of it.
Life is rough, people don't behave the way we would like and not everyone has manners or is respectful...that's just the world.
You have to just teach your kids how you expect them to behave, how to cope when things don't go the way they would like and hope for the best (but be there for them when they come to you for comfort and advice).
linky123
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Thanks, lax and randi. I am so thankful for the support.
Don't know what I'd do without my LN friends.
Still not sure how to approach this. Good advice all around.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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randibear
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well don't listen to me dear. i've never had kids but i went to the prom and none of my sisters did.
high school is a horrible time.
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Keebler
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- With communication skills, horrible times do not have to happen. With understanding, horrible times can be prevented -- or at least better understood, in context.
Inquire. Talk. Train.
So much has to do with communication TRAINING. I think you should talk to your son about this and go over some reason why this may be happening and PRACTICE things he might say if he finds himself face to face with the other guy --
-- or how to talk honestly to the girl about the situtation this presents.
We must PRACTICE how to think, how to talk, and how to act about this. Role playing is very helpful. As adults, we can be the communcation coaches for the younger generation. They need our guidance on this.
Perhaps a counselor might be best to help with explaining human behaviors, and how to communicate with others who strike aggressive behaviors - or even those with passive agressive tactics.
Due to stress hormones, we often crumble when the situation gets rocky.
And when feelings rush in and grab us, all bets are off. I wish I had known HOW to communicate in my younger days. It would have made for a much more enjoyable life, feeling in control.
It does not mean we won't be hurt but at least we will have more control over how we think about it and how we can use our brains and mouths to work FOR us.
Rather than hoping to avoid uneasy confrontations, I would have learned how to invite conversation (sometimes, at least).
I will continue to think that many troubles can be soothed with talking. Talking is just as important as walking -- and it's also important to know when to just walk away if the other does not or cannot engage in conversation.
Now, he may not want to invite conversation and may want to be quiet about this. Even with conversation with others, he does not have to be someone different. He can work within his style, even his comfort zone.
He should be able to feel in control of how any attempt to soothe the waters goes (as much as possible) - even if he just wants to see how it plays itself out. -
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linky123
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I have both good and bad memories of high school. Went to two different schools. One was great the other was awful. I was fortunate enough to spend 10-12 at the great one.
It's true that the things experienced in those years stick with us forever.
I think people nowadays are much less considerate of others. My parent's generation (WWII) was big on manners.
They returned phone calls, responded to rsvps, wrote thank you notes, or at least thanked people who had done something for them,
reciprocated, taught their kids to say yes ma'am, no ma'am, men opened doors for a lady, took food to a sick or new neighbor, they actually knew their neighbors...
just a whole different way of living life than we see today.
Makes me sad.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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randibear
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you're right. we're getting old....lol
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Keebler
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- We can be the change we seek in the world. Always. -
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linky123
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Randi, we are!!
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linky123
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Keebler, we can!!!
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linky123
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Ok, thanks.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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This could be one of those lifechanging moments for everyone. Just imagine if your son told his date that he was aware of some changes in their relationship, he was going to offer her two options.
One would be that he is willing to honor his commitment of beingher escort to the prom. (Commitment. And escort are powerful words here.).
Or two would be that it seems there is a change of status and he is willing to gracefully withdraw as her date.
No need to have a scene. Just courtesy and respect.
Practice in these two would help alleviate his being drawn into teenage drama more.
Chivalry. Honor. Courtesy. Respect. Civility. Wish those were required courses. (Many parents and families do teach and moelthese, but sadly others do not.)
Bet none us, be they good or bad, would relish reliving the turmoil of being a teen, having that uncertain tension of a breakup coming, or worrying about a date's expectations of how serious going to the prom meant a relationship was.
Linky, isn't it sad how expensive it has gotten? And the "industry" of prom floors me. Whole magazines and stores devoted to it.
We could throw our own prom, and our theme could be "When life gives you Lyme, make lemonade (lime-on-ade)."
-------------------- 'Hope' is a thing with feathers, that perches in the soul-- Emily Dickinson Posts: 160 | From Indiana | Registered: Nov 2012
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linky123
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dove, My son has already has given her the option, and she wants to go with him, or at least that's what she said.
We have also learned that she is very easily led and this other boy is obviously very aggressive and doesn't mind stepping on a lot of toes to get what he wants.
