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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » Medical Questions » Im gonna be suicidal before long

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Author Topic: Im gonna be suicidal before long
Nal
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I can't take it anymore-no more!! I feel like crap. My stomach hurts like mad, my skin is burning, and I seem to be in some sort of "manic" phase. Yes, it's also that time of the month. I don't know how much more I can take!!!!!!!!!! My heart is racing like crazy as well and I can't concentrate on anything. The heartburn is horrible!

Im already on prilosec, rifampin, probiotics and other vits. What am I supposed to do? Will I have to live the rest of my life this way forever?????? Why the freaky symptoms right during my cycle? Im on day 5 right now.

Nancy [Roll Eyes]

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Life is 10% what happens to you, 90% how you respond to it!

-Chuck Swindoll

Posts: 1594 | From Colorado | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pocono Lyme
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Nancy,

Hang in there. Sounds like you're after bart,? and hitting it.
Maybe you could back off a little with your LLMD's permission.

I had my hardest time with bart treatment, had to stop for two days and resume at half dose for a couple of days before returning to full dose.

Had to do this a few times. But it got easier each week after the worst herxes. The symptoms sound like herx, but would be safe and inform your LLMD, especially with the heart racing. I've had to take Xanax at times to get me through.

Please don't give up, call your doc. It will get better.

--------------------
2 Corinthians 12:9-11


9 But he said to me, �My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.� Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ�s power may rest on me.

Posts: 1445 | From Poconos, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Areneli
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Please note that not long ago I also was suicidal and skin burning was beyond and above anything.

Today I am almost fine.

Posts: 1538 | From Planet Earth | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lisianthus
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Nancy,

I agree with pocono. You should ask your LLMD if you can back off the abx a little. No need to kill yourself from herxing. You can still benefit from low dose abx.

How long have you had LD? If you are in late stage lyme, you will not be able to tolerate the higher doses.

I hope you feel better soon,
Lisi

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Posts: 986 | From Michigan | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lymie tony z
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Hey Nal,
I would hazard a guess that all of us have felt as you do right now some time in our illness...I know I have...

The thing is you are probably correct in your assesment of mania...just try to remember that it is the disease that is causeing this in you.

It will get better I promise...you've just got to fight hard and get angry at this thing.

Find strength in our support...or God or something cuz what your feeling now will get better...
It may return every now and then but will probably be a lot less intense the longer you're being treated...this thing does'nt go away over night...
Don't let IT Win!!!!!!!....zman

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I am not a doctor...opinions expressed are from personal experiences only and should never be viewed as coming from a healthcare provider. zman

Posts: 2527 | From safety harbor florida(origin Cleve., Ohio | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Biting Back
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Nal,

So, so sorry to hear you're feeling horrible, and I can definitely relate to your plight. Herxing has always been horrible for me premenstrually, regardless of whether I was treating lyme or coinfections.

Try to hang on, kiddo. It's next to impossible to see through the fog right now, but you do have better days ahead.

[hi]

--------------------
 -

Posts: 703 | From Almost Heaven | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aniek
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Nancy,

Call your doctor. If you need to add something prescribed to help with the mood, it's ok. Discuss those options and let your doctor know.

Lyme symptoms are often worsened by our monthly cycle. It's the change in hormones.

[group hug]

-A

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"When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison

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Lymetoo
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quote:
Originally posted by Lisianthus:
Nancy,

I agree with pocono. You should ask your LLMD if you can back off the abx a little. No need to kill yourself from herxing. You can still benefit from low dose abx.


I agree too.

Have you tried any of the tricyclic antidepressants? They would help the mood and the pain.

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Linda LD
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just hang in there--remember this too will pass.

Just Don was feeling this way and he got some kind of RIF--does anyone know how he is doing now?

Lin

Posts: 1171 | From Knoxville, TN US | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lymeHerx001
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hmm, all I can say is that Ive been there too.
All too often.

The only thing he gave me to cope was

Skelaxin and
Flexeril

he would not give me a benzo.

