posted
Lately, I have had severe depression and last week it came to a place where i wanted out of this whole Lyme disease thing. I see a therapist and take antidepressants, but nothing is helping anymore. I lay in bed listless and without interest as my life slowly goes down the drain. I have no activities anymore, few friends, and feeling sick and tired has just become too much to deal with. I don't want to go to this dark place, but feel so desparate, it is not just the illness, but the shattered life it has left me with. I may have to check into a hospital, as I do not know anything else to do to stop going down this very dark path. How can I come up with anything good about it. My bedroom looked like a filthy mess, not because I am filthy, but because I never have the strength to keep it clean. My memory is shot. I have bad herxing, my husband is so tired of it all, and it seems to go on forever, with no cure in sight. I feel hopeless. I would welcome any suggestions or conversation with anyone who is familiar with severe depression and Lyme disease. Suicude is actually the number 1 reason that people die from Lyme. Please help me, I have moved into a desparate place.
-------------------- RWM Posts: 18 | From New Hampshire | Registered: Oct 2010
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tdtid
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10276
posted
Rozmil,
I have no experience with helping someone with severe depression and hopefully someone will come along from that angle.
I do believe you are someone I called and talked to on the phone last week. Does the name Cathy ring a bell from FB?
I know there are numbers in the very top for a suicide hotline if you ever feel it is going out of control and hope that you would use them. They are there to be USED!!!!!!!
Also, if memory serves me right, Dr. D is treating Lyme and Babs? I know that Dr. R tells me that so many of the emotional issues go along with Bartonella and perhaps you need to ask Dr. D about possibly treating Bart or if you have, perhaps another round?????
Please don't give up hope. It's about finding the right drug for the right bug and sometimes that can be very tough. But people DO get to the other side and acknowledge that it was a hard bumpy road but so very worth it.
Hubby is just frustrated and scared but you would devestate him if you weren't here for him, so my advice is to think about one day at a time and get through TODAY. Have you tried some heavy duty detoxing?
There is a lemon, water and virgin olive oil cocktail that you might want to try. Some have great luck with Alka GOLD. This is an Alka Seltzer product but does not have the aspirin and you need GOLD. It's harder to find, but our local CVS had it. You can try Benedryl before going to bed tonight. The antihistimines help but also might make you tired which is a good thing in these cases.
We are here for you. Lyme is horrid but the alternative is worse. Keep fighting, Kiddo!!!!! Hugs to you.
Cathy P.S. Besides, we still have to meet for lunch after my daughter finishes her vacation here, REMEMBER??????
-------------------- "To Dream The Impossible Dream" Man of La Mancha Posts: 2638 | From New Hampshire | Registered: Oct 2006
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tdtid
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10276
posted
Roz,
Since I don't know if you will feel like searching for this Suicide info, I done a cut and paste from the Lymetoo link for this here for you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please go to this site if you are contemplating suicide.
Are you in crisis? Please call 1-800-273-TALK Are you feeling desperate, alone or hopeless? Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you.
-------------------- "To Dream The Impossible Dream" Man of La Mancha Posts: 2638 | From New Hampshire | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
Another thing to consider are any supplements you might be taking that could be contributing to the depression. I found that when I was taking a vitamin B supplement that it made me extremely depressed - almost suicidal. I don't know if it was the B vitamins, some other inactive ingredient, or the effect of the vitamin B on the little critters but taking those really put me into a tailspin. It went away when I stopped taking them.
Oh, but just don't stop taking things because I mentioned it. I am nowhere near knowing how it all works. please seek help and talk to your doctor about the possibility of it.
-------------------- IgM: [18++,31+++,34++,41++,83-93+] [39 IND] IgG: [41 IND] Positive according to IGeneX. Negative according to CDC. Negative for co-infections. Currently treating for Lyme, Bartonella, Babesia Posts: 225 | From Minnesota | Registered: May 2011
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posted
It's a tough battle I know as I've been living it. I think a lot of the battle is helping the body to clear the neuro-toxins from die-off circulating throughout the body. Theses toxins are contributing to a lot of the mental stuff that goes on with LD.