My son and this girl, I think, would just like to go to the dance and have a nice time. It's just that simple.
The mother hosting the dinner has said that if the other boy brings up that he is coming, she will tell him to find another group to go with.
If he doesn't bring it up, then they will let him in.
I think they need to tell him in a kind but firm way that he should not come because it would make her guests uncomfortable.
But I guess we're gonna let this kid dictate whatever happens.
Now I am the bad guy for being upset about this. So much for common sense.
We will probably bring up to our son that there is the possibility of this kid causing problems and to be ready to practice some self-control.
Yes, it is a shame that things are so expensive, complicated etc.
I think it would be more fun to just go in a group than having to stick with a date all night.
That would take the heat off everybody.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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Fastforward 20 years, ill-behaved boy comes back to high school reunion with wife (former prom date).
He is loud, churlish, and wife looks spent. Your son comes back successful, with nice wife. Former
prom date looks wistful at them. It takes time to see the big picture. When children behave badly,
they are asking for a correction and when adults don't step up to the plate, this behavior
continues. It will take a while for your son to not be affected by this,but he can learn from
this experience.
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linky123
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Thanks otter, very insightful.
I do think our son can learn a lesson from this.
He's not the most patient person, but he has done pretty well so far considering the circumstances.
The real test will be next Sat nite.
Even if this kid doesn't show up at the dinner, he's coming to the dance.
I am hoping the kids can help keep this boy in line since the adults won't.
At least my son will have his best friends close by for support.
I also plan to let a trusted teacher/chaperone know what's up so she can diffuse if needed.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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nefferdun
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If the boy is not invited to the dinner, why should she welcome him? He needs to learn some manners, not be enabled to be rude and offensive. The mother has an obligation to her guests to make them comfortable. I would tell her so.
I bet there are plenty of girls left that would love to go with him.
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linky123
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Nefferdun, I told her that in so many words. She obviously doesn't agree.
Her own daughter doesn't want him there either, and has said as much. but mom ain't listening.
I feel like ripping my hair out I'm so frustrated.
The problem is so obvious and easy to fix. Just say no.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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When I was a young lad (no giggling Randibear!) and a senior I asked two young ladies to the prom. Both turned me down. At the time I was totally bummed (especially after hearing one say "He's got a great personality but I can't stand his face." ouch!)
Fast fwd to now and this November Silverwolf and I will celebrate 35 fantastic years of wedded bliss.
Now back to my story. Even though my relationship with my mother was turbulent (to say the least), she "mothered" me in my disappointment. She listened when I expressed my feelings and was there for me.
Linky, just be there for him regardless of the outcome of the dinner or the prom or life in general. Why? Because then he will seek out a woman like his mother who will understand him and he her.
-------------------- I have a good time wherever I go! Posts: 665 | From Lost Wages, NV | Registered: May 2006
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linky123
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Thanks for the wise words. I will try my best to be here for him.
We talked to him a little bit about it last night, and I could tell he was really hurt by it already and the date hasn't even happened yet.
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linky123
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April 13.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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OH... I didn't realize it was the same day as the prom. I'm not familiar with such things these days!!
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Dogsandcats
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It has probably already been said....
But this Don Juan who is intent on dancing the nite away with your son's date sounds like a bully. Bully's are usually cowards unless they have their " buds" in close range to surround him. Maybe all the buds will be busy with their dates and he will leave everyone alone and enjoy himself with other people.
-------------------- God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.
Billy Graham Posts: 1967 | From California | Registered: Oct 2010
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linky123
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Tutu, the lady is having the dinner to help the boys out financially. Some of them can't afford dinner and the dance.
Dogsandcats, anyone who would crash a dinner party would have to be a bully.
He has worn out his welcome with some of the kids already. I do hope he will find another group to hang out with.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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I just thought the dinner was a forerunner to the prom night. What do I know?? NOTHING!
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linky123
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Guess I wasn't making sense. The dinner is before the dance.
They are only having hors d'oevres at the dance and it costs $30 each. So she did the dinner so the boys wouldn't have to pay for dinner too.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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linky123
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The other boy will not be coming to the dinner. SO relieved to hear this.
Sounds like the daughter of the woman having the dinner told him he needed to find another group to go with.
Now we just have to make it through the dance without an incident.
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linky123
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At least for now. I still don't trust this kid. As pushy as he is, he might still show up, or cause trouble at the dance.
