The commonly understood image of Santa Claus is totally wrong. The idea that he is a kindly, gentle,saccharine old man is a big mistake, the result of years of a bad press. The truth to tell is he is a grouchy, crotchety, ill-tempered, imperious and cantankerous curmedgeon. He also posseses immense executive ability and a ruthless drive to perfection. He is a tyrant. He has vast hordes of gnomes, elves, fairies, dwarfs, and other earth and celestial creatures under his sway who tremble at his very glance. He rules them with a hand of cold steel.
Centuries ago he made a vow to take care of all the little children in the world. He is now weary of all the little children; they are impossible little beasts, they are demanding, they are Greedy. They are always wanting something. Every year their demand for new toys gets more and more complicated. And then there are always more children it seems. Haven't these idiots ever heard of birth control? is a thought that often crosses his mind.
Around this time of year he is impossible. The vast hordes under his rule are working like mad men and women swooning on the verge of nervous exhuastion to make all those toys and goodies in time for Christmas. By this time it is the time for Santa Claus to be in his wrathful aspect. Mrs. Claus swears if this goes on much longer she is going to divorce him. However he has his duty and he is going to do his duty, come hell or high water. All those computer games are enough to drive him nuts. Whatever happened to Monopoly and cap pistols?
A further problem is the raindeer. They want to just run around in the snow. He is, however, capable of taking the hide off of any of them with a word and so they can be whipped into line in short order. Except for one.
Rudolf the Red Nosed Raindeer has also had a bad press. The picture of him is totally wrong. He is a magnificent animal, immensely strong and staggeringly beautiful. A raindeer hunk, a raindeer studmuffin. A raindeer version of Michelangelo's David. His red nose glows for a reason-the delicately nurtured should read no further here-he is radiant with passion, with love. It is his mating plumage. That red nose is clearly indicative of those massive capacities and endowments which in human beings are called hidden talents but in raindeer are not hidden at all. All the female raindeer (and if the truth be known a few of the male raindeer) "admire" him tremendously. They adore him. They are totally besotted. All a bit much. He is, in a word, much addicted to gallantry. And he is good at it, very good at it and everybody knows it and just loves him.
Everybody that is except you know who. Santa is not amused. Santa is not pleased. Santa will just see about that as he drags poor Rudolf in flagrante off to that sleigh and ties him to it. How does that idiot keep coming up with THAT wonders the irrascible Santa.
Santa, you see, has immense psychic powers. He travels through out all of the twelve deminsions of reality of which humans know nothing. He can manifest himself in 1,001,001 places at once. He can travel at the speed of light. So by midnight on Christmas Eve he has dragged Rudolf out of places I cannot mention and gotten his twenty one raindeer lined up in order and his sleigh loaded with billions of vaious toys and goodies and in the space of one sleigh too. Hmm
At one second past midnight Geenwich time, the whole universe is flooded with blazing light. All the angls are dancing around the Throne of Light, the vast and boundless spheres of heaven resound with music. All conscious beings through out all of infinite space are in joy that goes beyond even joy.
And at that instant there is total silence and out of that abyss of silence rises in song "Unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given, Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Prince of Peace." "Peace on Earth, goodwill to men" "Glory to God in the Highest"
Santa Claus is accompanied by a vast host of raindeer, gnomes, fairies, elves, earth creatures, angels, all the saints and holy ones, the sages and other celestial beings, all chanting, singing, prostrating themselves, offering incense, flowers, jewels and praise. Santa Claus now transcends his wrathful aspect as he visits every child in the world and now stands as Saint Nicholas, and reveals his true nature in a flood of generosity, loving kindness and sympathetic joy. All the boundless universes vibrate with bliss. The grand axis of galaxies blazing with swirling stars dances with happiness and delight.
Santa then reads the decree awarding the ignoble Parkman Prize, that award to the most infamous doctors in America, the doctors who have done the most harm to suffering humanity. He again manifests his wrathful aspect, known as tough love. At four in the morning of Christmas day the houses of Gary Wormser and the memebers of the North Carolina Medical Review Board are attacked by a horde of irate raindeer. In an instant Santa appears in each house and at the speed of light carefully places selected packets of especially chosen pregnant ticks infected with Borrelia burgdorferi sensu sticto, Borellia burgdorferi sensu lato, Borrelia arzelii, Borrelia garnii, borrelia lonstari, babesia and erlichiosis. Back in his sleigh in a nanosceond, he turns his tenderest attentions to our medical friends.
As Drs. Wormser and the Medical Board flee their homes in the feezing cold they are hit with a twenty-one raindeer pigeon drop. Believe me the effect of being covered with raindeer calling cards from head to toe is indescribeable. Further Rudolf R.N. Raindeer will appear and attach to each of their noses a card which reads: "With the Compliments of the Lyme Disease Patients of North and South Carolina."
Perhaps then they will learn not to be so arrogant, to quit their games and power trips, to try to really learn some thing about "lyme disease", become more humble and realize that people are really sick and try to do something that will actually help them. Now that will be Christmas indeed.
Peace on Earth. Goodwill to Men. Cheers. Thomas Parkman
-------------------- Thomas Parkman Posts: 341 | From Columbia SC 29206 | Registered: Feb 2003
| IP: Logged |
stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
lol thomas -- santa's reindeer could fly throughout the entire world, dropping cards compliments of Lyme patients everywhere.
Posts: 13171 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
| IP: Logged |
Truthfinder
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8512
posted
Hey, it sure beats a lump of coal in their stockings.
Tracy
-------------------- Tracy .... Prayers for the Lyme Community - every day at 6 p.m. Pacific Time and 9 p.m. Eastern Time � just take a few moments to say a prayer wherever you are�. Posts: 2966 | From Colorado | Registered: Dec 2005
| IP: Logged |
Marnie
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 773
posted
Coal or...
In a baggie...5 small white marshmallows.
Attached to that bag, a note with a picture of a snowman:
"You've been bad So here's the scoop.
All you get Is snowman poop."
Posts: 9481 | From Sunshine State | Registered: Mar 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Marnie, your post could also go in the CD hits site as a creative little xmas offering... Posts: 13171 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
| IP: Logged |
Vermont_Lymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9780
posted
A tough love santa, I'll all for it!
Posts: 2557 | From home | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged |
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[dizzy]](graemlins/dizzy.gif)
![[sleepy]](graemlins/sleepy.gif)
![[lol]](graemlins/lol.gif)
![[woohoo]](graemlins/woohoo.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[confused]](graemlins/confused.gif)
![[spinning smile]](graemlins/spinsmile.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic