posted
Hi, My husband and I have 2 kids (13 and almost 3) and I am the stay at home mom. The 13 year old is at school all day, and the toddler just started preschool. However, she only goes 4 days, 3 hours each day.
I am wondering what others do when you are so sick you can't do much. I never let her watch tv before I got sick. We were always out, doing things together. But now there are many days that I cannot get off the couch, and so she ends up watching tv. I am very selective as to which shows she sees, but it is killing me that I cannot be the Mom I want to be right now.
I need some ideas, or just affirmation that others parents do the same thing. I want to be engaged with her, but I feel like death a lot of the time. thanks!
Posts: 427 | From Pacific Northwest | Registered: Oct 2010
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jackie51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 14233
posted
Have her flip through books. Get a bunch at the library every few weeks. Sometimes they like to pretend to read to you. You can cuddle on the couch together doing that.
She's almost old enough to start playing Chutes & Ladders or Candyland. Get those games and maybe some dominoes. What if you played some music and watched her dance? Kids love to dance and you could either video or take pictures. A little music might help you too. Go to youtube and search for whatever you like to listen to. You'll find something. I like to go back to the 60's. There's some good Beatles on there, "I Want to Hold Your Hand".
Good luck. I know it's tough to have active, energized kids around when you're suffering from fatigue. I wished I'd asked this question a few years back.
Posts: 1374 | From Crazy Town | Registered: Dec 2007
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kidsgotlyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 23691
posted
Good advice there.
Also, don't be so hard on yourself. A little tv everyday is not going to damage your child for life. There are so many good programs for children that are educational.
Just try to focus on the future when you will be well. Things will get better and then you can make up for all of the days that you were on the couch.
My Mom was chronically sick when I was a kid. I turned out ok. Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. Your kids will learn to be more compassionate for others through your illness.
Now I'm just rambling. God bless you and your family!
-------------------- symptoms since 1993 that I can remember. 9/2018 diagnosed with Borellia, Babesia Duncani, and Bartonella Hensalae thru DNA Connections. Posts: 1470 | From Tennessee | Registered: Dec 2009
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I'm in the same boat. When I got sick, my kids were 1 and 4, and they were always both very active.
Yes, I set them in front of the TV with vidoes or whatever--I think they both memorized the Land Before Time series, lol.
It always hurt me because my older son remembers when I wasn't sick, but my younger one has never known anything else. I don't knwo which is worse.
But yeah, books, blocks (have them build you the tallest towers they can), crayons and paper/coloring books--those are some things you can do with them that don't take much energy.
And like someone else said, don't be so hard on yourself. They'll understand if you're honest with them.
Posts: 303 | From Pennsylvania | Registered: Jul 2010
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merrygirl
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posted
its really hard. My kids were 2and 6 when I first got sick. Family helps by paying for daycare a few days a week. That is relatively new. I would suggest seeing if your child can go to daycare 2or 3 full days. That is what I do. It gives me time to really rest, and keeps my child enriched. I would not be able to do this if family didn't pay.
3 hours a day is not enough time for you to rest and go to appointments. Your child needs you to be well, and if your in the beginning of your lyme journey, you need to sleep. It makes me a better mom the two days I have to be home with him. My daycare knows my situation and have offered to come to. Get my child out of the car. They also are patient when I get behind on payments. If you find the right place, it will make it easier to leave your kiddo a whole day.
Also I would suggest not having mondays or fridays daythat your child goes to school. Two reasons for that. For me, I have help from hubby on the weekend,so I can usually manage mondays and fridays. The otber reason is that daycares are closed a lot for holidays on mon and fri. You usually still ha e to pay.
You get more for your money. Some states offer vouchers for daycare. Maybe you qualify? If you can afford tosend your kiddo, I wouldn't hesitate!
Just my experience and opinion of course. Sorry for typos.
One last thing. If tv is going to help get you through the day, then be choosy about theprogram, butdont torture yourself because tv is bad according to some book. Feel free to pm me if you ever want to. God bless
Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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posted
Thanks for the ideas and the support. I know tv is not the end of the world, and I am selective on the types of tv she sees. But I am sure you all know, guilt and mothering goes hand in hand. If it is not guilt about one thing, it will be about another. I will give myself more understanding and compassion though, and not beat myself up.
