posted
Hello, Depression was one a major Lyme symptom for me. I kicked it through counseling, exercise, and antidepressents. When my Lyme symptoms improved due to long term antibiotics, my depression improved also. In some cases, treating the disease will ultimately help treat the depression in the long run.
I am now off antidepressents, but I do take the natural supplement SAMe, which I find very effective. It also has other health benefits like protecting the liver and the joints.
posted
I still am in active treatment with very severe neurological problems. I also have had many losses in my life as a result of lyme: career, home, job, friendships and living with parents. I am on ativan to combat the total body numbnss that I am experiencing the last seven months. I try to do something good and loving for those around me each day - if that means able to help Mom with laundry, take care of the cats, be in contact with people on this board for support and try to find one post each day here that really needs a response. I try to use what of my nursing background I have left. I am trying to write articles and tell people about lyme to help educate and prevent what has happen to us happen to other people. I try to envision that tomorrow will be a better day for me, or someone else and try to stay positive that an answer will come. Of course, this positiveness usually is after 12 noon when I am strong enough to get out of bed, but any moments of positiveness helps. I thank God there are wheelchairs, and I still have eyesight left. Stay strong, it is not an easy path that we are on, but there will be answers, there will be help. There will always be persons here to help. I will keep you in thoughts and prayers. Explore all options: as the post above described.
Posts: 719 | From Delaware | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged |
I have sorted out the same questions so far for me. You can read my posts on this same topic.
In the midst of a huge neuropsych/herx/depressive/suicidal episode, it is hard to see the forest for the trees. For now, I think if that happens again, it is a signal that treatment is working, but it is going too fast, too intense, and I need to tone it down.
I also took antidepressants and antianxity meds, but they really only seemed to help somewhat.
Although I think being chronically ill, and then having these bizarre symptoms, can also trigger depression, I also believe for now that many of my "depression" symptoms are really just the signs of being too sick.
I see my energy, including psychic energy, is being used to combat the illnes, and the illness itself makes me tired, lethargic, etc.
I am one of the people diagnosed for YEARS with depression and fibromyalgia when it was really Lyme.
I took a break from abx -- it's now been 6 days -- and I no longer feel any of the "depression" feelings or have any of the crying jags. this was important for me to do to see for myself that these reactions are abx and herx related.
If the spirochetes got into parts of the brain that work with the limbic system, I could easily see how subacute encephalitis (localized inflammation of the brain tissue) could reduce blood flow and cause all kinds of psychiatric symptoms.
I think one reason I am not depressed in my soul, if you know what I mean, is that I have worked hard to accept this illness. I, like many others, have lost a lot because of this. But the problem was not just with the loss, but with the unconscious belief that this would not and should not be happening to me -- that I was invicible in some way -- and entitled to be relatively healthy. I now think that being sick like this is just the price of being born in a human body. We are very vulnerable, moreso than we would like to believe.
Rather than focus on the losses and injustice, I meditate on gratitude. For example, I could live in India, poor, where they don't know about Lyme, and could not have access to any treatment whatsoever, etc. So I close my eyes and take thirty minutes to contemplate how lucky I am to have a doctor who cares, to live in a country that has excellent medical care (despite the Lyme controversy), and to have enough resources to access these.
I also do Loving Kindness meditations for myself and for all the people in the world who have Lyme, and who have illnesses that are so challenging and intolerable.
These help me a lot.
I did find that there was a period of two months or so when my symptoms were so severe that I could not access these positive, life-giving practices -- I just wanted it all to go away. So now my strategy is to try not to get overwhelmed with the symptoms. If that means taking morphine, I will take it. Or antidepressants, or whatever. Just to calm things down enough so I can work mentally and spiritually with what has been given to me.
May you be well, or as well as your body and nature can permit, and may you find happiness and peace, in spite of your circumstances.
-------------------- Jeff Posts: 533 | From CA | Registered: Mar 2006
| IP: Logged |
HEATHERKISS
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6789
posted
Rob,
Very good thoughtful insightful questions.
I definately feel my life is on hold.
Don't fear your zip and zest will slowly return.
And when you are feeling good or better you will enjoy life even more.
Why am I still awake? Time to take a pill.
Good nite,
-------------------- HEATHER
Posts: 1974 | From ABERDEEN, NJ 07747 | Registered: Jan 2005
| IP: Logged |
Nal
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6801
posted
I know all about depression and how devastating it can be. Its definately a high symptom for me even now.
I had a bad case of it a few years ago that landed me in the hospital. Not a good time in my life.
