stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
hey folks just more problems after another.
my wife left yesterday after 14 years saying that i was too self centered being sick all the time. i could not go out with or friends because i didn't feel good.
so i'm now single but not availble,the last thing i need right now is somebody else to take care of.
i am having acl surgery with possible knee replacement right knee on thursday. i have no choice, since the injections stopped working and i am in extreme pain. i can not take narcotics of any kind so i will have to suffer until next thursday.
i'll have to take a cab for the surgery,since, i do not have a decent friend that i can ask to take me.
docdave
[ 01. December 2006, 08:56 PM: Message edited by: stymielymie ]
Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
Vermont_Lymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9780
posted
Hi doc dave, I am really sorry to hear that you are facing all these troubles at once. I know how hard you have worked on your marriage and how difficult it is to have a chronic disease and be in a relationship. My true sympathy, as one of your lymenet friends who really appreciates you. ella
PS: this is the time to call on your friends, forget taking the cab to the hospital for knee surgery!
Posts: 2557 | From home | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Darn it, we are self-centered, being sick like this. Guess your wife was well? Sad story.
Do what you need to do to take of knee surgery next week - this is a time to call anyone who is remotely supportive.
Posts: 13171 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
| IP: Logged |
trueblue
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7348
posted
Dave, I'm so sorry about it all.
I'd even offer to take you for your surgery but I'll still be away on Thursday.
If you haven't got any decent friends call on the indecent ones. Seriously, call in any favors you can.
In the interrum (sp?) Does ice or heat help the kneee at all? Any chance Advil will take the edge off?
I really do understand this. I'm looking at complications on top of complications lately. I don't know why.
Let me know if there's anything I can do that isn't on Thursday.
-------------------- more light, more love more truth and more innovation Posts: 3783 | From somewhere other than here | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
Hi Doc Dave,
You have a whole lot to deal with all at once.
I am sorry your wife wasnt understanding. It is horrible to have anyone you love not understand that certain things they take for granted (like being able to go out) are just not in our control due to the nature of our illness.
It is always hard when someone we love not only doesnt understand and gives us a hard time but completely abandons us.
I know that this probaly really doesnt help but Know that your not alone in this dilema. Many of us have been left by someone we loved (signifigant other,close family members ect) in our lives due to this disease.
Is there any family or neighbors or friends that could help you through this hard time and/or surgery?
My grandpop had his knee replaced a couple years ago and he is still very active. Last week he was up on the roof fixing windows.... and he is 84.
As far as pain meds you said no narcotics. Ultracet isnt a narcotic if you can take that maybe ask your dr about it.
There is also ultram (although I found ultracet to work better... anything with tylenol usually works better for me)
I know with severe pain either one wont take you ought of pain but I also know when you are in severe pain even a little less pain is helpful more than most would realize.
stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
thanks all for the support. ihave gooten to the point where i can't fight anymore. there is nothing left inside me to fight with.
i have some very close friends, but they had problems with my wife and some with me. i would get angry easily. i am a person without and bad bone in my body. i would help anybody, and everybody loved me prior to lyme.
i never had a patient sue me, never had a patient leave for different insurance, they like and wanted to come to me.
my wife, during this period has put up barrier to protect herself. from this she isolated herself from all our old friends and blamed me on loosing the friend.
you know her birthday was in october and she got a very very expensive diamond tennis bracelet.
my birthday was wednesday, not one person except my daughters wished me a happy birthday. my wifes gift to me for my birthday was to decide to move to new mexico since it was too hot in florida.
so she left me on my birthday ,leaving me with a very bad knee to take care of 4 dogs and 2 cats. i can't even bed over to put their bowls down without excruciating pain, man what a present.
sorry to babble, just feeling very low and probably lower after the surgery.
will try to keep in touch if i can reach the computer. would move intoi the bedroom but its too heavy right now to carry.
thanks for caring, i really love the people on the lymenet, and my job as chief executive elf.
posted
Ohhh, this makes me so sad. How can anyone leave a person in this condition??? And on your birthday. Words cannot even express how I feel right now. This wonderful person who has been working so hard to make sure all the children get Green Santa's.
So sorry that you have to go through this. I hope someone can come to your aid.
Wishing you well.
Julie
Posts: 494 | From Michigan, USA | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
Jill E.
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9121
posted
Docdave,
I am so sorry to hear your news. I had read your posts on the Dating with Lyme thread, me being one of the single people trying to date people who don't want anyone but a guaranteed healthy person - as if there are guarantees in life. And then nice married people like yourself posting about the other side of the story. It is not easy, it is not fair.
In terms of your knee surgery, some hospitals and medical centers offer transportation to seniors. Why not call and see if they will bend the rules to include you given that you will be immobile?
I know that we Lyme patients are already paying for just about everything out of pocket. But here's something I've always considered in an emergency case:
How about paying for for a home health-type of nurse or one-day caregiver to drive you and make sure you're OK post-surgery. Just throwing it out as a thought for you.
Think beyond Lyme for city organizations you can call on - like Meals on Wheels, or there are organizations that bring home-cooked meals to AIDS or other homebound patients. Ask to be considered for some temporary help at least getting some food!
There are organizations that will also care for pets during an illness or when a military family is sent overseas. If you can't take care of your pets for a few days, call the local humane society and see if one of the volunteers can come feed them for you. I volunteered at several animal rescue groups pre-Lyme and was amazed at all the services there are to help pets while owners are temporarily unable.
Let us know how it goes.
Jill
-------------------- If laughter is the best medicine, why hasn't stand-up comedy cured me? Posts: 1773 | From San Diego | Registered: Apr 2006
| IP: Logged |
Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
Gosh Stymied-I feel like I have abandoned you too. I was thinking of you though on your birthday-in between thinking of myself, of course. Here I was thinking you were out partying and all.
If it's any consolation-I hear knee surgery is a b!tch-but not as bad as having shoulder rotater cuff repaired. BTW-what kind of injections were you getting- not the dreaded steroids?
Well, my husband and I are going through a little "time out" period right now. I fluctuate between longing for solitude and being petrified of loneliness. It was great to go to the rally and feel really connected with people for the day.
Wish I could offer some real suggestions though-meanwhile I will put you in my prayers. I went to my daughter's Christmas Program tonight-she sings in a choir-and I was in a really bad mood.
We had to suffer, I mean, sit through the whole school from the preschoolers (all those cute little kids waving to their parents and poking each other just made me think of how things used to be-SIGH) through the High School Concert Choir. We even had to listen to the Beginner Band. And the Jazz band -which I usually look forward to just didn't cut it for me tonight.
The weather was foul- I had to pull over because high wind and sheets of rain made visability zilch-and I hate to drive at night anyway. Bah Humbug.
Isn't Lymenet a great place to have a pity party! Cause we've all been there-done that-and probably will again.
Burdens shared are halved. Blessings shared are doubled.
As long as you don't flush that toilet you've got a chance!
My husband left me after years of my being sick. I believe I PUSHED him out. I didn't understand how depressed and angry I was. It was no walk in the park for him. But I thought we had the kind of relationship that could withstand most anything.
It took him less than a few months to find my "replacement." He met her at a divorce group.
Before that, I had to let my social life go just to be able to work and then come home and collapse. So over time, I lost all my friends. I didn't have the energy to nourish my friendships or my marriage.
That is the saddest thing of all I think. This disease takes so much from us and often leaves us alone with ourselves when we are so vulnerable and sick.
You have been given good advice about what you can do with your pets and even have some meals delivered. (I got Meals On Wheels for a few months after my husband left although it was difficult to ask for that help.)
Most of us have not allowed ourselves to come up with a plan if we have no one else to rely on. I have begun thinking about that a lot lately...what would I do "if..."
Like you, I cannot possibly consider thinking about entering into a new relationship. Some days I have to worry about the most basic things, like how I will pay my bills and what I will eat.
But since I have been reading here and posting I don't feel so terribly alone. Posters may be spread from sea to shining sea but somehow they seem close.
During my last therapy appt. when I was too ill to participate very much, my therapist spoke of practicing gratitude. Part of me wanted to kick his healthy little butt, but he gave me lots to think about.
I came up with a LOT to be grateful for. That doesn't diminish my angst so much as it just helps me refocus. I am a lovely, awesome spirit trapped inside a difficult body. Since there is so little I can do about the body part, I have decided to concentrate on my spirit.
My spirit will dance free of this body someday. I intend to spend more time cultivating my spiritual self and some of that means to share it with others.
You have already done that here. You have fought not just for yourself but for so many suffering people. You are still the spirit who is kind, loving and giving. You are still the spirit whose patients all loved him.
I am in TN and I no longer make casseroles....so I can't help you that way, but if you need an ear or a shoulder or someone to be "with you where you are" I volunteer.
If you have certain insurance, such as Medicare for the disabled, they provide transportation to and from any medical appt. I'd say that a trip to a hospital would fit that definition.
If you are able financially, there are some very good home health aides who cook and clean and even shop. You also mentioned daughters who sent you birthday cards....is one of them possibly able to come stay with you a few days?
Dave, you have a purpose here on this forum and you have a purpose in all you are. Notice I didn't say all you DO. No knee surgery or stupid tick borne illness will take away any tiny part of YOU......
I am sending you my best, love-filled light,
Janet
-------------------- DISCLAIMER: No information presented above should be considered medical advice or take the place of advice given by a medical professional. Links to other sites are provided merely for ease of research. Posts: 287 | From Tennessee | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
I'm so sorry to hear that all this is happening for you right now. What a nightmare. Makes me feel so sad.
Keep riding the waves of sadness and the sun while shine again, D
Posts: 261 | From San Mateo, CA | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Dave, the timing of all this stunk to high heaven!
But Dave, putting a new spin on this, another door or chapter has opened in your life. Perhaps without ALL the constant fights, stress will be down and manageable!
Ask your kids for help. Take care and I'm so sorry this happened on your BD! HAPPYBELTED ONE DAVE! Today would hae ben ad's 91 st BD.
IP: Logged |
dontlikeliver
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4749
posted
Hi Dave,
I'm sorry to hear that, that really sucks. Hopefully she'll realize how much she misses you and come back real soon!
Sorry about the pain and surgery too.
DLL
Posts: 2824 | From The Back of Beyond | Registered: Oct 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dave -- all suggestions are good here about asking various organizations for assistance for you and your pets. I hope you will reach out before your surgery and find some social help.
I'm single for the very same reason -- I don't have the wherewithal to have a relationship, let alone regular friendships -- that's what this illness does to us. It makes us unavailable. It's not our fault.
We need to find ways to have companionship that we can handle. That's the necessary modification this disease seems to require. I'm online, I talk on the phone, and I have to tell everyone I make tentative plans, to be confirmed shortly before the time.
I do a lot of things by myself, but don't have to be by myself once I'm somewhere, because people are there too, so I can socialize. Etc for being creative with arrangements.
Posts: 13171 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
| IP: Logged |
Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
I tell people my husband and I are taking a timeout because I'm too combustable,and by his own admission, he throws out sparks.
IP: Logged |
stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
carol: did you look in the mail today??? it should be there any day.
thanks all for support. i found a good friend that offerd to take me to the hospital. i helped here when she tore her achilles but i don't even remember helping her for 3 weeks.
she called me last night and offered not to go on a date to come over and sit with me. i guess i do have a friend, i guess good deeds sometimes don't go unnoticed. i would not let her miss her date because of me. i know she likes me very much i, but is too old for me. she actually see's the good side in me.
i think i will just hire a lpn or companion to help with the dogs after surgery,.\ i don't eat much , even being 20 lbs overwieght , so food is not a problem.
so get to work green santas and stop pitying me. we need those toys made in the shop by dec 15.
all my toys have left the factory already including c/c/w so have fun kids, at least helping you makes me very happy. and mo get your butt back home and send me your info.
docdave
Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
Since you're in too much pain to hop on over to General I lugged my post back here:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Shout out to my GREEN SANTA.
I got home yesterday from the Rally-after an eventful bus ride and long drive home-my eyeballs felt like they were going to fall out.
I should have stopped to use a restroom-but I kept thinking if I just sit here,loosen my seatbelt, put the pedal to the metal, I can make it home.
I pulled up in front of my house, made sure I had the right key in hand to unlock the door and made a desperate dash to the porch, trying to remember which muscles the urologist told me to squeeze if experiencing "door key incontinence"(not kidding -it's a real medical term-in case anyone can relate)
But then I tripped over a package left by FedEx behind the screen door which caused me to forget which muscle group I was concentrating on. I scooped up the box and ran to the bathroom with it. It was a package from my GREEN SANTA.
Love, Kindness, Thoughtfulness-how quickly despair can turn to hope .
Moral of the story-even though you have to change your clothes from time to time, getting a package from your Green Santa will change your heart forever.
Michelle M
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7200
posted
Dear Doc,
Timing kinda stinks, but what can you do?
You keep on going, of course, and reach out to those who care about you.
It might just be the universe has to shake you loose of your current wife to make you ready in all ways to meet your "Bea Seibert." You know, someone who doesn't just thinly 'tolerate' your having lyme disease, but is an equal partner in actively trying new ways to help you get better.
You know, the old 'in sickness and in health' chestnut...?
Divorce is kind of like lyme - it usually gets worse before it gets better, but it will definitely get better.
Hang in there and good luck with your surgery.
Michelle
Posts: 3193 | From Northern California | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
yeh but cavey i looove hygienists, though never slept with any of my own. must be the faithfulness in me. i'm the only dentist in the country that hasn't slept with his hygienist. i guess their is always a first time cavey. if not we can have cybersex after i take 2 viagra and put my ekg on. so whats you talking about being older, i have the older body. hay that sounds good cavey and davey.
c/c/w glad you finally got the gift. just a few things for YOU for christmas. santa's got the kids.
and yes i also pee by the bush ,by my front door with the keys in may hand. sometimes i can only make it to the bush i front of the car. leaky faucet everything tried dried my mouth so much with the zoloft, could not even breathe
docdave Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
JUST SHOW HER YOUR PEARLY WHITES AND SHE'LL FALL FOR YOU IN A MINUTE.
she's into white teeth and not plastic. she also likes dentists, i've been heresay told.
sorry if i offended you cavey ,didn't mean to just my way of complimenting you
sincerely, docdave Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
trueblue
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7348
posted
DocDave, I'm so glad you found friend willing to help you out. I feel better. It's a start and a huge help.
You have my number if you need anything don't you. I'll PM you if you don't, k?
As for cavey, davey and joe... you guys are scaring me. I need to wash my brain out with soap after imagining this m�nage � trois.
-------------------- more light, more love more truth and more innovation Posts: 3783 | From somewhere other than here | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
hey true, i still owe you a chauffered lunch or dinner.you never took me up on my offer. it still stands.after my surgery i'll call. i promise no hanky panky , just food and wine.
docdave Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
trueblue
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7348
posted
Thanks Hon, Although in our cases it might be food and whine.
I think things got hectic for us both and that's why we didn't do lunch. In the meanwhile, do feel free to give a call if you feel like talking, k?
I hope you wind up with the least amount of messing around to fix your knee. But if not...
My mom had a knee replacement a few years ago (around 70) and while the recovery(PT) was tough, the results were outstanding. She recovered great and the knee is perfectly fine. She's had both hips done and is contemplating the other knee. Anytime now she'll be completely bionic.
What hospital are you having it done at?
-------------------- more light, more love more truth and more innovation Posts: 3783 | From somewhere other than here | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
trueblue
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7348
posted
ps. I'm voting to reschedule your birthday. I have one in February I can rent you.
-------------------- more light, more love more truth and more innovation Posts: 3783 | From somewhere other than here | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
hey woman i'm not a lymie i'm a troll. don't you know the difference by now. troll 101 given by betty will help you out.
he delusional, na. paronoid, yes bipolar yes schitzo definitely. manic yes depressive na, well maybe a little. what's viagra is that the white pill or the yellow pill or the green pill. i'm a psych 401 lession and still walking free.
man somebody call and get me in a straight jacket please!!!!!!!!!!!
at least they'll feed me in the psych ward.
docdave, elf dave, stymielymie, harriet, dr. dave,axelrod, axel, Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
Aniek
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5374
posted
Just sending a big hug.
Somebody working so hard on the Green Santa's is definitely not self-centered.
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
cavey this on is for you. don't laugh too hard!!!!!! found in general support. did you call Belevue for me and check to see if they had a room????? for all:
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[toilet]](graemlins/toilet.gif)
![[puke]](graemlins/puke.gif)
![[kiss]](graemlins/kissing.gif)
ella![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Seriously, call in any favors you can.![[woohoo]](graemlins/woohoo.gif)
Cause we've all been there-done that-and probably will again.![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[lol]](graemlins/lol.gif)
I need to wash my brain out with soap after imagining this m�nage � trois.![[bonk]](graemlins/bonk.gif)
![[confused]](graemlins/confused.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic