posted
Hi Friends, I feel as if I am going to have an NB. NO ONE understands our disease; I cannot even turn to my own mother. I am too young for this.
I went to Mass this morning for the first time in weeks (I just do not care anymore) and simply walking from the car into the Church makes my legs terribly week almost too where I have to stop walking. Other than that I feel great.
So many symptoms (long standing ones) such as Lhermitte's sign are almost non-existent. But..I will feel great for a day or two and then go down hill into this exhausted feeling with leg weakness. Eye floaters will go away for day's even weeks and then come back.
How am I supposed to make it thru the seminary like this? If this is Lyme, then, this sh*t sucks!
Lyme, MS, whatever: it is horribly interrupting.
It does not seem MS-ish. I am fine for a day, bad for the next. Generally isn't MS a few weeks to a few months of attacks then let ups, then attacks? And, these attacks are usually discreet? Mine wax and wan and across the board symptomatically.
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posted
I'm sorry you are feeling so rough at the moment. You can always turn to us -- WE understand far too well, I'm afraid!
I feel the need to put a disclaimer here that I am not a doctor, nor a pastoral counselor --- opinions expressed are my own based on my research.
What you are experiencing is *very* typical for early treatment -- sx coming and going like that.
You are right, the presentation is not very MS like -- MS does usually come in waves that stay for a while -- your presenatation sounds very lyme-ish to me. My L'Hermitte's comes and goes like that, too -- that is probably the scariest symptom for me, since it is so often associated with MS. I have to convince myself every so often that I don't have MS, too -- when I look at the whole picture, though, it screams lyme.
You are right -- this disease is terribly disruptive to one's life. Do you have the option to take a break from seminary and return later, when you are feeling better????
I personally feel that G-d gives us challenges when we are ready for them, and that they are opportunities to grow closer to Him. My own faith has grown considerably during the course of this illness, actually -- I don't know how I'd get through this without it. If nothing else, you are learning a very important first-hand lesson about suffering -- think of the knowledge and compassion you can bring to others who are going through something similar.... I try to remember that when I am feeling despair.
I don't mean to be Polly-Anna-ish about this, and I hope it doesn't come off that way -- no doubt about it, chronic illness SUCKS -- particularly when it is invisible to others and so poorly understood by the medical community.
If you want to chat more about this, PM me --
minimonkey
-------------------- "Looks like freedom but it feels like death.. It's something in between, I guess"
Leonard Cohen, from the song "Closing Time" Posts: 822 | From California | Registered: Jan 2006
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Andie333
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7370
posted
My heart went out to you when I read your post; I remember feeling so much like you did, especially in the very early days of treatment.
I also remember thinking this was one of the most horrible and scariest diseases I'd ever seen -- this when I had full-body paralysis and had to be taken to the ER via ambulance.
I felt as if I was on the outside of life, in a tunnel, really. And I wasn't sure if I was going toward the light or deeper into this darkness.
I'm sure I wasn't as young as you are, but I'd never been really sick and never really envisioned this for myself. It didn't help that my mind would twist things I heard and saw, really giving me a distorted sense of reality.
At my LLMDs recommendation, I started taking something for anxiety and for depression. In retrospect, I'm really glad I did, because it helped me remember that both depression and anxiety are Lyme symptoms. In other words, it wasn't me; it was the illness.
It's a lot to deal with, but as I type this, I know others are in much worse situations. I try to remember to feel grateful.
The thing that was hard for me was having no real escape from it -- in the past, if I got stressed out, I'd go for a long walk or go swimming. I couldn't do either thing when I was at my worst. I could barely muster the energy to get across the room.
One thing that helped me incredibly was to write about what I was going through, even if it all sounded a bit clinical. There are several free online journal sites where you can set up journals that are private. The one I use and like is: my-diary.org (at least, I think that's it).
Also, try to just believe that you're going to beat this thing -- whatever it is, by whatever means it takes. Some days it was difficult for me to muster that fight, but I made myself try.
Being on this board, sounding half-whacked also helped beyond telling. And prayer...lots of prayer for those who are so inclined.
Here's the good news: after being on abx for about a year, I almost never sink into that kind of despair and sense of out-of-control hopelessness any more. And I'm beginning to understand how to live in the here and now with more clarity and grace than ever before.
