posted
I was just curious if anyone dealt with any mental health issues BEFORE their lyme diagnosis and how being sick has affected them.
I do not like to disclose this, and am embarrassed to do so but I had a history of depression/suicidal behavior before lyme. I was in a much better place than I had been in years when I was besieged by this illness. Lately, my depression has gotten very bad again. I am not actively suicidal, but I am dealing with a lot of darkness. Anyone else have issues w mental health that predate lyme? Have you found that lyme treatment has helped with these issues? Have you found that dealing with the illness itself has caused a recurrence or worsening of mental health symptoms?
Thanks. Jess
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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Absolutely! I have had a long history of mental health issues due to chronic and severe trauma in my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. I believe Lyme definitely exacerbates my mental health symptoms and vice versa.
Currently, I manage my mental health through monthly art therapy, a low dose of anti-depressants, and alternative means- herbally, nutritionally, holistically (acupuncture, meditation, journaling, etc.)
I was officially diagnosed with PTSD and "medically induced depression due to Lyme" this year.
I have been hospitalized for depression more than once over the years- the first time being the worst after a suicide attempt. The second was from a bad withdrawal from antidepressants. But although I've felt suicidal many times since, I've not attempted suicide since I was 17 or tried to hurt myself since my early twenties.
I am not in any way ashamed of any of this- and am very open to talking about it with you if you want to PM sometime!
I believe and have been told by multiple docs and therapists that my mental issues are normal reactions to an abnormal and traumatic past. The things I've done to myself have been in an attempt to have a semblance of control (even as negative as they were) in the midst of terrible chaos.
The past three years, I've cleaned house on people who bring me down, hurt me, use me in any way and only since last year have decided I would rather be alone than allow anyone to hurt me again.
This year, I have learned the most in my life about myself and destructive patterns and habits I am still letting go of and I am changing for the better. I am so much more stable mentally than I have been in years, in spite of the fact that my Lyme illness has gotten immensely worse.
I believe that years of trauma have affected my immune system in a terrible way- I believe my adrenals are shot- and I must keep myself as calm and relaxed as possible to avoid going even further downhill.
I think of this time I am enduring now as a great purging. I am coming out of a long denial about being sick with Lyme and about things I still need to work on interpersonally. I think our mental health affects our physical health immensely and being very physically ill definitely provokes depression, anxiety, etc- especially when the disease does what it does to our brains and nervous systems!!
Having Lyme means enduring constant trauma in and of itself!
But I had 2 AMAZING years between my adolescence when I first got help for depression and the time I was bitten and contracted Lyme disease. More and more I am remembering who that girl was during those 2 years and fighting with everything I've got to get her back.
Posts: 428 | From Midwest | Registered: Dec 2012
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I am VERY VERY ashamed of my mental health history. I have not even revealed it to some of my friends for fear of them abandoning me. I was abused as a child as well, then raped as a young woman. The combination of these two traumas led to me engaging in some really self destructive behavior.
I have attempted suicide 4 times in my life. I was free of suicidal urges for awhile and now I am just extremely depressed again. I know the major cause is lyme as to why I am so depressed now, but its just been a terribly tough time.
I can fool most people into thinking that I am fine and happy and have done so for most of my life, but a good friend of mine was recently able to see through my facade and knew I was being somewhat inauthentic with who I really am.
I hate the idea of battling a mental illness with lyme though, as I feel when people learn of my mental health history that they will somehow believe I am "faking " the medical illness I have, which is ridiculous because I have positive blood test after positive blood test, but it is still a pressing concern.
I do know that the sicker I get physically the more depressed I feel but conversely the more depressed I am, the harder it is to deal with the physical symptoms. UGH AND UGH.
THANK YOU again for yr response. It means a lot to me and made me feel a little less ashamed of this, which is a huge thing. Jess
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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poppy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5355
Article on connection of inflammation to depression/suicide.
Excerpt:
"Moreover, the primary trigger of the elevated immune parameters in suicidality is currently unknown and once unraveled, it might constitute another drug target.
In this context, it is of importance to keep in mind that suicidality is likely to be a complex phenomenon, not depending on a single cause. So-called distal risk factors include genetic loading, trait impulsivity and early traumatic life events, whereas proximal risk factors include psychological crisis or acute stress (Mann and Currier 2010); Gradus et al, 2010; Hawton and van Heerningen, 2009).
It has been demonstrated that pro-inflammatory cytokines IL-6 and IL-1β increase after acute stress (Steptoe et al, 2007). Psychological factors could thus potentially trigger a cascade of reactions ultimately leading to increased QUIN production.
Another factor that recently has been associated with suicidality is the neurotrophic parasite T. gondii (Pedersen et al, 2012; Zhang et al, 2012). The parasite has been suggested to increase dopamine production as well as induce low-grade inflammation. These examples show that in order to achieve optimal symptom relief for suicidal patients, it would most likely be vital to identify and treat triggers of inflammation, as well as acute symptoms.Posts: 2888 | From USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I have struggled with depression, sometimes severe, for most of my life. Events in my life have caused it I think. Was abused and bullied at school, and had an alcoholic father. Lately it is worse than ever. I am having a hard time functioning and have to force myself to do anything at all, and no joy in life.
