First thing my first internet meeting with Lymetoo was trashed because a 18 wheeler flipped on the interstate and I sat there for 3 hours trying to move 4 miles.

1 hour to the appt. they finally open the interstate and I made it to Dr. C on time. Did get to meet Lymetoo for a whole 20 mins. while getting my kids McDonalds. Wish it could of been longer, but it was great seeing you.

Now for the appt. of couse with me already all freaky, I have to hold down my two youngest for their western blots. Then on to Dominic. Here is the guilt.

Of couse, Dr.C is telling me it isn't my fault and not to blame myself buttttt.... I am so busy I forget to give him his eye drops.

I stopped taking him to the chiro 3 times a week and making sure he soaked/detoxed 3 to 5 times a week. And stopped giving him all the supplements he was taking. He was doing so much better.

Due to all this Dr.C is thinking that could play a BIG part in him relapsing. Too much good stuff was stopped to fast.

He kept telling me it isn't my fault and not to feel guilty but how can I not???

He is starting Dominic on Cefin 250 2x day and we have stopped the heparin for now.

As for myself I will be starting Doxy. He is worried because I am allergic to everything under the sun. He also kept telling me I have to take care of myself period!!! I am doing the hormone test next week.

He told me (like so many from this site) I have to slow down and take care of myself. Stop doing everything and only do what is for my health and my family's health.

He asked if I work which I do then he asked for the stuff I volenteer for and he just stared at me. Told me I am pushing to hard and THE ONLY WAY TO GET BETTER IS TO SLOW DOWN. MIND,BODY,SPIRT is what he kept saying.

So needless to say I have had alot to think about in the last few days.

I actally had a wake up call in a rest area bathroom when I saw myself in the full lenght mirror and didn't recongize myself. If that makes sense?

I acutally just stood there thinking OH MY GOD, this is really me? All that kept going threw my mind was I looked so tired and old and just thrown together.

I have alot of thinking, praying and reading to do. I have to re-read all the handouts and books from an adult view. I read them all looking for things for Dominic but now I need to think about myself.

This was a very very enlighting trip all the way around. I keep thinking.. mind, body, spirit the only way to get better.

For those who emailed me this last week, I will be getting back to ya'll as soon as I can. We just got home this morning around midnight.

Hugs to all.
Starr
Starr

I've been hoping you had a good appointment, and that you might be able to slow down just a *smidge*. I don't want to guilt you into anything, but there needs to come a time where you stop. And JUST stop. The world will go 'round without you. When you can catch your breath, you can hop back on & keep getting up. I know it's easier said than done. but you CAN do it.

Remember that site I posted a few back? Here's a link to the main website. It might help the mind & soul.
http://greatday.com/motivate/index.html

Good to see you home safe & sound!

~Barb

He asked if I work which I do then he asked for the stuff I volenteer for and he just stared at me. Told me I am pushing to hard and THE ONLY WAY TO GET BETTER IS TO SLOW DOWN. MIND,BODY,SPIRT is what he kept saying.

Hi,

You sound like a great mom!

Dr. C is right. I'm a patient of his (he didn't tell me what he told you but should have). I own a business and volunteer at my daughters school.

How often are you at your children's school? Maybe you could come in every other week if your schedule allows and eat with your children. If your working in their class weekly cut back to every other week (thats what I do).

This has been a great compromise for my daughter and maybe you could be a short notice volunteer.

I've learned to say no (I hate saying no but this is what I have to do right now) and only do what I can to take care of me.

I'll say a big prayer for you and remember please take care of yourself!

He asked if I work which I do then he asked for the stuff I volenteer for and he just stared at me. Told me I am pushing to hard and THE ONLY WAY TO GET BETTER IS TO SLOW DOWN. MIND,BODY,SPIRT is what he kept saying.

Hi,

You sound like a great mom!

Dr. C is right. I'm a patient of his (he didn't tell me what he told you but should have). I own a business and volunteer at my daughters school.

How often are you at your children's school? Maybe you could come in every other week if your schedule allows and eat with your children. If your working in their class weekly cut back to every other week (thats what I do).

This has been a great compromise for my daughter and maybe you could be a short notice volunteer.

I've learned to say no (I hate saying no but this is what I have to do right now) and only do what I can to take care of me.

I'll say a big prayer for you and remember please take care of yourself!

I read your post and thought about the LLMD admonishing you to take care of yourself!

Good for him! A friend of mine told me something years ago when I was struggling with GUILT and not wanting to address my own health issues.

She had been a flight attendant for years and asked me, "When you fly and there is an emergency and the oxygen masks are deployed what is the first thing the flight attendant tells parents traveling with children?"

I replied, "Put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then your children because if you pass out who will be there to help them?"

She smiled and said, "Exactly."