That's a sweet gift. Be patient, and hang in there. We're all here for you, and we definitely understand what you're going through! send a pm if you ever want to talk privately.
Andie
Posts: 2549 | From never never land | Registered: May 2005
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Aniek
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5374
posted
Lyme can take a huge emotional toll. It is true that it is difficult to find somebody who understands. This site is great, but sometimes you need somebody in person.
Is there any support group near you? How about a counselor you can see?
What gets me through the worst is knowing that I can use my experience to help others. Everything I have gone through has taught me the problems in our health care system, and I plan to work to change those programs.
I know it is sometimes difficult to think beyond today, and to think beyond our bodies. But think about how many people you will be able to touch with the role you are taking in life. Think about the people who will be able to come to you when they feel they have nobody to talk to and that you will understand.
That said, take care of yourself. If you are too weak, then it's ok to spend the day resting. Get yourself healthy. It is hard, but you are taking the right steps. And know that there is hope that you will be better.
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
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5dana8
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7935
posted
Hi Lostcityagent
Sorry to hear you are down and struggling. It's really hard to undergo treatment and the herx's can make everything worse too.
Hang in there.
Just wanted to add that I was watching dr. B's hope to heal lyme conference video. (Highly recommend it). He says that lyme symptoms can wax and wane. This is a hallmark of lyme. Because lyme goes thru monthly growth cycles.
For example: One month you can have bad numbness and the next you can have other symptoms go bad.
Some months,weeks and days the symptoms may not be as bad. Sometimes the symtoms can come and go for this growth cycle reason also. I have notice this also. For no particular reason ,I woke up last week and for one day felt absolutly fabulous. I would say normal.
I know. It is so hard to tell when you are on abx treatemnts because of the herxing what's going on. All I can say is ,over time it does get better. How much time depends on the person, how long you where sick and how mnay co's you have.
I found it interseting to note Dr. B says that bart is the most common tick born co around but the test he said are not reliable. That goes for the babs as well.
It's really a complicate disease but with proper treatment and time You WILL get better.
Take care and hope the herx's let up soon
-------------------- 5dana8 Posts: 4432 | From some where over the rainbow | Registered: Sep 2005
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Carol in PA
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5338
posted
Well, I am familiar with the feeling that you're going to have a nervous breakdown...from a couple times in the past.
Something else to try is low dose Phenytoin. Read "A Remarkable Medicine has been Overlooked," by Jack Dreyfus. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/193005114X/ Read the reviews. Available used for one cent, plus shipping.
Best, Carol
Posts: 6947 | From Lancaster, PA | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
there may be a place for these under some circumstances, but try to avoid drugs for depression, srri's, whatever. they are real bad news.
consider balanced fatty acids--omegas 3,6,and 9 essential fatty acids; since the western diet induces an omega 3 fatty acids deficit, consider taking these first for a while, then take a balance fatty acid formulation. E.g., udo's choice, is one such balanced essential fatty acid formulation.
caveat: consider the influence of what you are taking in the way of meds.,prescriptive, otc., supplements of any kind, herbs,and so on, and interaction of effects. check with your doc, and drug literature,and a few pharmacists for interaction of effects of any of the above.
All of this requires effort. I am trying to say I HAVE NONE.
I cannot put effort forward. Like writing this is work for me. I AM 27! My memory is horrid, my legs are weak, I have fatigue which is new to me in the last couple of months (after starting treatment), I feel like there is not point living like this.
I do not enjoy life. My nieces and nephews annoy me whereas before I couldn't wait to come home from CT and see them. The only person safe from my attitude of tiredness is my lab Moby.
cantgiveupyet
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8165
posted
hello,
i can really relate to this today. I woke up feeling better then i have all week...so i took a shower, and still felt good. decided to go to the store with my mom.
horrible mistake. My bladder was not happy at all...i had to walk slowly to the bathroom...sigh.
and then i got the all too familar feeling back...the feeling like i was going to be dizzy...going to fall over....something i havent felt in sometime.....
and then i looked around and got sad...everyone normal getting deserts for dinner and there i was in line with frozen veggies....its like my life is being sucked from me.
on the way to the car my jaw muscle started twitching...ugh.
I logged on here and saw your post, and it made me feel a lot better.
For months my symptoms have only been in my bladder and now they are waxing and waning again.
