It is a very difficult line to draw.

I am sick and have an extremely fine excuse or reason. However, until I get better, I have constant bad days. I want to live a normal life and take considerations for others, but at the same time give myself energy needed to get through the bad days.

How do you draw the line? Anyone read any good books about this? Anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks for your help.

I have delt with chronic pain of arthritis, endometriosis, degenerative disc disease, several surgeries and fibromyalgia for over 15 years and recently diagnosed with late stage lyme disease--what came first the cart or the horse ? who knows--

My suggestion is that pain is a warning sign to the body that a-it needs rest, b-it needs exercise or stretching or c-something is wrong.

I have spent the last decade trying to find a balance and I wish I had the majic formula, but I don't. When I have a good day I want to do everything I have not been able to do for a month, week or what ever. I am and have slowly learned that is not possible.

Someone posted a story here about only having so many spoons a day and if you use up all your spoons before the day is gone ie-your energey you are drawing on tommorrow's energy and then you start to get into trouble.

I was just recently pulled off my IV abx after 8 months of treatment to see if my own immune system can kick in and fight the beast with a little help from orals only--they call it the wash out period--for a very good reason--I am washed out--I have done nothing but sleep since dec 21st for 16-18 hrs a day--dec 25 woke up with a wicked UTI-on cipro for 3 days and slept some more. It was not until yesterday that I actually got up and went somewhere and that was to my therapist. Today I am taking my daughter to the doctor and that is it.

My body is hurting in a way crying for stretching so I am taking care of that in the bed if I have to. But mostly, my immune system is fighting for it's life and i need rest so I let myself rest.

I know not all of us have that luxury-don't know if you work or not--I cannot for now.

but what it boils down to is to listen to your body--pain is a warning sign of what is to come if you do not take care of your self. You will learn to read the differnt kinds of pain as you practice.

It seems to me like you have two separate issue here.

First is the issue of how much and when to push yourself when you are in pain. This will have to be a matter of trial and error for you. In my experience you cannot always tell ahead of time which is the best course of action.

Of course your body's feedback will be the ultimate answer. If you have no increase in symptoms, or even feel better, then you did the right thing. If it sets you back, then it was too much.

This is a delicate balance, and can change from day to day. You need to be willing to call it quits as soon as you get your own signals that things are too much.

This leads into the second issue. I understand your desire to be available to others. The point I would make, is that you need to be at least as good to yourself, as you would be to someone else.

While you are in recovery from a serious illness, your role and relationship with other people may have to change. You have to be willing to be vulnerable with those you love, and allow them to care for you.

This can include begging off when pain is too much. Chronic pain has serious impacts on the immune system. Ignoring your pain can set back your recovery. It really is important to take care of yourself then. It is not just selfish.

let the people you are close to know that you will need the freedom to do this when necessary. Allow the converstaion to be an opportunity to let your relationship expand beyond the boundaries it currently has. You may be surprised at what can come out of this.

I have been fortunate to have my closest friends get even closer when I show them how much I need their help and understanding. I know not everyone is that fortunate, but you sound like someone who is operating under more internal pressure than external pressure.

If I'm wrong, I apologize, for this advice may not be as helpful in that case.

So, my advice is to take care of yourself when necessary, and when you can't participate in life the way you are used to, try to use the opportunity to find new ways to relate. Including letting others care for you!

I had a friend who is a counselor/therapist and she was a great support for me. I got some great advice from her and it made a huge difference for me.

Fist thing she suggested is for me to accept my current situation and embrace it because that's where I am right now. When I accept my health problem I won't have this personal struggle to fight it which in turn saves lots of my mental and physical energy. Well, it's not that easy to do if you are in pain and tired all day long. And then especially constantly feeling sorry for myself which didn't help either.

So I did my best and it begin to make some changes for me. I started with stopped feeling sorry for myself and replace it with how grateful I am to be alive and breathing. To me being grateful for everything is the best remedy.

So once I've accomplished this task she said I need to explain is brief and effective as possible to everyone around me so they are awared of what I need and don't need from them. Example: I told everyone that I am not healthy, eventhough it does not seem that way to them since there's no broken bones or surgery for them to see. However, that is the truth and I appreciate if I could have my time to do what I need to do for myself. It is important that I get the support that I need in order to have my health back. At this moment I am doing the best I could to accommodate everyone's needs without being a burden upon anyone.

That seems to work very well and I was giving a lot more room to breath which really affect my mental thoughts too. However, I've tried many different treatments and it seems nothing helped so I was very frustrated. Her suggestion was perhaps I need to go on different health support forum to look for answers.

I'm now beginning my search for helpful treatments. Last August I read about someone's success with Podi Patch program for pain so I gave it a try and it worked for me. My pain improves immediately after the first night usage and it gets better as I continue the treatment. After that I added Agaricus Blazei Murrill, it's a free gift if I purchased one month Podi Patch supply, and this really increase my energy so no more CFS for me. Since then I've added parasite cleanse, female organs cleanse, eyecare cleanse, etc.

What I've learned from my friend is about not giving up and stopped moaning and groaning about my problems. Instead I save my energy from doing unneccessary things and thoughts to being effective and follows others success procedures. Even when I had difficult times starting my Podi Patch programs I did not give up because if I did that mean I gave up on myself. Getting healthy is too important for me to give up when I face difficulties.

It's not about how many people you can get to feel sorry for you or to agree with you about your health problems. It's about what are you willing to do to be as healthy as you can so you can have a quality lifestyle again. Most of us on here experience pain & suffering everyday, but at least for me I know I don't have to be that way everyday because I CHOSE to do something about it. Whether emotionally or physically altering that. Some of us have a longer route to travel than others, but by doing something now perhaps it makes a difference immediately.

I've learned a few simple yet very effective methods and it has made a whole world of difference for me. I'd read many books before, but nothing change unless I take actions. Actions speaks louder than anything else. If you are interested in giving the programs I mentioned you can log in www.podipatch.com Great company and the best products I've seen out there. Their products are recommended by LLMDs.

thank you for the advice. thank you guys for sharing your personal experiences and good advice. i have gained a lot from them.

thanks so much.
take care.

Regaining your health has to be your primary focus right now. Do what you are up to each day emotionally or physically. The rest of the world will adjust.

Each chapter is based on interviews with a different person. The first section is pain patients, the second is care givers and the last is "thinkers." I stopped at the "thinkers" section because it was not as useful.

But the patients section is incredible. You are reading others' experiences with pain. I think it would be a great book to take excerpts from and give to those in your life.

Most importantly, the book taught me that it is ok to do what you need to treat your pain. Whether it be meds or a change in your way of life. And remember, the body heals better without stress and pain adds stress.