I like your ideas, and have realized even in those times when I am feeling my worst, if I tell her "Mommy feels really sick right now. I need a little while to rest, and then I can play _____ with you." She DOES get it, and lets me rest for a little while, and she runs off and entertains herself. Then I can get some rest, and get up a little while later and play with her. (I am not going to sleep at this point, just zoning out on some tv myself!)
It amazes me how much they do get, and how empathetic young children can be. Even at the age of 3, when they are supposedly "self absorbed".
Anyways, thank so much for the support. It is such a help to know of others that grew up with a sick parent, and your perspective as an adult.
Posts: 427 | From Pacific Northwest | Registered: Oct 2010
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posted
My son does good with a big pile of puzzles and also with play doh. And ya, too much TV for him too.
Posts: 707 | From Colorado | Registered: Jul 2010
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littlebit27
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Member # 24477
posted
Don't beat yourself up about too much TV-as long as they are watching age appropriate shows theres not a problem. And you know it won't go on forever, just until you get better.
My 2 yr old LOVES the shows where she can sing and dance. She's actually learned a lot from the learning shows on Nick and so has my 7 year old. They watch Dora, and they learn the words in spanish (which is great because they are half mexican and need to learn it anyway, lol).
I'm not a stay at home mom anymore. I work, it's hard but I do it. And quite honestly I think it would be harder for me to be a stay at home mom then to work outside the home. I just say that because when I'm home I'm tired and I can't very well be sleeping all day. I do it once in a while when my husband and I have a big job that we can't complete during the week but for the most part we've hired a sitter.
Like others said books are good...if you can get the child to sit there that long. My 2 yr old wants you to read one book and that's it she's done.
There are a TON of learning toys out now, from leapfrog to fisher price toys that teach numbers, sounds and letters.
I don't believe in that self absorbed crap for little kids. I really don't. I took many of child development classes and am a Psych major but if I'm crying the first one to come running to me is my 2 yr old. And she sits there and hugs me until I stop. Now don't tell me she doesn't care about other people.
IckyTicky
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 21466
posted
You can play flashcard type games from the couch. Read educational stories. Gather together things for her to make crafts next to you (maybe get a school desk to put next to the couch?)
I'm a SAHM but I also home school my 9 and 7 yr olds (who also have Lyme and co) But back before I was dx I sent my oldest to public school and had my youngest (then age 3) at home with me. I was in the same boat you are. I couldn't DO anything, I was so fatigued and felt so guilty.
-------------------- IGM: 18+, 23+, 30+, 31+++, 34+, 39IND, 41++, 58+++, 66+, 83-93IND IGG: 31+, 39IND, 41+ Also positive for Mycoplasma Pneumoniae and RMSF. Whole family of 5 dx with Lyme. Posts: 1014 | From Texas | Registered: Jul 2009
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posted
Thank you for the thread. It gives me a perspective of why my wife is less a mother than I often feel that she ought to be.
Posts: 822 | From midwest | Registered: Apr 2009
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IckyTicky
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 21466
posted
wtl... my husband thought the same thing about me. He simply could not understand that I WANTED to be that mother, but physically couldn't. It caused a lot of strife in our marriage until I was dx and started to get better on treatment.
I also had to let go of a lot of resentment towards my husband...because he felt I was just being lazy or a hypochondriac and I was very bitter about that for a very long time. It was hard enough dealing with the guilt I already felt for not being able to be the "normal" "functional" mother and wife I so badly wanted to be.
-------------------- IGM: 18+, 23+, 30+, 31+++, 34+, 39IND, 41++, 58+++, 66+, 83-93IND IGG: 31+, 39IND, 41+ Also positive for Mycoplasma Pneumoniae and RMSF. Whole family of 5 dx with Lyme. Posts: 1014 | From Texas | Registered: Jul 2009
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posted
My son is 2. He goes to preschool three mornings a week and then naps for 3ish hours in the afternoon. I take him to swim lessons (private lessons so I don't have to be in water with him) the other two mornings, and we go to the little gym. Even though I feel like crap still, I think it's important to do those two things.
We have a train set, so if I set up a new design in the morning, that keeps him busy for an hour or two. He also watches ample TV. And we read books, and he's just started playing puzzles.
I know it sucks, but just remember that this is such a small part of their life, and they will remember the moments you spend with them, even if it's curled up in bed watching a movie because you can't do much else.
-------------------- Lyme, Bart, possible Babs Currently on IV Doxy, Bactrim, Zithromax, Nystatin, Mepron Been on nearly every antibiotic since 10/09
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