posted
Have had a lot of deaths in family. Father died in Jan 06; Brother died in May 06 and now Mother died in Sept 06. Needless to say, this would depress any normal person, however, I am not normal. My lyme is so bad I had very very severe back pain (so bad I could hardly walk or get out of bed). Any help with posts will be appreciated. Feeling lifeless myself. No goals or direction. Thanks Green
Posts: 560 | From PA | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
Dear Green, I am so very sorry you have had so much loss in your family this year. Any kind of emotional upset can of course create stress in the best of circumstances
but the pain of family members' deaths is so very great.
My year for traumatic loss was 2000. My mother died, followed by my 33 year old cousin and then my grandmother. My mother and grandmother were the remaining relatives who knew me best, knew my history first hand and who I looked up to in so many ways.
I was ill back then also. I am not exactly sure how I managed to get through all the grief. I do know that I had some innate sense that it was a time I needed to be extra loving towards myself.
Please take the time for extra rest and you might consider adding immune boosters at this time. Also, do NOT feel that you should just "get over it." Everyone grieves differently and for differing amounts of time.
It is a good sign that you have written your message here because it means you are able to reach out for help. You NEED support right now and I'm sure many on this forum will be able to give you some good advise as well as open arms.
Please allow others to help you through this really tough time. We are here for you. PM me anytime.
The only way out of grief is through.
Warmest hugs, Janet
-------------------- DISCLAIMER: No information presented above should be considered medical advice or take the place of advice given by a medical professional. Links to other sites are provided merely for ease of research. Posts: 287 | From Tennessee | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
May God give you the guidance,direction, and healing you need.
Sorry for your loss,
Tic
-------------------- Adversity is the diamond dust heaven polishes it's jewels with. � Robert Leighton
Daily world-wide prayers welcome for the Lyme Community - every day at 6:00 p.m. Pacific Time and 9:00 p.m. Eastern Time � all faiths welcome! Posts: 309 | From S.E. Mass | Registered: Apr 2006
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lymemomtooo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5396
posted
Green, I am so sorry about your losses. But you need to try to find someway to get out and find some fun or hobby.
Every day the pain should lessen a bit. Good luck. Lymemomtooo
Posts: 2360 | From SE PA | Registered: Mar 2004
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
In Spring of 2004 two of my children died from unrelated medical catastrophies within a week of each other.
The summer of 2004 when I thought I should be getting some kind of handle on my grief I just kept feeling worse-and thought I was just not doing enough griefwork even though I was going to support groups.
Finally I felt so so bad I went to the Doctors and was diagnosed with Lyme. Unfortunately he was a Duck and didn't do a very adequate job of treating me.So here I am 2 years later-finally under the care of an LLMD.
I still attend Compassionate Friends-and we are preparing for the annual Memorial Service. I have not been able to attend the past two years-just not ready.
Anyway- this year I roped myself into the Service by volunteering my daughter, Carolyn, who also has lyme, to sing during the service.
We both need something to take our minds off Lyme. I'm hoping the service will have a healing effect for mind, body and soul.
Just wanted you to know you are not alone in that dark place.
northstar
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7911
posted
I lost my mother, too, within a month after starting treatment. Your grief is at least three times as large.
One thing I found myself doing was, (and still is) giving gratitude to her for her gifts of things I had learned from her, her strength, dignity, evenness of temper, sense of humor, etc. (no, she was not perfect!). I would do this as they came to mind, feeling blessed that she had raised me so I could learn certain life lessons, both positive and negative.
Gratitude is a wonderful healer.
Also, you could dedicate your healing to your individual family members. Remember a special virtue that each one had, and incorporate it, find it within you, and dedicate it to them, while using that same virtue to find ways to bring back your health.
That way they will be able to share in the joy of your healing progress.
Northstar
Posts: 1331 | From hither and yonder | Registered: Sep 2005
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AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
I am so sorry for all your loss Green Darkness.
Let yourself do whatever you have to do in order to make your way through it. We all deal with grief in our own way.
Reach out to people as much and as often as you need to. We are all here willing to listen anytime.
posted
HI Green! I'm so sorry to hear about your family. That is so rough. You've been given some very good advice and things to think about.
One thing about losing someone close, is that you tend to remember mostly the GOOD things. Basically, that's all I remember about my parents...the good things.
Hang in there and get help if you need it. A support group [hospice offers it free if the family member had their services] would be helpful to you.
Just know that you are loved by many and especially by God.
Email me if you need me, OK?
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Green, my heartfelt sympathies on the loss of 3 special members of your family in one year; uffda; so much continuous loss activating the lyme with the constant stress.
I've lost 9 immediate family members since 79 and really heavy after 89, but NONE in the same year.