You make no mention about any treatment you are currently doing. Sometimes meds play a major role in mental health, including antidepressants. That's the hardest thing in fighting LD is finding the right balance of meds to use.
Also, have you been tested for co-infections? Even though there aren't perfect reliable tests you may wish to have your doctor look into treatment for Babesiosis, Bartonella, and others.
Herxing in itself is terrible. I know how my mind gets during extreme herx's. Nothing seems right at all. You may have to back off the meds a little during Herxing to help give yourself a chance at beating this bug down.
I also find that no one close to me understands what I'm going through. I've been pretty much isolated myself because I just don't want to be around anyone to hear their opinion. I'm done with that. The only way they would actually understand is if they were going through this mess.
Please don't end your life. Please talk to your therapist and LLMD let them know exactly how you feel. Remember this is a nasty bug, but you can and will beat it down. It's just bacteria and you are going to fight and win this battle.
Please visit the Suicide link at top of page. And remember many many people have been in your shoes and get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
FIGHT!
-------------------- HERX is a Four Letter Word! Posts: 716 | From If you're going through hell, keep going......Winston Churchill | Registered: Apr 2007
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posted
Rozmil, There is alot of people here that have been where you are. I am one of them. Last fall I felt like giving in to the depression.
I took extremely good care of myself,detoxing for me was the thing that always brought me through those deep dark places .Remember this is a biological disease that messes with your judgement and emotions like nothing you can imagine.
The ones around you, family and friends, will never really understand how YOU feel in your brain. This forum saved me many days and nights when I was in the pit. We all care about you and anyone else that is still suffering with this unimaginable illness. I am praying that one day soon you will look back on this as a blessing as I have.When you start to feel like you old self it is truly a miracle from God!
Posts: 342 | From northern california | Registered: Dec 2010
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scorpiogirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 31907
posted
Hi there,
I just wanted to write and let you know I have been there. Mine came suddenly and aggressively! Of course at the time I did NOT know I was suicidal. I just wanted that bad feeling to end and I didn't see any other way out!! So for me Depression/anxiety and suicidal thoughts presented themselves very early. I literally lived in this bubble where nothing mattered to me except crying. I stopped eating and sleeping. My family and church gathered around me and prayed and literally lifted me up and pulled me through. I really think my faith in the Lord Jesus saved me. The only place I found comfort was in the house of God.
Finally 18 months later I was diagnosed with Lyme and Bart... and once on meds, my mental health improved significantly. I still have days where I just can't pull myself together...but that's when I call out to my sisters in Christ. That is good you are reaching out to us. You need your support network! Explain to your husband how serious this is!!
God Bless you and keep you safe!
-------------------- Posts: 1391 | From Lyme Land | Registered: May 2011
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posted
Thank you all for your kind words. Cathy, yes it is me....I have had 4 horrible days with a deep depression. I have Babesiosis and Bburgdorferi. I thought about the combination of drugs and if it was causing something. I take so many meds and suppliments too.I have a strong faith in God, and I do go there, this one hit me so hard, I felt like a space shot in my own world of fear. I am better today, and trying not to give into it means forcing myself to get up and do something to take my mind off of this horrid disease. But when I researched it, and discovered that suicide is huge in Lyme disease, I could relate. Thank you everyone for being there for me. I appreciate it with my whole heart. You are all the best,....and I will keep in mind all that you all have shared with me. I am a tough cookie, when I get that way, I am just going to do something and stay busy, so it does not own me, I won't let it win, I promise. You are all in my heart and prayers. The Lyme Community is just so supportive, I just have never seen anything like it,.....so many wonderful people........hugs to everyone....I feel better already :)
-------------------- RWM Posts: 18 | From New Hampshire | Registered: Oct 2010
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ktkdommer
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 29020
posted
My son has come back from a very dark place that I don't ever want to think about again. It has been 12 months with a strong treatment plan with an ILADS doctor. He obviously was treated for Lyme and coinfections together. Today his emotional health is so much better.
