trails
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Member # 1620
posted
Today I freaked out and kicked a box full of paper to shreds in anger that welled up and became so visceral it was scary. I had good reasons to be furious, it didnt come out of nowhere. Long story short the state of CA is telling me I cant have a teaching lisence coz my $100,000 private college degree doesnt match their criteria. I meet all the other criteria and have been certifiably teaching for 10 years in 2 other states.
My partner was VERY upset and scared by my explosion. She would like to know if ANYONE has ANY suggestions for how she should handle herself and the situation in the future.
As you know, these rages are rarely UNprevoked, so it isnt like this clear picture: oh this is a lyme rage. It is more like PMS on steroids. You have good reason to be mad and even furious, but your body just goes WILD of over it.
I was shaking and crying and screaming and kicking the box until I hurt my foot. It took hours to calm down. I am still shaking. I have a headache from hell.
ANy suggestions for family members as to how to handle outburts? thanks all, Trails
Posts: 1950 | From New Mexico | Registered: Sep 2001
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tabbytamer
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posted
quote:Originally posted by trails: ANy suggestions for family members . . .?
savebabe
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posted
I agree xanax.
Posts: 1603 | From ny | Registered: Aug 2006
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lymemomtooo
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Member # 5396
posted
Trails, the only thing that calmed our daughter was Valium. AND then time to sleep it off..
I suspect you are taking something strong , I think, she was on IV Rocephin and Doxy.
But I was attacked a few times..Have a major knee issue ever since and she threatened to kill me and her sister. Even though she is very sick, she is only this bad with the lyme disease. So I pray she someday finds her old self.
We just got the results of a spec scan and they were not good..many brain issues..
Be prepared to get something, a med., that your partner only can have in the ready for an episode.
Check out some alternative things that are calming..Go to a better health food store and ask for some suggestions..
Some teas may be calming..If you are coherent when this is all happening..Try to remind yourself you are in a rage and need to calm down or remove yourself from the situation. Try to also stay active and help to eliminate any toxins that may be accumulating..
Get well..lymemomtooo`
Posts: 2360 | From SE PA | Registered: Mar 2004
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trueblue
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Member # 7348
posted
Trails ~ I'm sorry you're both going through this. It sucks from both ends, I know that.
I can't find it now, been looking, but I remember reading a thread at one time where someone had suggestions how they and their partner, or family, handled this.
I want to say there was a code word that would help defray the situation or a certain something they did that helped.
Ok, I know that's not much help at all.
I've been on both ends of this. My dad had a scary exploding temper. I had my first ever rage experiences this past year. I have never been as frightened or as scary. It is so completely out of character for me.It took me a long time to get over each time; I would be shaking and weeping afterwards.
Hugs to you both.
-------------------- more light, more love more truth and more innovation Posts: 3783 | From somewhere other than here | Registered: May 2005
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HEATHERKISS
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posted
I like xanax too.
-------------------- HEATHER
Posts: 1974 | From ABERDEEN, NJ 07747 | Registered: Jan 2005
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TerryK
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Member # 8552
posted
Sorry this has happened to you.
My advice to your partner is to stay out of the way and let the anger subside before interacting if possible.
If that's not possible, do nothing to provoke the situation which means don't do or say anything. Be a fly on the wall. LOL If that does not work, they should leave the house and come back after things have calmed down. Terry
Posts: 6286 | From Oregon | Registered: Jan 2006
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trails
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1620
posted
Thanks everyone!
Xanax and valium dont work as well with Rifampin. Rifampin somehow manages to render it almost ineffective so says the pharmacists. It does this with narcotics. But even if it did work, I couldnt ever know beforehand when to take it to avoid the whole explosion. And avoiding it is what I want to do because once it is here---I havent found a way to stop it and xanax and valium wouldnt work fast enough for me.
