I mean other than coming here and asking for help and support. I'm sooo sick of being sick. I want to just die, in fact I feel like i AM going to die.
I haven't made a dent at all in my illness. None. Great doc, compasionate, wonderful. so-so with family support, could be worse.
I feel like I just can't go on. I'm detoxing, listening to my doc, listening to my body. I'm contemplating a course on meditation and prayer that someone wants to send me. It's a CD or DVD i forget but maybe it might help ground me.
I'm trying not to focus on the "used to be's"-I used to be an amazing teacher/;psychologist/partner, i used to be so physically active people wanted to be like me.... all that. Now I'm lucky if i get out of the house once every few weeks and stumble around. Then come home and crash.
Please no medical advice, i need hugs, I'm so lost. Help.
Posted by skies (Member # 28064) on :
First of all, hugs. I can totally relate. I'm having a horrible time lately as well. Like you, I have been doing everything my doctor says, I'm detoxing, etc...So tired of feeling like crap every day, I hate just "existing".. that's what I call it, because it's certainly not living.
I also feel lost like I don't have much direction. I don't want to lose hope, but lately I feel like I am. I am definitely in a funk and don't know how to get out.
Hang in there.. you are NOT alone. It does get better for lots of people, so don't give up!!
P.S-- I like your screen name.. I assume you might have a Pug or Pugs?? I too am "owned" by a Pug.
[ 05-13-2011, 11:28 AM: Message edited by: skies ]
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
My special hugs are on my other computer... but just know that you are so special that we want to reach out and give you REAL HUGS!
Praying you will turn the corner soon.
Posted by pugs (Member # 20954) on :
Hi skies (love your name too).. am sorry you can relat to all this crap. Feeling cruddy day in and day out-well it feels like there IS no 'out'...
Lymetoo-thank you for your hugs too, God knows them I've needed them lately. This illness robs you of so much of yourself, that you wonder if the 'you' ever really existed..
Hugs back to both of you.
Posted by darwinsdream (Member # 30314) on :
Hi Pugs,
First off, here's a big (((HUG))) 4 u . Can't get too many of those.
Now, you may not want to hear this part, but, I'm going to say it anyway. I've been treating my Lyme for over 20 years now, and no, I'm not cured by any means. I don't know how long you've been at it. You may certainly have better success than me.
There have been so many times I have felt the same way you are feeling right now. God,it feels so horrible to feel that way. Those times were the worst.
I guess I have managed to get through the 20 years by not plugging away so hard at it all the time. I'm not saying this is the wisest, but for me it gave me a life.I felt, herxing all the time just gave me a life in bed. By giving myself a break and giving myself just enough meds to get by and maybe just enough to herx a bit I could do alot more.
Granted, in between, I've had several crisis periods, but I wouldn't change what I did for a minute. Yea, I still have Lyme, but I've had a good life also. And, believe me, I have serious Lyme, babs, etc.
Right now, I'm in another crisis period and working my way through it once again. And, yes, Many times again going through I want to die, etc.
Well, you know what? I never did die all those times! It sure stinks to feel like it though.
Cry it out Sweetie. We all know, it hurts soo bad. But, you ARE going to make it through this. You will be able to enjoy alot of the things you were able to enjoy before.
Maybe ease up on the herx?
Posted by John S (Member # 19756) on :
Well, if you look over to the next seat on the boat, I am there.
Posted by pugs (Member # 20954) on :
wow it looks like I've got a lot of company- unfortunately. Darwinsdream, it was helpful to hear what you've been through. Believe me, you gave me strength. Because you've been there. I'm glad you've got a 'good life' now. Thank you.
JohnS- just so the boat isn't called "Titanic"?? Sorry-lame sense of humor I know. Thank you too.
Posted by kidsgotlyme (Member # 23691) on :
((((((HUGS)))))))
Just thought you might like another one!! Hope you feel better soon. Hang in there. We WILL get thru this.
Posted by map1131 (Member # 2022) on :
Not an option. Tell yourself some itty bitty nasty bacteria by the thousands or millions will not bring you down.
Pump your chest and tell them I'm taking you down boys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pam
Posted by Lymeonidas (Member # 31739) on :
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail". Ralph Waldo Emerson
Posted by RDaywillcome (Member # 21454) on :
I get the fact that you are asking? You don't really want to give up. Many of us have been were you are now. What kept us going?
Maybe a loved one. Maybe life itself. Or thinking, this f....ing disease is NOT going to take me OUT!
FIGHT IT ALL THE WAY! IT's WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by pugs (Member # 20954) on :
I appreciate all your thoughts. Just feel like giving up. really i do. Emotionally I feel like a mess. So numb. Everything/everyone around me bothers me.
No, I don't want to give up. but having gotten no where really I'm feeling desperate. (not suicidal by any means). Life is passing me by. What life? Hard to live like this.
Posted by glm1111 (Member # 16556) on :
pugs.
I am going to take a chance here that you might get annoyed with me for suggesting some medical/alternative info that saved my life.
I was where you are now for many years. What pulled me out of it was treating for parasites which according to recent info from Dr. K. is PRIMARY and Lyme secondary to be treated.
I will stop here, but if you would like more info, just pm me. Just don't give up and know that you can regain your life with proper tx.
Gael
Posted by pugs (Member # 20954) on :
aww glm111 thank you for your offer, I just might take you up on it. My cognitive/emotional sx are just getting worse instead of better. Thanks for that 'gentle nudge' and support.
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
Posted by farraday (Member # 21494) on :
After 22 years of this misery, I can tell you that there are good times and bad times. Read my post about my deep funk recently.
One way I am discovering to cope is to take a break from the abx every now and then. If the herxing gets too bad, you can rest and recover.
Another thing to do is to keep a diary. I have boxes full of them. I poured out my heart and misery in them because I thought that no one else cared to hear about it. But as time went on and I learned more and more, my diaries became more positive as I did.
Be proactive and not a victim. Take charge. And keep talking to all of us. We are always here for you and have tons of (((((hugs))))) to send you!
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