LymeNet Flash: Living with a socially frustrated spouse

This is topic Living with a socially frustrated spouse in forum General Support at LymeNet Flash.

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Posted by Janette (Member # 22061) on :

Help!?

Can anyone advise me in the matter of educating a spouse who is in denial of needing to make social lifestyle accomodations for a wife who is utterly overwhelmed by five-and-a-half years of degenerating Lyme and Babesiosis. My husband just wants to be social, entertain, party, and I think probably start a whole new life where the world illness isn't recognized in the dictionary. I just want to conserve my energy for my sons and to retreat into the sanctuary of my yoga practice. I have not become a hermit, and still see my friends for an occasional lunch date or to chat at school whilst watching our kids' lacrosse games, but I freak out at the idea of parties, and the concept of entertaing fifteen people to a BBQ at home (a recent request) has thrown me over the edge. Is there anyone else out there who finds that a social life is just becoming a thing of the past? I've been fighting for a Lyme diagnosis for five years, going progressively downhill physically and emotionally, and finally found a very committed doctor three months ago who unequivocally confirmed my suspicions, so I'm now in the hard stage of antibiox whammy and trying to track a Herx pattern. I feel like the whole world-rug has been pulled out from under my feet. I can't remember what "normal" feels like. I'd love to support my husband through this too, but I don't know how to. He is resistant to getting "help", so I go to see my therapist for support, but I long for a safe neutral place or therapist to help us deal jointly with the issues that are arising.
Is there anyone out there in a similar (rather nightmarish) situation?

Any support at this stage would be wonderful.
I will try to support whoever I can, in turn.

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Posted by ebbyban (Member # 842) on :

I know its hard, I have been there. What you have to realize is that unless you have it you cannot completely understand what a lyme person is going through. You also have to remember that it is not just happening to you, it is also happening to your family to some degree. Since they cannot feel it they are affected in different ways. When I was very ill, I encouraged my husband to be social, I figured why should his life be completly turned upside down. What we did is make deals more or less. If we had a party it was understood that he would have to do alot of the work and to understand if I disappeared into my bedroom. Also if we went out if I said "I have to go", we would go. I understand how you feel but it is not fair to expect your hubby to just stop and believe it or not it does do a lot for your spirits when you are a little more social. It may not feel it at the time but believe me I was most depressed when I just stopped.

Good luck & Stay Strong

Posted by JillF (Member # 5553) on :

I am the total opposite. My husband wants to do nothing but play online rambo-like shooter games (with his co-workers or brother - since it' online) or lie on the couch watching TV all day, every day.

So, I'm at the total other end of the spectra...

[This message has been edited by JillF (edited 13 October 2004).]