Its nothing against whoever asks but it drives me nuts. Im always feeling terrible and I dont think people are expecting anything other than good. Am I the only one who feels this way?
Posted by poppy (Member # 5355) on :
Well, no one asks me how I am, and that hurts my feelings. Makes me think they don't care.
I think the right answer to such a question, when it does get asked, is usually "hanging in there, thanks for asking." Unless you are close to the person and know they really want the gory details.
Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
My standard answer, unless they are close, is
I have some good days and bad days
They usually drop it
Some folks are genuinely being nice
Posted by cmc4rme (Member # 36343) on :
Great replies Thanks
Posted by Larae30 (Member # 35220) on :
Yeah, it's hard to answer that question, if I don't really know the person I just say 'okay' or 'fine.' If it's someone that knows what's going on I'm usually like 'ehhh I'm okay...' and they know I'm not feeling well ha. I dread the question because we are socialized to just say 'good.'
Posted by fflutterby (Member # 28081) on :
I hate it when someone asks, I tell them I am still treating and they say or how much longer before you are done???? I just say "Hopefully not much longer, hopefully this is the thing that's going to work." People have no clue.
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- I have to stop myself from melting into a puddle full of all the frustration and pain from decades.
I have to remember that even if just a polite greeting I've never had anyone ask me "How are you?" out of bad will.
So, after programming my brain to do a quick "Whoa, Nellie" and putting myself in their position - considering the social or familial setting - unless a close friend who want to know
I keep go to my "Zen place" and reply as graciously as appropriate.
(using voice tone and eyes to add intent or irony).
"Ah, all things considered, (one of the below):
floundering.
fair to middlin'
crispy around the edges
swimmin' up stream
floating along at the moment
keepin' up with the best
I also have trained myself very well to scoot onto asking them a question that takes the focus away from myself. Pulling up some energy and breath, something like:
Well, I'm so GLAD to see you, glad to be here, glad you are here . . . etc. If this is a relationship, go into communication that will build that.
If a lesser known person, you can always skip to:
So, what's up with (them, weather, news) . . . ?
What's capturing YOUR interest lately - or today?
Get THEM talking. Or decide together to just take in the atmosphere quietly. Maybe they don't want to talk, either.
Before seeing others, I practice my likely replies. That way, I've got some muscle memory when sensory overload clobbers me. I
"go to file, retrieve reply."
Unless someone wants to have a conversation explicitly about how I'm REALLY doing, I just don't go there. It's too far out of context. It's is grizzly subject that most just can't manage.
I usually don't want to spend my energy on that anyway if I'm in a social encounter. -
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
they quit asking me. right now i'd say "well have you got an hour?"
Posted by TxCoord (Member # 9204) on :
I understand this especially reconnecting with old friends on Face Book that we haven't talked with in decades.
How do you edit 40 years of frustrating/incompetent medical help down to a paragraph? You can't.
You don't want to overload them as somewhere around the time you say, "Then ten years ago . . ." and I see their eyes begin to roll back into their head.
It is really difficult when someone you know knew that you were receiving treatment "X" amount of years ago and they can't believe you are still ill.
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- This reconnecting with old friends is never what one expects. Ever. For anyone. Social media can be a cruel trap if we are not careful.
I've tried to connect to a few old friends. In my experience, it was mortifying even as I tried to stay upbeat. The facts are just too odd out of the blue.
I had to realize that I was trying to gather back the "old me" and wanted them to validate my still being the same person. I was giving away too much of my power and became a bit needy at one point.
I needed them to see how hard I've worked to try to find my life again. I needed them to be the ones who might still see me as some kind of normal. That was doomed.
Had we all really been close, we would never have lost touch. It has taken me a while to realize that but I feel better now for putting the past in the past.
Those who have traveled with me on whatever levels are still in my circle. Though it's far from the social & professional whirl I once enjoyed, it feels better to stick with only the true friends.
I don't need to say much to them. They get it even if we just talk a couple times a year. -
Posted by ping (Member # 6974) on :
Do I ever hate that question! LOL! Keebler has the least stressful answer: Divert the conversation away from you. Most the time I'll say "OK. How are you? Oh, you were talking about ____, how did that work out?" They also get you with, "How was your weekend?" I hate that question even more because it takes more energy to divert than just "How are you?"
ANYTHING to change the subject!
Posted by wanthealthback (Member # 34422) on :
Yes, I dread not only the question, my unpracticed responses....i can get rambly....Keebler thanks! I'm stealing fair to middlin....and then i'm going to keep moving...to a place to rest!
Also, found i use people and places for vailidation of the old me....how much of a release to see it in print....from another source..thanks agian keebler...it's not healthy for me, when i cna't "keep up" with the big dogs. socially and professionally
Posted by fourwinds (Member # 14114) on :
YES.. am so tired of it because most of those who ask me are more just programmed verbally
(like an automatron) to say it... they really don't care, want to know/understand, or want to hear how I REALLY am. Usually I just say I'm "ok".
Good responses Keebler....I think I like "floating along at the moment" Posted by lymenow (Member # 36175) on :
lol. i just say ok.
the worst is to hear someone complain about a headache or being tired. uggh
Posted by MADDOG (Member # 18) on :
Randibear had it, (allmost),I say, well do you have the rest of the day to listen to me complain?
MADDOG
Posted by LymeLogged (Member # 36494) on :
I kind of like it. Makes me feel like someone cares.
Posted by cmc4rme (Member # 36343) on :
Thanks for the replies. Its amazing how this simple question can become so complicated when you lose your health
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
I am thankful I live in an senior apartment complex with others who are not seniors but do have health problems.
it is more of a greeting here. So, I just say fine or good.
I have yet to ask them how they are doing as my brain could not handle the answer or recall what they said to me.
Here it is just like a greeting that goes along with the comments about the weather.
Everyone here has health issues. My health isn't doing well enough to listen to their health issues so quickly change the subject to the weather when able to have a short conversation.
Posted by pme (Member # 31621) on :
I agree withlymelogged. My social circle seems to be very small right now. I have friends who can read me like a book. If I say ok they KNOW when I am not. They want to help. I try not to overdo it but I use them and the talents I know they have to help me process
I guess you have to appreciate the people who really want to know how you are and give the. Your honest answers
I was also thinking about when people say "I am so sorry that you are going through this". I personally believe that they ate and also take that as good support. Again though it depends who it is coming from.
Although my social circle has gotten small...it has also gotten stronger. I am lucky to have a few invested friends who truly do want to see me through this
![[Smile]](smile.gif)