I think I've had lyme for a long, long time and was bitten again as a young adult which was the straw that broke the camel's back. I am now stuck in a bad marriage and feel so trapped and want out so bad. I hate the town where we live, the people are not friendly at all and so isolated by this illness. I have suicidal thoughts all the time, but would never act on them. I don't know if the lyme causes the depression or just makes things worse, its hard to tell.
-------------------- "Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug." Mark Knopfler Posts: 111 | From East of Eden | Registered: Mar 2012
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posted
Oh yes! I've definitely been told my physical issues are due to my mental problems! And it really messed me up and sent me into a denial about my illness- it's why it's taken me 10 years to actually treat my Lyme!
It was only joining this forum and learning that I have the right to fire anyone who gets in the way of me getting better that has given me the confidence to actually start treating Lyme and advocating for myself. I'm seriously tired of people denying me the empathy and compassion that I deserve- that we all deserve!!
We know our own bodies and I know there is a huge difference between the change that occurred due to the tick bite and the emotional, mental issues due to trauma.
They of course affect each other- being depressed makes our bodies more vulnerable to any sickness- especially one that is constantly trying to overtake us.
I am really excited for you to see a LLND (if that's the road you choose to take.) Maybe an integrative approach that treats mind and body together will finally get you a good footing into wellness!
About being ashamed... you are NOT what was done to you. It took me a long time to feel empathy for myself and to not blame myself for what's been done to me. You are very brave for opening up about what you are feeling and what you've been through- it's a great step forward.
When I finally recognized that not showing myself compassion and understanding was another destructive way of trying to have a bit of control, it started to melt away. I still have a long way to go but at least I can see it now.
Jess, you deserve to be healthy and happy in every way. And you are entitled to it.
posted
Thanks homesick...what scares me is that I would act on suicidal thoughts. And my suicide attempts were not cries for help. They were VERY VERY serious.
I know that if I ever feel urges that are that strong again that I need to get help asap. I have too many people in my life that love me and need me to check out. But it is definitely a battle, this depression.
Thanks so so much for posting. Jess
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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posted
Daynise-THANKS. I definitely do not feel like I deserve to be happy. I have never felt that way. But I know I need to stop blaming myself for the things that happened in the past when I was a child, and when I was a young woman.
I hope someday to at least not feel ashamed and like I have to live a lie in order to ensure that people won't abandon me. I so appreciate the support. Jess
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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posted
Jess, No matter how bad it gets, I still do not believe that suicide is the answer. I also have those who care about me. It would not be right to leave them to pick up the pieces. Try to remember those people who care when you get so far down, and reach out to your new husband. It sounds like he is the real deal. I hope you find some answers and some peace. God bless.
-------------------- "Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug." Mark Knopfler Posts: 111 | From East of Eden | Registered: Mar 2012
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posted
Yes homesick, I definitely know that suicide is not the answer. And it would leave the people that I love and that love me with too much pain. I hold onto that more than anything. If not for those people , I would not be alive. I would probably give in to the urges. But I have a responsibility to them. I will not just disappear on them. I can't. I have grown enough now as a person where I realize that I cannot just check out of life simply because it is too hard. Thanks again so much. Jess
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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posted
Yes life is very hard, but the people on lymenet really do understand, so we can be here for each other.
-------------------- "Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug." Mark Knopfler Posts: 111 | From East of Eden | Registered: Mar 2012
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Razzle
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 30398
posted
Just sent you a PM...
-------------------- -Razzle Lyme IgM IGeneX Pos. 18+++, 23-25+, 30++, 31+, 34++, 39 IND, 83-93 IND; IgG IGeneX Neg. 30+, 39 IND; Mayo/CDC Pos. IgM 23+, 39+; IgG Mayo/CDC Neg. band 41+; Bart. (clinical dx; Fry Labs neg. for all coinfections), sx >30 yrs. Posts: 4167 | From WA | Registered: Feb 2011
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posted
Thanks again to everyone for the responses and PMs about this. Helped me a ton. Jess
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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MichaelTampa
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 24868
posted
Yes, absolutely, had plenty of those issues. Once I got effective lyme treatment they have been drawfed, still some minor anxiety/tension (I believe from still untreated infection and toxins), but nothing like all the other very difficult and uncontrollable emotions from before treatment.
Posts: 1927 | From se usa | Registered: Mar 2010
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posted
I started getting really ill with lyme when I was 23. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 16.
I truely believe OCD was one of my first lyme symptoms. Along with costochondritis. I got that when I was 12.
Posts: 1 | From somewhere out there | Registered: Oct 2010
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posted
I want to thank everyone again so much for the comments on this thread. It helped me a lot. Jess
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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