Please listen to this --- it will be my song for a little while.
On Tuesday morning, five minutes after I arrived at the hospital, the person dearest to my heart, my husband Jack, took his last breath. He was felled by Babesiosis, 85 years old. Jack finally went to sleep, gently, after a long battle. Dr. K. spoke to him from Europe while he was already slipping away and asked me to give him a kiss from him before we hung up. I had all the support, but the bugs were stronger.
I had a difficult time letting him go � only God knows how hard I tried to help him during my years of my own Lyme problems when he carried me up the stairs to the doctor�s office, bathed and dressed me and as he remained a bright shining light when I got well and had to do the same thing for him to his last days.
My heart aches as if a huge rock had been pulled out of my chest. Jack and I were holding hands on our 50th Wedding Anniversary less than a month ago. That is all that was left for us to do.
I happen to run "accidentally" into this song later on Tuesday -- Dr. K. is singing the words as he often does at the end of seminars, usually inspiring songs. The shorter fellow next to him is a dentist or MD, a student who has been doing the Klinghardt thing in Germany for many years. This song must have been at a time when he felt he had failed a patient. I will translate some of the words from German:
�Dear God � please help find me I have lost my way in the world Please please please please shine your light As I stand before a locked door I feel as if in a strange land Please please lead me by the hand Dear God please help find me���
Some day I will join my beloved Jack at this good place with the bright light. Until then I will keep searching and learning.
Thank God for every day you can share with a loved one.
Posts: 9834 | From Washington State | Registered: Oct 2000
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Jane2904
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
GiGi, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posts: 1357 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2008
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I do not know you but you have helped me and so many others countless times. I am so sorry for your loss. As I sit here and listen to the song and read your post I cannot stop the tears.
You are a wonderful angel sent from God. Your husband is in a much better place with no suffering.
Thank you for all you do for so many people.
God bless you,
Deb g
Posts: 499 | From Malta, NY | Registered: Dec 2008
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From all you've described, I'm sure he knew he was loved.
Posts: 845 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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kidsgotlyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 23691
posted
Gigi,
I am very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
-------------------- symptoms since 1993 that I can remember. 9/2018 diagnosed with Borellia, Babesia Duncani, and Bartonella Hensalae thru DNA Connections. Posts: 1470 | From Tennessee | Registered: Dec 2009
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
i am so very sorry. i cannot imagine your grief and pain.
i will think of you.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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penguingirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 28688
posted
I'm so sorry for your loss.
-------------------- Posts: 1204 | From USA | Registered: Oct 2010
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posted
I'm so sorry, Gigi. My thoughts are with you.
Posts: 340 | From Lymeland | Registered: Sep 2011
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glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
GiGi,
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband Jack, and for the heartache you are feeling.
Gael
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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beths
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
So sorry to read of your loss. may the good memories be a comfort to you now
Posts: 1276 | From maryland | Registered: Jan 2009
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NanaDubo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 14794
posted
Jack was one of the kindest men I ever met. Always a twinkle in his eye. He had a special name for Gigi - so sweet as was he.
He put up a long and hard fight.
Gigi, I know more than most how hard you worked to help him. You never, ever,ever gave up. He will watch over you from his peaceful place and call you that special name.
Posts: 1129 | From Maine | Registered: Feb 2008
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posted
Dear Gigi,So sorry to hear of your loss. You r in my thoughts and Prayers.You have been such a wonderful wife to him. Take good care. Gentle nurturing Hugs.
Posts: 905 | From Santa Cruz,Calif | Registered: Aug 2005
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tickled1
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
Gigi,
I am so so sorry for your loss. Bless you.
Posts: 2541 | From Northeast | Registered: Jan 2008
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lyme in Putnam
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11561
posted
I am so sorry Gigi. God bless and make you strong.
-------------------- He took u to it, He'll you through Posts: 2837 | From NE. | Registered: Apr 2007
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posted
Gigi, Your husband was blessed to have you beside him. You were lucky to have each other. His spirit will be with you always.
You have helped so many of us with all that you have learned - I hope you know we are here for you....
Posts: 964 | From san diego | Registered: Oct 2009
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Tammy N.
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 26835
posted
Dearest Gigi,
I have been thinking of you every day. You already know how I feel, but I just had to put a post here as well.
I am so glad for the wonderful half-of-a-century that you got to share with the love of your life. 50 years is a magical milestone that most people don't make. It makes it harder to let go, but the lifetime of wonderful memories you have made will carry you through. You and Jack are wonderful people. Now Jack is in a peaceful place, finally. And I hope a different kind of peace comes to you during this very difficult time.