I have NEVER forgotten that. I have shared that with countless mothers who feel guilty about taking time for themselves or addressing their own issues.

You saw a reflection of yourself in the mirror at a very opportune time. The reflection looking back at you (and your LLMD) was telling you to "...Put the oxygen mask on yourself..."

You sound like a great mom. I encourage you to let go of the guilt and re-group and take care of yourself and the kiddos.

You will be amazed at how things will resolve when you value and love yourself and nurture yourself. You DO count and you DO deserve your health and a life with your family.

Be at peace and prioritize. Let all the "stuff" fall away that is not a priority and you will gain a new perspective.

Love and Peace,

Maggie

You made me cry, a combo of you and Dominic that is. This summer I was real sick with broncotis(?) and I started coughing up blood.

Dominic was freaking and then he just stopped and asked "Mom if you die who is going to take care of me? No body knows my abx and lyme stuff like you do, I'm going to die too!!!"

The air mask thing just brought that back to me big time.

snowboarder

I am there alot and I do alot from home too. My job-job is about 30 hours a week and then I am at school at least 2 to 4 times a week (I am room mom) help teaching/arts and crafts. Also for other meetings for things I am involed with.

I am in the middle of preparing for the fall bazaar and I am in charge of all the crafts. That is on Nov 12. so I have decided that will be my last big thing.

I will start going to school only once a week and stop volunteering for everything.

It is just so hard to say no when you know other parents are there. It is a shame that so many parents don't help out. THAT is the hardest thing. I keep thinking about the kids.

We have 400 kids at our school K-4th and only about 25 parents that do the parties/book fairs/fund raisers ect. At our PTC (parent/teacher/community) meetings we might have 15 parents show up. It is sad.

Barb,

I will be visiting this site often.

Thanks for ya'll support, love, and prayers. Hopefully when I start telling everybody NO they will understand as much as ya'll do.

Hope the tears were a "release" for you.

How to say "no". Practice, practice, practice.

Take a deep breath and very calmly and confidently say "no". It is about setting boundaries. If you don't set them no one else can do it for you.

Give Dominic and the kiddos a hug and know that you are LOVED.

I am quite sad about the fact that I am too tired to even do those wonderful things anymore.
::sigh::

So glad you had a safe trip up to MO. I know it was a long and tiring one.

I do hope you can "follow the docs orders". It is sooooo hard sometimes, huh?

I think of you often. Hang in there.

Sometimes we just need the right person (Dr C) to hit us with it right up front, before we can see ourselves.

Amanda, "heads up" for you, too, need to heed Dr. C's message as well. You are streched every which way, also. Work, you with Lyme, your two daughters, working full time+, volenteering at the Armory each week for the soldiers in Iraq, taking clogging lessons, meeting with school officials, one child with ADHD symptoms, the other child not developing at a good rate (lyme) and to top it all off having a husband in the thick of things being a platoon leader in Iraq.

I thought if I wrote some of the things down, as there are others as well, that you'd see that you, too, are doing way too much.

Starr, didnt' mean to hijack your post here, but, I'm sure your heartfelt message will benefit others who see themselves in your post.

Lymetoo's a doll, isn't she?

The info is really great and thanks again.

You must look after yourself and it must be so hard with sick kids as well.You first,give up all extra activities so you have time to rest.I don't know how you do it.I haven't even been near the kids school to do reading once all year.I would love to but I need the rest and it is always in the morning which is not good for me.

Take care of you,read the notes and do it for you.

It has motivated me again reading some of the things I had been doing before .I have started taking my acidopholus again and the colostrum etc.

I shall talk to my doc about some of the other ideas in there.

Well, I guess it doesn't surprise me that someone so loving, kind, thoughtful, generous, hard working and gentle is so hard on herself.

You are the last person to feel guilty.

You are the kind of mom everyone wants to have. I wish I had a mom like you and I'll bet a lot of other people here feel the same way.

Dominic is SO lucky he got you for a mom!!And so are your other kids!

Everybody has slips and slides in their own recovery and in taking care of others.

I can't tell you how many "forgets" I've had with JC because handling everything that goes along with this illness is mind, body and soul boggling.

Managing Lyme and everything that goes along with it is the hardest thing I've ever done and believe me, I'm a pretty good soldier and have been in the trenches before. And I don't even have Lyme!!

I'm so physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted I FINALLY had an emotional breakdown last week. Just sobbed and wailed LOUD for about 10 minutes.

And you know what the "still, small voice" said afterward?

"enough"...

Enough of the andie-driven be-all, do-all heroics. I need to get some help with all the heavy lifting.

YOU didn't cause his illness...a rotten bacteria did. And, hard as we may try...(and, boy, do we) WE can't totally CURE it.