I wanted to let you know that you arent alone...this is one tough illness....ive hit rock bottom so many times where i thought i would never resurface again, but i did...somehow i did.
i compare myself to a dolphin, swimming under water and coming up for air ocassionally.
hang in there.
-------------------- "Say it straight simple and with a smile."
"Thus the task is, not so much to see what no one has seen yet, But to think what nobody has thought yet, About what everybody sees."
-Schopenhauer
pos babs, bart, igenex WB igm/igg Posts: 3156 | From Lyme limbo | Registered: Oct 2005
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cantgiveupyet
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8165
posted
i just saw your last post.
somedays my cat annoys me just her jumping on the bed annoys me....im just too sick to deal with her energy level.
i havent seen my friends in a year now.....i just cant do it.....they ask why im not better...and i have no answers....
mood swings are a lyme symptom.
-------------------- "Say it straight simple and with a smile."
"Thus the task is, not so much to see what no one has seen yet, But to think what nobody has thought yet, About what everybody sees."
-Schopenhauer
pos babs, bart, igenex WB igm/igg Posts: 3156 | From Lyme limbo | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
Lost....YOU WILL GET BETTER...It WILL take time. Please be as patient as possible... I know that seems impossible right now...but you can do it!
I promise you that you won't have a nervous breakdown. One of my LLMD's questions on his survey was "Do you feel like you are going crazy?"
I checked YES!
But it never happened [I don't THINK!!! ] and I predict that it won't happen to you either.
It's simply a symptom of Lyme disease. One of the lovelier ones at that.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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posted
i have found that 1/2 to 1 capful of liquid magnesium citrate in a bottle(=$1.99) counter-acting a disinclination to do things, and find myself doing tasks/chores that, with this,would be done later.
do NOT take this with medicines, or anything for which magnesium, and other minerals are contraindicated.
do NOT drink more than the suggested dose,or else, other than running to the bathroom, you could find yourself in the throes of a severe herx.
consider the paradoxically negative effects of certain vitamins and minerals on lyme and/or other tbds:
in many, if not most lymies, vits. B6, B2,and vitamin C have the paradoxically negative effect of increasing the production on quinolinic acid, a natural neurotoxin, by brain macrophages, and perhaps, other cells of the body. one effect is to cause irritation, irritability. please check for other effects of quinolinic acid on behavior, as i suspect, at least with myself,that this stimulates increased nerve fatigue , by causing nerves to rapidly, and continually "fire-off"; from here, difficulty walking, tiredness...
Posts: 2708 | Registered: Feb 2005
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trails
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1620
posted
hi lost,
I have been where you are many many many times. I can even taste it.
And having NO energy to pull yourself through. I hear it.
For me sometimes my life becomes like living with an addiction. I have to take it hour by hour, minute by minute. I have to sometimes just say---how can I get through to the NEXT minute. I just have to make it to the next minute.
Then how can I get through tonight or the next hour or tomorrow or whatever. But many times it becomes minute by minute.
It is no way to live a life. My LLMD actually cried talking with me yesterday. He was/is so upset that I am losing the "best years of my life" to this disease. If I can make a doc cry over my predicament....imagine how I feel myself???
Anyhow---when it gets really tough try to get to the next minute. Sit down, take a breath, remember something small and precious that makes your life worth living: your pet, a memory, sunsets, someplace you life to visit, a food, a movie, a person, anything to hang on to. Then if you have a chance, do something YOU like to do that requires little energy. Lie in bed an extra five minutes, listen to a song in the car or at home on radio, watch a favorite TV show, call a friend on the phone. Low key, but enjoyable. It does help lift the mood.
Lots of times these moods are actually the bugs leaving your body so if you can visualise that ---there is power in that!
I am hoping you find the strength to keep checking in with us and to keep plugging away. You will not always have days as bad as you're having right now.
posted
Thank you friends. I haven't the energy. I think that I have seen the best of my best years. I have the MS presentation. I do not see any hope.
I am being forced to know myself. There is no lasting simulation. It has died, there are no other false things for me to believe in and, I do not believe in myself.
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trueblue
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7348
posted
I can't say anything any better than anyone above has, I wish that I could, it's not my strong suit.
Please know, we know, where you are as we've all been (or are) there.
quote:Originally posted by LostCityAgent: I do not believe in myself.
