posted
Its nothing against whoever asks but it drives me nuts. Im always feeling terrible and I dont think people are expecting anything other than good. Am I the only one who feels this way?
Posts: 6 | From Miami Florida | Registered: Feb 2012
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poppy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5355
posted
Well, no one asks me how I am, and that hurts my feelings. Makes me think they don't care.
I think the right answer to such a question, when it does get asked, is usually "hanging in there, thanks for asking." Unless you are close to the person and know they really want the gory details.
Posts: 2888 | From USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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Dogsandcats
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 28544
posted
My standard answer, unless they are close, is
I have some good days and bad days
They usually drop it
Some folks are genuinely being nice
-------------------- God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.
Billy Graham Posts: 1967 | From California | Registered: Oct 2010
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posted
Yeah, it's hard to answer that question, if I don't really know the person I just say 'okay' or 'fine.' If it's someone that knows what's going on I'm usually like 'ehhh I'm okay...' and they know I'm not feeling well ha. I dread the question because we are socialized to just say 'good.'
-------------------- Treating lyme, bart and babs Posts: 506 | From NE | Registered: Dec 2011
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fflutterby
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 28081
posted
I hate it when someone asks, I tell them I am still treating and they say or how much longer before you are done???? I just say "Hopefully not much longer, hopefully this is the thing that's going to work." People have no clue.
-------------------- Psalm 46 1 God is our refuge and strength Posts: 1367 | From North Jersey | Registered: Sep 2010
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- I have to stop myself from melting into a puddle full of all the frustration and pain from decades.
I have to remember that even if just a polite greeting I've never had anyone ask me "How are you?" out of bad will.
So, after programming my brain to do a quick "Whoa, Nellie" and putting myself in their position - considering the social or familial setting - unless a close friend who want to know
I keep go to my "Zen place" and reply as graciously as appropriate.
(using voice tone and eyes to add intent or irony).
"Ah, all things considered, (one of the below):
floundering.
fair to middlin'
crispy around the edges
swimmin' up stream
floating along at the moment
keepin' up with the best
I also have trained myself very well to scoot onto asking them a question that takes the focus away from myself. Pulling up some energy and breath, something like:
Well, I'm so GLAD to see you, glad to be here, glad you are here . . . etc. If this is a relationship, go into communication that will build that.
If a lesser known person, you can always skip to:
So, what's up with (them, weather, news) . . . ?
What's capturing YOUR interest lately - or today?
Get THEM talking. Or decide together to just take in the atmosphere quietly. Maybe they don't want to talk, either.
Before seeing others, I practice my likely replies. That way, I've got some muscle memory when sensory overload clobbers me. I
"go to file, retrieve reply."
Unless someone wants to have a conversation explicitly about how I'm REALLY doing, I just don't go there. It's too far out of context. It's is grizzly subject that most just can't manage.
I usually don't want to spend my energy on that anyway if I'm in a social encounter. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
they quit asking me. right now i'd say "well have you got an hour?"
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
I understand this especially reconnecting with old friends on Face Book that we haven't talked with in decades.
How do you edit 40 years of frustrating/incompetent medical help down to a paragraph? You can't.
You don't want to overload them as somewhere around the time you say, "Then ten years ago . . ." and I see their eyes begin to roll back into their head.
It is really difficult when someone you know knew that you were receiving treatment "X" amount of years ago and they can't believe you are still ill.
-------------------- I have a good time wherever I go! Posts: 665 | From Lost Wages, NV | Registered: May 2006
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- This reconnecting with old friends is never what one expects. Ever. For anyone. Social media can be a cruel trap if we are not careful.
I've tried to connect to a few old friends. In my experience, it was mortifying even as I tried to stay upbeat. The facts are just too odd out of the blue.
I had to realize that I was trying to gather back the "old me" and wanted them to validate my still being the same person. I was giving away too much of my power and became a bit needy at one point.
I needed them to see how hard I've worked to try to find my life again. I needed them to be the ones who might still see me as some kind of normal. That was doomed.
Had we all really been close, we would never have lost touch. It has taken me a while to realize that but I feel better now for putting the past in the past.
Those who have traveled with me on whatever levels are still in my circle. Though it's far from the social & professional whirl I once enjoyed, it feels better to stick with only the true friends.
I don't need to say much to them. They get it even if we just talk a couple times a year. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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ping
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6974
posted
Do I ever hate that question! LOL! Keebler has the least stressful answer: Divert the conversation away from you. Most the time I'll say "OK. How are you? Oh, you were talking about ____, how did that work out?" They also get you with, "How was your weekend?" I hate that question even more because it takes more energy to divert than just "How are you?"
ANYTHING to change the subject!
-------------------- ping "We are more than containers for Lyme" Posts: 1302 | From Back in TX again | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
Yes, I dread not only the question, my unpracticed responses....i can get rambly....Keebler thanks! I'm stealing fair to middlin....and then i'm going to keep moving...to a place to rest!
Also, found i use people and places for vailidation of the old me....how much of a release to see it in print....from another source..thanks agian keebler...it's not healthy for me, when i cna't "keep up" with the big dogs. socially and professionally
Posts: 9 | From Anytown, usa, closer to NE states | Registered: Oct 2011
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posted
Thanks for the replies. Its amazing how this simple question can become so complicated when you lose your health
Posts: 6 | From Miami Florida | Registered: Feb 2012
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
I am thankful I live in an senior apartment complex with others who are not seniors but do have health problems.
it is more of a greeting here. So, I just say fine or good.
I have yet to ask them how they are doing as my brain could not handle the answer or recall what they said to me.
Here it is just like a greeting that goes along with the comments about the weather.
Everyone here has health issues. My health isn't doing well enough to listen to their health issues so quickly change the subject to the weather when able to have a short conversation.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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posted
I agree withlymelogged. My social circle seems to be very small right now. I have friends who can read me like a book. If I say ok they KNOW when I am not. They want to help. I try not to overdo it but I use them and the talents I know they have to help me process
I guess you have to appreciate the people who really want to know how you are and give the. Your honest answers
I was also thinking about when people say "I am so sorry that you are going through this". I personally believe that they ate and also take that as good support. Again though it depends who it is coming from.
Although my social circle has gotten small...it has also gotten stronger. I am lucky to have a few invested friends who truly do want to see me through this
-------------------- Tick bite in 2006, bullseye rash, treated with 2 rounds of 2 weeks of doxy. (once in 2006, once in 2009) Dx with chronic Lyme May 2011. LLMD April 2012, Treating with omnicef/zith Lots of supplements! Posts: 640 | From Connecticut | Registered: Apr 2011
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