posted
I just feel very with drawn and never feel like I belong any where. I know that sounds strange but it makes me feel down.
Is this another lyme symptom or is this depression?
Example: Thanksgiving I went to my parents house and my sister who I never got along with was there. That made me feel uncomfortable.
Brother who I thought I got along with okay was there with his wife and new baby. They seemed to ignore me and never even mentioned my new car. They literally had to walk past it to go in my parents home.
The next week my 11 year old daughter who participates in a christian theater group informs me that the lady we car pool with no longer wants to car pool with us. She doesn't call me her daughter tells my daughter. Her daughter and my daughter have had some problems and it could just be that.
I felt like she could've told me however I see her neighbor at a meeting and she informs me she's carpooling with so and so. Last year all three of us car pooled.
Okay so I've whinned enough. Sorry lymeneters I'm just feeling sensitive.
Thank you in advance.
Posts: 911 | Registered: Mar 2005
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klutzo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5701
posted
I feel exactly the same as you do. I think it is part of the increased sensitivity due to Lyme, just like my increased reaction to light, noise, crowds, etc. I also notice the negative more, which would be due to secondary depression. You are not alone in this.
Klutzo
Posts: 1269 | From Clearwater, Florida, USA | Registered: May 2004
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lymie tony z
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5130
posted
Don't worry too much about it....
It's kinda like GAD(generalized anxiety disease)they give ya paxil for or some other ssri.
Some of it is perceived by us because we're so different now that we have a chronic disease.
Your ability to deal with it logically is because of the interference the spirochetes cause in the brains emotional communication mechanism.
Some of the other folks like to distance themselves from us cuz they can't handle folks with a chronic disease...
Or if they don't know you have it wonder...what the heck is wrong with that person?
Hang in there.........zman
-------------------- I am not a doctor...opinions expressed are from personal experiences only and should never be viewed as coming from a healthcare provider. zman Posts: 2527 | From safety harbor florida(origin Cleve., Ohio | Registered: Jan 2004
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
I went to my daughter's Christmas Concert last night in a full blown pity party. There was me, sitting in a bubble of misery, surrounded by an auditorium of smiling parents with cameras and camcorders.
I really tried to rise above the mood and at least put on a happy face,too-just didn't happen. Didn't help to realize at the concert that I had put my shirt on backwards either.I felt kind of frumpy.
I'm just sure everybody there was thinking what a sad sack I was-including my daughter. She went home with a girlfriend for the night.
I just know they're all talking about me and what a loser I am. I don't need anybody's pity- I have enough of my own.
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TerryK
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 8552
posted
Feeling like you don't belong anywhere and feeling withdrawn does not sound strange to me at all. I often have those feelings. It *is* depressing sometimes.
Speaking for myself, I find it hard to relate to healthy people much of the time except to my husband who fully understands my lifestyle. I find it hard to get involved in healthy people concerns when my life revolves around this illness. I have lots of limitations that healthy people can't understand. About the only way to be around those who don't understand is to completely avoid talking about your life and focus on theirs. That tends to make one feel isolated and alone. Kind of like you are trying to hide something even though you are not.
Family members who don't understand illness may avoid you. It's easier to ignore you then have to face talking and hearing about something that they feel uncomfortable with. Illness scares people and some people would rather pretend it does not exist. Our society in general has a very strange attitude about illness. Some people blame the person who is ill for not getting better. Others just can't relate or don't know what to say. It is a lack of knowledge and understanding on their part and has nothing to do with reality or with you personally. Try to ignore it as hard as that is.
If you can, get in touch with a local lyme support group. They will understand and you will be able to connect with others in your situation.
As far as the car pool situation, I think the woman who did not have the common courtesy to contact you personally is very rude. The woman obviously has no social graces and you are better off not having to deal with someone who chooses to behave in such a rude manner. Terry
Posts: 6286 | From Oregon | Registered: Jan 2006
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3greatkids
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3838
posted
Give them all a copy of,But you don't look sick,or whatever it is titled??