I combat it in different ways. First off my faith in God has gotten a lot stronger and for me (its not for everyone I know), that faith has saved me.
Secondly, I do meditation and I am also seeing a counselor on a regular basis. Relaxation exercises help me a lot as well. Acupuncture is finally starting to help with this also and that may be worth looking into for yourself.
Hang in there.
Nancy
-------------------- Life is 10% what happens to you, 90% how you respond to it!
-Chuck Swindoll Posts: 1594 | From Colorado | Registered: Jan 2005
| IP: Logged |
AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
Hi Rob sorry things are so rough right now...
This is just my opinion -
I think how you cope with it depends on the reason for the depression.
If the depression arises from the frustration and struggle of trying to function with your symptoms of a chronic illness,
then I think trying to change one's thinking to positive thoughts may help...
BUT if it is due to physiological (sp?) reasons wheter it be a genetic predisposition to a chemical imbalance
or keets dancing around throwing a big old party in our brain
then my advice would be to seek professional help.
I would constantly tell myself "This too shall pass" in my head over and over again, even though "this" seemed to be never ending.
And it eventually did pass, and telling myself that helped me to cling to hope in dark, dark times.
I would also tell myself that it was the disease getting the best of me and go and hide in bed before I acted on a negative impulse. Better to sleep or hide under covers in seclusion than do something self destructive.
I used essential oils. Getting core synchronism, which is like cranialsacral work, really helped. Taking a Chinese herb formula, Yunan Paiyao regularly also seemed to really help. It seemed to improve the oxygen and blood supply to the brain.
I also used flower essences(these are different from essential oils) which really helped me with needed attitude adjustments along the way.
Sweet Chestnut is for people going through long dark nights of the soul or a serious illness. Olive flower essence is for people suffering from a lack of energy due to illness.
These remedies seemed to lift my mood, and they were very gentle and noninvasive.
I also took a tincture of valerian root, St.John's wort, and skullcap that I made. I would make it strong and take a lot daily when I was more anxious and depressed.
I eliminated toxic relationships out of my life.
Certain people were exacerbating the physical and mental aspects of this disease, and cutting them out of my life was a major step in my road to recovery.
I didn't allow them to drag me down and trigger Lyme flare ups, and instead I slowly met people who pulled me up instead of put me down.
All of these things were major factors that improved my state of mind and my physical health.
Farah
Posts: 208 | From New Mexico | Registered: Dec 2005
| IP: Logged |
hopeful123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3244
posted
rob,
i am a strong believer in everything mentioned above. meds, definately. supportive therapy. meditation. gentle exercise.
for me, without the meds, i couldn't do all that i need to do in order to maintain a positive attitude. Or at least a reasonably positive attitude.
i have always had trouble being truly kind to myself no matter what was going on in my life. that loving-kindness meditation jeff was talking about is a good place to start because it focusses on you first and then the people you know, and finally, the world at large.
here's Jack Kornfield - a buddhist meditation teacher and writer. he's just wonderful.
Loving-Kindness MeditationDocument Actions Summarized from 'A Path with Heart', by Jack Kornfield. This is an ancient and beautiful meditation technique -- and it can be a very good one for people working to make the world a better place. If you don't currently have any kind of spiritual and/or meditation practice, perhaps this would be a good time to try out the following Loving-Kindness Meditation.
Instructions
Sit in a comfortable position. Let your body relax and allow your mind to begin to be quiet. Then begin to recite inwardly the phrases below directed to yourself. Let the feelings arise with the words. Repeat the phrases again and again, letting the feelings permeate your body and mind. You begin with yourself because without loving yourself it is almost impossible to love others. Practice this meditation repeatedly for a number of weeks until the sense of loving-kindness for yourself grows.
May I be filled with loving-kindness.
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy.
When you feel ready, you can gradually expand the focus of your loving-kindness to include others.
After yourself, choose a loved one, someone in your life who has truly been there for you. Picture them and carefully recite the same phrases.
After this you can begin gradually to include others: family, friends, co-workers, neighbours, people all over the world, animals, plants, ecosystems, and all begins.
Then you can experiment with including the most challenging people in your life.
Eventually, you can use this practice anywhere. You can use it in traffic jams, in airplanes, in the dentist's waiting room, while meeting with your accountant... It will help to calm your life and keep you connected to your heart.
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged |
5dana8
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7935
posted
St. John's Wort
For mild to moderate depression.
Do not take with other anti-depressants.