Truey--I have a family history of explosive anger rages and violence coming from my dad too. It has taken me years and years to be able to control my own temper, which I started primarliy coz I knew I couldnt keep my partner if I treated her like that. So I can relate to having been on both ends too!!
a code word sounds like that would be the best thing to do. But I am afraid that I would get mad at the code word and say BUT BUT BUT....This is justified ANGER!! look at-----
Lymemomtoo---I am sorry. That is awful. Teenagers have so many hormones raging on top of everything else it is no wonder any of us make it thru to "adulthood." (by the way---I think hormones played arole today) I am glad you guys got the spect study done. REAL proof that things are not okay. Will this convince her to start treatment or try abx again? I hope so.
I am still FURIOUS at the state of california. It makes no sense. It is like living in Russia without the priveldge of bribes. It hurts so badly to have built my career for the last 15 years and be told that it isnt good enough. I could NEVER manage to go back to school. I just started teaching two half days this week. It kicked my butt. Not coz I cant teach, but coz of lyme and endo and my kidney issues. How could I teach AND go to school? never.
Anyway--I am less agitated about it now. I am much more calm. I wrote a letter to the supervisor and I intend to write to the San Fran Chronicle and our local paper and my legislators. Channeling my anger is what I need---moving it through so it doesnt get stuck and erupt.
Feeling helpless with anger is a recipe for explosion--lyme or not. Using anger as a motivation can be very healing.
those are my thoughts tonight. thanks for listening.
Posts: 1950 | From New Mexico | Registered: Sep 2001
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TerryK
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posted
Oh, one other thing is that even though lyme can cause anger outbursts, so can sleep apnea. I think that it is probably not that unusual for some of us lymies to have sleep apnea due to the throat swelling, autonomic problems and muscle problems that go along with lyme.
I used to have anger outbursts but they have pretty much stopped since I started using a machine to help me breath while I'm sleeping. I still don't sleep very well but my uncontrolled outbursts are almost completely gone.
I never snored or had major daytime sleepiness which are all signs of sleep apnea. I used to wake up choking or coughing which is a possible indiction of sleep apnea.
If you don't sleep well (does anyone with chronic lyme?), and you have signs of sleep apnea (or even if you don't), consider having a sleep study done since untreated sleep apnea can be deadly. Terry
Posts: 6286 | From Oregon | Registered: Jan 2006
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klutzo
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posted
I am so sorry. The rages were how I finally got correctly diagnosed,after 21 years of misdiagnosis. It was out of character for me too.
I take low dose Xanax around the clock so I can walk without falling over from muscle spasm. When a rage hits, I immediately take extra Xanax plus a small dose (0.1 mg.) of Clonidine (an alpha-blocker that supresses the sympathetic nervous system). The combo works within 20 mins. Do not try Clonidine if you have low blood pressure.
I also take myself out of the house so I don't scare my DH or break anything expensive. I take one of our dogs softballs, go in the back yard, and throw it over and over at the side of the house, verbalizing what I am angry about each time I throw, until the excess adrenaline has worn off, and I am worn out. The neighbors may think I'm nuts, but my marriage is still intact, which is far more important than what anyone else thinks.
I empathize with being scared....I think I could committ homicide during one of those rages if the situation was right, and that is very scary indeed.
Treatment with Samento has reduced the number and severity and length of the rages.
I was just diagnosed with moderate/severe sleep apnea and will be fitted with a CPAP machine in 3 weeks, so the poster who mentioned that has a point also. If you snore, or wake up with your heart pounding or a headache, seeing a sleep specialist would be a great idea.
Best of luck,
Klutzo
Posts: 1269 | From Clearwater, Florida, USA | Registered: May 2004
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AliG
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posted
I had rage problems. Anti-depressants seem to take the edge off for me.
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Trails, I am so sorry for you and your partner - this sucks!
You've already got a lot of good advice here, so all I'll add is moral support: Stupid state of California! Stupid red tape! Stupid system! Stupid Lyme disease and Lyme rages!