It is an ugly depressing disease, but one that can be conquered.
Hang in there please!
-------------------- Things are never dull. After 3 fighting Lyme, 2 are in remission. Youngest is still sick, age 22. He has new diagnosed Chiari Malformation and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Posts: 1366 | From Perrysburg, Ohio | Registered: Nov 2010
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Haley
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 22008
posted
Roz - Have you read the link on Mepron Blues? I don't know if you are on Mepron but many Babs meds can cause severe depression... I know !!!!!
Do a search on Mepron blues. It suggests to cut back the meds for a bit.
Big hugs. many of us understand that dark place.
Posts: 2232 | From USA | Registered: Aug 2009
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nefferdun
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 20157
posted
Hi Roz, I am just another person that understands how you feel and want to reach out to support you. Babesia causes horrible depression. I thought it was like the dementors (from Harry Potter) sucking my life out. When I first began treatment it hit me hard. I was so depressed and anxious.
Now I am better although still battling the set backs. When I first emerged from the hole of despair, I remember one day seeing the blue sky and hearing the birds sing. I felt overwhelming joy. You will get through this. We are always there for you when you need us. Never give up.
-------------------- old joke: idiopathic means the patient is pathological and the the doctor is an idiot Posts: 4676 | From western Montana | Registered: Apr 2009
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Dogsandcats
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 28544
posted
Just like nefferdun said- one day you will see the blue sky...
That is what happened and still happens to me. I have -Praise God seen some blue skies. Tonight I actually went out to dinner! Last year I could not get out of bed.
I remember asking God where was He in this hell? The despair was like nothing I had ever gone thru.
God promises us He will never leave us or forsake us. Despite how I felt, God was always there. I know it now, I just couldn't then, the pain was too great.
Just trust that He will get you thru this and we will pray for you. Please call one of the hotlines or a friend if you need to. God works thru them too. Hugs...
-------------------- God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.
Billy Graham Posts: 1967 | From California | Registered: Oct 2010
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TerryK
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 8552
posted
roz - so sorry you are feeling depressed. I've been there too.
You may want to consider looking into methylation problems as they can make depression so much worse and can cause treatment for depression to fail. Seems like quite a few lyme patients have methylation problems. The fix may be easy but depends of your specific genetics. It requires that one take the active form of folic acid and cut out other forms of folic acid that compete with the active form. There are other supplements that are needed to do the protocol however some M.D.'s use a prescription form of the active form of folic acid to boost anti-depressants.
Now, if you are like me and a number of other lyme patients and you have the methylation problem where you don't convert folic acid to it's usable form very well, the prescription dose will be too high and may cause some unpleasant symptoms because it can initiate significant detoxing.
I use Dr. Yasko's protcol which includes Metagenics - FolaPro which is a much smaller dose of the right form of folic acid.
My LLMD had me get testing through Dr. Yasko's site but there is a simplified protocol for those who just want to test it and see if it helps. It can unleash significant detoxification though so it seems prudent to talk with your LLMD about it first.
This group will be useful if you want more info about methylation etc...
posted
For what it's worth, I tried a homeopathic remedy, pulsatilla 12x, and it got me high, much better than any anti-depressants I had tried when I thought I had fibromyalgia.
I think it's a matter of finding out what's going to help as treatment. So all the above suggestions are really important to evaluate, I think.
I haven't gotten as bleak as you, but I have felt trapped by my symptoms. Everytime I find something finally that works, it's like being liberated.
So I encourage you to do as much sleuthing as you can to know what's infected you and what you could try, so you could have a chance to improve.
Posts: 13171 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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posted
Just know you are not one. I have a feeling this is very common with a disease of this nature. I've been feeling very hopeless and scared. And I must say it's got to be the worst feeling in the world. Some days I feel like I'm pulling at imaginary strings just to hang on. But, I hang on cause I want to. While it may not feel like it right now, I know the people around me do love me and care. So please hang in there and if you need professional help to do so don't be afriad to get it right away. I wish you the best. :-)
Posts: 96 | From USA | Registered: Jun 2011
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