If you can't do it right now... I'll believe in you, until you can. I believe that things will not always be this way. For you, for me for many others.
I wish I was saying this better.
I'm posting the lyrics to a song that has helped me numerous times. (trust me, you don't want me to sing it )
As Bad As It Gets � 1997 Christine Lavin
This is the darkest hour of your longest night you've never been this powerless or prayed this hard for light wish there was something I could do to pull you through but the only who can handle this now is you
This is as bad as it gets if you can make it through this I'm willing to bet that you will make it through anything the world will throw your way this is as low as you've ever been if you can reach deep down tap the power within I know that you will find the strength to make it through this day
This is the coldest night of your bleakest year it's hard to fight all the forces that have brought you here between the anger and pain amid the losses and gains there's a space if you can find it you will rise again
This is as bad as it gets if you can make it through this I'm willing to bet that you will make it through anything the world will throw your way this is as low as you'll ever be if you can stop for a minute and listen to me I know that you will find the strength to make it through this day
Nothing in your life has prepared you for such a troubled time but you're not one to give up or give in when your life is on the line
This is as bad as it gets if you can make it through this I'm willing to bet that you will make it through anything the world will throw your way this is as low as she goes if you can reach deep down tap the power that flows within you I know that you will find the strength to make it through this day and then I know you will be OK you'll be alright don't give up the fight
-------------------- more light, more love more truth and more innovation Posts: 3783 | From somewhere other than here | Registered: May 2005
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In my teens and early 20s I thought about suicide, In my 20s I was miserable but discovered a self help program. My 30s were better that my 20s. Now I'm half way through my 40s and despite Lyme, life is better than it ever was and way better than I ever could have imagined it would be.
Don't give up hope, life takes twists and turns. If you can't beleive in yourself yet then beleive in us here on LymeNet, Eventually you will be FoundCityAgent.
I have been through hell with Lyme. It's been almost 2 years. I'm continuing to make progress. My days are pretty good now, some are really good and I sometimes forget how sick I am/was.
During my first year I had huge ups and downs. Some days I could barely move. My brain was out of order. The simplest tasks were too confusing for me. I got lost often. I was in horrendous pain. Slowly it began to get better. Invariably good days would be followed by bad days. I've found a symptom always gets worse just before it gets better or finally goes away.
I write in a Lyme log everyday. This helps me track my progress. It reminds me about the ups and downs and keeps me from getting discouraged when I have a bad day. Stress and negative emotions make me physically sick so I do all I can to stay positive.
Lyme has taught me patience. It has taught me to be flexible, to do less, to accept where I am at & to do what is best for me. I spend more time alone than I used to. When I feel bad I am more comfortable by myself. Now that I am feeling better I am resuming social activities.
Allow yourself to do less and give yourself time to get better. I'll be thinking of you hatsnscarfs
Posts: 956 | From MA | Registered: Nov 2004
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trails
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1620
posted
Lost City Agent---
WE CANT LOSE YOU!!! What you have written scares me very much.
If you need to talk PM me or someone else---talking is good.
You dont have to believe in yourself to pull thru right now.
You just have to do it.
Posts: 1950 | From New Mexico | Registered: Sep 2001
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LostCityAgent
Unregistered
posted
Friends, I am tired now. I will read all tomorrow. I am here, stirring in murk.
Enter into murk, sit in a smokiness we call home. A spoiled place of sickened wasting, our air is a withering woe. Stirring in bodies mystery, see not us in the dark. Grim for we is light, isolation withered us away.
Density hides our sight, infested insipid we mourn. Vapid caverns of sickness, glassy eyes look not away. Foulness departs not when we sleep, it is always there.
We were freshly cut grass, stunned and suffocating no water. This stirring has taken hold, blindness allows not a ferry from here. Ranks from the righteous crumble, We spill farther from our abyss. And now they cannot see us.
Find someone close to you and hug them. Hold them until the warmth of love fills you and let out your pain that so needs to be released. Let IT OUT!
When your in line about to fall over in the store...your not alone
When the floaters are taking over your vision..your not alone...
When your legs get weak and you cant walk..your not alone....
When you look in the mirror and you can barely remember who you are...your not alone
We are all one in this battle
Keep posting
Keep on keeping on...
Posts: 30 | From conn. | Registered: May 2006
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Michelle M
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7200
posted
Good morning, Lost.