He gave me wellbutrin and that had terrible side effects.

I tried SSRIs years ago and they made me worse or drugged out and unresponsive.

Posts: 2905 | From New England | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Joy
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My symptoms are always worse around my menstrual cycle....probably the fluctuating hormones.

I agree with Pocono....see if your dr. will prescribe xanax. Just take it when you're having a day like this. It really does help. Call today because today is when you could really use it.

Please know I am not trying to push drugs! I have always been reluctant to take anything, but after some coaxing (when I was feeling really bad), I tried xanax and it definitely took the edge off and made me cope better.

Good luck and feel better soon.

Joy

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Nal
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You guys are great, thank you so much for the support!!! I actually saw my LLMD this morning-he wanted to see me. Anyway, he assured me this was all part of the Lyme. Yes, I am combating Bart as well--maybe thats why the bad stomach pain??? I cant take anti-dep or anxiety meds--talk about horrible reactions!! Believe me, I would otherwise!!

Im a little calmer now so we can put the kitchen knives back on the shelves [Wink] . Thanks again for the support. I just need to hang in there with the herxes and see how things go.

Nancy

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Life is 10% what happens to you, 90% how you respond to it!

-Chuck Swindoll

Posts: 1594 | From Colorado | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lymemomtooo
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Nancy,,,I agree..BART, BART, and BART..But if the DR lets you cut back, try to see if that helps..

I hesitate to offer any psych med advise..None have really helped my daughter..Valium, used when needed has been perhaps the only thing that makes some difference.

Good luck..Lyme is HELL...Lymemomtooo

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Lymetoo
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Tricyclics are WAY different from SSRI's and anti-anxiety meds.

But I'm glad you're feeling better!

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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HEATHERKISS
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Ask your Doctor about xanax.

Feel Better,

--------------------
HEATHER

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Posts: 1974 | From ABERDEEN, NJ 07747 | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
8man12
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try to get some anxiety meds,they will help you through the rough times.
Posts: 510 | From NEVERLAND.USA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
going_crazy79
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I get worse the week before my period as well. I was told it has to do with the change in hormones - the immune system drops right before menstruation because estrogen levels drop.

I tried fighting through the anxiety at first pill free. I finally gave in because I hadn't slept through the night in 3 months.

I take xanax every night now before I go to bed and even have to take sleeping pills sometimes too.

A good night's sleep is very important for our immune systems to function properly. I highly suggest taking some prescription meds to get through the rough times.

Stay strong and pray for better days ahead. Believe me, I know it's tough sometimes! I have some days where I am so depressed and feel like I will never get through this. But then I think about how one day I will be looking back on all of this and will be a much stronger person because of it.

HANG IN THERE! You have a million people here who know exactly what you are going through. Stick to the boards for support!

Posts: 70 | From Quakertown, PA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nancy-OH
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My LLMD told me that is why women are so hard to treat for Lyme. The hormones exagerate everthing. I'm glad those knives are back on the shelf!

--------------------
Nancy

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beachcomber
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Nal:

What can I say? This sucks!

I have been going through an up and down phase with this round of Babs meds. Every 5 days I just want to die. So, my MD has me call or see him every week. We adjust my meds according to how I feel each week. It isn't perfect but, it does help give me a little relief now and then. It is pretty similar to what Pocono describes. No sense in killing yourself with drugs and anxiety.

Also, I am taking an anti-anxiety med. I tried to do this without it but my MD says I need to stay focused and to get some sleep.

I tried an anti-depressant for several months. I swear I was in a haze the whole time - all creativity gone.

So, little breaks from meds, sleep, exercise every chance I get (or can), anti-anxiety meds when needed, and pushing through some pretty bad days knowing that they do go away. Take joy in every good day that you have, as few as they may be. These good days are signs (to me anyway) that there are more to come and I WILL feel better eventually.

By the way, it isn't just the Bart or Lyme that makes you feel like sh....t. It is also the meds, I have no doubt about that. You have control over the meds, not the disease. Use that little bit of power you have to take a break if needed.