Please pray for all involved, esp on Sat. Thanks.
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Keebler
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- I hope someone is talking to him. If not, it seems the most important thing to do. Someone who is level-headed and can connect with him, to discuss the aspects of this.
I'd hate to see this get to next Sat. all this time with no good, neutral "communcator" whose opinion he may value having engaged him in conversation.
He may think this is how to win a girl. Maybe saw it in a movie or got an idea from a video game.
Surely someone in his life is talking to him, I hope. If not, someone needs to step up to the plate and just talk with him, spending some time to understand him. If not his parents, any relatives, cousins?
It seems that so many foibles happen because someone just doesn't have guidance on these matters. And until the brain is more fully developed (mid-twenties) it can be rough sailing for all.
I look back and wonder just what in the world I must have been thinking about some things I did. Now I know, I just wasnt' thinking. I had no one to teach me the social nuances.
I acted as I had seen on TV or in the movies - Doris Day or Ann Margret. Really (I know!). I needed some visual and that was about it for my day, or Gidget. Adults never talked to teens then about anything, not in my world.
Now, this kid seems at the other end of the spectrum. But just where did he learn to act this way? Who's there to help him find his way? Even with the best of parents, kids often benefit from a wide range of adults who are interested in their lives.
I'm not defending his actions, only concerned for the welfare of all. It's a domino effect when anyone misses out on guidance. Communication is the key to keeping the dominos standing strong. And it does take a village. -
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lax mom
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quote:Originally posted by linky123: We talked to him a little bit about it last night, and I could tell he was really hurt by it already and the date hasn't even happened yet.
That's one of the hardest parts of being a parent. Having to see your child's feelings get hurt by another kid.
Hopefully, the bully will stay away and your son will have a great evening.
linky123
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This girl is now posting photos of herself and the other guy on facebook and instagram.
I think it is time for my son to bow out. She told him she wanted to go to the dance with him, but it just seems like she is making a fool out of him.
She is just not worth it.
How do I approach this with my son. He is going to be so heartbroken, but I really think he needs call it quits now before anything else happens.
Please, I need advice.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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Keebler
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posted
- I agree, it's time for him to bow out. Big sigh, bless his heart.
I hope he knows that not all young women are like this. I hope he can bow out with style and grace of a gentleman while also being able to tell her how he feels so it's not bottled up.
Privately, of course. While tempting, I hope he will not turn to social media to air this. These "gossip highways of the web" can follow them forever.
It's a very unclassy & hurtful way for her to behave so publically, assuming these photos were of a "dating" nature, not at some group event with others in the shots. A picture speaks . . . . loud and clear.
And why both sites? That seems to be broadcasting her new dating status. Seems a dealbreaker to me. I would be very hurt and embarrassed, I'm sure.
He can state his feelings with her or he could just be business like - she broke the deal. She flaunted the other guy for the whole world to see. It was her call and he's simply following her apparent wishes to call the whole thing off.
ohhhh. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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linky123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
Yeah, it's time. How do I go about telling him about this?
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- You just have to say it. Have a conversation.
Maybe show him the web photos and then say that you'll be back with a cup of herb tea (if he's into that sort of late night beverage). But, unless you are on the west coast, I hope he's asleep as it's very late in most time zones.
He needs to know before he goes to school tomorrow or logs onto a computer or web phone.
Just say the words. As if reporting some news: who, what, where, when, (and you'll get to the why and how to handle if he wants to talk).
Or call upon the Dragnet style: "Just the facts, m'am" - Just the facts. Don't let emotions get in the way of just sharing the facts.
He may want to know how you found out so be prepared for that. Just be honest.
Teens may think their posts are so private but the truth is that it can be seen by anyone. And by college admissions officers, too. Important to remind him of that in case he gets the urge to use the same method as she to make an announcement.
Humor will help. I sure hope he finds something to laugh about. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
What a hot mess. Maybe talk to him about the social media issue--if he's shown it to you and you didn't just find it.
Otherwise, ask him how he expects to remember his prom. If he wants it to be about the girl who seeks lots of attention and flaunting a new boy"friend" in his face, or if he'd prefer to be gallant and bow out. (Recall the old Goofus and Gallant in Hilites magazine?)
