Just had to vent. My psychiatrist says I will get back - you can't lose you after 42 years,but at this stage, I don't trust anything anymore becaue I thought it was always mental, now there's physical involved.
Positive from igenex, low positive from Stony Brook, always a 23 in the IGM if that means anything, spect scan and symptoms, and my conviction is still lost that it's lyme and maybe life stress just got to me.

Anyone with mental pain and confusion, I agonize with you. YOu fight your whole life for being someone your insides are that just don't connect with your daily being.
My son might go back on treatment,(he's 10 and has been on orals for over 2 years) he was off 1 month and starting symptoms, my sister has been dealing with this for 9 years, my neice whose 15 years old and my otehr sister whose had this much longer than she's admit to. (no mental stuff - fibromyalga since she's in her 20's and she's 48 now.)

Thanks for the ear and for the posts that make me laugh. I try to see humor in all, especially when I look at my husband of 11 years and don't recognize him or me in the mirror,that last month was saying, you're geting gray, making a list of things that had to be done, making plans for me and my family... that this month is barely pushing just to do what the calendar says and make believe I know that I'm ok and that this isn't foreign to me. My doc says it's 20 years of cysts popping. - was on treatment 4 weeks last year.

Thanks again - I know I'm repititious with my posts, but this is devastating and I know you all can relate.

Good health to everyone suffering in all ways - physical and mental.

I get this. Sometimes worse than others and definitly during a neuro herx. I had this bad after my son when lyme went wild in me. I would look at my son and it felt like I was looking at someone elses baby. It didn't affect how I cared for him, I was actually overattentive, but it was strange.

I get this where I look around and everything just looks different, can't explain why. It should get better with treatment or happen less often.

Like sitting on the side of the path for a while and deciding if this is the reality I want to keep aiming for (regaining former life) or I have this as a cross roads to do/be, I don't know, different.

This is called Depersonalization Disorder.
Check this article out and I'll bet you'll identify with it. I did for about a year and now it's almost gone. http://www.depersonalization.info/overview.html

God bless -

I blame the coinfections as much as LD.

Once when I was driving I looked down at myself and idly wondered whose hands were on the wheel. A while later I realized that was a strange thing to think, and that it might possibly be dangerous to drive in that condition.

One thing that did help me -- books on tape. For some reason, being told a story really calms me down and helps me track. Things like Lilian Beckwith's stories about her life in the Hebridies, the Hamish MacBeth stories--in other words, stories that are full of kindness and humor and aren't difficult to follow. Ditto for some kinds of music.

I've recently gotten relief from mild depression by taking the amino acid L-tryptophane, per the "Mood Cure Book". The amino acids did not help me when I was very ill, but you might want to look into it just in case (when your brain is firing enough neurons to read).

I did take cholestyramine at one point when I was having a lot of depersonalization/ dissassociation problems. I think it helped--I was doing other treatments at the time, and it's hard to sort out what did what. Overall, detox of all kinds has been very successful for me.

Felt the same depersonalization.