Sheesh, I miss the Board for one day, and here you ARE.
What am I gonna DO with you?
Right now, at your point in treatment, things are SOOO overwhelming, you probably feel like you are drowning. It's hard to think about anything else when you are suffering -- believe me, I know. You literally cannot step outside yourself and enjoy the world.
I remember being incredibly pi$$ed off at INANIMATE OBJECTS, for crying out loud.
What you have GOT to do is concentrate on getting through each day. Taking the best care of yourself that you can. Reaching out to the people who understand and care about you. (Hint: Like US!)
To borrow from the cancer society (my mom beat a very nasty colon cancer recently):
"Yard by yard, life's hard. Inch by inch, life's a cinch."
Quit thinking, "I'm only 27." I've heard you say that a buncha times. Hey, by the time you're 28, you're quite likely to be 10 times better than you are today. Why in the world wouldn't you be? You just started treatment the other day, fer cryin out loud.
If your faith permits such a thing, heck, you might be married with kids on the way next year.
John. This outlook is NOT you. I've heard the real you, and this ain't it. This is lyme talking. TALK BACK TO IT. Remember the real you. The warrior. The "I'm going to kick this in the a$$" you.
Even if you don't authentically feel it right now, don't worry. It's still there. I CAN TELL.
You're not a quitter. You have a lot to give others. You're going to kick lyme's butt. We're here to support you. 24/7.
You know I really mean that.
Love,
Michelle
Posts: 3193 | From Northern California | Registered: Apr 2005
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5dana8
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7935
posted
Somedays when I am herxing I snuggle with my 2 dogs because I know no one will ever love them the way I do and they need me too.
Herxing and the depression caused by herxing and the disease feels like you will never going to get better. That's the dying ketes talking. They mess with your brain. You WILL get better. I know you are tired beyond words but this will not be forever.
We have all walked this dark path at some time in our treatemnt. We are walking there with you.
Do you think you could ask your doc to give you a temp anti-drepession meds to see you over this hard time? Or maybe even take a break for a few days to allow the herx to clear?
Try to remember this dark feeling will pass and it is only Temporary. Although from past experience it feels like it will never pass and is permenante. But isn't!
As much as it feels like it. I had to walk thru the dark times too but am so much better now after treatment.
I went to St John last year...I can go shopping and took my dogs for a walk last night. Am back to doing my sculptures again too. It is heaven and I didn't think in a million years durning treatmtent this would ever happen. Specially durning the dark days of treatemnt.
We are here for you and keep on posting.
p.s. I liked the poem. I am there for you if you ever need to pm me at any time
-------------------- 5dana8 Posts: 4432 | From some where over the rainbow | Registered: Sep 2005
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Aniek
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5374
posted
Lostcity,
I know it's hard to make somebody feel better with typed words. But I'm going to try.
I was at my worst at age 27. I had a different presentation, but I was in so much pain I could hardly move. But things have gotten so much better. Finding the cause and starting treatment did help, even if the first year it was harder.
I smiled when you mentioned your lab, because I used to just slip my hand into my cat's fur because it was the only comforting feeling I could get through my hands. They hurt constantly, and I pulled my hand away when I anybody went to touch it.
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
John, sorry to read about all the despair you are having. Everyone has made great comments/support/pm you, etc.
John, YOU have made a difference on this board. We have had our differences, but we have each shared our feelings privates with one another, and gone on.
This is 1st time of my reading about you going to seminary. Now I understand when you said you were "busy" in several posts.
You already have a direct link to God; use it like FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND. Hang in there John.
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posted
Hey Lost, this is kind of personal but when I was at my very lowest I saw the movie, Touching the Void.
It is about a mountain climber that falls and crawls for miles back to camp. I realized that I was that guy.
That movie changed my life of lyme. I decided at that point that I was going to fight to the death. That absolutely nothing was going to stop me.
Nothing has since that point and I'm about 75% better now. You should really see that movie.