Do what you can to take care of yourself and your partner, and that's the best you can do to get through. Hang in there and keep experimenting.
posted
Lyme rages were part of my being let go on Family Medical Leave at work- most embarrassing and bewildering at the time.
Co-workers were so stunned when I would "go off"-me,too for that matter. So many times I would have to go back at the end of the day and make amends. I wondered what was wrong with me.
You should see my kitchen cupboards ! They're all crooked from having to be rehung so many times.
Andie333
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Member # 7370
posted
This really is unfair and yucky news, trails. Being proactive sounds like a good approach, but it's probably also a good idea to at least look at the rage.
As far as your partner, I'm told (ahem) that I had my share of rages in early treatment. Somehow, I have no clear memory of them, but the validation comes from a good source.
Anyway, I know you had sufficient provocation, but you're also on rifampin, which can just wreak havoc on things psychological and neurological.
My thought is to try and keep that in mind, just so you don't beat yourself up about what happened.
Also give yourself space to get out that energy. Doing something just to release the adrenalin. I remember once taking a foam bat and just swinging it into a beam in the basement until all that energy was gone, and I was spent.
For your partner, give you space to do whatever you need to do and always keep in mind that this isn't personal to her. Rage is one thing in the moment. It's a whole different experience if you think it's meant for you...and clearly, that wasn't the case here.
I take xanax with rifampin, and my anxiety has completely disappeared (going to start decreasing that dosage). If it makes you wary, maybe try other more natural things: Young Living makes a wonderful essential oil mix called Peace and Calming (it's one I've used a LOT). Or Valerian.
Anyway, hopefully this will be a one-time event, and you won't have to deal with anything like this again.
Just to what you can to get these people to reconsider their decision.
And take care!
Andie
Posts: 2549 | From never never land | Registered: May 2005
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lymeinhell
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posted
Rhodeola (sp?) twice a day on an empty stomach. Works like a charm. Brings a nice calmness to your life, and protects your body from the effects of stress, so has a double benefit.
This too shall pass
-------------------- Julie _ _ ___ _ _ lymeinhell
Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed. Posts: 2258 | From a better place than I was 11 yrs ago | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
I take paxil as it has a pretty nice around the clock calming effect on me, sometimes I still break out the xanax,
no suggestions on the sudden fits though, they don't happen as much or as severe to me now that I take the paxil.
-------------------- Daisy Posts: 122 | From at the computer | Registered: Jul 2006
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Trails, sorry to read about this.
How about a bunching bag somewhere in the house where it is really isolated so you can let out your anger there?
I agree for your partner just to leave and allow you to get it out of your system.
Sorry about your teaching in Cal. Best wishes that something in this terrible ordeal will come out to be a positive...whatever that might be.
Praying for your healing comfort. Perhaps your trip & sudden illness hospitalizing you set off your HORMONES also. Bettyg
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trails
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posted
again mucho gracias para todos!!! I am very grateful to everyone who wrote in and took the time to try to help me.
I am better now. It seems to be a combo thing of recieving really unfair news when hormones, bart treatment, and kidney not draining--therefore somewhat stopped up detox wise---were all colliding too.
Hormones are STILL a very large problem even though I am on the pill, because I have endo and because I had my right ovary removed and my left one does seem to be polycystic and not waking up and driving.
Kidney is blocked coz endo or adhesions from ovary removal have caused a stricture in my ureter. I have to get another stent placed next week and then have another major surgery to see what is really going on and deal with it. It is just one kidney, and the other is working overtime to pick up slack--but we all know what compromised systems we have and I think having one down is causing some detox issues. Not sure there is anything I can DO about this until the stent is placed.
bart treatment seems to be the thing that just pushed all of this over an edge.
I am much calmer now. I have a while to deal with the license issue. I need to take care of my body now and keep doing a good job of teaching the part time job that I DO have.
Punching bags and throwing balls and foam bats all seem like very very good ideas. I need to find space to do these types of things.