Talking about the high road isn't easy when you're 17 or 18 and life is just today. He could choose to go to the prom in a group of his friends, even as the third wheel and have fun, or he could go somewhere else that night.
Does he have an older cousin or uncle who may have had a life experience similar to talk to?
With the advent of "road rage" coming into schools and bullying, both overt and covert, I'd definitely talk to him about being a gentleman no matter what in life. Life isn't a movie, and sometimes the hero doesn't come out on top.
And, please, please tell him that if he feels the need to vent on ANY social media to show it to you first (and then not do it). My son is an IT guy and one of the first lessons at Purdue was that nothing ever disappears off the net, then they were shown how true that is. Colleges and businesses now have monitors who roam, and we had two people who lost positions due to carelessly placed comments and pictures.
Be sure to ask him how he feels about this and acknowledge his emotions. Teen angst is rough stuff and coping with it sets the stage for future travails. Hugs.
-------------------- 'Hope' is a thing with feathers, that perches in the soul-- Emily Dickinson Posts: 160 | From Indiana | Registered: Nov 2012
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posted
Holly Beth, your son will be at college in 3 years at most. This is the time to take a step back and let your son do his own thing. As much as you want to protect him and make his life easier, you need to let things work themselves out. If you don't, he will not grow as a person in terms of being able to solve life's problems and you teach him that he is incapable of mature behavior. I know you want to be Mama Bear and go after all the hurts and insults, but you need to let him figure this one out. Do not quietly talk to chaperones, you are just going to humiliate him as if he were a child. I know this is not your intention, but let this one slide. You've done your best as a parent. Just be the sounding board if he comes to you with questions or concerns.
Posts: 482 | From Oregon | Registered: Feb 2011
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linky123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
Holly, dove and otter, thanks.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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posted
Otterj- think you meant linky123's son, not mine. My son is only 11 months old! Posts: 84 | From way over the rainbow | Registered: Oct 2012
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posted
I tend to agree with Otter. Let it go and perhaps he'll have a good time anyway. He needs to learn to fight his own battles.
Plus... If he dumps her now, he may not get to go to the prom at all. Is he a senior?
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96223 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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linky123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19974
posted
Holly, enjoy it while it lasts! I miss those days and would much rather be changing a stinky diaper right now.
I think you are right about her liking the attn. Just wish she wouldn't do it at other's expense.
Tutu, he is a junior, and I would hate for him not to go. I think he's really looking forward to it.
If he backed out, he would probably just stay home, which would be a drag.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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posted
I know.. it might be WORSE if he ended up not being able to go.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96223 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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lax mom
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38743
posted
quote:Originally posted by Holly Beth: Otterj- think you meant linky123's son, not mine. My son is only 11 months old!
Sorry but Hollybeths response cracked me up.
linky: I couldn't read all of the earlier comments. Did your son happen to pay for her ticket to the dance?
I agree with the others. Is there any chance he can invite someone else and show this immature girl and her bully boyfriend that he isn't fazed by them?
posted
WOOOPS! Sorry Holly Beth and Linky, It is all I can do to make these things double spaced and now you want me to address the right person? Posts: 482 | From Oregon | Registered: Feb 2011
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linky123
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posted
lax, yes he paid for her ticket ($30 which he would lose if he stays home) and it would be tough to ask someone else at this point. The deadline for signing up has passed.
Otter, it's ok, you are forgiven.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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quote:Originally posted by OtterJ: WOOOPS! Sorry Holly Beth and Linky, It is all I can do to make these things double spaced and now you want me to address the right person?
- LOL!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96223 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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linky123- I am not looking forward to those teenage yrs. I cant imagine what your going through. I'm sorry!
Posts: 84 | From way over the rainbow | Registered: Oct 2012
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Dogsandcats
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posted
There is not much more painful than watching our kids hurt.
I always figured that I would want to know. I know he is young, but I still would have wanted to know. Rather hear it from you than other snots at school. He probably is aware of it all. This has already been said above, but I still wanted to add my two cents.
I had my heart broken in high school and I am sure I might have hurt one or two. Part of learning who we want in a good relationship and the warning signs of who we don't.
It still ain't no fun. Hugs to all....
-------------------- God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.