Maybe it is in the newbie section.Anyone know??
Pass them out freely!!
Is it the Spoon Theory?You don't look sick?I don't know,but it should be given to all friends,family members,maybe your church bulletin would accept it as a portion of the church bulletin.
My friends, that "make every minute count",will go on and on,I'm playing this,going here,we are so busy w/ this.......I tell them,I'm happy to walk around the block now.Make dinner,help w/ homework,remember their names!!!
Hold your head up high,tickalert,she may need your info about TBD someday!
Life in Lymeland,these stories make me cry.
Posts: 1076 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Beverly
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 1271
posted
Yeah, I agree with all the above, it's how lyme effects us, it makes us more sensitive and maybe aware of life, pain etc.
However, there are rude people and people who could care less about your life, your disease your kids or that your doctor is under investigation etc. I have met a lot of them sorry to say. I have also met people who thought I was contagious and wanted to know if I was putting my son in the swim-n-gym at the YMCA....
Part of it is....we all don't look sick. I put my make-up on, take a shower and try to look the best I can. On my worst days no one sees me.
But then I think even if I looked sick, I still think there would be people who could care less anyway... and you would not get a *how are you* out of them if you gave 'em money.
Having a chronic illness really lets you know who your friends are.
[ 02. December 2006, 11:51 PM: Message edited by: Beverly ]
Posts: 6638 | From Michigan | Registered: Jun 2001
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tailz
Unregistered
posted
I completely relate to everything said in this post. I don't know what Lyme did to me or to my social life, but I look around and wonder where my family went in all of this. I thought if I could count on anybody to understand, it would be my family, but instead, I feel closer to people in my support group and my 'internet family' here.
I do have my 19 yo daughter, but she tested positive for only one band and can't be treated just yet. I don't think she is quite as ill as I was, at least yet, as I think she's content to just take antidepressants and antianxiety meds, even though I keep telling her it's all Lyme Disease.
I was treated for depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and OCD my entire life. Nobody understood those. They told me to "snap out of it". When I started to develop more severe social phobias and just a general feeling of blah, same thing. I guess up until recently, I always did 'look' okay. I think it's that 'wanting' to fit in with the healthy, hoping if you do it enough, it'll rub off.
Then the physical manifestations of Lyme became dominant. Even then, at first, I tried not to complain. I have a pretty high pain threshold and just thought I strained my spine or neck. I sat quietly for years with a heating pad on my back, shoveling out of blizzard after blizzard in the northeast.
But when the pain got so excruciating and other things in me were starting to fall apart (my liver, my bladder, my GI tract, my teeth, my ovary), and still no definitive diagnosis other than 'psychosomatic tendencies', I reached out to my family and they just weren't there for me as I had hoped. I helped them pull my mother through chemo for lung/brain cancer, but nobody wanted to acknowledge this was real, even when I'd dropped to 88 lbs and my docs were threatening tube feedings for my 'anorexia'.
My sister told me they weren't finding anything wrong with me, so therefore there was nothing wrong with me. She told me she couldn't support me forever and that I just want attention or they would've found something wrong with me by now. Even when I finally got a dx, she questioned whether I 'really' had Lyme. I think that one was the biggest blow of all. That's when I really pulled back.
I know how you feel though. I mean, my life has pretty much become Lyme. I try to look forward to a time when I won't wake up thinking Lyme Disease, but I'm so photophobic still that I can't seem to normalize my life with a job or friends outside of Lyme.
I feel bad when my daughter calls. Like you said, unless you make the conversation all about THEM, they end up removing themselves somehow from discussing your Lyme. It does make life feel a little lonely and one-sided at times. But if you make a few Lyme friends, you'll find them to be the only ones who truly understand how you feel.
Keep your chin up and see if you can find a support group in your area. I think that would help you feel like you fit in more. Carol
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posted
Thank you Klutzo. I've also been going through an extremely difficult divorce and custody battle with my ex.
Zman good point. My neuro symptoms in my head have been a lot worse. Just part of this disease.