Listen to the doctor. You have a beautiful mind, body and spirit that is begging you to be gentle with yourself.

Look at your son Dominic. Look into his eyes. He needs you and loves you so much. Would you ever be so hard on him as you are on yourself?

Remember Starr in the mirror? Look into her eyes....She's so tired. She needs you so much, too. Take care of her the same way you do so many others.

Do you have a picture of yourself when you were little?

Put it on the refrigerator with a caption that says, "I have Lyme, too".

The fact that you do feel guilty, while having this illness YOURSELF, taking care of your son, your other children and so many others near and far....is bringing tears to my eyes.

You have been doing an amazing job with all of this and I admire you so much.

love,
peace and extra prayers,
andie

I am sending this to the top so EVERYONE here remembers to be gentle with and take good care of themselves.

This disease and all the challenges that go along with it beats us all up enough.

Sometimes it gets too much and we have to take a break, reassess, have a meltdown, whatever.

IMHO, if you're still here, you're a hero. It would be so much easier to just give up and a lot of people do.

Stop, Stop, Stop, you are ill also.

I did not understnad or know what was wrong with me but knew I was not well after in hosp. for meningitis, prob. lyme as we know of now. Back in 80`s.

I pushed,pushed, pushed, (out of guilt), mostly because after becoming ill my ex exited. Or I asked him to should say,long story. Anywho......

Felt so quilty, for my kids, I had yrs. of illness with them. Later a pre-Olympic gymnast, very demanding. Started my own businesses due to being stalked at work.

Kept pushing, perfect house, did all repairs, tryed to keep my kids in all their activities, did all repairs, yard work,++ Felt I had to be mother,father,make up for fam. being far.

The gist of it all, it can`t be done.
What happens we end up not being good for ourselves or anyone else.

Have to take care yourself to help anyone else. Hard lesson I learned.
Believe me payed dearly. Now I am very sick, all alone. Just struggling to get through each day. Body can only due so much. Sorta like the energizer battery. I used to be charged all the time. Now I am lucky to even recharge.

You sound like a sweet kind,generous person.

Remember that, because it means you have to take care of you as orchid plant, lets say.

It is fragile,needs extra care, especially when it starts to wilt. You are wilting with illness. To save the plant & yourself needs extra care. Or it is worthless.

I pushed so hard I am basically worthless now. Used to be a social butterfly,athletic, & thought there was no task too big. Now every task how small is too big. Just a shower, that used to jump in & out of without a thought. Now it takes me hrs. to do.

SO PLEASE, take care, thanks again for your paperwork, shows you are caring.

You do not want to be like I am now. Not worth it, Trust me & others on this....

Thanks, Rosemary! It's always great fun to meet up with you and this last time with Amanda too. What a treat! I've met so many wonderful people from Lymenet. I consider it such an honor to be able to live where I can meet so many of you. Lyme warriors are ALL wonderful people!

People look at you and think well you look pretty good. Ha! I know what it took for me to look that decent and it took work!

I know what you mean about looking old and tired. I realize I,m not some young chick but I was looking pretty bad. At least we know why now

The disease you have is probably why you didn't do the things you think you should have with your son. It just keeps the mind from being what it should and our thought patterns are not the same as they used to be. So don't blame yourself! Blame the Lymes!

It is hard to have a disease that doesn't show outside so much but we are lucky if it hasn't gotten that far and does show. Or rather I should say blessed. I was still trying to do all and after reading all the things you all said I am going to stop!!!

Hope we can meet at a later date.

ANyone going to Dr. C in Feb. ? I go again on valentines day.

BUT i am feeling alot less stressed if that makes since. This weekend my phone didn't ring off the wall with things I needed to do for others it was sooo nice.

I have been doing good on the doxy so far up to 2 pills 2x a day at 100mg. I thought that was kind of a low dose but due to being allergic to everything I just he is taking it slow.

I must admit Thursday I was at work then felt like a mac truck hit me, everything started to hurt even my teeth and gums. Then my eyes got extremely blurry.

My boss made me chill for a bit and once my vision got better she sent me home. I slept for like 2 hours. Amazing how fast it hit me.

Feeling better now though. Dominic is still doing good, even his teacher told me Friday that his attention has doubled in the class and he doesn't seem to be fidgiting as much.

It feels great to bealbe to sit and play games and read books to the kids and not be in a hurry. We had a great time at the park the other night too something we usually only do when in Missouri.

My Chrio told me this morning that she can tell in my back and shoulders that I had a relaxing weekend. That made me feel good cause she is usually telling me to slow down too.

So for everyone who is doing too much, i admit it is hard to start saying no but hopefully it all works out for the best.

Thanks for all the warm wishes and great ideas. My husband has been calling me the lavender queen because everything smells lavender in the house (started spraying the kids bedroom too).