Bc

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DR. Wiseass
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OK Nal honey -

I understand what it's like to be in so much pain that you think death would be a 'gift'.

But NO! You have a purpose in this life, regardless of whether you SEE it or NOT.

You have people that LOVE YOU and NEED YOU regardless of whether you know who they all are right now.

This board LOVES YOU and NEEDS YOU to hang in there thru all the hard times -- we need YOUR support too, you know. YOU have ideas and wisdom that you can share with others & you need to remember that.

Yes, of course, symptoms get worse with our hormonal cycles. I just crawl into bed and tend to stay there, usually DARING anyone to mess with me.

One thing that concerned me - other than the title of your post is you said your heart was racing.

NOW - was your racing because you were in the middle of an anxiety attack (for which I would highly suggest an anti-anxiety med such as xanax or klonopin - or whatever your doc considers safe for you)
OR
Does your heart race ALL the time? If it does, it could mean you have tachycardia (fast heart beat) and that could really exacerbate your symptoms if it's too fast. Take your resting pulse several times today, and if it is over 95, I would highly suggest calling your doc.

My doc FINALLY put me on a cardiac med, which actually helped me have a greater sense of well-being overall -- as in the sense that I wasn't going to drop dead of a heart attack.

Now another thing:
May I suggest that, while you are feeling a bit better - a little more rational, that you write a loving note to yourself about what you LOVE about life. Make a list of ALL the reasons to live so that if that emotional instability rolls around next time while you're feeling just so horrible - you'll have something to read and hopefully bring you back to your 'center'.

YOU are not Lyme. YOU are not your body - YOU are eternal, strong, & powerful and the REAL YOU is able to handle the pain of the body and the real YOU is certainly bigger and more powerful than microscopic bacteria. Remember that.

If you'd like to continue this 'conversation' - please email or PM me.

I just get really upset when I hear people suggest they are at the end of their rope -- and I want to help in any way that I can -- because who knows - one day I my feel at the end of my rope (just as I have in the past) and there's always been someone there to untangle some of my rope and show me, as a matter of fact, I'm NOT at the 'end of my rope' after all.

You continue to hang in there honey!

Postivie thoughts & prayers going your direction,

--------------------
DR. Wiseass
NOT a real doc - just a real wise  -
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I Have Lyme Etc
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Lymetoo
Can you explaine what Tricyclics are? I get like Nancy does the week before my period and durring. COMPLETELY manic.. It's HORRIBLE.. I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, my heart races,my mind races and ALL my symptoms are 10 times worse until I guess the surge of hormones is over.At the same time my body is beyond exhaustion but yet the mind is going mach speed... I also can't take SSRI but I"m curious to know what Tricyclics are and how they work..
Thanks

quote:
Originally posted by Lymetoo:
Tricyclics are WAY different from SSRI's and anti-anxiety meds.

But I'm glad you're feeling better!



--------------------
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http://learnaboutlymedisease.blogspot.com/

Posts: 209 | From South Carolina by the beach | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nal
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Thanks once again everyone! I know my monthly cycle definately plays a big part!! I was 5 days in yesterday and man oh man!! Today i am feeling a little better--emotionally anyway. Ill keep up the fight!!

Nancy

--------------------
Life is 10% what happens to you, 90% how you respond to it!

-Chuck Swindoll

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chroniccosmic
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Nal,
Just finished a 3 day crying/suicidal jag and I'm glad we didn't get together because it might have been a scene like the ending of Thelma and Louise. Today I'm better and there's hope. Everyone is right, it does pass. People care and love us. I couldn't cope without my prescription Ativan which calms me so I can at least sleep through it instead of pacing like a mad dog. Gosh, hang in there, isn't this place a godsend! [kiss]

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DolphinLady
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It does get better. I've been there too. Find what will help you get through these tough times. For me it's been anti-anxiety meds at times, antidepressants when needed, etc.

Keep coming here for support. We care and will always try to help.

Posts: 925 | From California | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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