posted
I have tried so hard to not feel sorry for myself, to be strong for my family and friends and move past this empty sad feelings I am having.
But when I am alone during the day and no one understands what I'm going through because I hide it due to the stigma around Lyme, the struggle gets harder.
I feel like such a burden to my family. Financially, mentally and with my husbands job. Also my young girls (12 & 15) shouldn't have to see me like this always.
I feel like most of the news I read gives me no hope. I am on my second round of treatment with antibiotics. First it was Ceftin and Tindamax and now, since I have been diagnosed with Babesia, I am on Mepron and Zithromax.
My moods are already unstable due to my bi-polar diagnosis that I have had for well over 10 years. Now my moods are clearly worse.
My mind is taking control of me when I am alone. I feel like such a burden that I could save my family financially and they wouldn't be burdened with so much unhappiness with me around.
I don't mean to be selfish, I feel like Lyme and Babesia could be a long term illness since it was found so late.
My mind is weak and I can't think of what I have to offer my family but heartache and financial ruin.
Posts: 27 | From Jacksonville, Florida, USA | Registered: Nov 2012
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posted
Sweetie you are just in the beginning of treatment by a couple months. It takes awhile to turn the corner but I trust you will. I have had your exact feelings. I've told you about wanting to not wake up and writing those good bye letters. But today you can see how much different me and my girls lives are. We are living normally and maybe you are right about Lyme being a chronic illness but it certainly can become a manageable illness where you still live a happy fulfilled life. It takes time
I think Mepron is causing some emotional Herxing. Trust me when I tell you I spent days in bed crying only to work through these herxes and improve.
Most people still online are still fighting Lyme. I do believe those who recover are moving on except for the wonderful few who hang around offering support to others.
Before you had lyme you had pathogens in your body. We always will. You have to decrease the bacterial load and strengthen your body and mind to overcome. Look at me and my family. No one would ever know the hell we went through for 3 years. It gets better I promise but it is never easy. It's truly the biggest challenge I've ever faced
I love you and know you are never alone. 💋 Lymenet has gotten me through some really low times and I am thankful for finding this site.
You are always good at putting a smile on your pretty face and being a good mom, wife and friend. You are stronger than you think.
Posts: 747 | From Utah | Registered: Apr 2010
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