Cobweb I hate social events. I always feel so akward and out of place. I'm sure no one noticed your skirt but our sensitivity is heightened.
TerryK your right no one knows what to do or say when someone has a chronic illness. They just think at some point we'll get better. It's not like having a cold or the flu. With the car pool situation your right this lady obviously has no social graces. I was extremely offended to say the least.
Posts: 911 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
Its so hard for me to socialize when I feel dizzy, headache, etc. I just sit at social events sometimes quietly because I am tired often. Somedays I feel great but I am still sad about my whole family with lyme that it is hard to smile often. I feel this disease has taken over our lives, our bodies, our minds. But my whole family keeps going each day. We all try to stay positive in that someday we will get better but that has been my question; is anyone cured?
What is more upsetting to me than people at social gatherings that I really don't want to be with if they are one sided, are the doctors that my family saw for many years before we found out what was wrong with us. They have no clue about lyme and how to diagnose it. One thing that I have gained with lyme is my voice. I will not tolerate people who think this is not a disease and I am not quiet to these people.
Talk to people who care.
Posts: 60 | From RI | Registered: Dec 2006
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map1131
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2022
posted
When we were well we didn't realize the energy it takes to socialize. And then on top of the physical part of mingling is the emotional/mental part of it.
Being social was a very stressful situation for me when I was at my worst. My doc did perscribe Xanax for me and it did help get me through. Also it seemed to help so I wasn't physcially, mentally or emotionally spent the next few days.
As you get stronger, this will improve.
Pam
-------------------- "Never, never, never, never, never give up" Winston Churchill Posts: 6478 | From Louisville, Ky | Registered: Jan 2002
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Andie333
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7370
posted
Tick, I'm sorry to hear about the things going on in your family. I know from firsthand experience that divorce can be draining and stressful, even if it's amicable. I can't imagine hostility coupled with Lyme symptoms.
I could relate to what you said about socializing. Even though I'm feeling better, there are times I have a lot of difficulty in social situations. I still have some auditory sensitivity, and the sounds in a big party can overwhelm me. It just happened last weekend at a surprise birthday party for a family member.
My SO and I often take separate cars to functions, so if things get too bad for me, I just leave. Otherwise, I try to step outside...
About feeling withdrawn, the toll this disease takes is huge, on people who're sick and their families. Plus, as others have said, so many people either don't understand or could care less.
In my case, I was completely out of commission socially for about two years. I've only changed that in the past few months. Most people seem glad to see me in improved health, but some still seem to be...angry? upset? at me. I have NO idea and honestly have quit caring.
This disease has taught me more than I could imagine about living in the day, and honestly, I don't have time for people who can't be caring and supportive.
You take care
Andie
Posts: 2549 | From never never land | Registered: May 2005
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posted
I can totally relate to what all of you said.
I work at a small school and didn't hear from anybody when I had to take medical leave this year. Finally one person sent me an ecard and I was so thrilled someone cared! Then I called one coworker and she said she didn't know when to call me because she knew I needed my rest and didn't want to wake me if I was sleeping.
The sunshine committee never sent me a thing and I thought about the money I had contributed to it to send flowers and other cheerful gifts to staff members with new babies, illness or tragedy.
When I came back and entered one of the classrooms I am in a lot, because I have nine students in that room, they actually clapped and cheered that I was back!!
You gotta take it where it is given and ponder on the quality of the relationship where it isn't. Also, sometimes telling people what you want even when you think it is obvious or should be obvious may help with people who are more humble and open.
One of the best support persons in my school district is a friend I made while I was sick. She is also a speech therapist in my school district. She was wonderful and I think it was because when she had a stroke years before, no one was helpful or supportive to her.
I know I am much more supportive of others going through horrid times now. I know they need to vent and they need permission to speak about their pain and loss. I ask them about it and I just listen. I know what to do now because I can relate my experience to theirs.
Posts: 48 | From Wisconsin | Registered: Sep 2006
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