Billy Graham Posts: 1967 | From California | Registered: Oct 2010
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
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posted
i don't know. i think he should gracefully bow out. cause it sounds like this girl is determined to "generate" a big scene. she's setting it all up for a confrontation.
i surely hope he cancels cause i think it's going to be nasty.
is there someone that you can plan a special evening for your son? maybe take him out of town or someplace special??
keep us informed. i'm sorry to have to say i expect problems. and this girl is a PROBLEM....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
I totally agree with you randibear.I would tryto talk him out of the whole thing.
Maybe he should take someone else.
Posts: 84 | From way over the rainbow | Registered: Oct 2012
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- Perhaps he could talk with his close friends about this. They may be a wonderful support to him and come up with all kinds of ways to make him feel special and included, all in a manner of style, grace and fun.
Family can guide and be there, of course, but there at school, and at the dance I hope he goes to with his friends, that friendship circle will make the difference in how he comes through this.
I hope they include him in their circle. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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linky123
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posted
Yeah, this girl is a real problem. I knew it the first time I laid eyes on her. Just one of those things a mom knows.
At best she is completely thoughtless and selfish. At worst, she is setting him up or maybe this is a passive-aggressive way of telling him to get lost.
Since she doesn't have the guts to tell him straight up. In fact, she told him she wanted to go with him.
However, some of the best advice I ever got was to watch what people do, not what they say.
Her actions speak volumes
keebler, he has a great group of friends. So, I think they would be there for him. Just don't know, it sounds like this guy just doesn't back down.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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beaches
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posted
He should bow out.
The key is to give him the information (which I am sure he already has) nonchalantly (by the way I was on FB and I happened to come across...), encourage him to think about it, and ask questions, like:
``So what do you make of this? ``What do you think you should do about it? ``Have you considered the pros/cons of going/not going?
In order for him to be empowered, HE has to make his own decisions. As parents, our job is to help them think and reason and logically sort out various scenarios.
And we can also subtly imply what we know is best (this takes years of practice!)
But they might chose options we don't think are best for them. And it's during those times we have to close our mouths, bite our tongues and just be receptive and open to them. Yeah, and we thought it was tough when they were little! HA!
At the end of the day our ultimate goal is to have them be independent, free-thinking adults who are capable of, and confident in, making their own decisions.
They won't be able to do this unless we cut the cord. If we continue making their decisions for them, they will not be empowered.
I wouldn't bother going to the chaperone or any other adult. Your son is a junior in HS afterall. He likely would be mortified if he ever found out you did that!
As for the whole prom thing, firstly your son has another shot next year when he's a senior.
And FWIW, I actually broke up with a boy a couple of months before senior prom. He was a control freak and I was a maverick.
When he told me he could "mold" me that was the end of it and I broke up with him. He was stunned (yay for strong girls!) and totally pi$$ed off that I broke up just before prom.
My bottom line was that I wasn't going to compromise myself to go to a prom. Sure, I missed it and I would have loved to go.
But more important was that I held on tight to who I was and what I stood for in my life.
And guess what? My parents weren't even remotely involved in that decision whatsoever.
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
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posted
How big is the prom? Hundreds? I mean really, this only involves 3 people out of how many?
There will probably be many "scenes" going on at the same time that night.
I keep thinking it's all going to work out!! Maybe I'm the eternal optimist.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96223 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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beaches
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38251
posted
Yeah LT, maybe it'll work out. I just don't think it's likely, given the scenario. And my impression is that Linky lives in a very small town but I could be wrong. The smaller the town, the worse the drama IMO.
For sure there will be many "scenes" going on that night. HS wouldn't be HS without some sort of drama going on 24/7.
But the key here is to empower this kid IMO.
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
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TF
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Member # 14183
posted
I can't help but think that your son is going to learn a lot from this experience--about how to pick girls, to look for character instead of whatever he was looking for when he picked this girl to ask to the prom, etc.
The lessons will be priceless. And, it won't ruin his life. We learn a lot from these kinds of experiences. To experience this has a lot more impact than parents telling their child that character is what they need to look for and value.
Posts: 9931 | From Maryland | Registered: Dec 2007
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linky123
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posted
beaches, you are right about the drama; way too much of it. We live in a small city which behaves like a small town.
TF, I think he already has learned a lot. This girl is very pretty, which was the initial attraction.
He says she is too indecisive and unmotivated for him. He can see that beauty really is only skin deep and that other things are more important.
The toughest thing for him is the rejection. She picked the other guy over him.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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tickled1
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posted
Who is the other guy going with?
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