Make sure to talk over anything you read here first with your LLMD
-------------------- 5dana8 Posts: 4432 | From some where over the rainbow | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
BostonLyme2005
Unregistered
posted
Hi,
Thanks, at this point, I refuse to take meds, (anti-depress).
IP: Logged |
Foggy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1584
posted
Share with other Lymies on Lymnet. Posts: 2451 | From Lyme Central | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
At my very worst when I was surviving moment to moment, I would set a simple "life afferming" goal like,
I will shower and put on a clean comfortable outfit (not sweatpants)
I will go outside and walk around the block one time.
I will tidy up one room of my house and light a candle in it.
I will reach out and meet one new friend on lymenet.
Just a simple daily goal that affirms our lives and our courage to be with this devastated body until it heals.
When caring for our sick lyme body, we must become as fierce as a mother tiger--militantly and maternally on our own side.
Also, I love to listen to James Taylor sings...
"It's enough to be on your way, it's enough just to cover ground, it's enough to be moving on...build it behind your eyes, carry it in your heart...safe among your own"
-------------------- We are spiritual beings on a human journey...
lymeHerx001
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6215
posted
Thats right its about simple goals.
All I can say is that I am consitstentlly depressed.
I was doing better, then I started taking DOXY and with the herx I get so damn foggy and this SICK feelig.
The thing that people dont understand (except here)
Is that you FEEL sick and no matter what you look at you see death. At least thats just the way with me.
I just have to tell myself and my parents that im sick today and you know I dont feel well so please leave me alone.
I can get very nasty with swearing and suicidal talk. This is my breain swelling and my neurotransmitters dropping so low that I dont want to live.
It seems that when the brain is effected everythig drops below a point where we see hope in life..
Everything really does look evil and sick and bad. Even happy people look like their evil.
THis must be the bacteria trying to convince us there is no hope. And I really do feel that I want to die at times, becauase my head is so foggy I cant think of how to even be in this world of sick flesh.
Well I could write my own book on depression but I couldnt because I still get depressed.
All I know is that for me it changes hour to hour. Today I woke up and layed in bed for 2 hours not wanting to move because of the pain. I felt so much pain and then depression.
I took my DOXY, BIAXIN FLAGYL got so TIRED that I was ready to tell my friend to leave.
Eventually after my second dose of doxy and flagyl later that day. The pain disappeared and my head cleared up and things looked CLEAR and nice.
Then we went out to eat and I started to get some foggy pain again afterwards., they were tequitos.
SO total time I fetl good today? maybee 2 hours. 2 hours out of 24, how sad is that.
Also when Im depressed I get this "none of this is real" thinking.
I dont think that anything is real so nothing matters including my goals. I feel that I am tainted and screwed up and not worthy to do anything lest I have pain.
Thats another way, I dont want to start doing something for fear of never being able to complete it or understand it.
Ok enough for now,, hopefull someone will read through the error and verbosity.
dont worry be happy,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,just dont be gun happy
Posts: 2905 | From New England | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I had a few bouts with that feeling of not thinking clearly.
I lay in abject fear, irrational, came from nowhere. I had a panic attack and felt I was going to die. Then I obsessed for hours about how I was going to die.
Weird. TOTALLY caused by the herx, subacte encepthalitis, whatever else.
My solutions:
Now I know how bad it can get so when it comes I let it and say to myself This is just a mental state. It will pass.
I also lined up prozac, xanax and morpthine. Each helped in its own way when thins got really bad. I figure, why go through this was so much suffering? I coulnd't access my wisdom if my mind was hysterical with pain.
Taking a week's break was essential. I returned to my old self. Sense of humor. Wish to go out, go exercise, cook a nice dinner. It was important to counteract the upcoming (I bet)_ depressive episodes with the recent memory that this is justa treatment effect, and will pass, and we can return to [something like] normal.
I also do metta for the scared, pained person that is. Tht means sending oneself lovingkindness and developing an acceptance who was that body is going through.
-------------------- Jeff Posts: 533 | From CA | Registered: Mar 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hi Rob, I've managed to stay positive through this ordeal. One reason is that stress & negative feelings immediately exacerbate my symptoms. I try to stay calm & hopeful & avoid negative people & situations.
Here's how I dealt with these questions you asked:
"Do you find yourself quitting more easily? Finding more excuses not to do things? Not really caring for things that need to be done in everyday life"?
