I've been in a really bad marriage for 15 years. When I first became ill back in 2003 within a couple of months we separated. I was diagnosed with Lyme and co's in 2004 and went through almost all of my treatment alone.
My soon to be ex has a host of mental issues and has been incarcerated once and hospitalized 7 times since we've been married.
I won't go into all the details per my attorney but the s**t hit the fan on my 15th anniversary and information came to light causing my abrupt departure.
So, here I am, 55 years old and living back at home with my 83 year old Mother.
Thank God, I have a job that I can manage and even though I'm driving about 55 miles one way to work, I'm not homeless and hungry.
I tried to find a local divorce support group but wasn't able to find one. So here I am, yet again, posting on Lymenet about a personal issue.
You all here have been through so much with me since 2004. I'm here yet again having to ask for your help and support to help me get through this.
Any support would mean so much to me.
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
Happy for you. Congratulations. This time next year this all will be a distant pass.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Strong and brave .. you will win!!
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- A wake up call, action, and one foot in front of the other. Keep up the courage.
In the past, we made plans based on what we knew (or THOUGHT we knew then). As we grow & circumstances either change or other aspects come to light, it is important to pay attention to what we need on all levels.
Best of luck you in this transition. Hope the stressors will melt away and you will feel lighter and stronger. -
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
I'm sorry for all that you are going through.
I have been there and done that.
It's not always easy, but each day is a new day and a chance to have peace and happiness in your life instead of strife.
At the time I had no idea that life would get MUCH better (except for Lyme) but it did.
You have your entire future ahead of you and I encourage you to focus only on the positive things and let go of the negative.
I'm glad you have a place to stay and food to eat.
Listen to inspirational music (I love to listen to KLove online), read inspirational books, watch inspirational videos...anything to keep you uplifted.
This is just a new beginning and it may be exciting to see what is around the corner or even way down the road.
You will make it just like I did. Life will get better. I promise.
Posted by momindeep (Member # 7618) on :
It takes a lot of guts to remove yourself from a bad marriage...so sorry you are going down this road.
If one of my kids moves in when I am 83, I WOULD LOVE IT!
Sorry your ex has mental problems that kept him from being the husband/man he could of been.
Praying for your silver lining...and hoping for a better life for you after the dust settles.
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
Im glad you got to this step ak. Strong and brave...i agree.
Ive been there donevthst also and my life surprisingly turned around...despite lyme...i fulfilled dreams i never would have if i stayed
There is something huge about getting away from a non-supporting environment. Now you can put you first...im not sure how good you are at that...and move on and heal....we will be there with you.
Posted by Ann-Ohio (Member # 44364) on :
Breathe, honey, breathe… You are strong and brave.
Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
Sitting here at work reading all your posts and getting choked up.
The words posted here felt like a pure, radiant rain falling gently on the scorched remains of my heart.
You all have given me hope.
I love each and every one of you.
Thank you.
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
you can do this. it will be long and hard but never give up. you are doing the right thing.
I admire your strength and courage. you have many bright and happy days ahead.
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Sometimes it's time to make that change. I hope you enjoy your time with your mother - there is value in being able to spend time with parents. When I went through a fire once, I lived with mine and I was actually happy to be able to spend some adult time with them.
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
We are here ak. You have struggled and your reward is coming
Posted by WPinVA (Member # 33581) on :
It's not easy to leave a bad marriage. I know, because I did it, many years ago. While there were some hard days after I left, the hardest ones by far were all before I left. You are only going to go up from here.
And leaving was by far the best decision I ever made in my entire life. It set the stage for the happy life I have now (all except for Lyme, but am getting through that.)
You did a really hard and a really brave thing. Good for you. : )
Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
Don't laugh you guys.....I forgot I posted this!
You all have given me such wonderful advice. I know down the road I'll see this was the best thing that I could've done for myself.
My life has been so hard for these past 15 years and I still can't believe that I'm going to be free and maybe even happy again.
My home life was so different than my work life and time I spent away with my friends and family.
I didn't want anyone to know what my life was really like. I was living a nightmare.
I'm awake now! Thank God, I'm awake.....
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
Hallelujah!
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Still smiling with happiness over here!
Posted by Edessajarrue (Member # 35310) on :
I am so so glad you decided to get out of your abusive marraige. You have a great attitude! I am very sorry you went through what you did for 15 years.
You may want to check out a women's shelter or Domestic abuse centers. They sometimes have support groups that help those who have been in abusive marriages/relationships and will also have more resource lists available for other support groups.
The grieving process can be long and hard at times. But your positive outlook is really key to getting through and starting a spectacularly wonderful new chapter in your life's book!
Hugs,
Edessa
Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
Thanks for the encouragement! I've been having moments of intense sadness but it's getting a little better.
Once my divorce is final, I'm hoping that'll give me a sense of closure.
So far since I left August 1, I haven't had not one bad day. No drama at all. Just work and time with family. Peace, peace at last......
Posted by fatherguido (Member # 25266) on :
I do not post on much on these boards anymore but I went through a divorce four years ago (she left me when i was ill after 16 years).
I can honestly say she did me a favor by walking out and my quality of life improved. I started feeling better afterward from less stress and made life decisions to improve my health. I lost 50 pounds and have been off abx for 2+ years.
It gets better so hand in there. It might seem like a dark time but you will get through it.
Good luck.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
So glad you are doing better, guido!! That's awesome!
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
Guido it was like thst for me too except i was the sick one and i did the leaving. We were all better off...me, him, the kids
The stress of living in a situation like that is enough to kill you even witout lyme.
Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
Got a text this Saturday from my soon to be ex that he received his papers. Now I guess I just wait until my court date?
I appreciate the advice so much! It's been about a month and a half since I left and I'm still trying to adjust.
I thank God for my family and friends that are trying to help me through this. Also you guys here at Lymenet have been like family to me over the years.
I don't know if I could make it without all the help.
Thank you all so much!!!
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
Youve been helping me for awhile ak...you have been an inspiration for years...
Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
Me?? An inspiration?? You are too kind Kayak. I'm really trying to be ok with being myself. Who would have thought it'd be so hard? Posted by GretaM (Member # 40917) on :
Good for you!
Whne I was finally free of a bad relationship, it was like waking up one day with a completely different reality, and a different viewpoint on life.
It's amazing how others literally are the ball and chain, dragging us down, slowing us down etc.
Good for you.
Glad to hear your days have been drama free already.
I can honestly say, the drama is something I have never missed...It was like my adrenals took a huge sigh of relief.
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
I can so relate to that....
Hi greta!
Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
Well....I'm still waiting for my evidentiary hearing.
Greta-You hit the nail right on the head! I really thought that marriage was just a lot of work and there is no happily ever. Took me 15 years to figure that there is and I have to make my life happy with or without someone. So...I just unloaded my 240 lb. ball and chain of unhappiness!
Kayak-Hey Kayak! Just to let you know that I'm just plugging along and trying to heal my heart. Got a ticket online for an outdoor sculpture judging this Friday at the local museum. Going right after work.
You all are awesome!
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
Good for you ak!
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Onward, forward, AK!
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
Just checking in to see where you are in the process. What a relief it will be when the paper work part if over.
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