Our local hospice has a bereivement group it does 2-3 times a year for 6 weeks. We meet 1 day a month for 2 hrs. We discuss our loved ones, right them each a last letter, write how they effected/meant to us, etc. It really helps.
They take people 6 months after the event, and you could do 2 people at once from what your dates showed were to help you start copying and getting over the 1st 2 losses before your last loss.
Thanksgiving and Christmas will be especially hard on you this year. Have your supportive family members present for the holidays, and reminisce about each of your family members. Someone might video tape or tape on a recorder for you to enjoy later.
I made a cassette tape of us 4 of 5 siblings and their children wishing my folks a happy anniversary one Christmas 19 years ago.
I listen to it often, and stay have it on my list to MAKE COPIES of and give 1 each to my siblings. Dad loved listening to it. We did 3-4 years before Mom died of her cancer.
Here is a collection of my online sympathy poems found at the tail end of Treepatrol's newbie links, last page. At the end are 4-6 Mom poems .
I'm reading my current fibromyalgia, fmaware, online newsletter and it had the below article in it, so I copied it here for you/anyone it may apply to.
Vol. 6, No.11 Ask Rosalie
Dear Rosalie, I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia for over five years. I was an LVN and had to go on disability. I always worked and had many friends; I now stay much to myself as my husband drives a truck and is gone a lot. I do have a lot of fog at times. How can I overcome my feeling of uselessness and loneliness? Please help. Linda
Dear Linda, Your question about feeling useless is a question I am often asked by fibromyalgia or CFIDS patients.
Loneliness and isolation are a real problem for patients. The best way to overcome this is to try and get out of your house to be with people who empathize with your problems and accept you for who you are.
Many patients have found solace in support groups, church groups, gentle yoga or exercise classes.
If you are feeling useless because you cannot work, maybe you can volunteer your time when your health permits it. You may be able to perform phone work for charity groups if you are too ill to go out. In reaching out and helping others, we often find that we feel less useless, despite our disabilities.
Rosalie National Fibromyalgia Association 2200 N. Glassel Street, Suite A Orange, CA 92865 Phone: 714. 921.0150 Fax: 714. 921.6920 www.FMaware.org
Green, may God comfort you now and in the days, months, and years ahead. If you have a video tape of them, play it often when you're sad and missing them all! It really helps hearing their voice/laughter and watching their mannerisms.
Come and share any time you need it; 24/7 service; someone is always on here. Bettyg ,,,,sending prayers,
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posted
i cant imagine what you must be going thru, it is bad enough being so sick and then to lose your loved ones, i am sorry for all your pain, and i hope that you have someone who you can reach out to close by and just keep praying, radha
Posts: 392 | From New York | Registered: Dec 2005
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Jill E.
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9121
posted
Green,
I am so very, very sorry for what you are going through. As you said, losing loved ones is hard enough. Having Lyme is hard enough. The combination is terribly unfair.
I do not presume to know if you have any particular religious affiliation, or nondenomination spiritual beliefs, but if you do, there are hotlines and groups that will pray with you and for you.
There are a couple of ministries I support and I call their prayer counselors frequently, for prayer for myself, for my other sick family members, and sometimes just to cry.
I have a couple of friends who use a nondenominational spiritual prayer ministry. I could PM you with information on any of these if they would be of help. Or if you are part of a local church or synagogue, or even watch religious TV or listen to religious radio, there are prayer hotlines you can call
Do you go to a particular medical clinic or hospital for Lyme care? The other day, I was at my internist's office, which is adjacent to a hospital.
I thought I was going to lose it emotionally because I could not stand one more piece of bad test results in my family - I feel as if we are under spiritual attack with Lyme going after each of us.
I asked the receptionist to page the hospital chaplain for me, and she did, and I must have talked and cried with him for an hour.
I also stop in the hospital chapel and sit and pray after my doctors' appointments and injections - it's an oasis of calm amidst all the chaos.
If you are an animal lover as I am, simply going for a little walk and petting the neighborhood dogs and cats does me a world of good (I don't have a pet at the moment). Or I seek out the therapy dogs at the hospital and play with them.
Or just going for a little walk and being out in nature can help, or chatting with neighbors, calling a friend. So simple, but Lyme is so isolating, I think we tend to bear so much on our own.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Jill
-------------------- If laughter is the best medicine, why hasn't stand-up comedy cured me? Posts: 1773 | From San Diego | Registered: Apr 2006
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lymemomtooo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5396
posted
Green, I will keep you and cobweb in my prayers. Hope it is better for both of you. hugs. lmt
Posts: 2360 | From SE PA | Registered: Mar 2004
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