Yes, of course. I felt like crap & had no energy! I gave myself permission to do all those things (permission to not do as much as I used to). I made getting better the #1 prority in my life and learned that in order to get better I had to do the following above all else:
* Take antibiotics & probiotics (I have missed only one dose in 21 months!)
* Eat the right foods at the right time depending which drug I am on. Prepare healthy foods and make sure I have healthy foods in my fridge. (I was too sick to go to a store & too weak to carry groceries so I signed Up for Boston Organics Vegetable deliveries, ordered meat online from US Wellness Meats & nuts from ohnuts.com.)
* Rest as much as possible whenever I felt I needed to. (I cut work back as much as I could especially on bad days). I stopped pushing myself, I revised my goals.
* Detox everyday: lots of water, detox tea, Epsom salt baths, body scrubs, podi patches...)
* Check into LymeNet everyday ( I know you're great at this one Rob!) to learn more about Lyme, be around people who understand what I'm going through, and to reply to someone else's post every day. Helping someone else even when I was desperate made me feel I had accomplished something each day.
* Learn ways to do the best I could under the circumstances. For me this included finding ways to cover up from the sun (hat, scarf, dark glasses, gloves) finding loose clothes that didn't hurt my sore very painful ribs, finding gel that protected my eye (Bell's Palsy) making lists to remember simple things, taping directions with mileage clues on the dashboard, allowing more time...
* Write in my Lyme log everyday to keep track of my progress. Reading back over the early days now makes me realize how far I have come.
Once I realized & accepted this ordeal would not end quickly I started making adaptations to be able to live with it. I am actually more organized now, better at time management & much clearer about my priorities. In some ways life is better now.
Back in 2004 doing the priority list each day was a major undertaking. One side of my face was paralyzed and my eye couldn't blink. To go on Lymenet I had to put goo in my bad eye and hold the lid shut with one hand while typing with the other. I couldn't remember how to spell & I could barely make it from the sofa, across the room to the computer. Cooking healthy foods was a full days work & sometimes I would have to sit on the floor in the kitchen to regain enough energy to continue cooking. Detox baths wiped me out completely! I stuck with it though and have made slow steady progress.
I'm not all better but just writing this reminds me how far I've come. You'll make it too Rob. Be good to yourself. It's OK to do less right now. Give yourself permission to leave things undone.
Andie333
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7370
posted
Hey, Rob!
I have battled some with depression.
Like you, I initially determined I wasn't going to take anything chemical to alter my mood.
My LLMD strongly suggested augmenting abx treatment with an antidepressant (wellbutrin in my case). Here's how she explained it:
Depression is a symptom of Lyme, and so you want to try and treat is as you would any other symptom. Besides, she said, you can't devote your energy to healing if you're spending all your time trying to battle depression.
This made sense to me, so I followed her suggestion. Even with that, I've experienced some depression and some of that activity paralysis you described. Some of that, I think, is because I'm depressed and some results from a sheer lack of energy.
Like hats, I try to cut myself a break. Today, for instance, I had determined to completely clean my office. As soon as I woke up, I realized that was too ambitious, so now, I've limited the goal to just clearing and cleaning the desk.
I allow myself the extra expenses that are sometimes entailed in my adaptations: like not getting back to the video store to return a movie on time or using a more expensive cleaner, just because it's closer.
I also try not to make too many plans, because if they change, I end up feeling like I've disappointed myself AND other people.
My partner has been awesome about keeping things in perspective, reminding me that these depressed feelings aren't "real," but are actually symptoms from this disease.
Acupuncture and Chinese herbs.
Meditation. I struggle with this one, but I actually think it helps more than anything else.
Hope this helps, Rob; you take care of yourself!
Andie
Posts: 2549 | From never never land | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
HEATHERKISS
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6789
posted
Oh yea I forgot to tell you xanax. I used to have apprehension, painic attacks.
My primary doctor was always trying to give me zoloft and prozac. I always refused it.
I now realize that I was depressed. I really didn't know at the time how miserable I was.
Feeling better these days and use xanax as a sleep aid.
Good luck and feel better soon.
-------------------- HEATHER
Posts: 1974 | From ABERDEEN, NJ 07747 | Registered: Jan 2005
| IP: Logged |
AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
My cat ... cats r great they always love you no matter how sick u are.
posted
farah, you mentioned flower essences, please help me, i wanted to know if you have to take these daily or only on the days when you are feeling depressed or hopeless? and do you have to take on empty stomach? have u taken gorse? and how long does it take to feel a difference? thanks radha
Posts: 392 | From New York | Registered: Dec 2005
| IP: Logged |
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic