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Originally posted by firecop1066:
This disease is seriously killing my marraige...were on the verge of diveorce....what do you all do?

I was sick for three years before concrete diagnsis i wa so sick thats no big decret to any of you you all get it...we got married 2 years ago in the heart of my illness and before diagnosis...he married me anyway I wouldnt have marrieid me LOL....

well i immediatly found a wonderful LLMD and began treatment almost 1 year ago well you all know the ups and down of not only being sick but getting well, i cant beleive he has stuck it out this long....

We are both police officers who work opposite shifts and he works part time at the fire dept I havnt seen him in weeks maybe months really maybe he works to get away from me i dont know

He has been hosptialized for cardiac related stress and even cried last night we are running out of fight....

I love him so much but I dont know how to get through this we dont talk as it is how do you talk about stuff as seriously as this when we dont even say hello or good bye?

I am a miserable person to be around I guess I forget he is going through this too on the other side./..does any one elso go through this or have any suggestions im desperate to save my marraige....thank you ...Jill

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You said:

I was sick for three years before concrete diagnsis i wa so sick thats no big decret to any of you you all get it...we got married 2 years ago in the heart of my illness and before diagnosis...he married me anyway I wouldnt have marrieid me LOL....
I Dont want to know about your premarrital sex just letting you know this ::but I believe this disease can be transmitted sexually also.

His heart problems could be lyme not just stess???


Second you say you love him so much Tell him so.

He married you in sickness and health Both parties need to remember there vows.

Tell him you love him and mean it.
Stop walking bye each other and not speaking how can either of you possibly know the others thought and feelings without communication??

Both of you need to talk and mean what you say to each other and leave out the problems or little things that bug each other for the time being and concientrate on the most immportant things first.

You both may have this disease and now more than ever you need each other.

God bless and may you get through this.
 

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Posted by firecop1066 (Member # 6920) on :
 
Awww thanks guys,
Yep really high police divorce rate as it is...now add the fact that we both are and a chronic illness and that im a chronic witch doesnt help....I used to be such a nice outgoing optomistic person...I miss me!!!

COmmunication is key I know that we had a 2-3 hour conversation last night and i talked for 95 percent of it i think hes just at a loss for words...I took today off to be with him as he came home sick last night..

As far as lyme with him...i give up on that...I think he has it...my LLMD thinks there is a good chance although through the crappy lab he only had 41 positive....but he has a ton of symptoms fatigue, vision problems aches pains...and the first thing i said with the cardiac episonde last month when his tests came back with nothing was ...are you getting it...you have lyme...he just brushes it off, he wont see my doc..and my doc says just give him time...

I give him books and lituature, pamphlets but he doesnt read them or if he does he wont talk about it with me....ugghhh

well than you for the support I called my therapist this morning waiting for him to call back hoping to spend time with hubby today just him and I I hope he doesnt sleep all day...thanks again...Jill
 

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Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
 
Jill, so sorry to read about how the chronic lyme has affected you both & your marriage. Suggest you do a SEARCH about marital problems; there has been a lot on this board, and many divorces!

GOOD, glad to hear you called a counselor. Does the PD offer anything like that to you employees?

I've been married 31.5 years. Undx for 34 yrs with my lyme, and finally dx. 7-04. My husband has NEVER known me healthy. He married me for better or worse & in sickness & health.

It has put a strain on our marriage especially the last 5 years of fighting to get SSDI, SS disability insurance benefits being turned down for 5 years & doing REDUNDANT paperwork over & over! He was disgusted he couldn't do anything to help me when I had air my feelings for EACH turndown they threw at me.

DENIAL - we have all had it at the beginning and some even now. Until he accepts any of this, he won't read or really listen to this. Best wishes & you'll be in my prayers...
 

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Posted by vitch (Member # 8094) on :
 
You have to get control of the miserable personality that Lyme causes. I know it's not easy and many of us work on it every day. Make a conscious attempt to be pleasant and talk to your spouse about spending more quality time together.

It has to start with you.
 

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Posted by firecop1066 (Member # 6920) on :
 
shelley
Frequent Contributor
Member # 3724

posted 07 February, 2006 09:33 PM
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Maybe you can go to a counselor? I went to one and it helped me to deal with my family. They did not understand what I was going through, nor were they interested..
The counselor helped me not to get my feelings so hurt by them and gave me a different perspective. I didn't want to go at first, but it really helped me to learn a lot. I still have my notes and refer back to them somethimes. The things I learned not only apply to being sick but life in general.
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Posts: 2134 | From: columbia,sc | Registered: Mar 2003 | IP: Logged |
 

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Posted by firecop1066 (Member # 6920) on :
 
I tried to figure out how to combine/ the two threads as i realize I duplicated...Lyme brain not up to speed today i did the best i could....

thank you all for your replies and advide...its been a rough couple of days and we will/ and should have along time ago started marraige counseling...ill be making our first appointment today....I havnt given up yet and i am not going to start now!!!!thanks to everyone...Jill
 

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Posted by just don (Member # 1129) on :
 
Firecop--

Nice to see you again. Just met you Saturday night and I still promise to 'behave'

Do "everything" humanly possible. Being alone and sick is no fun.

It is not fun and games like they perceive singlehood to be. Wish I had have known then what I know now. I would have stood on my head to 'stay' married rather than be miserable alone.

And 'if' I knew what I had for this disease would have answered most my questions and problems. TOO little too late, for me.

You have the power to keep things going or rekindle the "fire" Firecop(pun intended). Go get your matches, AND keep "talking"!!! There were reasons you were attracted to each other, use them to your advantage. Rediscover what you like again. Find NEW attractions, fall in love all over.

Be aggressive in fixing what isnt broken completely. Healing takes time and 'wanting' to. A BIG wanting to. Ask what he likes(loves0 about you, yesterday(past) and today, and what he dislikes same way. Only way you can get past this juncture. AND return the favor, and DONT say "oh nothing" when asked whats wrong!!!
Think of this as a intersection of life. Go straight ahead "together" or either take a right turn or left turn by themselves. Turning 'might' be easier, but straight ahead is the prefered straightest route from Point A to Point B. And DONT let the 'fire' go out!!!

Lastly you HAVE to find things to "DO" (hobbies or entertainment)together, interests in common, drives the relationship. You can even use your professions to do this because you have 'basic same' info to share with each other. Understanding each other is huge step. Defeat the odds, go for the 'gold'. 'marriage encounter' is also a great deal. Do you have a church that could have something similiar, think about it, go to church together, pray together. Any other thing you can "do" together(and that word is applied 'loosely')
Good luck, have fun, and see where you can go straight up from here!!! because I remain--just don--!!! with a sore noggin!!!
 

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Posted by Ann-OH (Member # 2020) on :
 
Wow, Don, I think you missed your calling!

That was a lovely message of advice, good for everyone with a chronic disease or not.

Bravo!
Ann - OH
 

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Posted by firecop1066 (Member # 6920) on :
 
Thanks guys, momentarily at least we are on speaking terms, we will try and work things ou t and will be starting marraige counseling....I love him and i know how rough its been for him i acknowledge that...time to move on forgive, and try to remeber the love we once had...just hard with our jobs to find the time to do it....we will just have to make the time....

Although I dont post much i read daily all the posts on this board...I appreciate all of you, your advice your struggles your sucesses, i never feel alone with this disease so thank you...(WELL SAID DON!!!!!)
 

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Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
 
Wow Don; that was beautifully said to Fire!

Fire, go in with a positive attitude that your glass is HALF FULL; attitude is everything. Glad all offered excellent advise.

Bettyg
 

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