I used a ball point pen and drew/wrote all over my body one night when I was soooo furious I thought I would cut myself as I did as a teenager. It gave a similar sensation to cutting and was a good creative outlet without doing any permanent damage. I reccommend it to people struggling with rage and self harm issues.
Thanks again for all your concern and rec's. You guys are fabulous. Trails Posts: 1950 | From New Mexico | Registered: Sep 2001
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Nal
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posted
Hey trails,
I know all about those Lyme rages-all too well I am afraid. It'll get so bad for me sometimes that I will scream myself horse and everything and everyone in the way.
I try to really catch myself ahead of time. Then if there are people around me I try to leave the room quickly and go somewhere else where I can really vent but not scar any family memebers-does that make sense?
You say you cant take Xanax and valium. Have you ever tried Ativan? Its a great drug and works more as a mood stabilizer instead of just a calming med. It has helped me out a lot in the past and i may consider going back on it once again.
Sorry about the teaching issue. We have a teacher from my daughters school that just moved to CA and she is having the same issues. Really stinks.
Hang in there.
Nancy
-------------------- Life is 10% what happens to you, 90% how you respond to it!
-Chuck Swindoll Posts: 1594 | From Colorado | Registered: Jan 2005
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Right now that you are under a considerable amount of anxiety and stress it will be difficult for you to grasp this but...
No matter how hard your partner trys it will get to be impossible at some point for her to cope unless you treat the problem.
Here is my tried and true suggestions:
1) Medication, don't over do it a mild anti anxiety drug will do.. Just enough to keep you from the edge...
2) Seek help from a support group or therapist. This is a great place but you may need someone to help you manage individually.
3)Meditation, It will help you to focus and PREVENT yourself from falling into the stress trap in other words. You learn how not to be provoked...
4) Recognise, that it is the lyme talking and try and gain control and release the stress...don't beat yourself up over it for the next week. Let it go as soon as possible.
I hope this helps,
Blessings,
Julia
-------------------- Please consult your LLMD before making any changes to your treatment regimen. Posts: 641 | From NJ, USA | Registered: Oct 2001
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liz28
Unregistered
posted
Sounds like a rifampin herx. Typical. Of course, since you are in the middle of your herx, you probably don't care. But don't worry, it will blow over. At least you know you found a drug that actually works!
I had two six-week herxes with rifampin that were unstoppable and filled with rage and stomping. Then the bartonella went away.
In terms of general body repair from all this, I take a lot of B vitamins and beta carotene, and just calmed down more by taking iron supplements of the recommended RDA of 18mg/day. That's the honest-to-God truth, it had a huge impact on my mood. Also, Provigil (the "Sandy Duncan" drug) has helped with the fatigue, which often leads to grumpiness in the afternoons and evenings, as has Jarrow theanine, a green tea extract. Here's what the label says:
"Amino acid found almost exclusively in green tea, that exerts beneficial effects on brain metabolism. Theanine induces relaxation without causing drowsiness, as measured by increased generation of alpha waves. Theanine may improve learning ability and sensations of pleasure by affecting dopamine and serotonin neurotransmitters in the brain."
I also take Celebrex for systemic inflammation, which burns through serotonin, and there have to be some natural alternatives to that on the market.
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I have had Lyme rages. I never took anything for them. I always felt so ashamed afterwards at the lack of control. Usually I would throw something and rant. The last few I had I would recognize the state I was in and just would avoid interaction and talk myself down. Since I have been on Rifampin, two months now, I am very mellow. As laid back and mellow in my head in years. How weird is that?
Posts: 160 | From texas | Registered: Oct 2005
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timaca
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Member # 6911
posted
Trails~
Hugs to you...
Also, the rhodiola rosea has helped to even my moods out. I noticed someone else recommended it.
I take 200 mg before breakfast and before lunch. I am doing fine on that amount, but because I like to do with as little a drug (or herb) as needed, I am going to try to drop the lunch time dose to 100 mg.
Timaca
Posts: 2872 | From above 7,000 ft in a pine forest | Registered: Feb 2005
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