Sending warm and comforting thoughts your way. Tammy xo
Posts: 2238 | From East Coast | Registered: Jul 2010
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scorpiogirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 31907
posted
I'm sorry for your loss. May the Lord wraps His arms around you in your time of need.
-------------------- Posts: 1391 | From Lyme Land | Registered: May 2011
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posted
Dearest Gigi, My heart and prayers are with you...you and your husband have helped so many here ...bless you and Jesus hold you in His arms.
Posts: 871 | From orange county, ca. | Registered: Jan 2006
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Sammi
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 110
posted
GiGi, my heart goes out to you. Sending hugs and prayers.
Posts: 4681 | Registered: Oct 2000
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bcb1200
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 25745
posted
So sorry to hear this.
-------------------- Bite date ? 2/10 symptoms began 5/10 dx'd, after 3 months numerous test and doctors
IgM Igenex +/CDC + + 23/25, 30, 31, 34, 41, 83/93
Currently on:
Currently at around 95% +/- most days. Posts: 3134 | From Massachusetts | Registered: May 2010
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RZR
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 20953
posted
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry your beloved Jack lost his battle.
Sending a group hug from all of us.
-------------------- Tick bite May 2009 Diagnosed June 2009 Posts: 2329 | From SouthEast | Registered: Jun 2009
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Kudzuslipper
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 31915
posted
My heart aches for you Gigi. so sorry for your loss.
Posts: 1728 | From USA | Registered: May 2011
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tick battler
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 21113
posted
Dear Gigi,
I'm so sorry to hear this tragic news of your loss of your dear husband. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.
Posts: 1763 | From Malvern, PA | Registered: Jul 2009
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Lymedin2010
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 34322
posted
I echo the words of the others and have you in our prayers. This story is very touching.
Thank you for your responses when I ask questions and thanks for supporting our community and for fighting what is a true battle.
Posts: 2087 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2011
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Rumigirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15091
posted
Gigi,
I am so sorry to hear of your husband's passing. I completely understand how hard it must be to let him go. How could it be otherwise after a lifetime together of love?
I send love and prayers to ease your heart in this difficult time. Your light always shines brightly here, and I know it will continue to do so, even if there is sorrow in your heart.
Your family is here, too. xoxoxo
Some day these illnesses will not have to take those we love. But in the meantime, we fight on.
Posts: 3771 | From around | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
Oh God Gigi, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved husband. It is wonderful that you were able to spend so many years with each other. But so sad that it ended the way it did.
You have helped so many here. Thank you for that. Take time to grieve for however long you need.
Just know that there are people here including myself who will await your return.
-------------------- You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
---Eleanor Roosevelt Posts: 748 | From somewhere | Registered: May 2010
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Brussels
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13480
posted
Gudrun, my deepest condolesce for the loss of your beloved husband.
As I read LN for the last 7 years, I know how much you cared for him. I'm glad he has left so many grandchildren, and I'm sure you will feel him around, if not already. You're blessed to know so many things, in all the senses...
I hope you have the force you need to go on.
I loved the song too.
Posts: 6199 | From Brussels | Registered: Oct 2007
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jackie51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posts: 1374 | From Crazy Town | Registered: Dec 2007
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tdtid
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10276
posted
I'm so very very sorry, Gigi. I had clicked on your link as I read your note. The tears roll down my eyes with such emotion. Hugs to you and you will be in my prayers.
Cathy
-------------------- "To Dream The Impossible Dream" Man of La Mancha Posts: 2638 | From New Hampshire | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers go out to you.
Posts: 908 | From Albany | Registered: Nov 2008
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lymeinhell
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4622
posted
Gigi, I am so sorry for your loss.
Find a way to hold on to the good memories, and he will always be with you. Talk about his good spirit, your love together, and your special times. And your heart will someday sing, knowing that your beloved is always there, watching over you, waiting for the day you can be together again. If you listen, you will hear.
May God bless you and bring you peace.
-------------------- Julie _ _ ___ _ _ lymeinhell
Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed. Posts: 2258 | From a better place than I was 11 yrs ago | Registered: Sep 2003
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
So sad
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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posted
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posts: 233 | From Hudson Valley | Registered: Jun 2010
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momlyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 27775
posted
GiGi - so sorry.
-------------------- May health be with you!