Posts: 293 | From healdsburg, ca , sonoma | Registered: Feb 2005
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LostCityAgent
Unregistered
posted
My Friends, I have been out since this morning. I now have read your wonderful and supportive posts. I know that you are my friends and supporters as I am for you. I woke this morning not feeling well. It is a combination of malaise, leg weakness (only really when I try to walk around), and tiredness. My eyes could be in better shape too. But, I left my house. I went to the barber and to sit at the beach and watch the shore. I was depressed. But, I came home and read all of these posts and I feel stronger now. I am primarily an MSish neuro patient with Lyme. I rarely have this horrible pain that you all suffer with. I am so very sorry for your physical pain. I will never leave this board if I become well. I will never leave. I do not have many words. I am tired. I wish to meet all of you one day.
trueblue
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7348
posted
Pssssst....John
-------------------- more light, more love more truth and more innovation Posts: 3783 | From somewhere other than here | Registered: May 2005
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Aniek
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5374
posted
John,
Your sweet words and your promise to never leave brought tears to my eyes. But right before I actually cried, I scrolled down and read/viewed trueblue's message and now I'm laughing.
Kind of like the ups and downs of Lyme.
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
cod liver oil for the epa ,the dha and teh the viatmin D.
many studies on the successful use of vit. D3 for MS ; it slows immune sys.(phagocytes) attack on nerves; its an immune syst. suppressant, and the effect is dose dependent. get straight vit.D without calcium or anythign else.
udo's choice, or same fatty acid formula for balanced essential fatty acids.
if you have little money, get the cod liver oil from any corner store, drug store, bodega. most pharmacies have always carried cod liver oil. if you don't find it in the isle, or they say they don't carry it, then check the kiddy isle, as they may not realize they have it on the shelf.
in addition, try the egg yolks, only, of three, or more soft-boiled eggs/day. the yolks should be firm, but not runny.
Posts: 2708 | Registered: Feb 2005
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I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth....." Psalm 40: 1-3
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Finally facing the fact that I had to quit my work due to symptoms (I'm an RN) was not easy.
After 2 decades of working full-time, being a single mom, and doing clown ministry in my spare time , I was addicted and driven to filling up all my time with activities.
All my kids graduated, I met a dear man and 7 years ago I married a pastor. How wonderful! We could accomplish twice as much for the Lord.
We were in the process of planting a mission church/coffee house ministry in Wisconsin. We had actually torn down an old 100 year old church by ourselves, (in our spare time) salvaged the wood, and were just ready to build it back .
We had a very clear vision and were determined to bring it to fruition.
I thought, "this won't last very long, I'll be back to work soon enough and we won't miss a beat". God put us here for this purpose.
That was 2 years ago.
Between "The Vision" and my loss of wages (no disability because my Dr.'s said I wasn't disabled) we spent our retirement $.
We are now in Iowa where my husband is pastoring a rural church.
Why would the Lord do this? We felt very certain He wanted us in Wisconsin.
Time and time again, we have prayed for His guidance and His Healing. Miraculous Healing. Instantanious healing.
It has not happened.
What has happened?
*I have been forced to rely less on myself and in my weakness He has shown His strength. ie: provision, somehow all of our needs have been met...
*I have learned a Grace I never knew before. True unmerited favor. ie: I'm not desperately trying to earn His favor by doing until I drop and He still loves me...
*I have learned more about health and healing than I ever learned in nursing school. ie: Old theories and Dr.'s are not Gods. How it feels to be called "psycho" when people don't believe how miserable you are. Western medicine is not the only way to healing. The spirit and soul must be addressed as well as the body for complete healing...
*My husband who was a little weak on the compassion side knows more about how to minister to the sick.
*I'm not so controlling.
*I have met and communicated with so many different people and been able to warn ignorant people about this disease and in some cases been the one who pushed them to seek the diagnosis.
Sometimes I feel useless and without purpose. On those days, I pray, "Lord if someone needs ministry, bring them to me and let me know how to minister to them". Oh my gosh, everytime I do that someone comes across my path who needs ministry....and that is a miracle!
It's been 5 years since I was bitten by the tick. Sometimes it's hard to believe I'm getting better with the strength of the herx's I still have. But I believe I am and I strive to think of the ways I am better.
I believe that there are things that the Lord Jesus wants me to learn before He heals me or I go to Heaven. Therefore I take one minute at a time.
Romans 5
1 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;
4and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;
5and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Remember the example of Father Damien?
Will I be censored?? (=
Bug
-------------------- Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for a future only He can see....Corrie Ten Boom Posts: 343 | From Northcentral Iowa | Registered: May 2005
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] and I predict that it won't happen to you either.![[bonk]](graemlins/bonk.gif)
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