Would really like to smoke marijuana or take about 10 valium and sleep a couple of days instead of dragging my self around in pain and absolute fatigue.

This is such a cruel disease!!!

Sometimes you think you must be imagining it !!It just seems so unreal,yet the pain is real and the fatigue is real yet I still feel that I must be causing it somehow by the pain meds or sugar or what ever.I just can't seem to accept that I am not at fault that I am not doing anything wrong so I keep pushing myself and questioning myself as to what it is that I want that is making me stay sick.

Is it just some kind of wierd attention seeking but I really want to get better.I can't stand having no life.No self -esteem as I have lost everything that was me.I don't even remember how I felt pre lyme it is such a long time ago.I know I didn't feel dead inside that is for sure.

I read a article on depression today and they said real depression is not just caused by some sad event so how do you know if you have real depression or not.

I really feel I need to get away by myself for a while to sort this out.I think I am addicted to panadol forte as I can't cope with out them but I don't know if it is for the pain or the calming effect.

Really had it with this whole thing.

Beginning to think that I will never get better even though I have been trying everything.I have been really brave,had lines and now a port put in and for what nothing.

My family is taking antibiotics once a month. Maybe you could try that for a little while until you get centered again. We are just trying to keep our jobs and stay under the insurance radar.

I will be thinking and praying for you.

Yes depression is real and I belive it is the chetes in our brains that cause it or the fact that we have been traumatized by this disease.....

Whatever...get an anti depressant that works for you and an abx...I take lexapro and I've pretty much taken them all to get to this one that helps me from going toooo hi and tooooo low........

We have all felt as you do at this moment and for the most part I believe we have all gotten thru it....even tho like our symptoms sometimes it comes and goes....just realize that it is NOT YOU>>>>It's the BUG...whenever you get better you'll realize that so hold out till then....it will happen.
zman

I'm sorry you are feeling so sick......

Hang in there.... I know it's soooooo tuff and at times very discouraging.

We all understand your feelings. And I don't think anyone in their right mind would want this kind of attention, so no I don't think that.

But I do know how it can feel wondering why you aren't getting better after taking mega abx... been there too.

Please don't stop looking for a treatment that will get you where you need to be. Have you been fully checked for co-infection?....research it a little ..maybe if you have the energy.

Keep at it....things will turn around...

take care

Can't even open my pain medicine bottle, my hand is on fire first thing in the morning.That's where the arthritis set in.

You would think such a little thing couldn't hurt so bad. It seems to have taken on a life of its own.

As I got back into bed after limping over to the bathroom ( my foot has neuropathy ) I felt a wave of defeat sweep over me.

Now I am a person that sees the good in just about everything, the glass half full all that stuff, but I was simply tired of being sick.

So I turned to him and said I want a day off. He looked at me like he thought I had finally lost what's left of my mind.

No I mean it!, I said. I am tired of being sick. Can't God just give me one day, just one day that's all I ask! then I'll go back to being sick tomorrow. I won't try for another day, just give me one, please.

I don't think I was really joking although it sounded a little like it. Needless to say it didn't work. But wouldn't it be nice if we could have a day off say once a month maybe.

I think I could deal with Lyme a lot easier if I knew I could take it off and hang it on the wall somewhere for 24 hours.

I don't guess this helped you much. Sorry.

I am on antibiotics, are you?

I have found that one B-50 vitamin(that's a combination of all the b's at 50mg),

one 1,000 mg of a good royal jelly(I take Premier One),

and an omega 3,6,& 9 essential fatty acid formula (I take Oil Smart by Renew Life),

it is really, really important to get the Oil Smart brand.

It has an enzyme added that allows our Lyme screwed body to absorb it much better, If I take a cheaper kind and I'm not rich either, it makes me feel worse.

This really peps me up without making me nervous and the fatty acids help the pain and my grumpiness which is is a nice way of saying Lyme meanness.

I feel useless as well. I do nothing most days. And I feel like such a loser about this on most days. Some days I don't even care that I don't even care. My llmd said that it would be a mental war once we started increasing my abx. treatment.

Have you been check for babesia (spelling?) because that parasite can make the depression worse.

Have your ever heard of Carolyn Myss? She is a medical intuitive, but so much more actually. She is a best selling author and I would highly recommend getting some of her tapes or books. One of the books that she wrote that was incredible was Anatomy of the Spirit. One of the things she talks about when she discusses illness is how some people with chronic illness (she used the example of cancer) get better and others don't, is that they stay in the present moment. I hate to make it sound so simplistic, because it's not, but that is the way my brain is working right now.

She worked with a dr. at Harvard in neuropsych energy something. Together they were trying to learn how some people lose there spirit and others don't.

I was feeling very down yesterday and put on her cd about Healing. My spirit lifted just a little bit yesterday and I was able to function in a different way. The sadness was still there because I do believe it is a true physiological manifestation of the bugs in our brain, however, I felt less horrible. She reminded me again that we are all trying to find our life purpose during this process and we have to find ways to live as elegantly as possible - even with the horrible pain and suffering that we are enduring - she believes that it is possible.

I have read so many books over the years, with all of my illnesses. Her books are the ones that have helped me the most.

I wish you the best. I identified with everything you said and hope that you have a better days soon.

suggest maybe stop what you are doing for a few day's. do something "normal".

everyone here know's what you are going through.you are not alone.though it seem's that way sometimes.

get out and do something.maybe a cold foster's ,if your med's permit you.tthis lyme crap is all to consuming.

best of luck ,gary

I'm right there with you. 22 years of this.......I've had it........I'm sooooooo tired of doctors, the effort it takes to get to the Dr., the tests, the looks you get from Dr.s when you go for new symptoms.........I look healthy..............my heart races all the time......I'm short of breath.......I feel faint.......I have constant pressure in my chest....the cardiologist says, yes, I have atrial tachycardia..........what can we do about it???? not much.
I've been treated for Babs and Lyme............3 rounds of extensive IV over the years.....I don't want to go there again.
I was up all night with what my LLMD feels is gall bladder pain, but the HIDA Scan was fine and so was the ultrasound, so how do I find a gastro Dr. to do something about it???????????
My head hurts......my shoulders and back hurt...........no one understands........I'm sick of pills.
I'm off today for President's weekend...should I be working or driving??? NO.......but if I don't, I'll sit home and cry everyday, like I'm doing now...........so I push, push , push.............keep going no matter what, bc if I don't, I'm scared of what will become of me. Do you know that feeling???????
I HATE TAKING PILLS!!!!!!!! 22 YEARS......I'M SICK OF IT.......I want soooo badly to wake up in the morning and not think about pain or how I feel....and I TRY sooooo hard......I eat right, exercise when I can.......and it doesn't go away!!!!!!!!!!
Whenever I get this low, I think of my kids and I get it together.....I'm just so afraid I won't be able to pull it together soon.........

I try to go way back to when she was having horrible episodes nightly..They lasted anywhere from a 1/2 hour to 1 and a 1/2 hours..Those are mostly gone..So I cling to hope..

Perhaps other meds might work.

Feels like bad karma or something.
I try to stay spiritual and when I do I realize the problem could be with karma.
Maybee I did something in the past (life)
that I never learned a lesson for and this life is to correct that and learn a very powerfull lesson.

This doesnt mean that I wont heal,.
I WILL!!!!!