Toxic mold was suppressing our immune systems, causing extreme pain, brain fog and magnifying symptoms. Four days after moving out, the healing began. Posts: 2007 | From NY/VT Border | Registered: Aug 2010
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I am so sad that you lost your beloved husband, Jack. My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family.
Even though it is difficult to lose him, please find comfort in knowing he is no longer suffering and in a much better place.
You have always helped so many here, sharing your knowledge and experiences and we are all very grateful.
Although we cannot take away your sadness and heartache, we can all send you many of these
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain." Rev 21:4
Posts: 8981 | From Illinois | Registered: May 2006
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posted
I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for strength and peace for you and your family. TS
Posts: 566 | From West Coast | Registered: May 2008
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Abxnomore
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 18936
posted
Sending healing thoughts your way. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Posts: 5191 | From Lyme Zone | Registered: Jan 2009
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So much of what I do for myself and my sons is because of you. I've read so much of what you've written and it has been a light through the darkness. We are with Dr. K in a good part because of your faith in him. I know how much you have helped my family. People you don't even know. How much more did you help your beloved husband? I know he couldn't have been in better hands. Keep singing your song GiGi and God Bless you.
Truesun
-------------------- Misdiagnosed for many years. Treated for many things besides the real issue. Lyme diagnosed April 2008. Parasites diagnosed recently. Past to both my sons. Trying to remain hopeful and thankful. Posts: 144 | From Ohio Valley | Registered: Mar 2009
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posted
I am so sorry for your loss. You have helped so many people here, and I hope the support you find here can help just a little. God bless you.
Posts: 236 | From Zionsville IN | Registered: Jan 2011
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posted
Dear Gigi, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers and wishing you comfort and healing.
Posts: 873 | From WA | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
Gigi, Thank you for sharing the song. I will be praying for you. "Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted." May God bring you special comfort in this difficult time.
Posts: 63 | From Millersville, PA | Registered: Jul 2010
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dmc
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5102
posted
Oh Gigi, I am sadden by your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Posts: 2675 | From ct, usa | Registered: Jan 2004
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TerryK
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 8552
posted
My heart goes out to you. May you and your family find peace and healing quickly.
Terry
Posts: 6286 | From Oregon | Registered: Jan 2006
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I just lost my husband at 59 yrs old two weeks ago. We would have been married one year last week and I know how much pain you are feeling.
My husband was not sick, after an accident a drug was given to him in error that caused him repiratory failure. While in the ICU they found he too had lyme and babesia which contributed to his breathing issues.
I, like you, feel like my heart has been ripped from chest. He was taken so suddenly and no matter what the age or how long you love someone, the pain is the same.
He too carried me all this year while I was trying to treat my lyme and I depended on him for everything. They are both God's special angels and were sent to us for some very important reason.
I pray that they have met in heaven, free from all pain and both looking down on us and watching over us..The day will come when we are together again and the party will begin for us all. Much love Ann
-------------------- Diagnosed with chronic neuro lyme 12/10 after 30 years of vertigo.2 tick bites in 3 yrs from upstate NY. Was on omincef for nine mths..zith and rifampin stopped.Remission~ All the pain and symptoms are back and I am not treating now with biaxin. Posts: 788 | From New york..queens | Registered: Nov 2010
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posted
What a beautiful sentiment Ann. I bet they are both looking down on you, watching over you.
Posts: 707 | From Colorado | Registered: Jul 2010
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Sammi
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 110
posted
Ann, I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you.
Posts: 4681 | Registered: Oct 2000
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It is a fearful thing to love what death can touch.
- Wow. That is an amazing statement of truth.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13952
posted
Ann and Gigi, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your great loss. Praying that God will carry and comfort each of you.
Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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I'm so sorry to hear of this huge loss of your soulmate of so
many years...I can't imagine the grief ... I know you only through
this site but you have always been such a guiding light for me ...
... so very helpful , insightful , generous and knowledgeable ... I
send you a big hug , full of genuine warmth and compassion for
what you must be going through @ the moment...
please know you have touched my life in such a positive way and
helped me so much and I would do the same for you in a heart
beat ...your husband was a lucky man ... and you too ... I hope
you can rely on all the wonderful memories you have of being
together to help you get through this difficult time ...
my heart is with you , sincerely
-------------------- "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues , but the parent of all others "....Cicero Posts: 254 | From new jersey | Registered: Jul 2009
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posted
I'm so sorry to read this, Gigi - at least it sounds like you had a wonderful life together -
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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